Mar 31 2009 Man Scores DUI On Homemade Barstool Kart

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Kile Wygle (awesome name), 28, recently received a DUI after crashing his homemade bar-stool kart (pictured) and calling 911.

Kile crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool." According to a Newark Police Division report, a copy of which you'll find here, Wygle's homemade ride is powered by a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. Wygle noted that the bar stool could hit nearly 40 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 when he wiped out late in the afternoon on March 4 (a witness told police that he spotted someone driving a "strange motorized machine" before the crash). A plastered Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded.

Damnit Kile, why'd you have to go and call the cops? You should have just brushed yourself off and then popped wheelies all the way home. You could have been Rad to the power of Sick! But nooooo. Now you're just DUI to the power of APB: Kile's riding his bar-stool drunk again. You failure.

Cops Bust Stool Fool [thesmokinggun]

Thanks to Jerkster, Just...A Guy, Timo, Stacey, Chris and BiSScuiTT, who are all smart enough to drive on the sidewalk.

Mar 31 2009 Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table

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The PING-PONG Dining Table by designer Hunn Wai is a luxurious looking table fit for both eating and beating the old ball around after dinner.

PING-PONG Dining table harks back to the origins of table-tennis with its duality of both being a table fit for dining and playing on. What started off as impromptu after-dinner amusement mimicking tennis in an indoor environment for upper-class Victorians became an international phenomenon with rules and standards. This is an official-sized game table with a DuPont Corian surface CNC machine-routed with French Rococo patterns interjected with Ping-pong iconography filled with gold lacquer, supported by stately hand-lathed timber legs. In the middle, a long rectangular vase filled with dainty blossoms does double-duty as a game-net and a table floral arrangement.

I want it. I don't care how much it costs, I want it. I freaking love myself some table tennis. You think I'm kidding? I sleep with my favorite paddle at night. He has a name, and it's Spanky. What's that, Spanky -- I've been bad? Ooooh, [PRIVATE PRIVATE PRIVATE]. 30-love, Spanky, 30-LOOOOVE!! And I'm finished. Now, could you go tell one of your little athletic sock friends to come in here for a minute?

Hit the jump for several more of the opulence.

Continue Reading " Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table "

Mar 31 2009 Netflix Announces Blu-ray Renting Costs

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Yesterday Netflix announced its new cost structure for adding Blu-ray access to you account, just in case you were wondering. Basically, it costs $1 more than the number of discs you can have out at one time (if you're on the 3-at-a-time plan, adding Blu-ray costs $4 a month, for the 4-at-a-time, $5 a month, etc.). So there you have it. Of course, if you're looking to save money instead of spending it, you should do what I do and only rent from The Pirate Bay. And by rent I mean download. And by download I mean I heard they have porn. Which, *poker face* I don't know anything about.

Netflix Blog

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's still convinced HD DVD is gonna make a comeback.

Mar 31 2009 Puff Puff Pass: USB Smokeless Cigarettes

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Need a nicotine fix but can't leave your cube? No problem! Puff on a Health E-Cigarette from Thanko! Identical to pretty much ever other electronic cigarette out there, the $30 device "uses a heating element to vaporize a nicotine solution to supposedly give you a purer smoking experience", which is just fancy marketing jargon for, "short-circuit and burn your office to the ground". Trust me folks, I hold a Master's in Marketing. And also, Lovemaking. You see this? You see this move I'm doing right now? Senior thesis, baby.

Thanko's USB-powered Health E-Cigarettes sound healthy [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who once got caught smoking a tampon in the boy's room because some upperclassmen told him it was a cigar.

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

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This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.


Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Scienc-y: Video Of AIDS Spreading

No, it's not unprotected sex, it's a video showing how an infected AIDS cell spreads the disease to other, healthy cells. It's the first time the process has ever been caught on video, and scientists hope the information will help in the search for a cure.

The study was made possible after experts created a molecular clone of infectious HIV and inserted a protein into its genetic code which glows green when exposed to blue light.


They noted that when an infected cell came into contact with a healthy one, a bridge was created between them, called a virological synapse.

"We should be developing vaccines that help the immune system recognise proteins involved in virological synapse formation and antiviral drugs that target the factors required for synapse formation."

Hey, whatever helps find a cure. I can't wait till we wipe out all these STDs and then the only thing you have to get worry about is getting a girl pregnant. Which, at least for me, is no concern -- I have a laptop on my balls 10 hours a day!

Scientists film HIV spreading for first time [telegraph]

Thanks to Joemo, who once got a whole women's volleyball team pregnant just by attending a game.

Mar 31 2009 Wow: Minas Tirith Recreated In Matchsticks

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Minas Tirith, the City of Kings from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord Of The Rings trilogy is painstakingly being recreated using matchsticks by wood-loving Patrick Acton. The project started in March, 2007, and Patrick expects to be completed by late 2010. Good looking, Pat, say -- mind if I do a j? *whoosh* Oh, uh-oh.

Hit the jump for several more of the progress and a link to Patrick's work-in-progress page.

Continue Reading " Wow: Minas Tirith Recreated In Matchsticks "

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo

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You know, or an alien bursting out of your chest. The Peekaru is an $80 vest that makes you look and feel like a wallaby. BOING BOING BOING! Look at you -- you're Tigger! Well, if Tigger were a kangaroo and didn't hang out with that Debby Downer Eeyore all the time (seriously, kill yourself already). But note: The Peekaru doesn't actually hold your kid, you have to have a baby carrier on, it just keeps them warm and makes it look like they're a joey.

Let a Peekaru Original simplify the process of getting out of the door. Wear your Peekaru over any baby carrier and you're ready for cooler weather. Add a coat and you're ready for winter. Whether it's a crisp fall evening walk, a winter carnival, or a springtime parade, the Peekaru will keep your baby toasty warm without the clutter.

Say, you know what else keeps babies warm without the clutter? Coats. Yeah, and that way they don't have to be strapped to your teat the whole time either. Just saying, sometimes daddy needs a suckle too.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo "

Mar 30 2009 World's Coolest Flight Attendant Goes To....

This guy apparently, because he raps all the flight information to the passengers. Personally, I think the title is debatable. I mean, for one: he's not me. And for two: I heard NWA does it better. *SWISH*

Youtube

Thanks to Curtis and Jcon, who tried to start a rapping taxi-cab company but failed because they kept running over bums while they were trying to bust the fresh beats.

Mar 30 2009 Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers

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Somebody went and made a crochet Spock Sackboy (Spackboy) in celebration of the upcoming Star Trek movie. Also, I guess they like Little Big Planet. Which makes sense because of, you know, the, uh, transitive property? I don't know, I failed my college proofs class. And not just because I spent most of the period trying to take camera-phone pictures of the girl in front of me's thong. Haha, that would be ridiculous. But I do have several thousand.

Hit the jump to see a couple shots of Spackboy hanging out with a cat.

Continue Reading " Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers "

Mar 30 2009 Pac-Man Zero Gravity: Not Really That Fun

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Haha, but that didn't stop me from playing all the way to level 3! Well, if there is a level 3. They kind of all looked the same. Messy.

Once the gameplay kicks in, gravity switches off, and Inky, Blinky, Pinky, Clyde, the power pills and dots all get to floating around the darkness of space.


You won't be able to get through this game by memorizing patterns while playing this version. Your only hope is to gobble up a power pill, which turns on gravity for a few seconds, sucking every object in the direction of the red gravity arrow - but the ghosts never turn blue for you to chomp on.

You can download the game HERE if you really want. I found that a good technique is to push a piece of wall around in front so the ghosts can't get to you. But The Superficial Writer pointed out an even better technique: "stop playing that shit, you idiot".

if pac-man obeyed the laws of physics [technabob]

Mar 30 2009 Yeah, I Beat It: NES Test Cartridge On eBay

worst game ever.JPG

Want a NES Joystick Test Cartridge? Pfft, who doesn't! Well now you can, thanks to a $1,050 eBay auction. Best. Game. Ever!

This is a Joystick Test Cartridge for the Nintendo Entertainment System. These carts were given to game stores to test their Nintendo Entertainment Systems and were suppose to be returned to the company that provided the carts. These are very hard to find since they were never sold on the market. Any NES Collector could appreciate the value of such an item. There is wear on the label as can be seen in the picture.

Listen, just because something is "very hard to find", doesn't mean it's worth $1,050. Case in point: my penis. Little help over here!

eBay Auction
via
NES Joystick Test Cartridge lands on eBay, complete with lowest replay value ever [engadget]

Thanks to Tim, who made it to level 9 before he realized he was playing a Joystick Test Cartridge.

Mar 30 2009 Time-Lapse Video of Mushrooms Growing

This is a highly erotic time-lapse video of some Psilocybe cubensis "gold cap" mushrooms growing. It was created using 1,661 photos over the course of 5 days, 18 hours and 25 minutes. I really liked the zoom-out effect during the video, I thought that was a nice touch. Also, one time I thought I was a superhero and had a slow-motion fight with my friends in their college apartment. That wasn't mushrooms though, that was Robitussin. But seriously kids: drugs are bad, and I'm living proof. Living proof of awesome, RAWR! Whoa -- did you hear that? Sounded like a dinosaur.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who found this video even sexier than I did, which is saying a lot because my pants caught fire.

Mar 30 2009 Students Attempt Dinosaur Theft, Fail

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A group of students, celebrating the end of a school course, decided to steal a life-size triceratops replica from the Dinosaur Museum in Dorchester, England. Unfortunately, they didn't get very far before being stopped by the man. Which is a shame, because I would have bought it from them on the black market.

Deciding to relocate it in the middle of a roundabout as a joke, they set about lifting the 20ft long and 10ft tall plastic triceratops. But just as they carried it off above their heads into the night, they were stopped in their tracks by a policeman.


The revellers were ordered to take the dinosaur back immediately otherwise they would have been arrested for theft and criminal damage.

The Dinosaur Museum in Dorchester is packed full of life-sized reconstructions of dinosaurs, alongside skeletons and fossils.

The museum's website says the models 'beg to be touched by little hands - and that is encouraged, as is the handling of some of the dinosaur fossils.'

What the? *booking flight to England* Hello, Dinosaur Museum? Yes, I was wondering about the possibility of renting out your facility for a private party. Number of guests? One. Also, is there a pharmacy nearby? I'm gonna need some lube. Oooh, and boner pills.

Hit the jump for one more of the sexy shenanigans.

Continue Reading " Students Attempt Dinosaur Theft, Fail "

Mar 29 2009 Questionable Women's Razor Commercial

This is a questionable commercial for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. I'm outraged it was allowed to air because my six-year old just asked me about "those transforming bushes". You know what I told him? Decepticons.

Youtube

Thanks to "Captain Partytime" Mike, who may wreck the ship, but he'll have one hell of a good time doing it.

Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face

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First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?

Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.

Continue Reading " ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face "

Mar 28 2009 Wow, Surprisingly Doesn't Work: Paying A Speeding Ticket With Urine-Soaked Coins

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Michael Harold Lynch received a $206 speeding ticket for doing 54 in a 35MPH work zone. Outraged (I was only 19 over!), he got $206 in small coins, put them in a bag, and pissed all over them. Then he sent the bag in as payment. Shockingly, it wasn't accepted.

Turns out Lynch didn't break any laws - it's not necessarily illegal to mail bodily fluids. The pee-and-pennies were sent back to Lynch - COD, in fact - with a note that said they couldn't be taken because "the pile of coins emitted a strong, pungent odor of stale urine." Lynch responded by sending a check made out to another agency, which was returned, then he sent a check for the wrong amount. Now he's on the hook for $271 because his payment is late.

Wow, Michael. You sure showed them, didn't you? Now you only owe $65 more than before, not including the shipping and COD payments you already made. You are such the prankster! And also, under arrest. Up against the wall, buddy -- now spread those legs. *violently tasers Michael in the taint* Haha -- this is a rented uniform! NOW WHO'S THE PRANK KING?!?!

Streaming Mad: $206 in urine-soaked coins is not acceptable payment for a speeding ticket in Washington [autoblog]

Thanks to The Jerk, who was peeing in the slot your money comes out of on an ATM when the little door slammed closed on his pecker and he had to call the police. They laughed at him and then posted the security cam footage on Youtube. I saw it, it was funny.

Mar 28 2009 Google Street View: Peeing In Middle Of Road

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A Google Street View car in France spotted these high-brow citizens pissing in the middle of the highway together (I'll hold yours if you hold mine). I guess they don't have rest stops in France. Still, you've got to commend them on their technique. It's similar to what I do, except nothing like it because I just hang my junk out the window. One time I was dragging it behind my station wagon when an 18-wheeler hit it and then did like fifty flips in the air and exploded. True story.

Hit it for a close up that may or may not show some guy's penis.

Continue Reading " Google Street View: Peeing In Middle Of Road "

Mar 28 2009 'David After The Dentist' Shirt From ThinkGeek

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Remember David after the dentist? He was cute, wasn't he? He was. That's because drugs make people cute. And sometimes, their faces melt. It's true, one time at a concert I saw a bus turn into an accordion and Dracula fighting a dinosaur by the concession stand. It was super erotic. Anyway, get your own 'I have two fingers' shirt from ThinkGeek for $16-$18, depending on your size. Also, if if anybody knows where I can score some itrous-nay ide-oxay, that would be cool tool. Ha, did I just say cool tool? Yeah, and I meant it.

Product Site

Thanks to killerabbit, who has four fingers.

Mar 27 2009 Customize!: iGoogle Video Game Themes

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Want to customize your Googling experience with some sweet gaming art? Well now you can thanks to a series of iGoogle gaming themes. Pick from Zelda, Mega Man, Mario, Street Fighter, Spore, WoW, Animal Crossing and a bunch more. Use a different one every day of the week! Or don't, I don't care. It's not like I'm going to beat you over the head if you don't. Hey, what's that!?!? PEW PEW! Haha -- I didn't say anything about lasers!

iGoogle Gaming Themes

Thanks to dealmaker7783, Douche McAllister and Julian, who all opted for Zelda because they know what's up.

Mar 27 2009 Cockatiel Singing 'Saria's Song' From Zelda

This is a video of somebody's pet cockatiel singing 'Saria's Song' from The Ocarina of Time (and Majora's Mask and Twilight Princess). The video itself is like three years old though, so I want you to remember to point that out in the comments. Go on, do it. OLD! to you heart's content. Then, when you're done, maybe you could, I dunno, type something meaningful. BWAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHA!! Something meaningful! *wipes tear*

Youtube

Thanks to kat, who was training her parakeet to sing 'The Song Of Time' but it flew away.

Mar 27 2009 Pillow Blanket: I Need One Like, Last Night

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The Pillow Blanket is a blanket made out of interconnecting pillows that looks comfy as all hell. I want one. And not just for the pillow fights you and I could have! No, I would throw myself down on that mother after a long night of drinking and puke to my stomach's content. But not choke on it -- I ain't going out like that! Or am I? I probably am.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Pillow Blanket: I Need One Like, Last Night "

Mar 27 2009 Man Builds Large Wooden Dino From Model

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You know those little wooden models with the interlocking pieces? Yeah, well loyal Geekologie reader Vinss's father blew one of a dinosaur up to a much larger, more manageable size.

My father scanned each piece of one and scaled the pieces to a large scale in Photoshop, printed them out and then drew them on plywood planks, cutting them and then assembling them to form a giant version of it.


I hope it's interesting for you. If ever this makes it to the blog, we're a family from Quebec, Canada.

As for general feedback (in the same family as General Grievous), I really like this blog, it's always very interesting. The only thing I dislike is how you have to make everything vulgar. Anyhow, personal opinion. Keep up the great gadgets and stuff.

I'm trying, Vinss, but you're not making it easy with a dinosaur post. I mean, that's like asking [FAILURE TO KEEP IT CLEAN]. Seriously, I have joined a 12-step program though. The only problem is, a chick in one of the meetings was wearing a 'I Heart Dinosaurs' shirt and I lost my cool and [FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL] in front of the whole group. Then they all looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. *phew* There, I think i did it. Now somebody put on The Land Before Time, I'm beat.

Hit the jump for several more of the awesome.

Continue Reading " Man Builds Large Wooden Dino From Model "

Mar 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'I Do' Wedding Bands

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'I Do' wedding bands were created by Sakurako Shimizu and are similar to waveform bracelets but much more matrimonial. They were cast in palladium and 18K gold and feature a waveform version of the words "I do". Of course, if you were smart you'd sneakily have an "I don't" cast. That way, when you're caught groping another woman's teat at the bar you can just point to your ring and mouth the words "I don't" to your wife, who may or may not douse you with a Jager shot and stiletto you in the nads. But hey, boobs ARE the spice of life. And also, glitterstim. Now who's down for a Kessel Run?

Hit the jump for another pic and a link to artist's website, which also features a pretty badass Atari chip ring.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: 'I Do' Wedding Bands "

Mar 27 2009 Warp Whistle: Mario In The Real World



We've already seen several different versions of what it would be like if Mario existed in the real world. And, well, I hope you liked them because here comes another. This one is entitled 'Warp Whistle' and documents the plump little plumber's visit to Chicago. It's only three minutes long, so even if you hate it, you only wasted three minutes. Which, be honest, you would have blown just acting like you were working anyways. And speaking of acting like you're working -- can one of you tell The Superficial Writer or Iwatchstuff to jiggle my mouse -- I was supposed to come in today but decided to get drunk and lay on the bathroom floor instead.

Warp Whistle [chunnel]

Thanks to Lindsay, who looks a lot better in a raccoon suit than Mario. Furplay, YOW YOW!

Mar 27 2009 Aaaahh!: They're After Our Children, Elderly

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Just like lions attack in the wild, robots are planning on taking out the weakest of our proverbial herd first. Namely, children and old folks. All thanks to a little service class robot named ApriAttenda, by Toshiba.

At just one meter tall, the robot can open doors, handle trays and drinks and comes equipped with cameras in its three-fingered hands. The robot is expected to join the ranks of day care and nursing robots being designed to meet the needs of the graying populace. Shown above is the ApriAttenda being trained by one of the humans it will soon replace.

Yeah, soon replace with bloody stumps! You can't fool me, Toshiba. I don't care how googly its eyes are, that is a trained killing machine if I've ever seen one. And trust me -- I stare at one in the mirror everyday. *flexing* UH! You like this pose? Well check out *MEEEOOOOOW!* Oh God, stepped on the cat.

ApriAttenda robot updated to nurse your elders and monitor your offspring [dvice]

Mar 27 2009 Alfie Patten, You Are....Not The Father!

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Remember Alfie Patten, the 13-year old that got his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant? Well, turns out he's not the father after all, and ogres really are the cheating whores I suspected. The fairy tales were true!

A DNA test showed a 13-year-old boy in Britain is not the father of a baby born to a 15-year-old he had unprotected sex with once.


Chantelle Stedman told Alfie Patten, who was 12 when he slept with her, he was her newborn daughter Maisie's father.

At first Stedman said Patten was the only boy she had ever slept with, but soon after other teens came forward saying they too could be the baby's father, because they claimed to have had sex with the girl.

It is still not clear who the baby's father is.

Alfie, if you're reading, I have some advice: get your junk checked for funk and then WALK AWAY with clean hands and dong. Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. Just be thankful you learned it now before you married the beast atop Mt. Bloodfang and were sealed to the ogre clan forever. Because that would suck. Now run, Alfie -- run as fast and far as those little child-sized feet and size 4's will take you! Also, no more sticking your penis in things until you're 30 and gainfully employed. And then only the change return slot in vending machines.

DNA test shows 13-year-old Alfie Patten is not a dad
[heraldsun]

Thanks to darkfall13, Eva, Freddy, Sinclair and Romeo, who all know the only great sex is safe sex with dinosaurs.

Mar 26 2009 The Saddest 'Bottomless Beer' I've Ever Seen

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The 'Endless Beer' keychain is a little keychain that gives sad alcoholics everywhere the sensation of opening the same empty beer can over and over. Because honestly, what's more fun than disappointment (besides getting hit in the nuts by the space shuttle)? Available in June, the fun-filled devices will run about $9. And, for as much shit as I talk, I'm totally buying one.

Endless Beer Can Popping Keychain! [rinkya]

Mar 26 2009 UPDATE: You Will Like Today's Woot! Shirt

shirt woot.jpg

UPDATE: BACK IN STOCK FOR A LIMITED TIME, GO HERE TO GET ONE.

Unfortunately they sold all 3,000 of them between midnight and 6:47 AM this morning. But don't worry, I'm sure a design this popular will be available for regular sale soon. So somebody feel free to drop that link in the comments when it becomes available. Or hell, maybe I'll actually keep up with it and post it here myself as an update. After all, I am turning over a new leaf. And also, this dead squirrel I found in the road. ZOMG, ZOMG, its guts are hanging out!!

shirt.woot

Mar 26 2009 $$$: Complete Vintage Star Wars Toy Sets

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That's a long picture, isn't it? Almost as long as an elephant's trunk, but not quite. You know, I heard if you took this picture, copied 5,000 of them, and then laid them end to end it would circle Uranus. Haha, how do you fit that thing on the john? I kid. But not really.

Anyway, if you want a complete Star Wars figure set (loose) from the original three movies (+ Power of the Force), now you can. Brian's Toys is selling two different sets, one with an AFA grading of 80 ($4,000) and one with 85 ($5,000). You can also get the sets minus Power of the Force for $2,700 and $3,500, respectively. Or, if you offer me enough I'll sell you the set I foolishly gave to my little cousin. "I said I want the toys back! Listen kid, just gimme the figures and I won't tell you you were adopted". *child crying, Geekologie Writer collecting toys* Worked like a charm! Also, I think I screwed him up pretty bad. Do I hear $30?

Product Site
via
Complete Vintage Star Wars Action Figure Collection [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey "The Rock 'n' Roll" Midget, for being small enough to fit in an overhead compartment when we're on tour.

Mar 26 2009 When Dinos Are Packaged Together, I Win

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Pfft, that ain't no fail. That, my friends, is a win. A big 'ol Geekologie Writer win. Now who wants to drive me to the toy store?

Packaging Fail [failblog]

Thanks to junkyard dog, who knows quality children's toys when he sees them.

Mar 26 2009 DIY: Homemade Tupperware Joysticks

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People have been going all nuts for arcade-style joysticks since Street Fighter IV dropped, so much in fact that the official $150 FightSticks are sold out everywhere online and fetching around $300 on eBay and other sites. Ain't that some shit! But now you can make your own with a little Tupperware and ingenuity. Sure it looks ridiculous, but just think how much more ridiculous it would look if it was also a fishtank. IT WOULD LOOK SO RIDICULOUS! Tupperware fishtank arcade joystick FTW! Also, fun fact: "Chun Li panties" is surprisingly not a recommended search term on Youtube. However, I did manage to find a "Street Fighter 4 butt shots/ upskirts" video. Posted after the jump!

Hit it, pervert.

Continue Reading " DIY: Homemade Tupperware Joysticks "

Mar 26 2009 Who Will Win?: Bruce Lee Vs. Iron Man

This is a short stop-motion video of Bruce Lee and Iron Man duking it out. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, but I will say there are hobbits involved. Intrigued? Choose your own adventure! If you decide to watch the movie, turn to page 68, if you decide not to watch, turn to page 89.

Page 68: You die.

Page 89: You die and an animal eats your corpse. Actually, it was a dinosaur. You provide just enough nourishment to the beast for a steamy romp in the mud with yours truly. I love it. Your life was not in vain!

Iron Man vs Bruce Lee: FIGHT! [gizmodo]

And a very Happy Birthday to Holly, who once punched Iron Man in his little glow-y thing and then called his mother a robot-lover.

Mar 26 2009 Head Phones Inspired By Favorite Songs

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Nokia recently held a promotion encouraging designers to make a pair of headphones inspired by their favorite song. The set above is entitled 'I'm Flying' and was (no joke) created in honor of R Kelly's "I Believe I can Fly", which I am now declaring a euphemism for peeing on someone. Per the Geekologie Writer's dictionary:

I believe I can fly


Slang terminology for peeing on your partner for sexual gratification.

Honey, quick -- to the bathtub, I believe I can fly!!

Hit the jump for a set of 'Thriller' inspired headspeakers.

Continue Reading " Head Phones Inspired By Favorite Songs "

Mar 26 2009 No Joke: Conficker C Virus Coming April 1st

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That's right folks, a beefed up version of the Conficker virus, Conficker C is scheduled to wreak havoc on April 1st. Your grandparents may think it's just a joke, but it's no joke -- this is real life, son!

What's known so far is that on April 1, all infected computers will come under the control of a master machine located somewhere across the web, at which point anything's possible. Will the zombie machines become denial of service attack pawns, steal personal information, wipe hard drives, or simply manifest more traditional malware pop-ups and extortion-like come-ons designed to sell you phony security software? No one knows.


Conficker is clever in the way it hides its tracks because it uses an enormous number of URLs to communicate with HQ. The first version of Conficker used just 250 addresses each day -- which security researchers and ICANN simply bought and/or disabled -- but Conficker C will up the ante to 50,000 addresses a day when it goes active, a number which simply can't be tracked and disabled by hand.

Well, just like I did in preparation for the Y2K bug, I'm building a rocketship and blasting off into outerspace before the damage is done. Now you may be asking yourself, "self, what the hell is he still doing here if he really blasted off into outerspace?" And the answer, my friends, is none of your business (read: I'm collecting earth women for the trip). Ladies? Freeze-dried ice cream!

Beware Conficker worm come April 1 [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ashely and Xeta, who aren't worried about the virus because they don't use computers. It's true, they sent their tips snail mail and only read Geekologie telepathically.

Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking

canned bacon 1.jpg

Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?

For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!


More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).

Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.

My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!

Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.

Continue Reading " Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking "

Mar 25 2009 Neat: The Science Of Little Red Riding Hood


This is probably the coolest telling of Little Red Riding Hood I've ever seen not including the one where Red was a busty college co-ed and the wolf was just a guy with a monster dong and bear costume (low budget). But he still ate her alright! The grandmother too. *HORFITY HORF HORF BLOW CHUNKS*

Slagsmålsklubben [vimeo]

Thanks to Chris, who has never done a wolf but has had several cougars. Older ladies?

Mar 25 2009 Controller Soaps: Now With More Detail!

xbox 360 soap.jpg

Well folks, I just got back from the doctor and am happy to announce I don't have inoperable thyroid cancer. However, I am unhappy to announce I came out from the anesthesia with my boxers on backwards. Just saying, I thought the thyroid was in my neck. But what do I know, I'm no doctor. Anyway, this is Etsy seller Digitalsoap's latest in peripheral cleaning products. If you can recall the last controller soaps we featured, they were a solid color. These ones have more detail. An XBox lather will set you back 12 credits, and a NES bar 9. Just don't drop it! Because we all know what happens if you drop the soap, don't we? We do -- you dent a corner and then it'll look stupid. Also, another inmate takes camera phone pictures of your iHole. Pfft, I've seen Oz.

Hit the jump for the NES controller.

Continue Reading " Controller Soaps: Now With More Detail! "

Mar 25 2009 OnLive: The Future Of Video Gaming?

onlive.jpg

OnLive promises to change the way we game by requiring no heavy-duty consoles or gaming rigs in the future, just a simple box and high-speed internet connection.

The brainchild of Rearden Studios founder Steve Perlman, formerly of Atari, Apple, WebTV and more, and Mike McGarvey, formerly of Eidos, the technology looks to revolutionize the way computer games are brought home. Instead of spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on the latest video game hardware that will make games like Crysis playable at nearly maxed settings, let OnLive's servers handle the processing. All that's required is a low cost "micro console" or a low end PC and a broadband internet connection.


Using patented video compression in tandem with algorithms that compensate for lag, jitter and packet loss, OnLive delivers video at up to 720p resolution at frame rates up to 60 frames per second. Of course, the quality of the video feed relies on your connection.

Well not bad. I'm really curious to see how this plays out. And by curious I mean bi-curious. NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU HANDSOME DEVILS WANTS A KISSIE?! Haha, ignore that, it's just a cold sore.

Official Site

via
OnLive Makes PC Upgrades Extinct, Lets You Play Crysis On Your TV [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, Ryan and Miguel, who don't need consoles because they game in their heads. They're freaking crazy people.

Mar 25 2009 Wow: Man Survived Two Atomic Bombings

2x bomb survivor.jpg

93-year old Tsutomu Yamaguchi was recently recognized as the first survivor of both the Nagasaki and Hiroshima atomic bomb droppings of 1945. Allegedly, he still pisses depleted uranium.

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when a U.S. B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki just in time for the second attack, city officials said.


"As far as we know, he is the first one to be officially recognized as a survivor of atomic bombings in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki," Nagasaki city official Toshiro Miyamoto said.

Thousands of survivors continue to seek official recognition after the government rejected their eligibility for compensation. The government last year eased the requirements for being certified as a survivor, following criticism the rules were too strict and neglected many who had developed illnesses that doctors have linked to radiation

Speaking of radiation, I want some freaking superpowers already -- and I'm not afraid to go atomic to get them. Atomic Fireballs that is! *CRUNCH* ZOMG, too hot, too hot!!!

Man Survived 2 Atomic Bombings [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat and MoD, who have both survived three bombings and now have x-ray vision. So, what color underwear am I wearing, guys? Ha, those are my nuts is right!

Mar 25 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Turning The 8-Bit Gameboy Metroid Into A 16-Bit Full Color Version

Remember when Metroid II: Return of Samus came out for the Gameboy (1992)? I remember it like it was yesterday because I have a time machine and may or may not have stopped in the early 90's on my way back from the Jurassic era (best singles cruise EVER). Anyway, Project AM2R (Another Metroid 2 Remake) was undertaken to turn the 8-bit Gameboy game into a 16-bit, full color joint. This is a video demo, which I'm not afraid to admit gave me a nostalgic boner. Did somebody just say pogs? *BOING!*

Project AM2R

Thanks to Keej, who once stuck it to Mother Brain like nobody's business. You nasty, Keej.

Mar 25 2009 Stephen Colbert's Name On Space Station

iss colbert.jpg

Stephen Colbert just won a contest to have a new section of the International Space Station named after him. Unfortunately, those sticklers at NASA probably won't let it fly -- or orbit (ZING!).

The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.


NASA's mistake was allowing write-ins.

Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, "The Colbert Report" to write in his name - and they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes.

NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters "the most consideration."

Colbert sounds just as good as Serenity if you ask me. But they're both kind of weak. I was sort of hoping for something with a little more pizazz. Namely, "The GW's Intergalactic Boom Boom Room: where the beer is yesterday's urine and the lapdances are OUT OF THIS WORLD®".

Comic Colbert wins NASA space station name contest
[yahoonews]

Thanks to Pepe Le PEWPEW, who wrote in 'The PEW PEW Room', which I agree, does have a ring to it.

Mar 25 2009 Real Life Spider-Man Rescues Autistic Boy

spiderman.jpg

A quick-thinking Thai fireman came to the rescue recently when he dressed as Spider-Man in order to coerce an 8-year old autistic student off a high ledge.

Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending his first day at school, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside, a police sergeant told AFP.


Despite teachers' efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son's love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.

The rescuer dashed back to his fire station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume before returning to the boy, he said.

"I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous," Somchai told local television.

The boy came to the masked hero without hesitation (I hope no candy vanners are reading this). Sonchai says the fire department keeps Spider-Man and Ultraman costumes to "liven up school fire drills", and also, "freaky deaky sex". Well PEW PEW to you too, Bangkok Fire Dept.

Thai fireman in 'spider-man' rescue of autistic boy [yahoonews]

Thanks to Joemo, Sam and Jason, who ask, "where were you, Iron Man?"

Mar 24 2009 I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream....

hot-beef-sundaes-sign.jpg

For hot beef sundaes? I want mine with extra bacon jimmies.

Hot Beef Sundae [foundshit]

Thanks to tohwee, who really does love hot meat.

Mar 24 2009 Own Your Own Velociraptor Trophy Mount

velociraptor 1.JPG

Remember the life-like Dilophosaurus mount that Geekologie Reader Josh made? Well he's at it again, this time with a 1:1 scale velociraptor head!

Up for auction is a full size replica of the Velociraptor from Jurassic Park. It measures 28 inches from the nose to base of the mount. It is made of high quality poly urethane resin that has been painted and sealed. The dinosaur is mounted to a wooden base that can be mounted to a wall like a trophy animal.

Josh is selling the head on eBay. Current bidding is at $200 with 6 days remaining. Now I really hope none of you outbid me, because this thing would look perfect mounted in my trophy room. And by 'trophy room' I obviously mean bedroom. And when I say 'bedroom' I'm talking the actual bed. And by bed I mean my ass. Sexy time!

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and another link to the auction.

Continue Reading " Own Your Own Velociraptor Trophy Mount "

Mar 24 2009 Cool, I Want Some: Darth Vader Money

star bucks.jpg

This is the way money looked a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Or, I dunno, as imagined by DeviantArt user Diablo2003. As you can see, Vader opted for a helmet-on shot, which I think we can all agree, was the smart decision. Nobody wants to see your crusty-ass rutabaga head on their space bucks!

Star Bucks: Darth Vader Money [uberreview]

Mar 24 2009 Okay: WALL-E/Watchmen Trailer Mashup

This is a mashup of the WALL-E trailer set to the audio of the Watchmen trailer, because, well, I don't know why. Shit, people get bored.

I decided to take a crack at what many have done for other films; and set the audio from Watchmen's epic IMAX teaser to scenes from one of my favourite films of all time. So sit back, and enoy WALL•E redone in Watchmen's style!

Not bad. Not super dooper either, but hey, what did you expect? And speaking of expectations -- I have a blind date tonight. Boy, I sure hope she's sporting dual eye patches!

Youtube

Thanks to NeoAaron, who I suspect of killing the old Aaron and stealing his life force.

Mar 24 2009 Son Paints 60-Foot Phallus On Parent's Roof

roof penis.jpg

Rory McInnes, 18, inspired by a television program he watched about Google Earth, climbed onto his parent's roof and painted a 60-foot phallus with a bucket of white paint. It took his parents over a year to discover the monster shlong, and now Rory "will have to scrub it off when he gets back from traveling". Haha, scrub it off. But seriously, who the hell paints a giant member ON THEIR OWN HOUSE? Sorry, but I'm chalking this one up as a penis painting fail, Rory. Better luck next dong.

60-foot penis painted on roof [bbcnews]

Thanks to Andy Mac, a-lice, Cian and Pesche, who are all smart enough to only paint junk on other people's houses.

Mar 24 2009 Tired Yet?: The Periodic Table Of Controllers

periodic controllers 1.jpg

Haha, just when you thought the periodic tables were beat to death with a lead pipe like the way I did that hooker zombie last night -- think again! WICKA-POW, the periodic table of controllers! Hit THIS BUTTON to see a bigger version. You know, one you can actually read. And speaking of actually reading -- I never learned. Thank God for speech recognition software, am I right? End post. Google "dinosaur porn". Delete. Google "dinosaur porn triceratops". What the? I said END POST. Strike out previous six sentences. I SAID STRIKE OUT PREVIOUS SIX SENTENCES. Shit. Oh well, nobody actually reads Geekologie anyways, right? Google "dinosaur porn stegosaurus".

And Now, The Periodic Table of Game Controllers [gizmodo]

Thanks to ardas, who MOM CAN YOU PUT A KID CUISINE IN THE MICROWAVE FOR ME?

Mar 24 2009 More Marie-Claude Bourbonnais Cosplay Action: Frost From Mortal Kombat

frost 1.jpg

I know, it's been too long since our last installment of Marie-Claude, and I'm sorry. If I could do a dance and make it rain hot cosplay everyday, believe me, I would. Unfortunately, I can't dance on these peglegs. Anyway, here is the latest from chesty Ms. Bourbonnais and photographer Gil P. As you can see, she's Frost from Mortal Kombat. And speaking of which, my huevos could use a little cool down. Some help over here, Frost? No? OH YOU ARE SO COLD!

Hit the jump for several more and another link to the whole set in case you couldn't find it in the text above.

Continue Reading " More Marie-Claude Bourbonnais Cosplay Action: Frost From Mortal Kombat "

Mar 24 2009 British Scientists Producing Synthetic Blood

fake blood.jpg

Apparently British scientists are ahead of everyone else in the race to produce a synthetic blood supply using stem cells. Go you, Britain, here's a teacake.

Because stem cells multiply indefinitely, it would be possible to enormous quantities, researchers said.


The cells can be made from universal donor embryos - the O-negative type - and can be guaranteed to be free of infections because they have never been inside a human.

The idea of destroying embryos to create stem cells raises ethical issues, but in theory, just one embryo could meet the nation's needs.

Stem cells aside, I think the real issue is this: if synthetic blood is so readily available, how are we going to track the vampire population? I've seen Blade, those bastards are crafty. I suggest we start culling the herd now before it's too late. And speaking of culling -- I'll take care of Edward, you get the rest.

British scientists on course to become the first to produce synthetic human blood [dailymail]

Thanks to phuzzygish, who one made some pretty believable synthetic blood with corn syrup and food coloring.

Mar 24 2009 Kid Plays Mos Eisley Cantina Song On Harp

This is 12 year old Benjamin playing the iconic song from the Mos Eisley Cantina on a harp. He's pretty good. You know, I always wanted a harp growing up but my parents were too cheap to buy me one. So to spite them, I picked up the skin-flute. *TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOTLE TOOT* Whoa, Link, what are you doing here?

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who just wants to bang on his drums all day.

Mar 23 2009 At Least He Was Honest: Internet Scam Fail

scamming.JPG

I can't even count the number of times I've been contacted by Nigerian princes to help move their money out of the country. Unfortunately, I don't keep a bank account because that's just another way the man tries to keep tabs on my brothel me on a short leash. Anyway, I like how the scammer comes out of character at the end with a "thanks man". That was great. Not as great as my love for you, but I have a big heart. And hands. Hey, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face you'll die young? It's true -- you should try it. *SMACK-A-POW* Wow, I can't believe you fell for that. Ha, or when I told you I loved you.

Thanks to Joemo, who once conned an old lady out of her retirement by having sex with her. Gross, Joemo.

Mar 23 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Cassette Tape Art

tape art.jpg

'Ghost in the Machine' is a series of artwork by Flickr user iri5 that uses old cassette tapes (or film) to create the likenesses of famous musicians/actors. Pretty clever. Not as clever as jumping off the top of the apartment building with a parachute fashioned from a 13-gallon garbage bag, but hey -- not everybody's a modern Da Vinci. GERONIMO!

UPDATE: Oh God -- little help over here! I think my leg came off when I hit that bush. No, not that one -- the next bush down. Yeah, now more towards the back. Find it? No, that's my penis, keep looking.

Hit the link for the rest.

Flickr Gallery
via
Strange, Archaic Audio Storage Device Used to Create Impressive Musician Artwork [gizmodo]

Mar 23 2009 Scientific: A Periodic Table Of XBox Games

xbox periodic 1.jpg

The latest in a line of geeky periodic tables comes the Periodic Table of XBox Games from Blackwalt (possibly of LOST fame). Full size version HERE and description of all "elements" HERE. Good looking. I hope you can appreciate it as much as I do. And also, this cake. P.S. I baked a stripper inside just for you. Be careful -- she's smokin' hot! But only temperature wise, she's actually just an ugly hooker. Or she was, before I hit her with my car. Now she's a liability. And also -- your problem. Gotta go!

A Masterpiece from HoC Productions [herdofcats]

Thanks Blackwalt, now tell me: what's the secret of the island?

Mar 23 2009 Epic 30,500 Piece LEGO Star Wars Ship

star wars lego 1.jpg

I know, it looks like the toy you found in your girlfriend's sock drawer, but trust me, it's not. This thing is like half that size. Thomas Benedikt went and made Admiral Ackbar's command ship Home One (not to be confused with going all the way with a lady) out of 30,500 LEGO pieces. It took 11 months to build, lays just short of 7-feet long, and cost $5,500 to complete. It even has LED lighting effects throughout (hit the jump for a picture). Good looking, Thomas. Next time I need a scale model of a Star Wars ship made I know who to go to. Or do I? Maybe I'll take my business to THIS guy. Now, I want you two to fight.

Hit the jump for a bunch more and a link to an even larger gallery.

Continue Reading " Epic 30,500 Piece LEGO Star Wars Ship "

Mar 23 2009 Batman's Icon Mutations Over The Years

This is a video that shows, in chronological order, Batman's logo morphing over the years. It starts all the way back in 1941 with Batman with Robin, The Boy Wonder from Detective Comics. I thought it was pretty neat. So, what will the bat look like in another 70 years? If you guessed, "extinct", you're probably correct. And also, a pessimist. Look at your glass -- is your beer half empty? I drank it when you weren't looking!

Youtube

Thanks to Julian and The Superficial Writer, who played naked Twister with Batman in the woods and neither payed attention to Poison Ivy. True story.

Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(

super nintoaster.jpg

The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:

Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.

Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?

Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.

Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "

Mar 23 2009 True Blood Advertisements In New Zealand

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HBO posted these True Blood posters in New Zealand (who seems to get much cooler ads than we do) to advertise the upcoming season of the blood-sucking series starting June 2009. As you can see, each ad features several handy-dandy vampire pokers should you find yourself with some pointy-toothed bastard eying your neck on the bus. Ya best protect ya neck! And also, your purse -- vampires are thieves! It's true, that dreamy Edward Cullen stole my heart. You smell that? *sniiiiiiiiiiiiff* Smells like Twilight on DVD!

Hit the jump for several more pictures, this one and the next of which were taken by New Zealand Geekologie operative, Jonathan.

Continue Reading " True Blood Advertisements In New Zealand "

Mar 22 2009 I Need Some!: Mercury(II) Thiocyanate

Mercury Thiocyanate used to be made into "Pharoah's Serpent" fireworks similar to the "black snake" tablets you light and watch grow into a crusty snake. Unfortunately, it produces mercury vapors during the process so now the tablets are made out of a much safer sodium bicarbonate compound. Boo, I know. Still, wicked awesome if you can get your hands on some. Which, thanks to my ultra-sweet Geekologie connections, I just have. So -- are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you guessed, "glue-stick a bunch to my penis and try to impress women at the bar", you are. High-five! Haha, that was just glue-stick, I swear. Now watch this!

UPDATE: IT BUUUUUUUURNS! *helicoptering* Ladies?

Youtube

Thanks to John, who once beat Mr. Wizard in a match-holding contest.

Mar 22 2009 Hot: Female Reader Wielding Master Sword

master sword boner material.jpg

Responding to my request that the gamer chick pose atop a dinosaur with Link's Master Sword, Geekologie Reader Pepper sent me a picture of herself wielding said sword. Unfortunately, there's no dinosaur (just two ponies humping and a questionable computer background).

Though this message contains less than 1% real dinosaur, cosplaying, action, it does contain a gamer girl with a Master Sword. ME! Win? plz? *meep*


Much love to Geekologie, I visit your site several times a day, and is (sadly) typically the highlight of any given day, unless there is a new episode of Mythbusters on, or if my Charizard levels up. Level 78 bitches!

Hey, I'll take it. Also, I really think this is a step in the right direction for Geekologie. Namely, boob north. Ladies?

Thanks Pepper, now if you could just find a horse that looks like Epona....

Mar 22 2009 I Believe I Can Fly: Terrafugia Takes 1st Flight

Terrafugia_Takeoff.jpg

Remember the Terrafugia "roadable aircraft" (drivable plane)? Well it took its first test flight earlier this month, and as is evident from this video after the jump, it was boring as shit. The Terrafugly has a 450-mile flying range, converts from plane to plane that can drive in 30-seconds, and is still scheduled for sale in 2011 for about $200K. Which means your kids can probably expect a wealthy neighbor crash-landed in the backyard sometime soon. ZOMG, his eyeball is hanging out of the socket. Quick -- poke it back in with a stick!

Hit the jump for the video and a bunch more pictures (one of which gave me a little twitter down there).

Continue Reading " I Believe I Can Fly: Terrafugia Takes 1st Flight "

Mar 21 2009 Astronaut To Test New Non-Stink Underwear

space underwear.jpg

That's right, Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata is slated to test a new kind of underwear during his current visit to the space station. The "state-of-the-art" undies were designed "to reduce the smells in normal clothing, absorb sweat and provide insulation."

The underwear, developed by Japanese researchers, are made of antibacterial polymers and are fire-resistant.


Astronauts normally change their clothes every three days.

Koichi will attempt to wear the underwear for a full seven days. Which, if successful, will only be 9 days short of my record. And, if you think I'm kidding, ask my dry cleaners. Well, my ex dry cleaners. I am so stinky!

Astronaut tests non-smelly super pants in space [metro]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who doesn't care because she doesn't wear underwear. I'm with you, girl -- high five! No? Helicopter!

Mar 21 2009 Waveform Bracelets Are A Clever Idea

wav bracelet.jpg

The Sound Advice Project
was designed to help parents keep their kids off drugs by giving them a reminder of how much they're loved and how bad drugs are. In this case, it's a bracelet that says, in waveform, something like "you're way too cool for drugs", or, "drugs will make your penis shrink". Thankfully, for $18 you can go to the website and record whatever message you want. I decided to made one for myself with one of my favorite inspirational messages from the bible, "When in doubt, PEW PEW PEW". *WHA-PISSSH!* Whoa, what was that? You getting bible-belted, son!

Waveform bracelet displays sound advice [dvice]

Mar 21 2009 Sad: Text Messages For The Friendless

text messages.jpg

Fiona Carswell is a friendless hag who lives in the woods and tries to entice children into her gingerbread house to eat them. Just kidding, I'm sure she's cool and has tons of friends. But that didn't stop her from designing 'Cell Stickies', which are electro-static stickers with fake text messages you stick on your iPhone when you're feeling down. Because let's face it, nothing boosts one's spirit like catching yourself sticking a fake text message sticker on your cell phone. Am I right? Oooh -- a text. "You are right. As usual." Haha, just as I thought! And here comes another! "You gave me herpes." Shit.

Cell Stickies For The Truly Delusional [ohgizmo]

Mar 20 2009 Robot Parties Actually Sound Kind Of Fun

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE.

This is a rap about a robot party that Shredder threw at the Technodrome. It sounds pretty epic, and I wish I could have been there. Also, that banjo-toting pedobear from Chuck-E-Cheese's touched my butt when I was a kid. Just sayin'.

Robot Party [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erin, who apparently gets invited to all these parties. Hey, how about taking me next time?

Mar 20 2009 Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka!

kaboom.jpg

That's right folks, an underwater volcano off the coast of Tonga (near Fiji) has been erupting recently, causing all kinds of mean-nasty things to happen. Just kidding. There has been some smoke and ash though.

Scientists sailed Thursday to inspect an undersea volcano that has been erupting for days near Tonga -- shooting smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.

Authorities said Thursday the eruption does not pose any danger to islanders at this stage, and there have been no reports of fish or other animals being affected.

Really, no reports of fish or animals being affected? I find that a little hard to believe. Come on now folks, I'm not five anymore, I can take some deceased fishes. Seriously, you don't have secretly replace my dead hamster with one that looks like him. Wait, you did what? NOOOOOOO -- NOT MR. CHEEKEYS! WAAAAAAAAA, I JUST WANT TO DIE!

Hit the jump for a worthwhile VIDEO of the action.

Continue Reading " Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka! "

Mar 20 2009 He's So Cute!: Ninja Cat Part Two Three

Remember ninja cat? How could you forget, that furry little bastard was cute, cute, cute! And how about ninja cat two? That one was a scrumptious little muffin-top too! And now, ninja cat 3! Oh, and I love the sound the guy makes in the end. Sounds like....victory.

Ninja Kitteh Part 2!
[icanhascheezburger]

Thanks to Amanda and Jared, who once battled ninja cats for 14 hours straight before admitting defeat.

Mar 20 2009 Now Now, Play Nice: Aliens Vs. Predator Ads

aliens-vs-predator-chess.jpg

This is a set of print ads run by a New Zealand cable channel advertising its upcoming showing of Aliens vs. Predator. As you can see (if Geekologie hasn't burnt out your retinas yet) they feature an Alien vs. Predator playing together civilly. This one is chess, but hit the jump to see pool and swingball. And speaking of swingball -- go ahead, give them a kick. Go on -- I can take it. Wait wait wait, I'm not rea--OH OFFFFOW OWW OWW OWW OOOOOOOWW OWW OW OW OH STOP OH STOP UHHH UUHH UUHH I CAN'T BREATHE STOP UHHH UUHHHH. Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

Hit it for the others.

Continue Reading " Now Now, Play Nice: Aliens Vs. Predator Ads "

Mar 20 2009 Okay: Robo-Fish To Detect Ocean Pollution

robo-fish.jpg

This robotic fish, which looks like it was made out of precious jewels, isn't, but was actually created to detect pollutants in the earth's oceans.

The 1.5 meter long robotic fish each requires about $30,000 to make. Their purpose is to head out into the open water, take in data about water pollutants, return to a charging station about every 8 hours and while charging, submit data about water quality.


The issues with this first batch of fish is pretty clear - they're way too expensive to be made in numbers big enough to be very helpful; their charge lasts just 8 hours so they aren't able to have a very large range away from their charging stations; they run a pretty good risk of getting a bite taken out of them.

$30,000? Jesus. For half the cost of a single fish I'll rent a paddle boat and troll the underwater sensors myself. I swear, these idiotic scientists think a robot is the solution to every freaking problem. Which leads me to my next question -- how much do you think a robotic fish would fetch on eBay? Wow, really? Grab your tacklebox and meet me by the dinghy!

Video of the very life-like swimming fish after the jump.

Continue Reading " Okay: Robo-Fish To Detect Ocean Pollution "

Mar 20 2009 The Imperial March Played On A Hard Drive

We've already heard the Imperial March played on an old floppy disk and a Tesla coil, so why not a hard drive? Dum Dum Dum, Dum-te-Dum, Dum-te-Dum. It's like you're really there! You know, in outerspace. Look, there's Darth Vader! Ackkk -- he's force-choking me, quick, somebody take off his helmet! ZOMG -- WTF is that?! Back on, back on!

Youtube

Thanks to the-iguana, who doesn't change colors. That's a chameleon, silly!

Mar 20 2009 A Periodic Table Of Final Fantasy Characters

ff periodic 1.jpg

Loyal Geekologie Reader Rafi, inspired by all of the recent periodic tables featured, decided to make his own -- of Final Fantasy characters (full-size version HERE)! WHOOWEEWHOOOOO!

In this table you'll find the atomic numbers and symbols, as well as:

* Characters from Final Fantasy I through the upcoming XIII
* Heroes, villains, monsters, and summons from throughout the series
* Minor characters as well (because it was a stretch to match some symbols)

Impressive work, Rafi. Lots of familiar looking faces in the bunch. Now somebody make a periodic table of Geekologie and we'll be all set....for HYPERDYPER-DRIVE! VAVAVA ARRRARAAROOOOOOMM!! SPPPSSSHOOOWW!! *SPACESHIP SOUNDS* BEEPITY BOP BEEEPITY POW POW *sputter* SSSHOOOOOOOM!*

*GW not responsibly for what he types in spaceship mode or when he's been drinking. PEWITY PEW HORF PEW!

Periodic Table of Final Fantasy characters [raficus]

Mar 20 2009 Bus Stop Shames You Into Joining The Gym

shame stop.jpg

Fitness First is a gym in the Netherlands that installed this advertisement at a local bus stop. It has a scale attached to the seat so when you sit on it (with legs hanging) it shows your weight. It's supposed to make you think about your health and joining the gym. But all it made me think about was how long it takes to cook a 68kg turkey.

Fat Shaming at the Bus Stop [current]

Thanks to Jonathan, who once hid lead weights in his pumpkin to win the heaviest pumpkin contest at the county fair.

Mar 19 2009 WTF Was That?: 'Put It On A Hook' A Rap Video Featuring Mario, Link And Mega Man

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE

I have no idea what I just watched but it had Mario, Link, and Megaman standing around drinking beer, taking bong hits and fishing. Which makes it the coolest thing I've seen all day not.*

*BBW holding 'I Heart Geekologie Sign' excluded.

Put it on a hook - A rap video (featuring mario, link and megaman) by Inhumans [funnyordie]

Thanks again to Julian, who once caught a great white by dangling his hammerhead in the water. HIYO!

Mar 19 2009 Mmmm, The Most Delicious Resignation Ever

cake resignation.jpg

When Neil Berrett decided it was time to put in his two-weeks notice he did it deliciously -- with a cake! The cake reads as follows:

Dear Mr. Bowers,


During the past three years, my tenure at the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard has been nothing short of pure excitement, joy and whim.

However, I have decided to spend more time with my family and attend to health issues that have recently arisen. I am proud to have been part of such an outstanding team and I wish this organization only the finest in future endeavors.

Please accept this cake as notification that I am leaving my position with NWT on March 27.

Sincerely,

W. Neil berrett

Nice one, Neil. I typically like to go out with an f-bomb parade or a good old fashioned Xerox'ed penis, but hey, whatever cracks your tractor.

Man resigns from job by handing in notice on cake [telegraph]

Thanks to Julian, who resigned from his last job with a gallon of gasoline and box of matches. Oooh, going away fireworks!

Mar 19 2009 Segway Shmegway -- I Want A Cajun Crawler

Segways are stupid and have wheels. Cajun Crawlers are awesome and have little feet that can scurry you across the room like a bug quicker than you can say, "Gob would love this!"

Based on the work of kinetic sculptor Theo Jansen, the Cajun Crawler holds up a Segway-style platform with a scary collection of steampunk-like mechanical legs, which can scurry across a floor with surprising agility. The project was built by a team of folks at the University of Louisiana.

Skip to about 1:00 for the action to begin. And action it is! My God that thing is creepy as all hell. One part of me wants to yell "ROBOT!" and smash it to pieces but another wants to ride it into the gently rolling surf until I'm submerged, where I'll be greeted by topless mermaids whom I will pose with and then post the pictures on my Facebook. Later that night, I'll come back with a snorkel and seduce one into living in my bathtub. Just like Tom Hanks in Splash, but with a harpoon.

Cajun Crawler swaps Segway wheels for Theo Jansen's creepy leg mechanism
[engadget]

Thanks to Leon, The Short One and Phecda, who are cool with just walking.

Mar 19 2009 I'll Never Work Again!: Giant Tetris Online

tetris 1.jpg

Looking for a great way to piss away your work day? How about starting a giant game of Tetris? Even after a full eight hours of gameplay you'll probably be nowhere! The screencap here is of me playing for five minutes, and then letting it drop shapes on its own for another 2 hours and 42 minutes (larger version HERE). You can leave your desk, go take a nap in your car, and have barely missed a thing. WHEE! I double-dog-dare somebody to fill the whole thing except for a line on one of the sides. You would be my hero! And also, a loser. Mostly a loser. DO IT!

UPDATE: Added a screen cap of some art Geekologie Reader Colunista created with the game, after the jump.

Continue Reading " I'll Never Work Again!: Giant Tetris Online "

Mar 19 2009 She Loves Me!: Gamer Girl Loves Geekologie

gamer girl loves geekologie.jpg

Well, maybe not me, but she does love Geekologie. Remember yesterday's gamer girl post? Well, she commented on it, you can read her comment HERE (#148). And also, she sent me an email, which read:

Hi, I saw the thread with me in it and find it hilarious. I love your site.


I would like you to post this pic, and you can quote me as saying "YAY! II finally graduated 4Chan!"

Geekologie loves you too, Reenaye. And congratulations on graduating 4chan! Moving on to Geekologie is a big step in every internet celebrity's life. Best wishes. And also: if you happened to send a couple pictures of yourself cosplaying as Zelda while riding on the back of an inflatable dinosaur with the Master Sword between your teeth, you know, that would be totally cool with me.

Mar 19 2009 Take It Seriously: Robot Attack Insurance

This is a Saturday Night Live skit from like 1995, so it's old as all hell, I know that. But I think it's important to note how much more seriously people used to take the robot threat than they do now. What's going on? Ya best protect ya neck! And now, thanks to Old Glory Insurance, geriatrics can be attacked by killer robots worry-free of the financial burden often caused by such maulings. Unfortunately, you're on your own if you're under 50, so I recommend doing what I did and wearing a fake mustache. I say, how about that '64 World's Fair? First trip Gertie and I ever took to the Big Apple. I remember she flashed her tits to the butter sculptor. Good times. I'll take $1 million policy, please.

Old Glory [hulu]

Thanks to Stephanie, who may or may not have taken policies out on the old folks who live next door and then reprogrammed their Roomba.

Mar 19 2009 Aww: Injured Bat Blasts Off For Outerspace

rip space bat.jpg

A Free-Tailed Chiroptera bat, believed to have recently injured its wing and shoulder, clung to the foam exterior of the Space Shuttle's fuel tank just before launch on the morning of Sunday, March 15th. And moments later, as the shuttle took off, he became....Space Bat.

*music fades in*
I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the....oh shit -- broken wing, I'm screwed. Quick, I'll just hold on to this thing. Whoa, what was that noise? Oh God, oh God -- WHEEEEEEEEEE!!

Per NASA:

The animal likely perished quickly during Discovery's climb into orbit.

*music abruptly stops* Wow NASA, way to inspire. You know what -- I don't even want to be an astronaut anymore, I want to be a policeman.

This post dedicated to the memory of Space Bat, who reminds us all: Aim for the moon....even if you miss, you'll burn up in the atmosphere.

Tribute video to Space Bat after the jump.

Continue Reading " Aww: Injured Bat Blasts Off For Outerspace "

Mar 19 2009 Beer2D2: The Most Delicious Robot Yet

beer2D2.jpg

Beer2D2 is the illegitimate child of BaR2D2 and a cocktail waitress (or this amp) and makes beer-fetching robots obsolete because he IS the beer. What's your new alcohol-toting buddy made of?

Beer2's technical specs:

Head - 1945 chrome BLC utility light shell.
Eye - vintage movie camera lens w/adjustable spring-loaded aluminum casing.
Body - 4.7 liter "adult soda" mini-keg.
Legs - propane tank valve handles, brass spacers, drilled-out washers, pair of aluminum Lady Josephine shoe butler (wall-mounted shoe shine holders).
Feet/base - 3 mini bread loaf pans, lamp hardware and a 1/2″ precision drilled aluminum base plate.
+assorted nuts, bolts, screws and, of course - lockwashers!

Daddy, I want a Beer2D2 and I want it noooooooow! GLUG GLUG GLUG. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about -- robot brains. Hey, no biting! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!

Beer2-D2 [make]

Thanks to jj, who noted that this droid is indeed, "Rad to the power of Sith". And Alan, who accidentally left the tap open and drained R2 of all his deliciousness. Damn you!

Mar 18 2009 BigDog: Now With More Horns, Goring

Remember Boston Dynamic's BigDog? Well they decided it'd be funny to put horns on it and pretend like it's a bull. As you can see, it's not humorous. Nope, not one bit. I don't care if you paint its face and have it make balloon animals at the fair, BigDog will never be funny. Or cute. Not even with a furry little bunny tail and dressed like a schoolgirl. Which, ZOMG.....

dinosaursdressedlikeschoolgirls.com!

Video: BigDog turned into BigBull (with BigHorns)
[engadget]

Thanks to Julian and Pete, who could totally ride that thing for the full 8 seconds.

Mar 18 2009 Hey, Gamer Chicks Need Love Too (Call Me)

gamer chick.jpg

Is that Megatron? He looks....different. Jowly. Really jowly. Transform and rolls out!

Thanks to gizmoduck, who is a chick but dresses like Link. Which, hey, is a-okay in my book (send pictures).

Mar 18 2009 Tool Box Must: Multi-Purpose Halligan Rescues Kittens From Burning Buildings And Brains Zombies With Equal Dexterity

halligan.jpg

The Halligan Bar is a tool used by both fire fighters and rescue workers to bash open doors, pry shit off other shit, and all around beat the hell out of stuff. And now you can own one. The 30" bar is available in alloy steel (10 lbs, $195) and titanium (5.25 lbs, $555) and is a must-have for anybody with any interest in surviving the zombie apocalypse. Just imagine a zombie's head on the end of that thing. Oh I'm sorry, did I just get you excited? Good, meet me in the janitor's closet in five. Now, don't get up as the same time as me, someone might get suspicious. Or, in The Superficial Writer's case, jealous. THERE WAS NO SPARK -- move on already.

Halligan Bar [cooltools]

Thanks to hayden, who once punched a zombie in the mouth so hard all its teeth fell out so hayden gathered them all up and put them under a pillow but the tooth fairy didn't come. What a sham!

Mar 18 2009 Rare Quadruple Moon Transit On Saturn

saturn moons 1.jpg

Will you look at that -- four of Saturn's moons (from left to right) Enceladus, Dione, Titan, and Mimas, all transiting its face at the same time. Amazing! This picture was taken by the Hubble Space Telescope and just recently released by NASA. You know, pictures like this really get me thinking about the beauty of space and just how small we are compared to the vast expanse outside our own atmosphere. Also, naked-ass aliens gettin' freaky deaky on the moon.

Hit the jump for a cool time lapse photo of the transit in progress.

Continue Reading " Rare Quadruple Moon Transit On Saturn "

Mar 18 2009 Imperial March Tesla Coil And Faraday Suit

This is some guy testing his new Faraday suit with a Tesla coil playing the Imperial March. It looks like fun. And by fun I mean this guy is nuts. I don't care how harmless it is, you just don't go messing around with something that looks that much like lightning. Reminds me of the time I accidentally broke one of those plasma lamps at Spencer's Gifts. You know what happened? An electric plasma ball escaped and blew up the food court. Also, it told me to look under a dressing room door at Victoria's Secret. True story.

Youtube

Thanks to JAG and Martyn, who have both beat Zeus in an arm-wrestling match and then called him a sissy and struck him with a bolt of his own lightning. Hardcore to power of Mount Olympus!

Mar 18 2009 Percent Of Student Virgins Per College Major

virgins.jpg

As you can see, majoring in Mathematics or Chemistry pretty much guarantees you a sexless college experience. Good for you, hopefully you took a purity pledge or something. Now, if you'll excuse me, "CALLING ALL FEMALE STUDIO ART MAJORS, PARTY AT MY HOUSE -- BRING FINGERPAINT."

Virginity rates among students by major [forwardon]

Thanks to Julian (a poli-sci major) and Romeo, who majored in Juliet. HIYO!

Mar 18 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Extreme LED Sheep Art

This video has to be seen to be believed. Some guys strapped LED covered vests on sheep and then had the dogs herd them in specific patterns to create ridiculous art on a hillside in Wales. They even play a game of Pong and recreate the Mona Lisa using different colored LEDs on sheep in a pen. You just have to watch it to understand. Then, I think we'll all agree, sheep: not just for sex anymore.

Youtube
via
Sheep-Powered LED Display Lights Up Welsh Hillside [gizmodo]

Thanks to Grey and Kim, who have never gotten tender with sheep. OR SO THEY SAY!

Mar 18 2009 Where Do I Buy?: Pillows For Working Late

work pillows.jpg

'Pillows for working late' is a three-piece ensemble created by Polish designer Maja Ganszyniec. It comes with a collar, tie and sleeve that are soft and the perfect place to lay your head should you find yourself dozing off at your desk. I don't think you have to be working late to use them. I mean, I just got to work and I can barely keep my eyessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Whoa, I just had a dream I came to work naked. Oh, uh-oh. Think they'll send me home if I run over my penis with an office chair?

'Pillows for working late' makes your desk better than your bed [dvice]

Mar 17 2009 These Beats Are Sooo Fresh: The Ocarinas Of Rhyme, TWO Different Zelda Rap Albums

ocarinas of rhyme.jpg

That's right folks: not one but TWO different rap albums set to the beats of Zelda games dropping on the same day -- with the same name! What are the odds? Pretty good considering one of the guys (Sleaze) thinks his idea was stolen. Anyway, first there is Team Teamwork Presents The Ocarina of Time, which features the music of Hyrule and Zelda games set to raps by famous artists. But then there's Sleaze's (who may or may not be this guy) Ocarina of Rhyme with all original raps by himself. So, who will slay Gannon? Who will win Hyrule? And who will bang Zelda while the other plays with himself in the Lost Woods while that creepy kid with the mask watches? You decide.

Hit the jump for audio samples of each, and the links to download (for free).

Continue Reading " These Beats Are Sooo Fresh: The Ocarinas Of Rhyme, TWO Different Zelda Rap Albums "

Mar 17 2009 One Day Only: Star Wars Bobble Heads

woot wars.jpg

Woot.com's sale today is six random Star Wars bobble heads for $30 + $5 shipping. At first I thought it sounded like a ripoff because they look tiny, but each figure actually stands over 7" tall, so it's still a ripoff. Haha -- you still bought them didn't you? I call the Jawa if you get one!

Woot.com

Thanks to Mariah, who doesn't deal with bobble heads because she needs a real man.

Mar 17 2009 Oh Grow Up: Flat Worms Fencing....Sexually


I know, I know, I should grow up. I just can't help myself. At least not when there's penis fencing involved. Superficial Writer, en garde!

Youtube

Thanks to LeftRIGHTleft, a college champion in Tit Kwon Do.

Mar 17 2009 The World's Most Cussingest Video Game

overkill.jpg

Goes to Sega's The House of the Dead: Overkill for the Wii, with over 189 f-bombs dropped throughout the game. This knowledge comes to us from the ever diligent Guiness World Book of Records, who have apparently started recording the number of bad words in video games in addition to the world's longest toenails. Good for you. And what did Headstrong Games' writer Jonathan Burroughs have to say about the feat?

It is a dubious honour to receive such an accolade working in an industry where so often the fruits of your labours are derided and dismissed for being puerile or irresponsible, but in the case of The House of the Dead: OVERKILL a little puerility was the order of business. Parodying the profane excess of grindhouse cinema was Headstrong Games' objective and I am flattered that this record acknowledges that we not only rose to that challenge, but entirely exceeded it.

Nice. Do you see what happens? Do you see what happens, Jonathan? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!?! Congratulations. And also, OVER THE LINE! Mark it zero dude, next frame.

House Of The Dead: Overkill Sets World Record For Swearing [vgchartz]

Thanks to Julian, who once got kicked out of a class in college for cussing but then went to visit his professor during office hours and totally made out with her. Yeah, on her gradebook and everything. So, high-five for that, Julian.

Mar 17 2009 Scientists Build Mosquito-Killing Laser Beam

pew pew mosquito.jpg

In an attempt to take a bite out of malaria (suck it, McGruff!), scientists are developing a mosquito laser capable of protecting an entire village from the evil, biting bastards. Think bug-zapper times a thousand, to the power of PEW.

The laser, which has been dubbed a "weapon of mosquito destruction" fires at mosquitoes once it detects the audio frequency created by the beating of its wings.


The laser beam then destroys the mosquito, burning it on the spot.

Developed by some of the astrophysicists involved in what was known as the "Star Wars" anti-missile programs during the Cold War, the project is meant to prevent the spread of malaria.

Lead scientist on the project, Dr. Jordin Kare, told CNN that the laser would be able to sweep an area and "toast millions of mosquitoes in a few minutes."

Sounds good to me, I hate mosquitoes. I used to post up in front of the bug-zapper in a lawn chair with a case of beer and just watch those suckers get toasted. And speaking of which -- HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE, I'M DRINKING GREEN BEER! Or pickle juice, I can't tell! WHOO!


'Star Wars' scientists create laser gun to kill mosquitoes
[cnn]

Thanks to xhaju, Bryan, spudtheimpaler, Jason, Blinzler and Fong, who can catch mosquitoes with chopsticks because they trained with Mr. Miyagi.

Mar 17 2009 No, Those Aren't Gaudy: Golden Speakers

gold speakers.jpg

Everybody knows gold makes for quality audio cable and connectors, but how does it fare as an actual speaker exterior? Pretty freaking ugly if you ask me. But England's Gold Acoustics seems to think there's something to it, because their GA Star line of speakers come complete with gold plating. These things would look great in your house right next to me kicking your ass, don't you think? No word on cost, but I'm going to go out on a limb and....AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! *thud*

Add some bling to your audio rig with Gold Acoustics speakers [dvice]

Mar 17 2009 Soccer Moms Outraged At Grown Up Dora

dora.jpg

Apparently Mattel and Nickelodeon rolled out an image of a new "tween" Dora the Explorer last week and a lot of soccer moms are super pissed she's not the chubby little midriff-flashing five year-old she used to be. So Nickelodeon had to fire back.

"I think there was just a misconception in terms of where we were going with this," Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing at Mattel, says. "Pretty much the moms who are petitioning aging Dora up certainly don't understand. ... I think they're going to be pleasantly happy once this is available in October, and once they understand this certainly isn't what they are conjuring up."


"The reason for creating this new Dora line is to offer an alternative to moms who want their daughters to stay little girls, a little longer," the statement concludes. The Tween Dora doll comes with a USB port and is compatible with online story lines.

First of all, who cares. And secondly, Dora's mom, and this is just between you and me -- I think she's taking Fen-Phen.

New Tween "Dora The Explorer" Revealed [ohnotheydidnt] (with some pretty funny comments if you're bored)

Thanks to Duran, who's still pissed his children's show Tucker the Spelunker never took off.

Mar 17 2009 PEW PEW Goes The Debt Star

debt star.jpg

I'm only posting this because I have a contractual obligation to post anything Death Star related. Also, I secretly enjoy watching you folks duke it out in the comments section Special Olympics style. However, in the case of this poster, I believe it actually carries a powerful political message. One about mediocre Photoshop skills, and also, Ewoks. My God they're delicious. "Gunta, che-ya gobu fenga wa!" Haha, shut up and get back on the grill.

Thanks to The Blue Bass, who didn't specify if he was large or smallmouth.

Mar 16 2009 ZOMG, The Best Crane Game EVER!

claw-a-boob.jpg

Hey, your guess is as good as mine. Provided you guessed "awesome", and, "give me another quarter". Also, I really love how you can see the Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals in the machine next to it. But moooom, I don't want another Winnie, I want a boobie.

Thanks to towhee, whose sweater puppets put those things to shame.

Mar 16 2009 The Sci-Fi Channel Is Changing Its Name

syfy logo.jpg

To SyFy. Why? Well, I don't know why. But like Nas says in 'The Message', "a thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers. Word up." Word up indeed, Nas, thanks for that.

By changing the name to Syfy, which remains phonetically identical, the new brand broadens perceptions and embraces a wider range of current and future imagination-based entertainment beyond just the traditional sci-fi genre, including fantasy, supernatural, paranormal, reality, mystery, action and adventure. It also positions the brand for future growth by creating an ownable trademark that can travel easily with consumers across new media and nonlinear digital platforms, new international channels and extend into new business ventures.


"Imagine Greater" will become the new brand message and tagline, inviting both consumers and advertisers into a new era of unlimited imagination, exceptional experiences and greater entertainment.

I didn't actually bother reading any of that, but I think it said something about becoming a much more generic cable station and not playing reruns of Star Trek: TNG anymore. Smart move. And speaking of which, rook to D2. Checkmate, bitches!

http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/sci-fi-channel-to-become.php
[scifiwire]

Thanks to big jerm and Mike, who were going to change their names but realized they'd have to get new vanity license plates and decided against it.

Mar 16 2009 Real Life Spider-Man: Paralyzed Man Walks Again Thanks To Brown Recluse Spider Bite

brown recluse.jpg

David Blancarte lost the use of his legs nearly 21 years ago in a motorcycle accident. And now, thanks to the bite of brown recluse, he can walk again.

I'm here for a spider bite. I didn't know I would end up walking," says David.


A nurse noticed David's leg spasm and ran a test on him. "When they zapped my legs, I felt the current, I was like 'whoa' and I yelled," he says. He felt the current and the rush of a renewed sense of hope. "She says,'your nerves are alive. They're just asleep'," explained David.

Five days later David was walking.

David basks in his glory and gives a ray of hope to other hoping to walk again. The 48-year-old former boxer and dancer is taking it in stride, knowing his best days are still ahead.

David's dream is to see his 14-year-old twin daughters grow up and get married so he can walk them down the aisle and have that first dance.

Well ain't that some cockle-warming Peter Parker/John Locke shit! To tell you the truth, I haven't been having much luck with my manhood lately, and I did see a black widow out by my treefort yesterday....

IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!

UPDATE: And it just fell off. Great.

Hit the jump for a news report video for those of you who can't read.

Continue Reading " Real Life Spider-Man: Paralyzed Man Walks Again Thanks To Brown Recluse Spider Bite "

Mar 16 2009 Steampunk Frankenstein iPod Victrola Thing

eyepod 1.jpg

I have no idea what you're looking at either. But whatever it is, it's looking back. Apparently it's some sort of custom iPod Nano (1st gen) case and docking station. I SAID STOP STARING AT ME. That's it, where's my laser pointer?

The design is inspired by Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. The "eye-Pod" can be worn on the wrist via the leather cuff, or placed on it's custom Victrola base. Music can be heard either through the Victrola horn or though a portable personal hearing apparatus (in progress).


All functionality of the iPod remain intact an a hidden USB cord retracts from the base to either a wall charger or your computer. There are hidden pressure plates that when touched send a strobing "static charge" into the quartz crystals on either side of the magnified viewing portal.

Cool. Lose the eyeball and I would proudly display it my living room. Just kidding, I wouldn't touch that thing with your penis. It's just not my style. But you know what IS my style? This Members Only jacket. You smell that? It's called freshness, son. Whoa -- except for that, that was partially digested Kid Cuisine. Sorry.

Hit the jump for a couple more of that oldschool joint.

Continue Reading " Steampunk Frankenstein iPod Victrola Thing "

Mar 16 2009 TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic

hubless 1.jpg

This is a motorcycle with hubless wheels. Unfortunately, due to my tiny, dinosaur(loving) brain, I'm incapable of understanding how such future technology works. So this is when I copy/paste some quotes and wait for the next meteor to hit.

Hubless wheels work by fixing the rotating parts (brake ring, bearings, hubless rim) onto the outer side of a non-rotating inner ring that attaches to the motorcycle's swingarm or forks.


Advantages include decreased unsprung weight, reduced structural stress (no spokes to transmit forces through), increased braking leverage, more accurate steering, reduced vibration and a lower center of gravity.

Well hot damn! Let me just grab my leathers and we'll hit the road. I get to ride on the back though -- I'm rocking my chaps commando style. Hey, car behind me, get a load of this sexy ass! Haha, I know where you're going -- straight to BONERTOWN, USA! Oh, looks like you naturally swerve a little to the left.

Hit the jump for more pictures and a video of the magical wheels.

Continue Reading " TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic "

Mar 16 2009 I'm Toasty: Pogo Failures Warm The Heart


Let's face it: watching people hurt themselves is one of life's most simple and rewarding pleasures. Especially when they're doing something as stupid as extreme pogo-ing (if that's even a real thing. read: it's not). The video is 5:30 long, but the last two minutes don't have any pain, so you don't need to watch them. I did though, hoping they were building up to somebody losing the entire stick up their ass, but sadly, no.

Failed Pogo Stick Compilation [break]

Thanks to MoD, who doesn't have time to pogo because there's always a woman between his legs. Nice MoD, I want a woman there -- all I have is a lapdog.

Mar 16 2009 They're After Our Skinny Coke Whores!: Japanese Unveil Robotic Fashion Model

fashion robot.jpg

Developed by Japan's National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology (JAJINAS), HRP-4C is a robot designed to walk, talk, and work a catwalk like the sexy little vixen harbinger of death that she is.

Standing at just over 5-feet tall and 95-pounds....the she-bot features 30 motors spread throughout its body with an additional eight motors in its face for expressing general boredom and disgust with the help. Its main purpose is entertainment and to attract crowds much like its fleshy counterparts -- so don't expect home cooked meals and laundry service should you take the $200,000 robot home.

As is evident from the photo, that guy is a demented pervert. IT'S A ROBOT, BRO -- HER ASS IS METAL. Some people, I swear. So anyway, like I was saying: I hid in a bathroom stall at the Museum of Natural History this weekend until it closed and then had my way in the Hall of Dinosaurs. Best weekend EVER.

Hit the jump for another picture and a video proving why this is the worst model ever.

Continue Reading " They're After Our Skinny Coke Whores!: Japanese Unveil Robotic Fashion Model "

Mar 16 2009 Ooh La La: A Gallery Of X-Box 360 Mods

360 2.jpg

Personally, I like my XBox just the way it came: solid gold with diamond accents. But apparently some of you peasants like to glue plastic and shit to your XBoxes to make you feel special. Good for you. Hit the jump for a bunch more, including several Halo mods and a pretty sweet looking clock/tissue box combo. Now if you'll excuse me, I must call my servant to wipe my lips clean after breakfast. *ahem* Heeeeere kitty, kitty.

Hit it for a bunch more and the link to an even larger gallery.

Continue Reading " Ooh La La: A Gallery Of X-Box 360 Mods "

Mar 15 2009 Hands Down: The Worst Advertisement For Israeli Missiles I've Ever Seen

This is by far the most painful advertisement for exploding projectiles I've ever seen. Apparently Israeli missile-maker Rafael thought it would be a good idea to feature a traditional Bollywood song and dance number to drum up some incendiary business in India. They played the video at the recent Aero India 2009 in Bangalore. Was it successful? I sure hope not. And not just because I've been pitching my advertising services to Rafael. Tell me what you think of my latest commercial idea:

Wide shot of a desert quickly zooms in to a tight one of a lone watermelon on a folding table. Another quick zoom to a medium shot of the area surrounding the melon and table. Far off in the distance, a rumbling PEW PEW!. Soon, two missiles are seen cresting a mountain. As they approach, the camera man realizes he's been had and, dropping the camera, begins running. You see him fading off into the distance until *KA-BOOM!* he disappears in a massive explosion. As the smoke clears, you see his smoldering shoes. Then, at the bottom of the screen: "Expect the Unexpected. Rafael Missiles: Now with heat-seeking technology. Rafael -- When only the PEWIEST PEW will do."

Bollywood Missiles Ad Destroys My Ears, Eyes, Faith in Humanity [gizmodo]

Thanks to Martyn, who doesn't have to advertise his missile because the ladies already ask for it by name.

Mar 15 2009 Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive

finger drive.jpg

Jerry Jalava is a hacker who lost half his left ring finger in a motorcycle accident and decided to replace the digit with a USB drive. So now he sports a rubber half-finger with thumb(!)drive inside. Awesome. Plus, if he ever has to wear a wedding ring it won't count because it's not a real finger. Am I right? Because that's why I cut mine off. Just kidding, I was really high and trying to make a bong in shop class.

Hit the jump for three more shots of the digital digitry.

Continue Reading " Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive "

Mar 15 2009 The Periodic Table Of Video Game Charcters

periodic characters 1.jpg

Wow, what a periodic weekend! First yesterday's table of typefaces, and now one of video game characters! WOO WOO! Hit THIS to see the thing in its entirety. So, what do you think? Personally, I think it's questionable as hell. It looks like they just threw characters into spots based on their names with no regard for valence shells or reactivity. Now, I hate to be a stickler for science, but why is Neon dry humping his bed's footboard?

IHC's Periodic Table of Video Game Characters [iheartchaos]

Thanks to JJ, who's smart enough to realize Raiden and Kratos don't belong in the noble gases.

Mar 14 2009 MacBook Modded With Screen In Apple Logo

Some guy went and modded a MacBook with a fully functional LCD screen in place of the traditional glowing Apple logo on the back. It's set up as a second monitor too so he can precisely control whatever appears on the thing. But mostly he uses it to display his webcam or iTunes Visualizer. Impressive, guy, but not nearly as impressive as my Apple logo mod, which is -- wait for it, wait for it....a saltwater fish tank! Boom-shacka-lacka!

Modified MacBook has a screen inside the Apple logo [dvice]

Mar 14 2009 Fun With Offfice Supplies: A Wire Mario Kart

mario kart 1.jpg

Donald Kenny gets bored at work. REALLY bored. So what does he do? Sneak out the back? Play video games? Surf Facebook incessantly like a normal person? No. He makes Mario Kart sculptures using office supplies. As you can see, this is a paper clip and wire Mario. Good looking, Donald. Now tell me -- what his mustache is made out of? And also, is he selling rides? If I steal his rims I'll have 70¢.

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Fun With Offfice Supplies: A Wire Mario Kart "

Mar 14 2009 Elementary: The Periodic Table Of Typefaces

typefaces 1.jpg

Somebody went and made a periodic table of typefaces featuring "100 of the most popular, influential and notorious typefaces today". This is it. Click HERE to see a high-res version, then go ahead and print it out and post it up on your cubicle wall. That way when somebody pokes their head in to ask you about doing some work you can yell, "TALK TO THE PERIODIC TABLE....OF TYPEFACES!". Then they'll all think you're crazy and leave you to your Solitaire.

Periodic Table ofTypefaces [behance]

Thanks to ashleigh, who is like a font groupie.

Mar 13 2009 I Really Want One: Porkgasm In A Pan

pork.jpg

Porkgasm: a pig roast made entirely out of meat -- just like the real thing! And *sniff* probably the most beautiful thing I've ever wanted to put in my mouth. Ha, except for that Fabergé egg. Delicious and nutritious gold.

Hit the jump for a pictorial of how to make a Porkgasm.

Continue Reading " I Really Want One: Porkgasm In A Pan "

Mar 13 2009 Quattro Technology Toilet Flushes Anything


Sure the St Thomas Creations Toilet with Quattro Flushing technology can flush 2.5 lbs of baby carrots, 4 whole plastic chess sets, 3 lbs of large gummi bears, 18 large hot dogs, 78 plastic letter and number refrigerator magnets, 3.5 lbs of grapes, 20 golf balls and 3.5 lbs of dog food, but what about a turd?

The World's Most Flushingest Toilet
[presurfer]

Thanks to Romeo, who once flushed an elephant down a toilet and it remembers.

Mar 13 2009 People Still Pogo?: The Flybar Pogo Stick

pogo_stick.jpg

Sorry for the delay folks, I just got back from the doctor for a checkup. Yeah, and you know that whole 'turn your head and cough bit'? Well, the doctor didn't properly anticipate the weight of my nuts and broke his wrist. True story. Anyway, the Flybar is a ridiculously stupid looking pogo stick that allegedly bounces higher than a regular one.

It does this using some seriously strong elastic bands known as rubber thrusters that increase the maximum bounce height to a whopping seven feet six inches. You can snag a Flybar of your own for a whopping $320.

Pfft, forget the Flybar -- I've got four-and-one-quarter inches of rubber thruster for you right here. *squeak squeak squeak* Anybody?

Flybar is one seriously juiced up pogo stick
[dvice]

Mar 13 2009 Killzone Ads Pulled From Canadian Bus Stops

killzone 2 ads.jpg

Over 300 Toronto bus stops have had their Killzone 2 ads pulled due to the violent imagery present.

Teacher Davis Mirza emailed Sony Canada, which makes PlayStation games, after seeing an ad for Killzone 2 in the bus shelter near his Scarborough school.


"My kids, who come from a lot of different countries, who have to experience violence, who basically come here to seek shelter and safety, that's the stuff they don't need to see," said the Grade 4/5 teacher at Pauline Johnson Junior Public School, near Birchmount Rd. and Sheppard Ave. E.

The central image in the ad is a "menacing head with glowing eyes," wearing a mask with a breathing tube, Mirza said.

The secondary image shows what appears to be a war zone, "like Iraq," he said.

Hmm, I didn't read about any actual kids complaining. Live in reality, Mr. Mirza -- the apocalypse is coming. Would you rather have our children prepared, or cowering in a corner? And speaking of cowering in a corner: the end of Blair Witch Project -- scary.

Violent video game ads pulled from bus shelters [thstar]

Thanks to Ryan, who had to stop advertising his sexual services because his female customers were too satisfied.

Mar 13 2009 Vroom Vroom: Pow-Pow-POWER WHEELS!

This is a video of some folks riding over-powered Power Wheels. It looks like they're having about as much fun as one can have in the snow without a Woolly Mammoth. Which, I am happy to announce, is like *this close* to being cloned. Suffice it to say SOMEBODY has been loading up on Trojan Magnums -- and I think it's you!

Over-Powered Power Wheels [liveleak]

Thanks to Julian, who drove his Power Wheels right into a telephone pole and lived to come back and cut the pole down with a chainsaw.

Mar 13 2009 Chug Those Dots!: A Pac-Man Energy Drink

pac man energy.jpg

Nearly thirty years after the yellow dot-munching fool made his first appearance, the mouthy bastard finally gets his own energy drink. Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink is a three-dollar 8.4oz cherry flavored caffeine high that'll have you bouncing off the walls before you can say, "threeway with Inky and Blinky. No, wait -- Blinky and Clyde. Okay, whoever the blue and orange ones are, those are the ones I want. Finally answer! Oh, and Ms. Pac-Man can watch if she wants." Haha, caffeine isn't instantaneous, silly!

pac-man energy drink perfect for washing down power pills, pretzels, strawberries and ghosts [technabob]

Mar 13 2009 Sissypants Suing Over Exploded iPod Touch

boom touch.jpg

A 17-year old and his family are suing Apple after an iPod Touch allegedly blew up in the sissy's pocket and caused 2nd degree burns.

It claims the boy had his i-pod touch off and in his pocket at school on December 4th, when he heard a pop and felt a burning sensation.


The lawsuit is seeking more than 200-thousand dollars in damages.

Pfft, I've got some 2nd degree burns but you don't see me trying to sue Cup Noodles. No, I think there's more to this story than the family is telling us. Namely, their house is about to be foreclosed and there was a reciprocating saw involved in the explosion. Elementary my dear, Watson. Now, fetch me a glass of the good stuff and come sit on Sherlock's lap.

Family Sues Apple Over Exploding iPod [local12]

Thanks to Douche McAllister, who had an entire sever blow up and catch fire in his pants but refused to sue because he's a real man with wrought-iron genitalia.

Mar 13 2009 Avon Selling The Resident Evil T-Virus

t virus.jpg

So apparently Avon is selling the T-virus to unsuspecting women who want fuller, plumper looking faces. Little do they know they're gonna get just the opposite!

First from Avon: injectable-grade facial filler. A skin care breakthrough! Fullness perfected, not injected!* Dramatic results for dramatically less! Super concentrated serum.** 3x the level of injectable-grade hyaluronic acid for dramatic filling & plumping.*** In just 3 days, begins to reduce the look of deep folds. In 2 weeks, 82% of women saw more youthful fullness in the cheek area.**** In 4 weeks, dramatically reduces the look of deep facial folds and hollowness.

In 5 weeks, you're a zombie and the GW has to take your head off with a shotgun because he won't put up any of your 'NAR NAR BRAINS' zombie bombie bullshit. PEW PEW, Avon, PEW PEW.

Product Site
and
Avon's Derma-Full Totally Looks Like The T-virus [totallylookslike]

Thanks to gordon and residentistEVIL, who called in Rad to the power of Sick today and rushed out to pick up Resident Evil 5.

Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong

no no no.jpg

Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.


Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.

Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....

MEDIC!

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]

Mar 12 2009 See It In Action!: The UroClub Commercial

We posted on the awesomeness that is the UroClub last year. And now, there's a commercial that explains just how easy and convenient it is to use (read: screw cap off, piss in it, screw cap on). Best quote: "The UroClub comes with a towel and appears that you're just checking out your club." Also, I loved how the last five seconds of the commercial featured three guys standing side by side pissing on a tree and pretending they're not trying to sneak a peak at each others' johnsons. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it common courtesy to leave at least one tree between you and another pisser? Just sayin'.

Gold Club Fail [failblog]

Thanks to iron angel for hitting me with the follow up. Now hit me with those digits, girl! That is, if you are a girl. Otherwise, forget that number I gave you.

Mar 12 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Left 4 Dead Pipe Bomb Cake, I'd Detonate It -- In My Mouth!

pipe bomb cake.jpg

Loyal Geekologie Reader Ross made himself a Left 4 Dead pipe bomb cake. He had this to say about his incendiary delectable:

I made a Left 4 Dead pipe bomb cake and it sort of looks awful and awesome both at the same time.

Truer words have never been written, Ross. Am I right? I am. What was that -- who said I wasn't? Oh helllllll no -- boy, don't make me drop a nom nom bomb on that ass!

Thanks Ross, I hope it wasn't explosive on it's way out. HIYO!

Mar 12 2009 Thrill Seekers: A Ski-Jump Bathroom Stall

ski john 1.jpg

This is a bathroom stall in some Japanese ski resort that actually serves as an advertisement for a Coca-Cola coffee product (ad on toilet paper holder and back wall). As you can see, it was designed to look like a realistic ski-jump (or dump), complete with skis painted on the ground and everything. You just sit down, close your eyes, and imagine you're atop the mountain, ready to launch yourself off a cliff. Then open them and realize you've thrown yourself off the seat and shit on your leg.

Another picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Thrill Seekers: A Ski-Jump Bathroom Stall "

Mar 12 2009 Wow: What A Trillion Dollars Looks Like

trillion dollars.jpg

Remember when we showed you what a billion dollars looks like? Well this is what a trillion dollars looks like. Allegedly. That little red stick on the left is supposed to be a human, for reference. Now I'm not very good at math so I couldn't actually make any direct comparisons between the real billion dollars and this hypothetical trillion dollars, but I'd believe just about anything somebody tells me. Free candy? Just let me grab my bookbag.

This particular rendering was made through Google SketchUp, Google's 3D modeling software. Measurements were taken of a $10,000 stack of $100 bills (just half an inch thick!) and pretty much multiplied from there using simple geometry. In that trillion dollar shot, each pallet holds $100 million...and the pallets are double stacked.

Now whether this is an accurate portrayal of a trillion dollars is irrelevant. What is relevant is that I'm going to steal it. I don't care if it's just a rendering, I'll steal the computer it was made on. I'm gonna be rich! A trillion dollars, son, that's like....almost a zillion.

To Conceptualize a Trillion Dollars, We Require Computer Visualization [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who I will blame for the crime and then give half the money to once he's out of prison. Provided I haven't spent it all already (I'll have spent it all already).

Mar 12 2009 Wine: World's Most Complicated Corkscrew

This is the world's most complicated corkscrew. It not only opens a bottle, but pours it into your glass as well. The machine was allegedly made out of 300+ found parts and is going into limited production of 100 units. Which makes me wonder just how "found" the parts really were. Anybody else get the feeling they were "found" in a box of ordered supplies? Clever. But not nearly as clever as my corkscrew, which is a machete. Yeah, I learned the trick watching Big Trouble in Little China. "Nothing or double, Jack". Pork Chop Express FTW!

Now feel free to leave your favorite Big Trouble quote in the comments.

The Corkscrew a Marvel of Mechanical Artistry [uberreview]

Mar 12 2009 Superman: Perhaps A Little Too Strong

oh superman.jpg

Been there. Was not super.

Action Comics Fail [failblog]

Mar 12 2009 I'm In Love: New Samus Cosplay Girl *Swoon*

samus 1.jpg

Sweet mother of Metroid, will you look at that. In competition for sexiest Samus Aran ever is deviantartist and cosplayer Yukilefay (26-year-old Thaís Jussim). What do you think? How does she compare to the current reigning Samus? I have to admit, I was hoping she'd have a Zero Suit too, like Jenni did. Regardless, great freaking job.

The beast of a bounty hunter suit is lit by 73 battery powered LEDs and set Jussim back $350 in material costs.


Jussim, who created the suit with the help of friends and family, says the suit weighs about 23 pounds and is surprisingly not very comfortable. Who would have guessed. Jussim also reveals that there's, uh... Zero Suit Samus cosplay in the works, by the way. It's her next project.

Oh snap -- I hadn't even read that when I was writing the opener. Hot damn! I will have to reserve final judgment then until after I see the Zero Suit. But for right now, at least according to the bone-ometer, Jenni's still up by a head length.

Hit the jump for several more, including Samus at a rock concert, as well as a link to the full gallery.

Continue Reading " I'm In Love: New Samus Cosplay Girl *Swoon* "

Mar 11 2009 Who Watches The (Minifig) Watchmen?

little plastic watchmen.jpg

Apparently Sir Nadroj, who custom-made these Watchmen figures himself. Good looking, Sir. Now if you could get started on making me a set of minifigs from the Monkey Island series, that would be hot. How hot, you ask? THE BURNINATOR!!

Lego Watchmen Minifigs Are Not Official but They Are Officially Amazing
[gizmodo]

Mar 11 2009 Lincoln's Pocketwatch Contained Secret Message, Secret Not So Secret Anymore

secret watch message.jpg

Apparently a watchmaker who was repairing President Lincoln's watch on the day gunfire broke out at Fort Sumter, SC (sparking the civil war), secretly immortalized the day by engraving a note inside Lincoln's pocketwatch.

The engraving, by watchmaker Jonathan Dillon, is dated April 13, 1861, and reads in part: "Fort Sumpter was attacked by the rebels" and "thank God we have a government."


Forty-five years later, Dillon the watchmaker told The New York Times that he was repairing Lincoln's watch when he heard that the first shots of the Civil War had been fired.

Dillon said he unscrewed the dial of the watch and used a sharp instrument to mark the historic day on the president's watch. He told the newspaper that, as far as he knew, no one had ever seen the inscription.

The National Museum of American History agreed to open the watch to see if the inscription was there after being contacted by Dillon's grandson. And lo and behold -- there she blew! Apparently Lincoln never knew about it -- probably because he was too busy chopping down cherry trees. Am I right? What do you mean, "that was Washington?" Carver? I thought he was the peanut guy.

Museum finds "secret" message in Lincoln's watch [reuters]

Thanks to NTF, who found a hidden message in her Tokyoflash. It read "Made in Japan".

Mar 11 2009 They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute

robo-sub.jpg

Have kids? Well you won't for long if Saya, the robot substitute, has her way. The harbinger of death is allegedly multilingual, capable of calling roll, reading, and assigning work from textbooks. Also, scaring the shit out of your children.

Behind her latex face -- modeled on a university student -- 18 motors create expressions including happiness, surprise, fear, disgust, sadness and even anger.


Saya will start teaching after passing a trial term at a Tokyo primary.

Her creator, science professor Hiroshi Kobayashi, had been working on the robot for 15 years.

Wow, robotic substitutes -- what will they think of next? Robotic cafeteria ladies? That would suck, because I'm a boy that needs extra fish sticks, and you can't bribe a robot. Or can you? Hey Roomba, I'll oil you if you clean under the bed really well. *BEEP BOP BEEP* DOES NOT COMPUTE. You piece of shit, I knew I never should have WOOTed you.

Hit the jump to see what your robotic substitute looks like with no face.

Continue Reading " They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute "

Mar 11 2009 Race Car Controlled With Blackberry Storm

So apparently some guys programmed a Blackberry Storm to control a little toy race car using its accelerometers. Then they posted the video on Youtube. Then McLaren saw the video and contacted them about using the device to control a real race car. And that's what they did (second half of the video). Pretty neat. Sure, not as neat as controlling a race car with your mind, but hey, we'd have to go to the aliens for that technology. Which would probably require a few sacrificial probings. Just saying, I'm friends with them. Ladies? No? Okay, plan B. Effeminate gentlemen?

Youtube

Thanks to Curtis and Troy, who both know race car is the same spelled forward and backwards. It's palindromic!

Mar 11 2009 Hopside Down: It IS Worth Crying Over Spilled Beer -- And I'm Man Enough To Admit It

hopside down.jpg

Hopside Down is a beer glass by Fred & Friends that looks like an inverted bottle. It hurts my brain just to look at and I couldn't imagine myself successfully drinking out of it without pouring beer in my shoes. Still, maybe there are a few of you out there that are more skilled in the ways of drinking than yours truly. Ha, that was the biggest lie I've ever told -- nobody beats the GW at the game of life called drinking. Isn't that right, F. Scott?

The Ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald
: It's true -- I have a hangover as Big as the Ritz. I....feel Curiouser Than The Case of Benjamin Button This Side of Paradise. You sir, are indeed the Last Tycoon (BOOM -- literary headshots!). Hey, stay away from my wife!

Me: Shut up, Francis. Hey Zelda -- wanna touch my Master Sword?

Product Site

Thanks to Matt, who only drinks out of his boot because he's a real cowboy. Now let's raise and rope broncos!

Mar 11 2009 First Look At Bioshock 2's Big Sisters

bioshock big sis.jpg

I dunno, it kind of looks like the lovechild of Altair from Assassin's Creed and a steampunk G.L.A.D.O.S. from Portal. Which, I think we can all agree, makes for one hell of a sexy enemy! *wolf whistle* Hey Big Sis, come get some of this! Haha, I know that sounded wrong but I'm not taking it back.

First Image of BioShock 2's Big Sister [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian and junkyard dog, who find both find the Big Sisters even more attractive than I do, which makes them both sick in the head.

Mar 11 2009 New iPod Shuffle Speaks, Lacks Wheel

new ipod shuffle.jpg

The new iPod Shuffle's capacity has been doubled to 4GB, and now the minuscule music player doesn't have a control wheel. But how will you ever reign over your music? Simple -- with controls on the earbud cord. WHEE!

The new design keeps the clip and adds VoiceOver -- a new feature that gets around the lack of display by telling you which song is playing and who performs it at the touch of a button on the earbud cable. It'll also call out your playlists and let you navigate to others. Available in black or silver for $80 and your claim to what Apple calls the "world's smallest music player."

World's smallest music player my ass. I happen to own the world's smallest music player. It's a violin. *rubbing fingers together* Can you hear that? It's the REAL world's smallest music player playing "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath. Bitchin'!

Five minute promotional video about the new Shuffle after the jump.

Continue Reading " New iPod Shuffle Speaks, Lacks Wheel "

Mar 11 2009 Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face

claw 1.jpg

This is a picture of Dr. Claw's face from Inspector Gadget. For those of you who wanted to keep it a mystery, I'm sorry, but I was too lazy to edit a picture with a censor bar. Oh, and the Easter Bunny isn't real either -- it's just some sex offender in a rabbit costume. Geekologie: shooting straight from the hip since April, 2006.

Hit the jump for a full body shot and bonus MAD Cat.

Continue Reading " Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face "

Mar 10 2009 Geekologie Review: The Clarion MiND

MiND.JPG

WOOT -- a product review. I took the Clarion MiND to find the grave of F. Scott Fitzgerald and then, in his honor, to the bar. Hit the jump to find out how it all went down.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Review: The Clarion MiND "

Mar 10 2009 Control Your iPod With Facial Gestures

mimi.jpg

That's right, thanks to Kazuhiro Taniguchi of Osaka University, soon stopping the music on your iPod will be as simple as sticking out your ass-shaped tongue.

The Ear Switch looks like a normal set of headphones, according to an Agence France Press report, but includes a set of sensors that allows its on-board computer to measure tiny ear-canal movements.


The result, Taniguchi claimed, is that "an iPod can start or stop music when the wearer sticks his or her tongue out".

He added that the user can also skip to the next track by widely opening their eyes or skip back by winking. Other facial expressions could also be programmed to control other features.

Well that's a relief. I mean seriously, my fingers get tired of pushing all those little buttons anyways. I can see the bus now: wait, did you just wink at me? I said, STOP THE WINKING! That's it buddy, fisticuffs -- you asked for them!

Boffin unveils facial expression-controlled iPod [reghardware]

Thanks to Rick and krabivana, who control their iPods the way God intended: with child laborers.

Mar 10 2009 What If....You RAIDED 24 SSDs Together?

Apparently this is some sort of Samsung advertisement showing what you can do when you RAID 24 256GB solid state drives together. The fun includes: achieving a transfer rate of over 2GB/sec, opening all of Microsoft Office in a half-second, opening all 53 programs in the start menu in 18 seconds, and playing Crysis in high resolution. WHEE! Of course, seeing how similarly sized SSDs run $700+ apiece, this is one hell of an expensive set up. Which is why I stole it. Finally -- Jesus Crysis! PEW PEW!

Youtube

Thanks to Steven and Blinzler, who both have supercomputers in their heads. Did that just boggle your mind? Because it didn't theirs' -- they have computers for brains.

Mar 10 2009 Hamster Jackets Harness Piezoelectricity

hamster jacket.jpg

Finally. I say it's about damn time we fit our hamsters with little jackets that harness all the energy they're wasting when running incessantly in their little wheels. Also, we're harnessing the power of the wheel too, right?

To harness hamster power, the scientists sewed electricity-generating threads one-fiftieth the width of a human hair into a yellow jacket worn by the hamsters as they ran. A human-sized jacket, capable of powering an iPod, could be ready in as little as three years.


"This can totally be scaled up," said Zhong Lin 'ZL' Wang, who co-authored a paper describing the research in this month's issue of Nano Letters. "This is just the first step. The idea is that we would harvest energy from any body movement, from walking, breathing, from any kind of vibration."

Well shit, let's scale it up to dinosaurs then. I could design a hell of a piezo-electric jacket for a T-Rex. And, while I'm at it, maybe some intimates. I'm thinking something lacy with a few silk accents. Did somebody just say crotchless? I like the way you think!

Hamster jackets harness wheel-running power [msnbc]

Thanks to I Won't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking My Juice on the Geekologie, who can run in his wheel for hours.

Mar 10 2009 I Told You I'd Make It Up To You -- And I Keep My Promises: The Tokyoflash Hanko

hanko.jpg

Remember when I told you I'd make up for my lack of Tokyoflash posts lately? BA-DOW! I am a man of my word. And, as a man of his word (when his fingers aren't crossed), here comes Flash's latest: The Hanko.

Sharp black acrylic lenses reminiscent of a Japanese signature stamp give this watch its name and a newly designed stainless steel case with custom curves provide an additional design edge.


One touch of the upper button animates the sub-surface LEDs in a clockwise direction before the time is presented. Hours are shown in the centre circle of the watch, groups of five minutes are shown in the outer circle in the same position as numbers on a clock and single minutes are shown in the areas between.

Peep the diagram above to better understand how to read the time. The Hanko is available with blue, white or multi-colored LEDs and is one of Tokyoflash's most moderately priced time-receptacles, at about $97. So it might be a good model to get your feet wet -- you know, test the waters. Just be careful of the undertow. It caught hold of me and now I've got Tokyoflash watches coming out the wazoo. But -- I had to swallow them first.

Product Site

Mar 10 2009 Obama Reverses Stem Cell Research Policy

stem cell research.jpg

Obama, in a pow-pow-power move, signed an executive order (I need a pad of those) yesterday that has " cleared the way for a significant increase in federal dollars for embryonic stem cell research". Now I don't even know what that means, but I do want to clone my dog. And also, grow a tail.

"Medical miracles do not happen simply by accident," Obama declared.


Obama signed the executive order on the divisive stem cell issue and a memo addressing what he called scientific integrity before an East Room audience packed with scientists. He laced his remarks with several jabs at the way science was handled by former President George W. Bush.

"Promoting science isn't just about providing resources, it is also about protecting free and open inquiry," Obama said. "It is about letting scientists like those here today do their jobs, free from manipulation or coercion, and listening to what they tell us, even when it's inconvenient especially when it's inconvenient. It is about ensuring that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda and that we make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology."

Well rooty tooty, fresh and fruity! Maybe scientists will finally be able to unlock the secret of my seductive pheromones. Here -- lick my armpit. You taste that? It's called gin, and I sweat it. You ever made love to a man that smells like a pine tree? It's coniferous.

Obama reverses Bush-era stem cell policy [msnbc]

Thanks to Ryan, who is a huge proponent of both twig and branch cell research.

Mar 10 2009 I Like Turtles Shoes: Pet Turtle Gets Tender With Somebody's Shoe

This is a video of somebody's pet turtle having sex with a shoe. It's possibly NSFW if you carry your house on your back or live in a pond. You need to watch it with audio though, because the little guy makes the cutest squeaky noises while he's going at it. Kind of like me, but with no crying in between.

Youtube

Thanks Marc, who loves animals, but not in the way that shoe loves animals.

Mar 10 2009 Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave

vampire woman 1.jpg

What is being hailed by some as the world's first vampire remains have been discovered in a mass grave in Venice, Italy. The woman (who I suspect was a vampire-witch hybrid) was buried with a brick wedged in her mouth, which apparently has some link to being to vampiracy.

During the Middle Ages, many believed that the plague, or "Black Death," was caused by "vampires" chewing on their shrouds after death. According to Borrini, grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them from spreading the disease this way.


Borrini, of the University of Florence in Italy, says that the partial corpse he exhumed offers the earliest "exorcism evidence against vampires" to have been forensically examined.

Interesting -- so vampires are buried with stuff in their mouths? Because one time my buddy Jimmy Jimmereeno and I found a naked dead man under a bridge with his own penis stuffed in his mouth. He didn't look like like a vampire though -- he looked like a mobster.

Hit the jump for another picture of how the skeleton was found.

Continue Reading " Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave "

Mar 10 2009 Awwwwh, How Cute: ATilla The Pet AT-AT

pet atat 2.jpg

This is a little photo gallery of flickr user NickIsConfused's new pet, ATilla the AT-AT. As you can see, it's adjusting to it's new home quite nicely. Awwwwwh. You know, this really makes me want to bring home a little bundle of joy. Yeah, a brown paper one from the liquor store. It's a boy! Aaaand another boy! ZOMG, Jack and Jim -- twins!

Hit the jump for several more and another link to the flickr gallery.

Continue Reading " Awwwwh, How Cute: ATilla The Pet AT-AT "

Mar 9 2009 Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates

meat pirate 1.jpg

Want to build you own 17,000 calorie pirate ship? No problem, pick up these ingredients and then follow the picture tutorial after the jump.

Ingredients:

~20 sausages
~48 rashers of bacon
1.2kg of sausage meat
1kg of pork mince
10 franks
1kg of pastry (not 100% meat this time)
1 onion
1 mushroom
2 packets of chipolata sausages
various food colorings
sage

My god that looks delicious. I've always known I wanted to be a pirate, I just had no idea how badly I wanted to be a meatpirate. Yaaar, surrender yer sausage! Haha nothing, I'm being serious -- now drop trow ye scalawags!

Hit the jump for the making of the ship.

Continue Reading " Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates "

Mar 9 2009 Why Do Terminators Time-Travel Naked?

Because the dude responsible for beaming them up is gay. Just like the original Scotty from Star Trek.* For real, yo.

*This statement based entirely on the time he offered to buy me a drink at the bar.

Why Terminators Always Travel Through Time Naked [gizmodo]

Mar 9 2009 Cloud Umbrella Looked Better As Rendering

cloudbrella.jpg

The Cloud Umbrella is an umbrella that you blow up when it starts to rain using it's pump-handle. Then it looks like a cloud and all the passers-by get a laugh at the cleverness that is your umbrella. Just kidding. They wonder why you're carrying around bunch of white beach balls on the end of a stick. Also, seven years bad luck if you open it indoors. Speaking of which -- you know why you've had it so hard lately? Yeah, you remember that mirror I broke? Well, I told God you did it.

Cloud Umbrella keeps your head in the sky while you stay dry [dvice]

Mar 9 2009 Kangaroo Broke Into Home, Mistaken For Ninja

kangaroo.jpg

A kangroo recently broke into the home of Beat Ettlin while he and his family were sleeping. He mistook the kangaroo for a ninja and began to pummel the 90lb beast.

The 42-year-old told Sky News Online: "I just saw this black thing. I thought it was a lunatic ninja, an intruder. It just fell on top of us on the bed.

Finally, Beat was able to subdue the kangaroo in his son's room, and kick the leggy bastard out the door.

"When I got in there, it was against the wall by the window, trying to get out I think so I just jumped on top of it. I got him in a headlock and pressed him to the ground.


"I had to open the door with one hand, pressing the kangaroo to the wall with the other hand. Finally, the door opened and I could actually release it.

Good looking. Of course, how could you not kick a kangaroo out of your house with a name like Beat? That would be like being named POW and getting your ass kicked by a koala that broke in through the attic.


Oz Dad Fights Off 'Lunatic Ninja' Kangaroo [skynews]

Thanks to Alex, Jazzy 8 Ball, and Victoria, who have all punched ninja-roos in the pouch and lived to tell about it.

Mar 9 2009 The Compact Disc Turned 30 Yesterday

30 years of cds.jpg

That's right, March 8th marked the "historic demonstration of the first CD prototype codenamed 'Pinkeltje' on March 8th, 1979." Well congratulations, compact disc, I almost forgot you were still here.

While many would argue that the CD is on its way out in favor of smaller, highly portable MP3 files, the disc has definitely left a lasting mark on the industry. To date, over 3.5 billion audio CD players have been sold alongside 240 billion discs.

Damn -- that's a lot of discs! That's almost a quarter of a trillion dollars. And a trillion dollars, my friends, is how much money I have in the bank. It barely fits! Just sayin', bling bling, money ain't a thing. I'm talking skating rink ice. Ladies?

Compact Disc turns 30, MP3 doesn't bother to send a gift [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who still buys tapes because he's smart enough to understand that technology comes in cycles.

Mar 9 2009 Loewe Sound: A Cute Audio Commercial

This is a cute commercial for European-based electronics manufacturer, Loewe. The ad was designed to highlight their "extremely realistic sound", but to me it highlighted how cool a human remote-controller would be. Sorry, what was that? Haha -- you've been muted, son!

Youtube

Thanks to Florian, who accidentally hit the power button and killed his roommate.

Mar 9 2009 Typing By Taste: A White Chocolate Keyboard

white chocolate.jpg

It's a keyboard. It's white chocolate. Aaaand that's all I've got. I don't think it's full-sized. It might be though. But I doubt it. Also, if you ladies out there like white chocolate, that's what I'm made of. But if you don't like white chocolate, then I'm milk chocolate. Unless you don't like chocolate at all, in which case I'm caramel -- sticky sweet and drizzled all over your sundae. I don't even know what that means but I am so craving a banana split right now. Do you like strawberry topping, baby? Awh yeah. How about that pineapple stuff? See, I hate that shit. I don't think this is gonna work out after all.

Teclado de chocolate blanco [noquedanblogs]

Thanks to Romeo, who is allegedly made out of Magic Shell if any of you ladies are interested.

Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword

beltsword 1.jpg

The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.

Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.

Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "

Mar 8 2009 Souper!: b/c 'The Plane' Doesn't Always Work

souperhero.jpg

If there's one thing I learned about feeding kids it's that you have to take the tape off their mouths or they spill all over themselves. And then the daycare starts questioning your credentials and arrest history. Thankfully, you caught the manager banging the married parent of one of your charges so you're pretty much indispensable despite your penchant for getting high in the custodial closet and drinking the Mop & Glo. Anyway, for those of you who can't get their kids to eat without "HERE COMES THE PLANE, NEEEEEOOOWWW"ing it into their fat little faces, here's comes the SOUPER! from Fred & Friends. It's a spoon that looks like a superhero action figure. It's great for both cereal and beanie weenies and will be available next month for about $12. But, if you can't wait that long, you can always rip a G.I. Joe's head off and wedge a spoon down his neck hole. Because that's what we did during the war, and knowing is half toe battle. I'm talking trench foot, bitches.

Product Page

Thanks to Chris, who doesn't need a souperhero spoon to eat because he's hooked up to a chocolate milk IV. Nice Chris, I like your style.

Mar 8 2009 Yikes!: Scary Robo-Kid Is No Child Of Mine

The iCub is an iStupidly named robot-child created by the RobotCub Consortium in Italy (not to be confused with Opus Dei). He was designed to have the movement and learning capabilities of a three-year old child and a face only a mother could love. A really loving mother. A blind one with no ears or sense of feeling in her hands.

The iCub is able to crawl and walk, make human-like eye and head movements and recognise and grasp objects like a toddler, scientists say.


'It's hoped the iCub will develop its cognitive capabilities in the same way as a child, progressively learning about its own bodily skills, how to interact with the world and eventually how to communicate with other individuals.'

Oh man, it seems like only yesterday I first learning about my own "bodily skills". Awh yeah -- you know the one I'm talking about: I can pull my thumb back all the way!

Meet iCub - the robot that moves and learns like a child [dailymail]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Remo, Annie, Justin, Kyle and The Random Factor, who would never give birth to this thing.

Mar 8 2009 Wow: Over 64,000 Years Of Halo 3 Played

halo 3.jpg

That's right folks, if you add up all the individual hours people have played Halo 3, it comes out to over 64,000 years.

The billionth game of Halo 3 was played last Saturday. Bungie then calculated the play time of every online match - not counting custom maps - and it reaches 2,023,153,340,764 seconds, which equals out to roughly 64,000 years.


To further drive home the point of how huge of a number that is, they mentioned that 64,000 years ago neanderthal walked the Earth and modern man hadn't yet set foot in Asia.

Some guy in the comments went on to speculate that a low-ball estimate of World of Warcraft gameplay was up around 750,000 years. Either way, I'm crying. And not because we haven't cured cancer either it's just that *sniff* I'm so damn proud of you guys.

Halo 3 reaches one billion matches and 64,000 years of play time [omghalo]

Thanks to Mark, who contributed not one but 10,000 of those years.

Mar 7 2009 Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery

r13_17010111.jpg

This is a little gallery of scary-ass robots that want to kill you so they can mate with your computer. This particular model is called "My Spoon" and was designed to help people with no arms or really sucky arms to eat. As you can see, it's about to choke out Japanese Health Minister Yoichi Masuzoe. God knows what's it's gonna do to him once he's out, but I suspect use his body as a breeding chamber for an army of nanobots. These nanobots will then invade our fresh water supply and, quite possibly, clog your faucet.

Hit the jump for gallery, and then hit the link at the end for a much larger, HD gallery with explanations of which each of the doomsday machines does.

Continue Reading " Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery "

Mar 7 2009 Sleek Computer Case Designed By BMW

bmw case.jpg

This is a prototype computer case designed by BMW and Thermaltake. It's called 'Level 10' and would get the shit stomped out of it by my 'Level 80' Paladin.

What a brilliant idea -- let's stop hiding PC components inside boxes, shine them up in stainless steel and black air-directing shrouds, and leave those innards out in the open for all to see. The concept is similar to those lofts with all the exposed piping and ventilation ductwork. It's positively postmodern.

Uh, am I the only once that noticed it doesn't look anything like a car? WTFBMW? Seriously, call me back when it has anti-lock brakes and a leather interior. Oh, and heated seats.

Level 10: the inside-out PC from an alternate dimension [dvice]

Thanks to DZ and Gingerbird, who once joyrode a BMW straight into a lake.

Mar 7 2009 Japanese Astronaut To Perform Highly Questionable Space Experiments

iffy space science.jpg

A Japanese astronaut is set to perform a number of worthless experiments this month while aboard the International Space Station in an attempt to piss off taxpayers and win over schoolchildren.

Koichi Wakata will perform 16 tasks chosen from 1,597 suggested by hundreds of people, from nursery school pupils to a 90-year-old man, said the official at the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA).


Wakata will try "a magic carpet that floats in the air" after he reaches the Japanese laboratory Kibo (Hope) at the International Space Station (ISS) later in March for a stay of more than three months, said a JAXA report.

Wakata will also attempt to fold clothes, do push-ups and backflips, arm-wrestle another astronaut and "shoot liquid out of the straw of a drink container to see what happens", said the space agency.

Wow, that sounds....boring. How about you actually perform a few of the experiments I suggested, JAXA? For example: is getting drunk in space as awesome as I imagine? And, if so, is it easy to clean up puke? Lastly, are morbidly-obese people REALLY weightless in space? Because last summer I rode a centrifuge at the county fair and this one fat lady kept sliding down the wall.

Japan astronaut to try flying carpet in space lab: official [physorg]

Thanks to Fred, who wants to know if free-dried ice cream is complimentary for astronauts or if you have to pay for it like at Space Camp.

Mar 7 2009 Mmmm, Rorschach-y: Watchmen Desserts

watchmen 1.jpg

Loyal Geekologist Martin has a friend (Jack) who made a cake honoring The Comedian in anticipation of Watchmen, which dropped in theaters yesterday. Also, they made some delicious Rorschach brownies, which I featured after the jump and have been staring at for the past twenty minutes. Tell me, what do you see? If you answered "NOM NOMs" or "a vampire fondling a mermaid in a whirlpool", you are correct. Anything else and you're a crazy person or in love with your mother.

Hit it for the rest of the deliciousness.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Rorschach-y: Watchmen Desserts "

Mar 6 2009 Eye Candy: The Best Of Google Street View

google 1.jpg

This is a gallery of some of the best of Google Street Views. Most of the pictures are unexplainable, so feel free to make up your own story as to what's happening. Here, I'll get you started.

"THAT'S MY BIKE PUNK!"

Hit the jump for 14 more of the craziness.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: The Best Of Google Street View "

Mar 6 2009 Real Product Review Coming!: Clarion MiND

clarionMiND.jpg

That's right folks, a real, honest-to-God product review from yours truly. It should be up in the next couple of days and will cover the Clarion MiND (Mobile Internet Navigation Device). Per the manufacturer:

Combining personal GPS navigation and real-time Points of Interest (POI) with Internet based entertainment and full web browsing, the easily portable and pocketable Clarion MiND Mobile Internet Navigation Device provides rich GPS navigation with full PC-like Internet browsing capabilities thanks to its 4.8-inch, 800 x 480-pixel touchscreen. You can connect to the Internet via Wi-Fi at home, in the office or via hotspots out and about in the city. The ClarionMiND also allows for Internet connectivity via Bluetooth when paired with a mobile phone.

Expect pictures of my hands, and, if you're lucky, maybe even some of my car's dash! Now, is there anything in particular you want to know before I punch in the address of the nearest liquor store and massage parlor? Ask away, then stay tuned for the lowdown. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm totally not driving without a license.

Hit the jump for some wack-ass commercial for the thing.

Continue Reading " Real Product Review Coming!: Clarion MiND "

Mar 6 2009 Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center

giant remote.jpg

Why? Because pushing little buttons with your thumbs is for little sissies. You need MAN-LEGS to stomp MAN-SIZED BUTTONS to prove you are a REAL MAN. *SHA-POW* Look, I just punched a hole to the center of the galaxy with my MAN-FIST. That doesn't even make sense but it doesn't have to because I am so full of MAN-RAGE. NOW I'M HUMPING A SODA MACHINE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO MORE DR. PEPPER? RAWR!

Our intrepid modder achieved his goal by stitching together two PS2 Dance Dance Revolution mats, a PS2-to-PC controller converter box, and some homebrew source code.

What were we just talking about? Oh right, a giant controller. That thing is mad stupid. I would stomp right through that sucker and into the apartment below mine because my legs are like tree trunks -- wooden. 'Tis true, lost 'em both to the Kraken. YAAARR!

Hit the jump to see a video of the controller in action.

Continue Reading " Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center "

Mar 6 2009 Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming This Fall

beatles rock band.jpg

Want to play Beatles songs on Rock Band? Well get excited about September then, because "The Beatles: Rock Band" is coming.

Apple Corps, the band's music label, has strayed from its historical aversion to digital distribution of music by working with Harmonix and MTV Games to release the new title, which creators call "an unprecedented, experimental progression through and celebration of the music and artistry of The Beatles."


Apple Corps and Viacom Inc.'s MTV Networks announced the new game on Thursday, saying it would be priced at $59.99. For an additional $99.99, fans can purchase instruments similar to those used by the Beatles.

WHOOOOOWEEEE! I can finally go to bed at night knowing Beatles music is coming Rock Band. And also, that ghosts are real. WHOA -- DID YOU HEAR THAT? Sounded like chains being dragged across the floor. *grabbing flashlight* I'm going to investigate....

Haha, forgot to unchain the kids from the dishwasher after dinner. I swear, those rascals.

Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming In September [redorbit]

Thanks to MIKE, who used to get high with the Beatles before his company started randomly piss testing.

Mar 6 2009 Wicked Stop-Motion Video Of LEGO Minifigs Building The Millennium Falcon


We've already featured two different videos of people constructing the 5,195 piece LEGO Millennium Falcon, but this one is better. Why? Because LEGO minifigs are the ones doing the building! An ungodly number of hours went into the making of this video, so I'm really glad somebody else made it before I had to. Because I don't have time for that. Or getting up to go to the bathroom. Now somebody come empty my bag, but whatever you do: DON'T SQUEEZE IT LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME. You ruptured my bladder and now I've got urine floating around inside me.

The Building of the Lego Millennium Falcon: The Definitive Movie
[gizmodo]

Mar 6 2009 It's On eeeeeeBay: Pac-Man Neon Light Set

pac man neon 1.jpg

Looking for a set of Pac-Man neon lights for your rumpus room? No? How about the game room? Well you're in luck, because eBay seller JNN2728 is selling them joints! There' a five-piece set available with all the characters you see here, or you can buy them individually. Current bidding for the set is at $151. Bidding on the individual characters is around $10-$30. No idea what they'll actually go for. But a word of warning if you do decide to bid: be careful where you put the Man of Pac, I've heard he likes to munch the carpet -- Ms. Pac-Man too. HIYO, lesbian! Love you women.

Hit the jump for a closeup and a link to the auctions.

Continue Reading " It's On eeeeeeBay: Pac-Man Neon Light Set "

Mar 6 2009 Delicious!: Bubble Buddy Blows Bacon Flavored Bubbles For Your Dog Or Child!

bacon bubble buddy.jpg

Sure bubble guns have existed forever, but not BACON flavored bubbles! That's right, now you can blow bacon, chicken, or peanut butter flavored bubbles for your favorite pooch or small child.

Dogs love these yummy scented bubbles. You can use these dog bubbles with the included bubble wands or with any bubble machine, bubble blower, bubble gun or bubble shooter for dogs. One thing's for sure: your dog is gonna love popping all those flavored bubbles! 100% non-toxic bubbles are and safe for dogs and kids.

The gun costs $9.25 and 2-packs of bubbles are $4.25. Cheap! Fun! Delicious! I couldn't find any nutritional info, but I'm sure it's safe to say that drinking a whole bottle constitutes a well balanced meal. *GLUG GLUG GLUG* Mmmm, bacon-y. *BURP* Oooh -- just as delicious coming back up! WHEE, BUBBLES!

Product Site

Thanks to Alex, who marinated a Bacon Explosion in bacon bubbles and swears it was delicious.

Mar 6 2009 FAKE!: Magnetic Photoshop Picture Boards

photoshop boards.jpg

From meninos, the same company that's bringing us tampon flash drives, comes some Photoshop/Illustrator picture boards. They're basically magnetic whiteboards that come with magnet sets that look like the various Photoshop/Illustrator toolboxes. The toolbox magnets for either program will set you back $25, $65 with a 20" magnetic board, and $80 with a 30" board. So buy one for your cubicle, and then start hanging all your memos/emails. That way when your boss comes by to ask why you haven't done jackshit for the day, you can tell him the most recent memo was clearly a fake, and has been Photoshopped -- you could tell because the shadows were all wrong. You will then be applauded for your detective skills and promoted. Or fired. Hopefully fired.

Hit the jump to see closeups of the two magnet sets.

Continue Reading " FAKE!: Magnetic Photoshop Picture Boards "

Mar 5 2009 Docking: What The Hell Did I Just Watch?


I really have no idea what I just watched but it reminded me of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Also, I think it carried a powerful message. One about doing it. In space.

Docking [vimeo]

Thanks to C, who has actually done it in space and always tells me the story and it makes me so jealous.

Mar 5 2009 It'll Get You Drunk!: The McNuggitini *HORF*

mcnuggetini.jpg

The McNuggitini is a cocktail inspired by the deliciousness that is a McDonald's (all clay) milkshake and Chicken McNuggets (which do constitute an emergency).

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don't tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).


My goodness that sounds....puke in my mouth-y. I do like vodka though. But I only take it ultra-neat. I'm talking straight to the vein, folks -- mainlining! ALL ABOARD THE PASS-OUT EXPRESS, NEXT STOP: BATHROOM FLOOR. CHOO CHOO!

Hit the link if you want to see a pictorial of the McNuggitini experience featuring Alie and Georgia.

In Which Georgia Gives You The McNuggetini [thisrecording]

Thanks to Tank and Bronson, who, not to be outdone, invented the Fillet O' Fishtini.

Mar 5 2009 Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server

ice cream robot.JPG

I just don't get it -- why take the chance? What's wrong with paying some pimply adolescent $6/hour to serve ice cream? You have to look at his ugly face, that's what. Still, I want the record to show that I am anti-robotic ice cream server.

These Kuka industrial robots were programmed by 26 students over 5 weeks to serve ice cream (with toppings!) to attendees at Ohio Northern University's homecoming festivities.

Well, like the saying goes, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for HOLY SHIT THAT ROBOT HAS SPRINKLES -- HIT THE DECK!!!"

Hit the jump for a relatively boring 5-minute video about the servers of death.

Continue Reading " Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server "

Mar 5 2009 Blind Man Sees The Light With Bionic Eye

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Ron is a 73-year old who went blind 30 years ago due to mysterious circumstances (the article didn't say). He hasn't been able to see anything since. I'm talking nothing. Pure blackness. But now, thanks to bionic eye surgery, he can finally see the light (again). Did somebody say laser vision? PEW PEW!

It uses a camera and video processor mounted on sunglasses to send captured images wirelessly to a tiny receiver on the outside of the eye. In turn, the receiver passes on the data via a tiny cable to an array of electrodes which sit on the retina - the layer of specialised cells that normally respond to light found at the back of the eye.


When these electrodes are stimulated they send messages along the optic nerve to the brain, which is able to perceive patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to which electrodes have been stimulated.

He says he can now follow white lines on the road, and even sort socks, using the bionic eye, known as Argus II.

Whoa whoa whoa -- let's slow down a minute. I'm all for bionic eyes, but don't you think it's a little early to be out on the road? Just saying. Quick Ron, how many fingers am I holding up? *POW* -- a fistful! Ron, can you see me? Ron? Uh-oh. Bionic eyes aren't expensive, are they? Looks like he might need a nose too.

Bionic eye gives blind man sight [bbcnews]

Thanks to Mal, who can see you through the internet. Mal, now describe to me what the ladies are wearing.

Mar 5 2009 Little Moon Spotted Hiding In Saturn's Rings

little moon.jpg

Saturn, the second largest moon-whore in the solar system (behind Jupiter), has been caught hiding another trick in one of it's outer rings. What a slut!

The discovery of what appeared to astronomers as a faint, moving pinprick of light, was announced by the International Astronomical Union.


The international Cassini spacecraft spotted the small moon, which measures about a third of a mile wide.

Pfft -- 1/3 mile wide? That ain't no moon. That ain't even a moonlet. That, my friends, is a moonatoid. Come get some, Pluto!

'Moonlet' Found in Outer Saturn Ring [discovery]

Thanks to tarastars, who once stole a moon from Neptune and sold it at a yard sale to buy a video game.

Mar 5 2009 Wait, Where'd He Go?: Urban Camoflauge

urban camo 1.jpg

There's a robot war to be fought, and regular camo simply won't do. Enter Urban Camouflage, a new kind of outwear that keeps you safe and hidden from a robot's lifeless stare. Urban camouflage comes in three different styles: boxes, bags, and, um, file folders or something. Hit the jump to see them all. Then make your own and practice hiding. LOOK OUT -- ROBOT BEHIND YOU! Haha -- not really, but I wanted you to realize the importance of the situation. Now go change your pants and make some camo.

Hit it for the rest and a link to a much larger gallery.

Continue Reading " Wait, Where'd He Go?: Urban Camoflauge "

Mar 5 2009 New Mechanical Puzzles Available Soon

A new breed of mechanical puzzle is available for all of you who are tired of your Rubik's Cube, Ball or DodecaWTF. They're called MindStrat Puzzles, and they would drive me freaking crazy. Possibly to the point of punching a whole through the wall and catching the neighbor fapping away in his apartment.

A new type of mechanical puzzles has been invented (and patented) by Greek-Australian Pantazis Constantine Houlis. Unlike traditional twisty puzzles (like Rubik's cube), these are based on gravity. Pyramids are placed inside a sphere, and the sphere keeps the 3D-shape defined by the pyramids, intact. The goal is to shift around the pyramids until all the corners or the sides of the 3D-shape have the same color.

Some of the toys are available now, for $20-$25, and other models will be dropping in the next couple months. So get on it. And then get on this. I'm talking about me. Oh yeah, we're grinding. We're grinding out on the dance floor aren't we? Yeah, good stuff! Oh -- and you're leaving. Come back -- this boner is awkward. *DOOT DOO DOO*

Hit the jump for three more videos of other models, and another link to the product website, in case you missed it in the text.

Continue Reading " New Mechanical Puzzles Available Soon "

Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

robot love.jpg

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.


Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

Mar 4 2009 Star Trek Inspired Colognes Coming Soon To A Galaxy Near You (Hint: The Milky Way)

star trek cologne 1.jpg

What could possibly be better than smelling like the original Star Trek television series? Nothing! Well, besides smelling like me. *WHIFF* Mmmm, chili-cheese dogs. Really drives the bitches wild. I'm serious, Chloe and Ginger are literally fighting over my shirt. CUT IT OUT YOU TWO -- no walk later unless you're good! Created by Genki Wear, there will be three different scents to choose from:

Tiberius
The Tiberius cologne, named in honor of the Mirror Universe James T. Kirk's challenges users to "Boldly Go" with a perfume described as being spiked with "notes of freshness and sensuality.

Red Shirt

Genki's "Red Shirt" cologne (whose tag line "Because Tomorrow May Never Come" is priceless) celebrates the sacrifices of those often nameless crew of the USS Enterprise. Described appropriately as a cologne for those with a "devotion to living each day as it could be your last" the cologne has top notes of green mandarin, bergamot, and lavender, with base notes of leather and grey musk.

Pon Farr
The most risqué titled of the new Star Trek fragrances is "Ponn Farr" which is a perfume designed to "drive him wild." It should only be used once every seven years (okay, that isn't true). Named for the Vulcan mating ritual first introduced in the episode "Amok Time," this perfume is one of the newly designed products meant to appeal to female fans.


Eh, I'm not crazy about any of them. No, I think I'll be saving my fragrance dollar for Eau de KHAAAAAAAN!

Hit the jump for a picture of Tiberius.

Continue Reading " Star Trek Inspired Colognes Coming Soon To A Galaxy Near You (Hint: The Milky Way) "

Mar 4 2009 Woman Calls 911 Over McNugget Emergency

NOTE: Video consists of the calls to 911.

Not once. Not twice. But three times did Latreasa Goodman call 911 about the lack of McNuggets at her local McDonald's and the manager's unwillingness to give her a refund.

When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

I'm with you, Latreasa -- McNuggets ARE an emergency. I've nearly killed cashiers for less. Like that time they told me the McFlurry machine was broken -- I was over the counter and had dude's hand in a deep fryer before you could say Value Meal.

A McNuggets "Emergency"
[thesmokinggun]

Thanks to Jason and Tank, who have both called 911 because they didn't get the toys they wanted their Happy Meals.

Mar 4 2009 Cat Truck Designed To Pick Up Girls

cat truck.jpg

This is a 1998 Dodge Truck that some guy heavily modded to look like a giant pink cat. A veritable kitty-magnet, if you will. It's currently for sale in Central Ottawa, Canada for $10K.

I have a dodge truck cut in half to make this cat mobile. It has a turbo charger, air intake, neons, aftermarket exhaust, headers and a cat body kit. Made to pick up GIRLS, THEY LOVE IT.

Of course they do. Wait -- didn't I see you circling the middle school?

1998 Dodge [usedottawa]

Thanks to Chris, who picks up chicks the way God intended: with a giant claw.

Mar 4 2009 Fully Automated, Computer Controlled Shower Will Kill You While You Bathe, I'm Sure Of It

serious shower.jpg

The Aquapeutics (now to be known as AquaPEWtics) luxury steam shower has everything a person could want, plus a whole bunch of other crap, and a $4,300 pricetag.

This spaceship-worthy shower is loaded up with two handheld showers, a waterproof LCD TV, a radio, massage jets, a steam box, overhead lights, an alarm, and other crazy crap. The whirlpool and steamshower are computerized, letting you set your program to run when you get in, and it's all very fancy.

I WANT IT! I heard it even washes your balls and polishes them to a shine. Which, I think we can all agree, while painful, would be well worth the shellacking. QUICK -- LOOKIE HERE! Haha, blinded you.

Aquapeutics shower is just a little bit over the top [dvice]

Mar 4 2009 Now You're Cooking!: Wii Breakfast

This is video of a fake video game called Wii Breakfast. It's similar to Cooking Mama, except fake and with way more peripherals. And speaking of breakfast....

OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOOZEHOUNDS DRANK THE LAST OF MY GIN?

Youtube

Thanks to Jillian, who is more than welcome to come over and cook breakfast whenever she likes. Just a heads up though, Jillian -- I like my eggs like I like my panyhose: runny.

Mar 4 2009 Bling Bling: Tokyoflash's Kasai Sensai

kisai 1.jpg

I know, it's been a little while since the last Tokyoflash, and I'm sorry. I never meant for it to go so long. I hope I can make it up to you. Here, here's some flowers I picked from the neighbor's yard. Kiss and make up? Maybe just a little peck? Okay, well how about a hug? I promise not to cop a feel this time. Oh -- oh -- haha, I had my fingers crossed!

With a surface made up of positive shapes and negative lines, Sensai has been intricately designed on different levels to create a look that takes the Kisai series to the next dimension.


A single touch of the upper button initiates a rotating animation before the remaining LEDs show the time. Twelve red LEDs represent hours, eleven green LEDs represent groups of five minutes and four yellow LEDs represent single minutes.

Available now for 240 bones, you can choose either a black or silver case, and black or silver strap. Feel free to mix and match! After all, variety is the spice of life. And I, ladies and gentlemen, am the herb of love. Cook with me?

Hit the jump for a couple closeups and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Bling Bling: Tokyoflash's Kasai Sensai "

Mar 4 2009 Game Over Man, Game Over!: An Aliens PS3

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Tattoo artist and casemoder 'givintats' went and made himself an Aliens inspired PS3 case. It was created "using hand-sculpted layers of epoxy putty, that looks like a hard metal when dried, often used to mend dented car fenders." Nice. And is there anything more awesome than an Aliens PS3? Yes, an Aliens PS3 that can play XBox games. Did your head just explode by my suggestion of awesomeness? It's true, I have the power of suggestive thought. Don't believe me? You should take your shirt off right now. Wait -- damnit, hold on. You should put your shirt back on. Now, ladies only -- you should take your shirt off right now. Awh yeah! Hypnotics, baby -- I have them. Now touch your nipple.

Hit the jump for two more shots.

Continue Reading " Game Over Man, Game Over!: An Aliens PS3 "

Mar 4 2009 Tired Of Rubik's Cube? Try A Pentaminx

petaminx.jpg

The Pentaminx is basically a Rubik's Cube on steroids. But not the oral ones -- I'm talking the kind you have to shoot into your buttcheeks.

While the original design was created by Andrew Cormier, the completed Petaminx puzzle you see above was cast and hand-assembled by Jason, who clearly has the patience of a saint. So what goes into a masterpiece like this? All-in-all there are 975 individual parts not including the 1,212 stickers that each had to be placed by hand, one at a time. Overall the Petaminx took about 75 hours to complete including the molding process, cleaning the parts, assembly and finish.

Whatever you do, don't tell this poor bastard -- he's pissed away enough of his life already. But me, pfft, I could solve that joint in like a minute. Check it -- *twist twist twist* *twist twist twist* *twist twist -- POW!* Haha -- you just got dodec'ed the hell out, son!

Hit the jump for a video of the first mix-up.

Continue Reading " Tired Of Rubik's Cube? Try A Pentaminx "

Mar 3 2009 BEEP BOOP BOP: What R2-D2 Really Meant

NOTE: VIDEO'S SUBTITLES ARE NSFW.

This is a video of what R2-D2 really meant when he was beepity-booping and whirlity whirling. Obviously, the subtitles are NSFW because he's a pretty angry little droid. And can you blame him? The guy gets no respect. Like me after I rescued that kid from a tree. So what if it was partially my fault he was up there in the first place. He wanted to sit on the rocket-bike.

Hit the jump for another, longer video.

Continue Reading " BEEP BOOP BOP: What R2-D2 Really Meant "

Mar 3 2009 Batman Hoodie: All You Need To Fight Crime

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Now that's what I call a freaking hoodie. You don this sucker and evildoers will KNOW you mean business. Or pleasure. You can even zip it up over your face and see out through the mesh holes. Sweet! They'll run you $74-$78 dollars depending on size and are available HERE. Now go get one. Then you can roam your local mall looking for criminals. Quick, over by Hot Topic -- mugging in progress! Oh, false alarm -- rebellious teen arguing with his mom over a novelty t-shirt.

New Batman Hoodie Probably Won't Protect You Against Bullies [gizmodo]

Mar 3 2009 Master Chief/Warthog Transformer On eBay

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We've already seen a Master Chief Transformer here on Geekologie, but quite frankly -- can I call you Frank? No? Well surely -- ooooh, I like that, can I call you Shirley? And, I dunno, maybe you could do your hair up in pigtails and wear one of those 50's poodle skirts? YOW YOW! Well, you think about it.

Up for auction is a custom built Transformer of Master Chief from the Halo series of games. A quick transformation turns him from the iconic Spartan soldier into a battle ready Warthog LRV . Stands 5 1/4" tall when transformed and comes with a variety of weapons including a Sniper Rifle, Spike Grenade, and Warthog turret. Built from a McFarlane Master Chief figure, an Actionclix Wartog and an Autobot Hound transformer, many hours of work have been put into this to make it a faithfull representation of both the vehicle and the character. I've had fun building this, and hope you enjoy it as well.

Hey, not bad. One time I tried to make my own Transformer out of different toys but I got frustrated and just ended up gluing one of my sister's Barbie heads on a G.I. Joe.

"Hawk, your new hair is so soft, I want to comb it."
"Hawk don't play that sissy shit, boy."
"Oh Hawk, you remember your buddy Snake Eyes -- remember what happened with the hair spray and the matches?"
"Make me pretty, boy!"

Hit the jump for some more pictures and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " Master Chief/Warthog Transformer On eBay "

Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy

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This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.

R Rated Gadgets: Wolverine Blow Up Toy [walyou]

Mar 3 2009 Cool!: Albino Dolphin Spotted In The Wild

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A pink bottlenose dolphin was spotted swimming in Lake Calcasieu in Louisiana. It is believed to be the only of its kind.

'The mammal is entirely pink from tip to tail and has reddish eyes indicating it's albinism. The skin appears smooth, glossy pink and without flaws. I have spotted it about 40 to 50 times in the time since the original sighting as it has apparently taken up residence with its family in the Calcasieu Ship Channel.


'As time has passed he has grown and sometimes ventures away from its mother to feed and play but always remains in the vicinity of the pod.

'Surprisingly, it does not appear to be drastically affected by the environment or sunlight as might be expected considering its condition, although it tends to remain below the surface a little more than the others in the pod.'

ZOMG, how cute! And by cute I mean pink. I LOVE PINK DOLPHINS! Look, I just drew one and slid it into the cover of my Trapper Keeper. What can I say, I'm sensitive. And also, hungry. Did somebody say sushi? My stomach did! And also, "the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected". Shit, I ate my phone!

Hit the jump for two more of the magical beast.

Continue Reading " Cool!: Albino Dolphin Spotted In The Wild "

Mar 3 2009 I'm Having A Heavy Day: USB Tampon Drives