$10 Million For An Apocalypse-Proof Bunker

April 15, 2010

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Want to survive the apocalypse? I don't. I want to be the first one to go. But if you're hellbent on crawling out of a bunker 20 years from now and trying to mate with freaky, mutant animals, have at it. Hey, it only costs $10 million to buy into the Vivos apocalyptic bunker scam. What is the Vivos apocalyptic bunker scam?

  • A nationwide network of 20 secret, deep underground community shelters.
  • Owners-only, long-term survival accommodations for over 3,400 people.
  • Owner candidates reviewed upon a number of criteria and psychographic information.
  • Multi-level shelters, each consisting of over 18,500 square feet, for 172 to 200 people.
  • A spoke cluster with 10 radiating wings surrounding a 2 story central dome.
  • Designed and outfitted for up to 1 year of underground survival.
  • Fully furnished living quarters, with semi-private bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchens.
  • Self-sustaining facilities complete with food, fuel, water, clothing, medical & security.
  • Able to withstand a 50 megaton blast within a 10 mile radius.
  • Engineered to protect from a nuclear blast, solar flare, tsunami or biological attack.
  • Deeded equity and willable ownership in a specific Vivos shelter.
  • A DNA depository available for every living species on Earth in Vivos refrigerated vaults.
  • A private venture developed by a group of entrepreneurs and corporate visionaries.
  • Network completion mid-2011, providing "life assurance" for 2012 and beyond.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and just take my chances with the apocalypse. And by take my chances I mean punch it in the taint BECAUSE IT AIN'T MY TIME TO GO. You hear that, Grim Reaper? I will tear your skeletal balls off and stomp 'em like Atlanta Grape Lady! Oh -- AH! UUUHL UUUHL UUUHL UUUUHL UUUUUHL!! UUHL UUHL OOH OW OW OW OW!! OH STOP, OH STOP!! UHL UHLLL, I CAN'T BREATHE UUUHL UH

Hit the jump for a video tour.

Vivos
via
$10 million bunker shields billionaires from nukes, evildoers [dvice]

Thanks to Remy, Sharon and marcus manmeat, who will survive the apocalypse using their wits and cunning alone. Riiiiight. You guys are all goners.

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