Balloon Boy's father, best known for being a jackass loser (and raising boys that look suspiciously like girls, picture related), has gotten into the inventing game, and just released his first POS, the $20 "Bear Scratcher", a tree branch you screw to the wall and scratch your back on like an animal. A bear specifically. Uh, shouldn't you be in prison getting your back scratched with penises?
"If you itch like a son of a twitch, than you need my latest invention," shouts a wild-eyed Mr. Heene before rubbing his back feverishly against the Bear Scratch.
"Arrrrgh!" he yells, while a twangy country jingle playing in the background praises the device.
And Mr. Heene's Web site promises that hundreds more "very cool gadgets" are coming in the future, for those people -- most predictably, the news media -- that can't help but scratch an itch for Mr. Heene's misadventures.
First of all, nobody wants anything that looks like a giant turd hanging on the wall of their home. And secondly -- $20 for a tree branch? What do you mean "patent pending"?! How is a stick even an invention?! GOD'S CREDIT BALLOON BOY'S DAD IS STEALING GOD'S CREDIT.
Painful commercial for the POS after the jump.
Thanks to Samuel & Daniel, "who want to build a nuclear powered PEWPEW LAZUR at home but their mum won't let them."