Alfie Patten, You Are....Not The Father!

March 27, 2009

idiot kid.jpg

Remember Alfie Patten, the 13-year old that got his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant? Well, turns out he's not the father after all, and ogres really are the cheating whores I suspected. The fairy tales were true!

A DNA test showed a 13-year-old boy in Britain is not the father of a baby born to a 15-year-old he had unprotected sex with once.

Chantelle Stedman told Alfie Patten, who was 12 when he slept with her, he was her newborn daughter Maisie's father.

At first Stedman said Patten was the only boy she had ever slept with, but soon after other teens came forward saying they too could be the baby's father, because they claimed to have had sex with the girl.

It is still not clear who the baby's father is.

Alfie, if you're reading, I have some advice: get your junk checked for funk and then WALK AWAY with clean hands and dong. Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. Just be thankful you learned it now before you married the beast atop Mt. Bloodfang and were sealed to the ogre clan forever. Because that would suck. Now run, Alfie -- run as fast and far as those little child-sized feet and size 4's will take you! Also, no more sticking your penis in things until you're 30 and gainfully employed. And then only the change return slot in vending machines.

DNA test shows 13-year-old Alfie Patten is not a dad

Thanks to darkfall13, Eva, Freddy, Sinclair and Romeo, who all know the only great sex is safe sex with dinosaurs.

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