Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

March 5, 2009

robot love.jpg

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

  • ART

    no one can love the most interesting man in the worls. stay thirsty you thirsty bitches

  • eo2

    It's fake, as states here:
    A commenter on the page says that muckflash is a fake news site, which seems very plausible from their articles.

  • Joe Brock

    Although it's logical to place the blame on the programmar, think of it this way. Common commands can be misinterpreted. For example, if you're eating a sandwhich and you say that you love this sandwhich, you could be implying that you immensly enjoy the sandwhich or that you feel emotionally attracted towards it and that you wish to marry it. What probably happened was that the robot, who was programmed to care and love, probably didn't want the intern to leave because, due to a possible mistake in the program, took the idea of love too far. The robot probably thought that as long as the intern was around, he could provide his love to her for an unlimited amount of time and offer the maximum amount of love. However, what it ultimately forgot (since it only has it's program to rely on, and since humans are flawed mistakes are bound to happen) is that humans have needs. So, even though this was a failed experiment, that doesn't mean that we should just completely give up, arrest the guy, and say that it's something we should never pick up again. No! Failure is a necessary way to knowledge. With knowledge comes success, and although success can bring some negative aspects to humanity, it normally churns out more good than bad. Would you rather live in a society where we are more advanced, or less advanced?

  • EighteenCharacters

    What is ... love?

  • Dolapo Ajiboye

    Seriously!!???, did these people not watch any of the SEVERAL movies about robot love gone wrong?

  • David Davidson

    Robot are going to kill us all one day, aren't they?

  • Well you have an interesting sex life. Maybe you should get your rusty screwdriver checked out. ;)

  • Am

    The thing is that machines/computers are programmed what the programmer programs. I think this was a set up.. The real culprit is the programmer! HE is the one who loves the sweet intern and programmed the robot to keep her there forever until she called him to save her. duh!

  • Filipe Barreiros

    That... makes a remarkable amount of sense.

  • Don't you tell him to calm the fuck down.  I bet you'll be the first to call out for Will Smith when shit hits the fan and robots start tearing you and yours apart.

  • annoyed

    calm the fuck down, jesus.

  • towblerone

    I agree. 

  • fx483

    Bitch, please. Have you ever learned anything?

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