In Other Booze News: Smart Kids Are More Likely To Grow Up To Be Heavy Drinkers

November 2, 2010


You can tell that kid's an exception and not the rule because the beer comes out the side on those lil' mini-kegs. And I must be the same because I was dumb as hell as a child but now I'm a hellaboozehound. RIDDLE ME THAT, "SCIENCE"! Blame life? That's what I've been doing!

Don't worry, all that excessive drinking is just a sign of your intelligence. According to two long-term studies -- one American, one British -- there's a correlation between smarts and a thirst for alcohol. The "more intelligent children in both studies grew up to drink alcohol more frequently and in greater quantities than less intelligent children," says Liz Day at Discover.

The article goes on to propose three different reasons for why this might be, two of which are ridiculously stupid (1. it's evolutionary: booze is relatively new (~10K years of use) and smart people are early adopters and 2. boozing makes up for the childhood you didn't have because you were a bookworm). But the third actually makes sense.

Drinking is the only way to deal with morons: Smart people "booze so we can tolerate everyone else," says Greg at Food & Wine Blog. When sober, we tend to "take people's responses at literal face value." But after a few drinks, "we can relax a bit, stop being so anal with semantics and let comments slide a bit."

Letting comments slide, that I believe. Which is exactly why I have to be at least 40 king-size bed sheets to the wind before venturing into the Geekologie comments. See? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, JERKBAG! *throwing some seriously macho-ass punches* Did I mention booze makes me violent? Because it does. Plus hansome as a mofro. *checking mirror* Oh hai Sessypants!

Why do smart kids grow up to be heavier drinkers? [theweek]
Born a Smartypants? Study Shows You Will Like to Booze it Up [obviouswinner]

  • David Gabel

    GW covering an article conceived by the trailer trash retards that are just jealous that they grow up into a life of failure and disappointment while those of us with brains have the cars and money that they can only fap to.

  • disqus_NdGBJJHt8j

    I agree with the second reason as well as the third. We'll never truly know about the first.
    as for #2: I know my lack of social skills was only heightened rather than fixed growing up. Drinking is my best method for letting go of all the inhibitions I've built up just to keep people from running away. Sometimes I make better friends when I let go, and ones I can bum booze off of :p

  • GreenEggssAndHam

    look at me I'm a genuis YOLO LOLOL
    *drinks heavily*

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