A six-year old (possibly Lil Derrick) missed the school bus and did what any responsible, education-loving tyke would do -- stole his parents' 2005 Ford Taurus and drive his damn self. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Super villains don't cry though. I ain't no little bitch!
He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.
The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.
"He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."
Damn, what a student he must be! I think we've got a future rocket scientist on our hands here. Just kidding, he'll be locked up in no time.
Thanks to Chris and Kevin, who never stole cars to get to school because those mutherf***ers had jetpacks, yo!