Like I Really Needed Any More Proof: Foolish Scientists Teach Monkeys To Control Robots With Their Minds, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

May 29, 2008


If there's one thing I hate in the world it's robots. And that hate is only trumped by cute little monkeys in laboratories controlling robots with their brains. F'ing a. So yeah, a bunch of scientists that deserve to have their diplomas and lab jackets revoked have taught some monkeys to feed themselves using robotic arms using only their brains. Because this is supposed to help us in one way or another.

The animals were able to feed themselves using prosthetic arms, which were controlled by brain activity.

Small probes, the width of a human hair, were inserted into the monkeys' primary motor cortex - the region of the brain that controls movement.

"The more we understand about the brain, the better we'll be able to treat a wide range of brain disorders, everything from Parkinson's disease and paralysis to, eventually, Alzheimer's disease and perhaps even mental illness."

I call shenanigans. These scientists don't give two flying monkey shits about curing disease. The sick bastards are building a primate-controlled robot army to kill us all. Now let's go smash up their lab and free those poor little monkeys. Who's with me? Come on, it'll be fun. We'll get drunk as shit on the ride back and make the monkeys drive.

Video of the poor little guy in action after the jump.

Monkey's brain controls robot arm [bbcnews]

Thanks to Barrie, Liz, Andrew, Sid, Ken, Caitlin, Josh and Daniel for bringing this doomsday prophecy to my attention.

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