Stop Calling The Police, IT WASN'T ME

September 24, 2010


Because I'll never stop getting this accusatory tip until I've made a statement and cleared my good name: no, I am NOT the guy in Philadelphia that was caught having sex with a plastic dinosaur sculpture in front of two teenagers. That's just sick. Now please stop calling the cops, I'm trying to blog over here.

Days after Spanish researchers announced the discovery of a humpbacked dinosaur, police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man spotted humping a dinosaur. [GW's note: great lead-in, AOL News]

Law enforcement officials say a man exposed himself to two teenage girls in a park in Chester County on Sept. 19, then began "simulating a sex act with a large plastic dinosaur in the park," according to a police report quoted by

See? No way that could have been me, I live on the other side of the country. Granted I do live walking distance to the La Brea tar pits, but I only sneak in there after dark and only when no one else is around LIKE A NORMAL DAMN DINO LOVER. Now I know what you're thinking, "LOLWUT -- there's a normal kind of dino lover?" And yes, me.

Cops: Man Humps Dinosaur in Park [aolnews]

Thanks to John, Dr. Thrasher, Black, erik, pokechecker, mikey, Miss Bowser and a dog named Cat, who have been calling the cops on me all morning. Not cool guys -- if they see the dinos in my closet they'll lock me up and throw away the key!

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