Sometimes it's a good idea to take a break from the inevitable human destruction by robots and read a beautiful, heartwarming story about a balding penguin. And this, my friends, is that story.
Pierre, a dapper 25-year old African penguin at the California Academy of Sciences, was going bald around his ass (I'm having trouble relating, Pierre) and getting too cold to dive into the water and swim around.
Unlike marine mammals, which have a layer of blubber to keep them warm, penguins rely on their waterproof feathers. Without them, Pierre was unwilling to plunge into the academy's penguin tank and ended up shivering on the sidelines while his 19 peers played in the water. "He was cold; he would shake," said Pam Schaller, a senior aquatic biologist at the academy.
*sniffle* So what did the good people do? They made the little guy a custom wetsuit. And it worked -- he started swimming and diving again. Now Pierre has regrown some of his feathers, is back to being alpha-male, and is even boning his mate again. He is currently being weaned off the wetsuit, and will once again swim au-naturel. Which, incidentally, I can totally relate to. I freaking love swimming naked. Or, you know, just hanging out by the kiddy pool in the front yard, drinking beer and watching traffic go by. If I ever have to stand up for any reason I just cover my junk with a koozie. Are you with me Pierre? Hell yeah you are little buddy, high flipper!
Thanks to Matt, who looks damn good in a tuxedo himself, for the tip