Thought Screen Helmet: Stop Alien Abductions

December 5, 2007

alien-hats.jpg has nothing to do with kids being snatched by men in unmarked white vans who wave candy around. No, we're talking alien abductions here. The site explains how to make a helmet out of 3M Velostat that prevents aliens from controlling your brain through the use of microwave signals. Apparently they work really well. The following testimonials are from the two people in the picture, girl first.

I have been abducted by aliens for years... the Thought Screen Helmet, invented by an expert, has stopped the unwelcome visitations and has raised me and my family`s quality of life. Therefore I highly recommend it.
Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.

Well there you have it. But be warned, while highly effective, they're not foolproof.

The thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans. Only two failures from standard thought screen helmets have been reported since 1998. A third failure in 2005 was from a cloth helmet with a smaller square area of Velostat and a Velcro strap which was easily removed by an alien hybrid.

Hey, it's better than nothing. I'm actually making one and typing this at the same time. I value my ass, and the last thing I need is some boogily eyed creep from outer space jamming things up it. Unless it's that hot purple one with three knockers that did it last time. She's fine. But not the ones with talons and shit, not them, they're not gentle.

Thanks always to Ben Hur, a man who can control aliens with his own brain and has no need for a stupid helmet

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