ZOMG, Call Samus: Metroids Are Real

September 27, 2010


Metroids, best known for attaching themselves to your head and trying to suck your life-force out like an ex, are apparently real. Finally, an excuse to call Samus that doesn't involve "peepin' that sessy ass".

Four thousand feet beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean, water temperatures hover around a chilly 37° Fahrenheit, and the tiny sparks of bioluminescent life forms provide the only light. In this dark, cold world, scientists have discovered a strange new predator - a gelatinous, blood-red jellyfish that can reach up to three meters in diameter. Named Tiburonia granrojo (Spanish for big red), this massive jelly is particularly unusual because it lacks tentacles, which most jellies use to catch their food. Instead, Big Red has between four and seven thick, wrinkled arms.

And speaking of wrinkled arms: old people. I can't even eat around them it grosses me out so bad. No lie, I was eating at this Jewish deli (Canter's) over the weekend and it looked like this one old geezer had Shar-Peis for arms. Needless to say, my Rueben made an encore.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the "oh shit, will a tin-foil hat help?!"



Jumbo Jellyfish Dubbed 'Big Red' [calacademy]

Thanks to Jodon, who just moved sharks down to oceanic public enemy #2.

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