Oct 31 2007 Smash The Hell Out Of A $6,020 Chair

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The Do Hit Chair is ridiculous. It's a 0.04" thick steel cube that costs $6,020. The idea is that you take a sledgehammer or anything else to it and beat it to shit, until you've got something in the shape that you want. If you screw it up you're f'ed. You'll probably end up with something that resembles a sharp metal shiv just itching to tear you a new a-hole. Because that's exactly what it'll be. I just can't believe this thing. The last time I spent $6,000 on furniture it was for my wife's new breasts, and those things are comfortable as hell. This thing just looks painful.

One more of a sweaty man after a job (horribly) well done after the jump.

Continue Reading " Smash The Hell Out Of A $6,020 Chair "

Oct 31 2007 Best Product Ever Ever Ever: The Wine Rack

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The Wine Rack, made by thebeerbelly.com (who also produce a fake beer belly to sneak beer/liquor into places) is a sports bra looking alcohol container! That's right ladies (and sick men), now you can sneak booze into the movies for me. For only $30 you can buy my undying love and affection. I've always dreamed of suckling bourbon from a woman's teat, and now my dream is reality. This would be perfect for my girlfriend, because she's flatter than hell. Did I just say that? I was lying, she's concave. No boobies whatsoever. No word on when they'll be available, but suffice it to say this will be the hottest present of the year. And ladies: If you don't mind wearing the Wine Rack for me, I'm yours forever. I'll even cook and do the laundry. Just kidding, you know that's your job.

Product Site via [ohgizmo]

Oct 31 2007 Happy Halloween From Two Major Dorks

So these two guys dressed up as iPhones for some Halloween party, complete with LCD displays.

LOL People on digg think we stole these displays from apple LOL. But we didn't it's just an LCD tv hooked into a video ipod. We edited the display video and cut out all the zoom out shots. We don't work for apple or anything. I'm a DJ and Bobby is in a rock band. That's part of the ponytail thing LOL.

Damn that guy finds everything funny doesn't he, with all his LOLing. You might think I called them dorks in the headline because I'm jealous I don't have an LCD screen lying around to incorporate into a f'ing Halloween costume. Well you're wrong. I called them dorks because they can't dance worth shit. Notice how they don't have any candy? That's because they suck.

iPhone sez Happy Halloween [core77]

Oct 31 2007 Go Green: Water Plants With Dishwater

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Erdem Selek has developed the Planter Dish Drip, which is a planter you can put your just-washed dishes in and let them drip onto a plant, watering it. Apparently people waste upwards of a couple gallons of water per year not using their dishwater. Great idea, but I suck at washing dishes. And believe me, plants can't survive on Spaghetti-O's and Easy Mac alone. Just ask the prize winning orchid I was taking care of for my girlfriend. That thing is dead as shit.

Waste Not That Drip Water [yankodesign]

Oct 31 2007 USB Ferris Wheel Phone Stand: Must Have!

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Usbgeek has released yet another sweet-ass USB gadget - the USB Ferris Wheel Phone Stand ($27). What you do is throw your cell phone up on the piece, and then wait for an incoming call. Then the fun begins! The Ferris wheel rotates, LEDs flash, and it plays Rock-a-Bye Baby. I think USB gadget inventors can hang up their hats today folks, USB perfection has been reached. Did I mention watching it made me want to hurt myself? It did. There's a video after the jump, but I'm warning you -- if you watch past the 7-second mark you'll probably stab yourself.

UPDATE: Geekologie is in no way responsible for thrill-seekers that choose to watch past 7-seconds and do themselves bodily harm.

Continue Reading " USB Ferris Wheel Phone Stand: Must Have! "

Oct 31 2007 17,000 Watt System Not Good For Your Car

Pack a 17,000 watt system into a 2006 Expedition with 22-speakers and what do you get? A car that rattles a whole lot. A lot a lot. Like shake your balls loose rattling. "Why do this?" you ask. "HUH? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" guy replies. Oh touché my deaf friend. Touché.

This 17,000 Watt Car Stereo Turns Car Into Jell-O [switched, thanks to Ali and Pat for the tips]

Oct 31 2007 Fancy Credit Card Looks Like Calculator

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Innovative Card Technologies got together with eMue Technologies to come up with a credit card with a "Credit Card Embedded Authentication Device". Basically whenever you're making an internet or mobile-based transaction you have to enter your PIN into the card to receive a one-time-use authentication code to complete the deal. I'm thinking you should probably grab one of these as soon as they're available. Because while you were reading this I joined two "women over 60" themed porno sites using your credit card. Thanks for the wrinkles!

Next-gen credit cards to feature miniature displays and keypads [engadget]

Oct 31 2007 Police To Use Gun Cameras For Evidence

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Police officers in Orange County, New York are having their guns fitted with pistol cameras, which show the view of the barrel and target. When an officer removes the gun from its holster, it starts recording. The resulting video will help justify lawful shootings, as well as aid in disciplining officers responsible for wrongful shots. If nothing else, this new arrival should provide for some pretty interesting Youtube footage.

Please note I was unaware of the Philadelphia tragedy at the time of initial commentary.

Pistol Cam Offers Police Gun Barrel View [therawfeed]

Oct 30 2007 Mac-O-Lanterns: Great Use For Old Macs

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Don't toss that old Mac to the curb -- paint that bitch orange, install a JPEG viewer, and ta-da, you've got yourself a sweet Mac-o-lantern -- or an old Mac painted orange that's capable of viewing very low-grade porn. Which, I might add, isn't all that bad if you have a very active imagination. Of course, this is from a guy that has spent hours masturbating to Princess Peach on a paused Nintendo. So, um, yeah.

mac-o-lanterns light the way this halloween [technabob]

Oct 30 2007 Key Holder Is Expensive, Provides No Jingle

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The Keyport Key Holder is finally hitting the market. The damn things cost $295 (!) and will first be available only to those on the reserve list. Which, if you are on, is despicable. I mean $300? And why the hell does the thing have a key-ring dongle? What the hell is the matter with just a key-ring? I thought that your status in life was directly proportional to the jingle of the keys you carry. Which, I might add, makes the janitor at work the most successful person I know.

Keyport availability announced, priced outrageously [engadget]

Oct 30 2007 Dynamic Daylight Window Is Trippy, Cool

The video above is a demonstration of Philip's new Dynamic Daylight Windows. It's awesome. Even more awesome if you're on drugs. By waving your hand around you can adjust the level of darkness, as well as color hue. I want them installed in all my windows. Apparently hotels are considering them to aid travelers deal with jet lag. Of course hotels could probably save a lot of money and just go with the jet lag remedy I've been recommending for years -- a free mini-bar. I can get so drunk I don't remember my name, let alone the time of day. After a week or so I wake up and I'm good to go. Simple.

A much longer video demonstration after the jump that features a woman with a laugh that makes me amorous.

Continue Reading " Dynamic Daylight Window Is Trippy, Cool "

Oct 30 2007 Paper Master Chief Looks Better Than Mine

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Billybob884 of deviantART has developed a Papercraft style Master Chief model. The final product "comes out to be 13" (33 cm) tall, has roughly 2,100 faces (+ ~800 for the gun), and is made up of 42 pieces (+ 10 for the gun)." If you want to give it a go follow the link and print out the instructions, PDF pieces, and grab the model file. They say it is not a model recommended for beginner paper-folders. And they weren't lying. Mine turned out a lot less like Master Chief and a lot more like a crumpled green paper turd that the cats are batting around.

Master Chief Assembled [deviantART]

Oct 30 2007 The Talking CD Album: You'll Still Crash

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The talking CD album holds 20 CDs and a 3 second message you record for each one. As you flip the pages it plays back the messages, so you know which CD is which, without having to look. You have to make sure that each CD goes back in its original slot though, or the whole thing is screwed. It's supposed to make driving safer. It reminds me of this thing, which was pretty horrible. They run $48, and I admire the inventor's effort to make the roads a safer place. But I'll pass. Just sing in the car like I do. If people look at you like you're crazy then just wave your arms around and swerve in and out of your lane. Then they'll know you're crazy.

Talking CD Album Keeps Your Eyes On The Road [ohgizmo]

Oct 30 2007 Shotgun Is Almost As Large As My Gun

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The world's largest shotgun still has a ways to go to beat what I'm packing, but it certainly isn't anything to shake a stick at. The damn thing is around 11-feet long, has a 2-inch barrel, and packs a punch strong enough to wipe out 50-100 ducks on the water. It must be mounted in order to be shot, due to its size and recoil. Kind of reminds me of my penis. One time I forgot to mount that thing before using the men's room at a bar and the recoil blew me through the wall and into the kitchen. Just kidding, I only saw that happen. My penis is tiny.

A video of the gun in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Shotgun Is Almost As Large As My Gun "

Oct 30 2007 Star Wars Costume Tees Are Very Awesome

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80's Tees is selling these wicked Star Wars Costume Tees in case you need a quick Halloween costume that won't arrive until after Halloween. R2D2 and Darth Vader go for $28 apiece, and the Chewbacca and Storm Trooper will set you back an even $30. Pretty expensive for t-shirts, but worth it. And apparently they're really convincing. "This Star Wars t-shirt will turn you into a wookie in a flash. Is it you or Chewbacca? No one will know!" Okay, if no one can tell you from a wookie because you put a brown shirt on, you may be the world's ugliest-ass person (behind my girlfriend). Now I'm not stupid enough to call these the awesomest shirts in the world, because that would be a bold statement. No sir, these are the awesomest shirts in the universe.

Chewbacca Costume T-Shirt [geekalerts]

Oct 30 2007 Miller Lite Subwoofer Will Get Stolen Quickly

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Somebody definitely stayed up all night designing this, unfortunately they stayed up pounding Miller Lite. The result? The Miller Lite Subwoofer. It was made for indoor use, but I was sure when I saw it that it was made to sit in the back of a decrepit 1984 Toyota Corolla. You know, so you can still bang out your beats without getting the speaker stolen because you're missing the rear passenger's side door. This thing would last less than a night in my town. Somebody would steal it, realize it was a speaker and then A) keep it and put it in their car, or B) smash it because they were hoping for beer, then kick out your headlights and tear off your rearview mirrors for tricking them. Spiteful bastards.

Beer Case Subwoofer Enclosure Tempts Thieves With A Less Appetizing Target [uberreview]


Oct 29 2007 Drunk Driving: The Electric Cooler Scooter

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The X-Treme Cooler Scooter is exactly what it sounds like -- a cooler and scooter that come together to produce awesome drunken forays to and fro the liquor store. They come in 300 and 500 watt versions, can go 20 MPH, and have a range of 10-15 miles. It's got brakes and all that stuff, but the important thing is that you can get a drink out of the cooler while driving. They only cost $380, so I stole the money from my girlfriend to buy one. I'm gonna pack that bitch full of bourbon and beer and then cruise for hot chicks at the local college. I won't have any luck with the ladies, but I'll definitely get drunk and forget my way home.

X-Treme Cooler Scooter - Access your food and drinks on the move [bornrich]

Oct 29 2007 Robot Car Is Tiny, Still Fits Lots of Clowns

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The Picobot is allegedly the world's smallest autonomous robot. I say allegedly as I'm not up to date on the world's smallest autonomous robots because I have better things to do. So we'll just assume it is. It doesn't do much besides drive itself off a table, but hey, you've got to start somewhere. The maker plans to include wireless communications, camera, sensor, and GPS technology in future versions. No official word on the number of clowns the thing can fit, but based on my expert opinion I'm going six. Maybe seven if they aren't wearing those stupid oversized shoes.

A video of the car repeatedly committing suicide after the jump. And props to the maker for the Pabst stovepipe on the table.

Continue Reading " Robot Car Is Tiny, Still Fits Lots of Clowns "

Oct 29 2007 Topless Table Less Exciting Than I Hoped

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When I think topless table, I think topless table dancers gyrating and whatnot and otherwise being all boobily up in my face. Well this table is the exact opposite.

It’s just a paradigm shift in what we normally think a table should look like - some legs supporting a flat surface. Design Diana Halbeisen wanted to experiment with different forms. She thought about what a dinner table is used for, how things are placed, etc. Her design is a series of metal rods with bent circles to hold various dinner and flatware.

Yeah, so this is the wackest table ever. As a matter of fact, I don't think you can call this a table. So from now on this will be known as a fable. But not one about mythical beasts and animals and shit like that with a moral at the end. No this fable has metal rods that can end up jammed in your ass if you bend over in its vicinity. Try telling that one to your kids before bed.

One more after the spill.

Continue Reading " Topless Table Less Exciting Than I Hoped "

Oct 29 2007 Bullet Tape Ensures Packages Won't Arrive

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Tired of using the same boring-ass clear packing tape when sending a package? Well check out some of your other options. RuebenMiller has posted a review of 20 different designer packing tapes that are currently available. This is my personal favorite, the bullets. There's simply no better way to ensure your package doesn't arrive on time and unopened than wrapping it with this stuff. Smear some unidentified white powder on the box and throw something that ticks in there and you'll really be good to go. To prison for being an ass-clown.

Two more different ones after the jump.

Continue Reading " Bullet Tape Ensures Packages Won't Arrive "

Oct 29 2007 Aromatherapy Pens Encourage Huffing

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Swiss Aromatherapy Pens are pens that have a liquid reservoir and rollerball on top (in upper left of photo), so that you can dispense smelly goodness onto your writings, or seal envelopes without using your mouth. They're $50 apiece, and come in scents like rose, mint, grapefruit, eucalyptus, lavender, orange, and ginger. A refill pack containing all the scents costs $28. These things remind me of those Mr. Sketch scented markers I used in grade school. Which, incidentally, turned me on to a life of huffing. Speaking of which -- I think the guy at the hobby shop is getting suspicious I buy all the model airplane glue and no model airplanes.

Aromatherapy Pens Probably Not As Satisfyinig As A Sharpie [ohgizmo]

Oct 29 2007 ISIS Puzzle Ball: Not As Tough As My Balls

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The ISIS is a tricky puzzle ball that is apparently hard as hell to solve. Each one is unique, with only one solution. If you solve it you can win prizes like cash, a massage chair, and other crap.

The puzzle is a gleaming orb, handcrafted in England of a premier alloy of aluminum and constructed of precisely engineered, moveable bands. Each band is etched with hieroglyphics; the challenge is to position those bands in the right combination to unlock the ISIS. You are given 10 encrypted clues to decipher.

Let the fun begin! Then when you're pissed after a half hour pull out the trusty sledgehammer and solve that bitch real quick. Oh wait it says on the site if you damage it you're out. Who has time for a puzzle that lasts years anyways? Especially one that costs $200? There's only one puzzle I've been trying to solve for over a year, and that's how to get laid. You know, without paying.


Sharper Image
[thanks to JE once again for the tip]

Oct 29 2007 Dish Stickers: Because Your Dish Is Ugly

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SatelliteDishSticker.com is selling big foil stickers for your satellite dish to transform it from a hideous eyesore into a hideous eyesore with a big f'ing sticker. The two designs pictured above are the only two available at the moment, so if a sunflower or Turkish design aren't your cup of tea you'll have to wait patiently. Did I mention they cost $50? They cost $50. Which would be okay if they got you some free nudie programming. But they don't. I don't have satellite TV, so I don't really care. I have bunny ears with a piece of aluminum foil stretched between them. I make my girlfriend stand in the corner and hold them up so I can watch football. She can't cook for shit but she can hold an antennae.

Product Site

Oct 29 2007 USB Blender Alarm Is Very Confused

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The USB Blender Alarm Clock from Brando is in the running for the worst USB gadget. It's an alarm clock with "funky and retro design" that can be powered via USB or batteries. When the alarm goes off the unit spins its styrofoam balls and plays one of four 1970's game-show themes. Makes perfect sense right? I was all for one until I read the warning "Do not open the cover. Do not eat the balls." So the bastards at Brando were too cheap to use non-toxic balls. Figures. I was wondering how they could sell this marvel of technology for a paltry $25 and still turn a profit.

Worst USB Gadget Yet: Blender Alarm Clock [therawfeed]

Oct 26 2007 The R2-D2 Home Theater System Is Pricey

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Need some more Star Wars in your life? Do you also need a home theater system? If so, you can get two birds stoned at once with the R2-D2 home theater system. The little trashcan looking bastard has a DLP projector, DVD player, iPod docking station, two 20-watt speakers, memory card slots and USB port, an LED message center, Millennium Flacon remote control -- and the cute little guy can even follow you around the house. He has sensors so he won't fall down the stairs when you're moving your porn party from the rumpus room to the bedroom! All this for only $2,800. I mean what a freaking steal. Hell, you can barely take a date to dinner and a movie for $2,800 anymore, and I guarantee your date can't project a naked Princess Leia out of her radar eye. He also won't tell you he loves you and then go bang the guy that works the drive-thru window at Wendy's. Porn Projecting Trashcan Robot: 1, Women: 0.

Product Site [thanks to JE, a hilarious individual, for the tip]

Oct 26 2007 Bathmat Slippers Really Take Me Back

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The Mat Walk Bathmat Slippers are the lovechild of a pair of slippers that were tired of banging dust bunnies under you bed and decided to slip it to a bathmat for a change. It's basically a bathmat with slippers sewn on top to keep your feet clean and warm. They cost $49 and will make you trip and fall, like trying to run with your pants around your ankles. Is that another man's leg in the back of the picture? Because it sure looks like one. Pretty meaty. Really takes me back to my college days, when me and the guys would all shower together and then maybe play some whip-ass with wet towels. Those were the days. Now I'm married to a woman and living a lie.

Mat Walk Bathmat Slippers Are Triptastic! [ohgizmo]

Oct 26 2007 I've Always Wanted A Girl With Elf Ears

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Dr. Lajos Nagy, a New York plastic surgeon, has created a surgical procedure to make your ears pointy. According to the doctor, who will now be known as Dr. Delirious, these are going to be very popular.

A newfangled extravagance is spreading amongst the music-lover youngsters of New York, which, after invading America, is sure to conquer the whole world. Ears becoming pointed as a result of plastic surgery not only enhance the attractiveness of the face, but also improve the experience of listening to music.

There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. Now let's review the before and after pictures shall we? Clearly the procedure makes you dress a little nicer. It also enables the patient to make a more quizzical look. It clearly doesn't do shit for your crappy haircut, and it definitely makes your ears look like complete ass. Although -- I have always wanted to make love to an orc. Did I say orc? I meant elf. Elf lady. Elf Princess. Fairy. Like Tinkerbell. Just bigger. Okay with the wings and glowing. Penis not okay.

Pointy Ears [neatorama]

Oct 26 2007 iShoes Are Ridiculous(ly Freaking Dorky)

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Well apparently it's "Incredibly Stupid Ways To Get Around" day here at Geekologie, and what better to celebrate than to show off these fancy iShoes (yes, they actually named them f'ing iShoes). They're basically electric roller-skates. Okay, it's actually one electric roller-skate (with brake) and one un-electric roller-skate (without break). Which seems like an interesting design. They can go 15 MPH and are one size fits most (men's 8-12, women's 7-10). They can go about 7 miles on a charge and weight 16 lbs for the two (which is probably a 14 lb right skate and 2 lb left skate). As if all this awesomeness wasn't enough for you to rush out and get some, they also make you look like the stupidest ass-clown to ever hit the streets. I actually wanted to get a pair, but my penis said if I did we could forget about ever making love to a woman. And I just can't take any chances.

Video proof of how cool you look with them after the jump.

Continue Reading " iShoes Are Ridiculous(ly Freaking Dorky) "

Oct 26 2007 Geekologie Ladies: Ms. Pac Man Ring

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So what if I found these surfing a women's lifestyle website -- I recently killed my girlfriend after I mistook her for a zombie and now I'm trying to get in touch with what women care about these days so I can land a new chick. The Ms. Pac Man and Ghost rings are silver rings that look like your favorite 80's video game characters. They run $68 each ($75 for gold vermeil). The lady on the website says they're "really super cute and definitely wearable, even past the age of fifteen, unlike many other video game inspired jewelry." And based on the picture, they're apparently even wearable after death, because that's a corpse's hand.

UPDATE: If you are a beautiful lady and thinking about buying these I will marry you.

Miss Pac Man and Ghost ring [popgadget]

Oct 26 2007 Make The World The Way You Want It

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The Blackboard Globe from MUJI is exactly what it sounds like, sort of. It's actually just a spherical blackboard (blackball?) with a wooden stand. You're supposed to draw the planet on it. No word on how big it is, but they cost about $14 and come with chalk. I actually want one. Geekologieland would pretty much take up the whole thing, and include all my favorite landmarks -- Cleavage Canyon to the north, the River of Bourbon to the east, the Stripper Sea to the west, and my personal favorite, Vagina Island, just a hair to the south.

The globe, according to you, thanks to MUJI [core77]

Oct 26 2007 Emergency Zombie Kit Worked Well For Me

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Some brilliant individual has crafted an Emergency Zombie Defense Station. It includes a shotgun, some shells, a knife, and the lid doubles as a plastic riot shield. I actually ordered one of these awhile ago because I had a zombie creeping around my house for awhile. I finally managed to kill it when I caught it raiding the fridge late one night. Turns out it was my ugly-ass girlfriend with no makeup and her hair in curlers.

A few more after the jump, including one of a guy fending off an embroidered tablecloth.

Continue Reading " Emergency Zombie Kit Worked Well For Me "

Oct 26 2007 Electric Skateboard Is Not Good For Tricks

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The Skatemaster FT-2 is an electric skateboard that reaches breakneck speeds of up to 11 MPH and has a range of about 7 miles. It takes between 3-6 hours to charge and comes with an awkward looking handheld transmitter that controls the sealed electric motor. You use the trigger to both accelerate and decelerate your speed, so there's no need to put your foot down. It'll run you about $290 or so and is awesome. Almost as awesome as the electric scooter I used to have. Which, on a scale of awesomeness, was right up there with falling down a flight of stairs in front of a pretty girl and getting stabbed in the gut with a flathead screwdriver.

Skatemaster - the lazy dude's sk8tr rig [redferret]

Oct 25 2007 Heklucht Bikestand With Airpump

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The Heklucht is a bikestand which incorporates an airpump, and is not a bad idea.

The product was conceived for an art project in Ypenburg (a newly build neighborhood in the Netherlands). Eight products will be placed in front of eight houses. The goal of the project is to stimulate an interaction between neighbors, while pumping up the tires of their bicycles.

Sounds good, and I like their level of shine. The only problem is they wouldn't work in my town. The stimulated neighborly interaction would go a lot like, "Hey vagrant, get off my property!" "Chill out you f'ing old hag, I'm blowing up the tires on this bike I stole." This may or may not be followed by gunshots.

Product Site

Oct 25 2007 The Walkstation Is Not For This Blogger

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The Steelcase Walkstation is the beastly life form created when your cubicle desk gets drunk at an office party, stumbles into a gym and bangs a treadmill. They'll be available soon for around $6,500, which doesn't include the computer. Making it way cheaper to mod a desk and treadmill yourself. I'm going to have to pass. Masturbating to internet porn is hard enough with my miniscule penis, I can't imagine trying to do it at a jog.

Steelcase's Walkstation marries desk and treadmill [engadget, thanks to the very fit Tara for the tip]

Oct 25 2007 Play Ping Pong On A Half Green Door

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The Ping Pong Door, from designer Tobias Franzel, is a door with a middle section that flips out to reveal a ping pong table. It's not regulation. The playfield is small, the net is plastic, and one side of your kitchen door is green with a line down the middle. If you can get past those things, then maybe this door is for you. It's not for me though. The only reason I posted it is because that leggy brunette that looks like a boy is confusing my penis in the most delightful way.

Ping Pong From A Doorway [yankodesign]

Oct 25 2007 One-Handed Controller For Serious Baters

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Ben Heck, a man who loves modding, has produced the "Access Controller", which is a controller for the XBox 360 that you can use with one hand.

You lay this controller on your leg, table or arm of a chair and all the buttons are available on the top surface. The gag is that each of the five sections is removable and you can plug them anywhere you want. This not only makes the controller work for both left and right handed use (simply mirror the layout) but it also allows the user to optimize the button placement on a game-by-game basis.

Now when I first saw this I got really excited. Not because I have any interest in playing video games one-handed, because why the hell would I want to do that. No, I was excited because I thought it was a flask. I mean really, what good is a f'ing one-handed controller if it can't sneak booze into college football games.

Two more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " One-Handed Controller For Serious Baters "

Oct 24 2007 New XBox 360 Is Soft As Hell, Pillowy

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A beautiful woman named Hannah made an XBox 360 out of fabric and pillow fluff or whatever the hell you shove in things to make them cushy. What the system lacks in game play it certainly makes up for in being a great thing to rest your head on. Hell, I would have even settled for this version for Christmas last year. I told my mom I wanted an XBox and all I got was a handle of whisky and carton of cigarettes for herself.

Xbox 360 Plushie [deviantART]

Oct 24 2007 Periodic Table Shower Curtain Is Awesome

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I love chemistry as much as anyone else. I think my fascination started as a kid in science class, when I learned that all life on earth comes stems from chromium or whatever. Well now you can appreciate all those other awesome elements every time you shower with the Periodic Table Shower Curtain. They're available from firebox.com, but currently sold out. It's sweet, and it's semi-transparent. You know what that means don't you? That means when my girlfriend showers I can sit in the bathroom and admire my two favorite elements -- boobidium and vaginium.

Product Site [thanks to Hugo for the tip, a man overcoming adversity with a monster dong]

Oct 24 2007 Ferrari Segway Is Wrong On So Many Levels

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It all started when staff at Ferrari's Maranello plant fell in love with the Segway and started using them to get around the facility. Next thing you know, BAM!, Limited Edition Ferrari Segway PT-I2 ($10,000). Really makes you wonder about the caliber of individual that's assembling those expensive-ass sports cars doesn't it? I'm sure as hell not driving anything put together by someone who rides a f'ing Segway. Expensive or not. That just moved Ferrari's place in my mind from right under Lamborghini to between Daewoo and Kia. I'm sad to say my Ferrari induced boner days are over.

Ferrari Sells Its Soul to Segway [uberreview]

Oct 24 2007 Mix Tape Flash Drive Is Retro-Modern

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The MIXA is a 1GB USB drive that looks like a cassette tape. It takes this idea to the next level. You got to the MIXA website and use some graphic creation software to design a custom sticker for each side of the tape, along with a sleeve to store the drive in. It costs $40 for all this action, but you also get some more MIXA stickers and a USB extension cable. Which still doesn't make it worth it. Now I'm no handyman, but I've got the feeling I'm capable of wedging a $10 flash drive into a cassette tape and printing off some stickers of unicorns and kitties to slap on. Which will leave me with about $25 left over to apply to a MIXA when my shit falls apart.

Make A Mixa - Cassette Shaped USB Drive [ohgizmo]

Oct 24 2007 Flower Urinals: Pee On Something Beautiful

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Flower Urinals, from Clark Sorenson, are flower shaped urinals. They sell for anywhere between $6,500 and $9,500, making them ridiculously expensive for a bunch of urine receptacles. Nice try Clark Sorenson, but I developed these things years ago. I had a line of Venus Penis Trap urinals that bit your pollinator off when you were done peeing. I only sold a single unit. Which kind of makes me the Van Gogh of urinal design.

Flower shaped urinals - Nature enters your bathroom for a price [bornrich]

Oct 24 2007 Robot Snake Doesn't Knock My Socks Off

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Roboboa, a robotic snake from WowWee is now available in the US. It has infrared sensor technology and does stuff like, uh, wiggle around awkwardly. He can also be used as a flashlight, motion detector, alarm clock, and a bunch of other stuff that's weak. They cost a staggering $100 and look like the ass-snake sex toy I used to have. What in the hell is matter with people these days? Why get a stupid robot snake when you can get a real one? That's what my parents did for me. Sure the slithery bastard ate my sister, but she was a little bitch anyways.

A video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Robot Snake Doesn't Knock My Socks Off "

Oct 24 2007 Anime Pillows Are Seriously Wack

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Apparently body pillows printed with anime girls are all the rage in Japan. You may already know about this -- I did not, because I'm not some seriously perverted pervert. These are the tamest pictures I could find, some of these things are very risqué. I'm using my girlfriend's computer right now, and she's probably going to break up with me when she sees the sites I went to looking for these damn things. Sure I looked at a few extra after I already got the pictures I needed, but it's not like I'm humping a damn pillow or anything. I'm not sick in the head. I'm just pleasuring myself to pictures of pillows. Perfectly normal.

Body Pillows With Bikini-Clad Anime Girls [tokyomango]

Oct 24 2007 Dodge Avenger StormTrooper Is Very White

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The Dodge Avenger StormTrooper is just that -- a Dodge Avenger concept with StormTrooper styling. Which basically means it's very white, and sort of menacing looking (for an Avenger). It likely won't make production. Of course you could just buy a regular one and do this yourself I imagine. But don't quote me on that, because I don't know shit about modding cars. I don't even own a damn car. I dress up like a teenager and don a backpack so I can catch the school bus in the morning. You see, the middle school is conveniently located a few blocks from the liquor store. I typically down a fifth of bourbon and then pass out behind the Happy Uncle Chinese Restaurant before it's time to catch the bus back home in the afternoon.

Two more pictures after the jump, including one of the tinted headlights.

Continue Reading " Dodge Avenger StormTrooper Is Very White "

Oct 23 2007 Toothbrush Couch Looks Comfortable, I Think

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Some A+ student over at Bucks New University in the UK designed this toothbrushy couch. Looks comfortable doesn't it? I think so. A lot more comfortable than the one I designed with corncobs instead of soft blue tentacles. Suffice it to say I ran and jumped into my couch one day and lost my backdoor virginity -- if you catch my drift. If you don't catch my drift what I'm saying is that a corncob went up my ass.

When is a couch not a couch, but wacky student work? [core77]

Oct 23 2007 Phone Fingers Are Ridiculous, Awful, Stupid

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Phone fingers are prophylactics for your digits so you don't smudge your precious iPhone screen. They come in small, medium, large and extra large, and you can get a bag of 25 of them for around $15. They are stupid and ugly, like my girlfriend. They also make you look like you've had your hand up your ass. As stupid as they are, I'm still buying a pack of the small (I wish they had extra small) to test as reusable condoms.

Phone Fingers Prevent Smudges, Make You Look Like a Dork [ohgizmo]

Oct 23 2007 Billiard Balls That Flash, Not Breasts Though

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Hammacher Schlemmer, a company best known for selling grossly overpriced crap, is now selling Lighted Billiard Balls.

The regulation-size and weight (5 1/4 oz.) billiard balls illuminate and flash for two seconds upon impact with the cue ball, other balls, or the rail, creating a streak of light. Each ball has four integrated LEDs that are powered by a battery that provides up to 50,000 flashes per ball.

After 50,000 flashes they transform into regular unlit billiard balls. The set costs $200 and ships at the end of November. So if playing pool in the dark is your kind of fun, check them out. But let me warn you, not all things are fun in the dark. Take cooking for example. The last time I tried to make Ramen Noodles with the lights off I ended up slamming the microwave door on my penis.

The Lighted Billiard Balls Blaze across the table [newlaunches]

Oct 23 2007 Transformer Lamp Turns Into Another Lamp

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Ever wonder what would happen if a Transformer banged an illuminated cocktail table? Well now you know. The 'Angel Lamp' hides a table on the inside, and looks perfect for those people that like sitting alone in the corner of a restaurant. I don't understand the amazing technology that makes this lamp possible, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are hinges involved.

The lamp shade screen is constructed in thermographed metacryl with frost effect surface, disk and column in natural aluminum, and table top in clear or stained glass. The base holds and hides electric cable management for a clean design.

With such amazing construction details it's easy to understand the $3,888 price tag right? No you say? What are you nuts? I mean it's a big lamp that transforms into a little lamp and a table. It's not like you could just go out and make one of these yourself for way, way, way cheaper. This is space technology people, that shit costs money.

Transforming Lamp Hides A Table [bornrich]

Oct 23 2007 Lose An Eye And Get A Designer Eye Patch

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Woogle Works, which focuses their efforts on products for people with disabilities, has come up with a stylish eye patch. Which is really just a sticker you put on your glasses or existing eye patch. Uh, did I mention it's a butterfly sticker? Now call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure butterfly stickers have been around forever, seeing how I used to have my notebooks plastered with them in high school. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's still a great idea. There's simply no better way to stake your claim as the world's gayest pirate.

Arrr Matey, A Stylish Eyepatch [yankodesign]

Oct 23 2007 XBox 360 Controller Shoe Is So Very Stupid

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Heelys, a company best known for making those f'ing roller shoes that idiot children wear in Wal-Mart, is releasing another stupid product. The Gamer collection features footwear with soles made to resemble video game controllers. And no, they don't freaking work. Making them some of the stupidest shoes ever. Now I'm not saying that the guy who came up with this idea should be taken out and shot, I'm just saying he should be killed in some fashion. I don't care how.

Heelys shoe hates your eyes, loves your Xbox 360 [engadget, thanks to C-Nasty for the tip]

Oct 23 2007 Junk Copter Is Scary, Destined For Junkyard

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A Nigerian physics undergraduate named Mubarak Muhammad Abdullahi has built a helicopter out of junk. The 24-year-old bankrolled the project with the money he earned fixing PCs and cell phones. The copter consists of car and motorcycle parts, along with some off a crashed 747. It took 8 months to put together, and has "flown briefly on six occasions" but "never attained an altitude of more than seven feet." Now as much faith as I have in Mubarak, I'd be hard pressed to sit in this thing even if I knew we weren't going higher than seven feet. As a rule I don't ride in vehicles made of junk. Especially ones that are supposed to fly. They're just too safe. I like to live dangerously.

Nigerian Man Builds Helicopters Out of Junk [therawfeed, thanks to J for the tip]

Oct 23 2007 Disco Ball Chandelier Is Shiny As Hell

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Generally I don't like chandeliers because they're tacky as hell and just don't look right hanging in the trailer. But I might make an exception for the Confetti Light, from Swedish design house FRONT. Just look at all that glitter! It's like a million fairies dancing on your walls. It reminds me of when I was a kid and we used to jump through the campfire, trying to catch all the fairies that were given off. I later found out they were just burning particulate and all the smoke was probably giving me cancer. Growing up is a bitch.

Official Site [thanks to Richard, a man who appreciates shiny things, for the tip]

Oct 22 2007 Japanese Lady Produces Unique Camouflage

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Aya Tsukioka, a Japanese experimental fashion designer, has developed a line of completely wack camouflage for crime worried citizens. The designs include soda and vending machines, fire extinguisher bookbags for kids, and even a purse that resembles a manhole (so you can throw it in the road if you're being pursued and not get your stuff stolen, just run over). I have no freaking idea who in the hell Ms. Tsukioka thinks she's kidding -- I can't imagine anyone but the blind falling for these things. And me. On a recent trip to Japan I spent over twenty minutes trying to figure out how the hell to use the Coke machine. Turns out it was a freaking woman! She stole my money.

A bunch more pictures of this wackiness after the jump.

Continue Reading " Japanese Lady Produces Unique Camouflage "

Oct 22 2007 Silver Peripherals For Germophobes

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The Silver Seal Keyboard and Mouse are antibacterial peripherals. They're also dishwasher safe. They both have silver ions embedded into the plastic, to prevent the buildup of germs and viruses. When the keyboard gets too many Cheeto/Dorito crumbs in it, you just throw that bitch in the dishwasher. Simple as that. They ship next month, but no word on price yet. As an added bonus, if you're ever attacked by a werewolf while at your computer, you can grab one of these suckers and drive that mother through the bastard's heart. Antibacterial and antiwerewolfial. I can't believe they don't mention that in the sales pitch.

SILVER SEAL Antibacterial Dishwasher Safe Mouse & Keyboard [ohgizmo]

Oct 22 2007 New Force Feedback Vest, No Helmet Yet

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Strap on TN Game's new Third Space Vest and you can actually feel it when you get shot playing your favorite video game. The vest has eight different zones, and can provide feedback anywhere from a simple tap to a full blown explosion. They sell for $189 and hit the streets next month, bundled with Call of Duty II and some space game. Compatibility with Quake, Doom, Unreal, etc. is coming soon. I get the feeling that somehow these will end up killing people. And if they don't then the force feedback helmet I designed should do the trick. BOOM, headshot!

Force feedback vest takes gaming a step too far [scifi.com]

Oct 22 2007 Stretched Prius Seats 8, Still Gets 50 MPG

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Some guy modded his Prius into an 8-seater. It took over 200 hours of fabrication and cost around $10,000. It allegedly still gets 50 MPG. I don't really know what to say, except good for him. Notice how I'm not calling this thing a limo? That's because it's not. I did some investigative reporting and discovered that the dude extended it to accommodate his six kids -- which makes it a Prius station wagon owned by a man with too many children. Limos are elongated vehicles in which you get drunk and have sex with hookers. Now I'm not claiming to be a limologist or anything, I'm just claiming I banged a hooker in a real limo once. And let me tell you something else – she had the sexiest lazy eye I’ve ever seen.

Prius Stretch Limo [neatorama]

Oct 22 2007 Birds On A Wire Lighting Is Not Bad Looking

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Designers Javier Henriquez and Sebastian Lara from the Mexican studio Eos México came up with this beautiful bit of interior lighting called 'Birds On A Wire'. They call it that because it bears a striking resemblance to three birds resting on a wire. I forget how the saying goes, but I think it's something like "Birds on a wire make for attractive lighting, but birds caught shitting on my car will be killed and fed to the cats." I'm pretty sure that's a fairy tale or something.

Birds On A Wire - Beautiful Illumination [geekalerts]

Oct 22 2007 Flying Boat Doesn't Fly High, Is Still Cool

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Rudy Heeman, a New Zealand inventor, has developed a flying boat. It's a similar concept to this thing, but doesn't fly to crazy heights. Which is sweet, since you won't need a pilot's license to fly it. Rudy is still finalizing the design, so there's no word on price yet. All I know is that I want one. I'm going to use my kiddy pool to get airborne, then fly that bitch to the liquor store. I'm tired of riding the lawnmower everywhere.

Flying Boat Invention Almost Ready For Lift-Off [therawfeed]

Oct 22 2007 Bed LEDs Won't Get You Laid (Trust Me)

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The Pimp My Bed LED system is a saucer with 14 extra-bright LEDs that produces a blue shine under your bed. The damn thing costs $36 and will not get you laid. At all. If anything it will send women running. How do I know? Because I invented this freshman year of college. Except I used blacklights. Cool huh? That's what I thought. It turns out blacklight makes all your man-stains in the room glow. It looked like some seriously f'ed up paintball match went down in there. Needless to say I'm still a virgin.

undercarriage lighting for your bed [technabob]

Oct 22 2007 Cereal Bowl Keeps Your Crispies Crispity

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The EatMeCrunchy cereal bowl is no ordinary cereal receptacle my friends, oh no. It's a bowl with a secret. That secret is a shelf that your cereal sits atop, where it remains crunchy crispity until you push it over the ledge into the milk vat at the bottom. It costs $8, or you can get two for $14. It's probably a bitch and a half to keep clean, but may be a necessary evil for you die hard crunchy cereal lovers. I'd consider getting one if I ate my cereal with milk. But I don't -- I use bourbon, and I like everything thoroughly saturated. Remember: bourbon makes breakfast better -- and the drive to work dangerous.

EatMeCrunchy Bowl Keeps Your Cereal Crunchy, Has Stupid Name [ohgizmo]

Oct 19 2007 Bath Time Is Fun With A Remote Rubber Duck

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Oh man I can't wait to take a bath later this month -- Play.com is releasing a sweet remote-controlled rubber duck on the 28th. They go for about $26, and take 6 AA batteries (2 for the controller, 4 for the duck charger). Five minutes of charging yields 15 minutes of fun. Just be careful that little propeller doesn't nick your submarine. Both controller and duck are waterproof. This thing really makes me wish I was growing up today instead of the 80's. My parents didn't give me anything fun to do in the bath. The only toy I ever got to play with in the tub was a turd, and I had to make that shit myself.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Remote-Control Rubber Duck [neatorama]

Oct 19 2007 New Rubik's Sucks, I Want A Fentix Cube

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Andrew Fentem has developed the Fentix cube, which is everything the stupid Rubik's Revolution wishes it could be, and more. Each side is a multi-touchscreen, and the system also packs "a 3D system of accelerometers for gesture sensing a la Wii." All sorts of games have been developed, and I want one yesterday. They go on sale at London's Kinetica Museum soon. Someone please buy me one. I've never played with a box before, and all my friends say it's the cat's meow.

A short video of the unit in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " New Rubik's Sucks, I Want A Fentix Cube "

Oct 19 2007 Scooter Desk Is A Desk With Wheels!

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Oh happy day! The Scooter Desk, from Utilia Design, is one of the awesomest desks ever. It combines a desk, with, get this, an f'ing scooter! So you can race around the office like never before. Now I prefer a knees in the chair and legs extended off the back stance when office racing, but I'm willing to give this a go. This will be more like an adult tricycle race. I don't need to go so fast anyways. The last time I raced I plowed into an unsuspecting secretary as she was exiting the restroom near turn two. It's not fair I have to pay the hospital bill. She was old and that hip was about to go anyways.

Scooterdesk to Open New Office Chair Racing Era [gizmodo]

Oct 19 2007 New Vampire 2 Wingsuit For Skydiving

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It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's just some dildo in a Vampire 2 Wingsuit from Phoenix-Fly. The suit was designed to slow your free-fall from 111-139 mph to 37-59 mph thanks to the lift created -- allowing you to fly around and enjoy the view longer. It costs $1,250. Now I've been jumping out of planes for awhile now, and I've never worn one of these. They're lacking in style. And I'm all about jumping in style. Which is why I sport a Superman cape. I'm practically the Man of Steel. Sure I'm lacking the superpowers, good looks, and pretty much everything else, but I've got the cape. And the cape, my friends, is a good start.

A picture of a scary looking man who has clearly shit the suit and a video after the jump.

UPDATE: Another video added (thanks Skroonk) that shows some idiot in one of these things trying to touch a mountain while flying around.

Continue Reading " New Vampire 2 Wingsuit For Skydiving "

Oct 19 2007 Chairs Change Color Based On Your Attire

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An art exhibit by Moritz Waldemeyer entitled 'By Royal Appointment' features these chairs, which change the color aura around them to reflect the hue of your clothing. Go to Gallery Libby Sellers in South Kensington, London if you want to give them a go. Ol' Moritz suggests, "Wear something bright, this works particularly well." Which indicates to me they don't work particularly well. I gave them a go, and they had a difficult time accurately reproducing the pale eggshell that is my birthday suit. To be truthful it's all kind of a blur though. One minute I'm stripping down and taking a seat, and the next I'm being tazed and kicked a lot. F'ing security.

Designer chair reflects the color of your attire [newlaunches]

Oct 19 2007 Dog Rescue Jacket For Earthquake Victims

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Well look at this dapper little bastard. He's looking mighty handsome today isn't he? That's because he's sporting the new Canine Earthquake Rescue Jacket. The idea is that this hotdog shaped animal will wiggle his way through debris to you if you happen to be trapped in your bathtub after your house falls in around you. The pack contains emergency supplies and food, to keep you alive until you're freed. The thing costs $434, which seems a little steep for a vinyl fanny-pack and hood. I just hope that have that little guy trained. Because if he's anything like my dog then no one is getting rescued. He'd tear open the pack, eat the food and supplies, then proceed to lick his genitals for awhile before falling asleep.

Canine earthquake rescue jacket [core77]

Oct 19 2007 Tag Your Living Room With The Graffiti Sofa

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Designer Teruhiro Yanagihara has introduced the 'Grafitti Sofa', which you can mark with your fingers to design. Whatever you scratch in will remain until the sofa is ironed. Now call me crazy, but I could have sworn these were introduced, oh I don't know, forever ago. I've been scratching sofas for years. Ah yes, it seems like just yesterday I was scratching "I banged your girlfriend right here" into a friend's couch. Oh wait, that was yesterday. Hold on, doorbell. Oh Jesus, it's my friend. It looks like he has a gun.

Leave Your Mark [yankodesign]

Oct 19 2007 Do It Yourself Wooden Keyboard Available

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HACOA has announced their do it yourself wooden keyboard is shipping, and at a measly $300. It comes with everything you see in the picture, including the little saw so you can get the keys apart. For $300 you'd think they'd already be separated, but I guess you're really paying for that DIY experience. If you're a cheap bastard you can just glue Scrabble tiles to the letters of an existing board. Or if you're shopping for something even more exotic, I'm selling DIY stone keyboards. It’s an old keyboard with the keys ripped off, some glue, and a chisel. Kits start at $250. You provide the rock.

One more after the jump.

Continue Reading " Do It Yourself Wooden Keyboard Available "

Oct 18 2007 Battle-Rig Pro Gaming Desk Has A Door

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The Battle-Rig Pro gaming station is a glorified desk. That looks like it's in the process of being eaten by a red Pacman. Let's see here: A couple cabinets, a monitor shelf, a chair. Hmm. Not too much going on that my desk doesn't have, except maybe the integrated surround sound capabilities. Oh, and the little door. A desk with a door is sweet. I'm starting to like it. If you're masturbating behind a door, no one can see you. Even if it's your girlfriend and she's screaming at you and punching you in the head for watching anime porn. It's like she's not really there. Which she actually won't be for long if she catches you masturbating to anime. She'll find someone who isn't sick in the head.

Battle-Rig Pro for gamers [ubergizmo]

Oct 18 2007 Cell Phone Widget Detects Ghosts

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I'm a tough guy, and I'm afraid of very few things, but I am afraid of a cat sleeping on my face at night and suffocating me. And ghosts. Ghosts are scary as hell. Well now I can get a cell phone strap ($17) that alerts me when it detects magnetic field alterations or body temperature fluctuations. Unfortunately it alerts you with different colored light patterns and ghost noises, which will make me shit my pants. If it does go off though at least it's attached to my... WHO YOU GONNA CALL? Ghostbusters! Or, some a-hole with a laser cleaning backpack. Whichever is cheaper.

Ghost detector cell phone strap [tokyomango]

Oct 18 2007 Artificial Tornado In Mercedes Benz Museum

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The Guinnes Book of Records verified that the artificial tornado in Germany's Mercedes Benz Museum is the world's largest man-made twister. It's 34.43 meters (~113 feet) tall, and contains approximately 28 tons of air. It takes 144 jets about seven minutes to produce. It was created to suck smoke out of the building and save lives should a fire start. In the picture, carbon dioxide is being sprayed into the bottom of the tornado to make it visible. It's awesome, and I'm thinking about modifying my bathroom exhaust fan to produce something similar. I don't really understand the science behind it or anything, but I'm pretty handy with power tools. Okay, so I'm not very good with power tools. I can swing a hammer. Fine, I'm lying. I can wield a screwdriver with the best of them though. The vodka and orange juice version at least.

A bigger version of the picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Artificial Tornado In Mercedes Benz Museum "

Oct 18 2007 No-Touch Faucet Is Better Than Not Washing

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If there's one thing I hate, it's touching things. Things are gross and covered with germs. Well thanks to the Miscea Sensor Activated Faucet, there's one less thing you have to touch in the world -- sink knobs. You turn the water on by waving your hand, and can increase/decrease the temperature or dispense soap with similar motions. Sure it's a good idea, but not as good as mine. It's called not washing. Sure you just had your penis in your hand, but that's okay -- it's your penis. If it was the guy's next to you, well, that's a whole different thing.

No-touch, five-feature sink faucet [core77]

Oct 18 2007 Round LCD Screens Designed For Vehicles

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After years of development, Toshiba just unveiled their new circular LCD panels. They're approximately 2.5-inches in diameter, sport a 240 x 240 resolution (on the longest lines) and 600:1 contrast ratio. Toshiba believes they'll be utilized for instrument panels in vehicles, along with other mobile devices. "Why?" you ask. "Why not?" Toshiba replies. It looks like a paperweight superimposed on a makeup mirror if you ask me. Not that I know what a makeup mirror is, because I'm all man. I don't wear makeup, I rub my face in pig's blood and eat raw meat. *grunt, grunt* Okay, I'm gay.

Toshiba's new circular LCDs: because your eyes are round [engadget]

Oct 18 2007 Braille Tattoos, So The Blind Can Read You

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The Braille Tattoo was designed by Klara Jirkova. It looks like a skin disease. They're steel, titanium, or medical plastic "bumps" that are implanted under the skin. So the blind can read them via touch. I'm not really too sure what to say except it seems gross as hell. But I'm not blind. Sometimes I wish I was though, because it turns out I'm dating the world's ugliest woman. Even my dog won't go near her -- and he's blind. I bet he smells the ugly.

Tattoos for the Blind [neatorama]

Oct 18 2007 Lunchbox Has Lots Of Screen Real Estate

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Acme, a company best known for selling a stupid coyote products that almost always kill him, unveiled a 3-LCD foldout "laptop" at Taiwan's Taitronics Autumn 2007 show. Each screen is 17", providing sufficient real estate for whatever your needs. It goes on sale next year, but no word on price. Just be careful trying to use this thing as a laptop -- it will probably crush your privates if you set it on your lap. I'd still try though. Who needs privates anyways when you can watch massive amounts at porno at once. Wait a minute.

Portable Computer Has Three 17-Inch LCDs [therawfeed]

Oct 17 2007 The Impact Jacket Protects Ya' Neck

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The Impact jacket helps protect your delicate head and neck in case you get into a motorcycle accident. It's a padded jacket that features an airbag that deploys if you're launched from your bike. It works via a lanyard that you attach to the frame. If the lanyard is pulled with greater than 25-35 lbs of force, a CO2 cartridge deploys the bag while you're flying through the air/sliding on the pavement. Apparently it works well, because some dude in Maryland flew over 100 ft in excess of 140 mph and walked away with only minor injuries. I'm getting one for sure, and I only ride a bicycle. Ever since the training wheels came off, I've had a hard time controlling that thing.

Wearable airbags for motorcyclists [core77]

Oct 17 2007 Flip Mr. P's Nose Sized Unit To Turn Him On

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Mr. P is a special lamp. You have to flip his penis to turn him on. When you do his head lights up in embarrassment -- because his dangle-down in so small! He costs $110, and comes with a removable shade in case you want to spare him the shame. Truthfully, I don't think he is ashamed. Look at his stance -- does that look like the posture of someone who is embarrassed with their dong? I think not! Oh wait, he's frowning. That poor small penised bastard. He should be ashamed.

The Mr P. Lamp makes you laugh when you turn it (him) on [shinyshiny]

Oct 17 2007 Bioloid Robot Transformers Are Awesome

Sure there are a lot of things out there calling themselves Transformers but don't do any transforming. Well this guy actually does do some transforming. It's built from a Bioloid Humanoid Robotics Set (which start around $900), and looks pretty freaking awesome. The little guy even has video camera eyes and can dance. But not as good as me. I can really cut a rug. Just ask any of my numerous girlfriends at Sunnyside Assisted Living. They know what's up.

Follow the link for another one from the same guy.

Check this one out too [thanks to Raul the Handsome for the tip]

Oct 17 2007 Umbrella Water Gun Wets The Unsuspecting

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The Umbrella Water Gun, from Alexy Woolley Design, is what's created when an umbrella gets drunk one night and goes home with a hussy of a water gun. The unit collects water in the concave top, which travels down into the water gun handle -- so you never run out of ammo as long as it's raining! Brilliant. Just add some dye or food coloring to the reservoir to really piss people off. Just make sure you're wearing running shoes, because if I get sprayed I'll take that umbrella and ram it so far up your ass you'll die of dehydration.

One more after the jump of people who don't understand when to use an umbrella.

Continue Reading " Umbrella Water Gun Wets The Unsuspecting "

Oct 17 2007 Keyboard Has Lots Of Buttons, I Like Buttons

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The Terpstra MIDI keyboard has 280 keys, which is a lot. You can set each key to whatever the hell you want, and all are velocity sensitive. The keys can be removed and swapped as well, in case the factory default pattern just doesn't do it for you. The unit has jacks for a foot switch, volume pedal, and MIDI in/out. I couldn't find a price, but it's probably expensive. I need one though because I'm a musical prodigy. My specialty is the Jaws theme. I've almost got that one down pat.

Terpstra MIDI Keyboard - Needs More Keys [ohgizmo]

Oct 17 2007 Hyundai Drops Cell Phone Camera Watch

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Hyundai, a company best known for their line of affordable personal transportation machines, is releasing the W-100, a cell phone watch with 1.3 megapixel camera. It comes complete with touch-screen and stylus, Bluetooth connectivity, MicroSD card, and will play MP3s. An English version will be made, but no word on pricing yet. Now I'm all about a cell phone watch, but I don't know about a Hyundai cell phone watch. Because I used to have a Hyundai, and the damn thing kept driving itself into parked cars. Not only that, but the bastard was too cheap to ever leave a note.

Three more pictures after the cut.

Continue Reading " Hyundai Drops Cell Phone Camera Watch "

Oct 17 2007 Samsung 1,152 Person Commercial

If you haven't seen this already it's a video made in South Korea for Samsung featuring 1,152 people coordinating their moves to make images (like a monster LCD screen). They're not using cards, but clothes with different colors to make the changes. It's pretty mesmerizing, particularly if you've been doing drugs. In addition, at 1:05 in the video a cameraman almost gets trampled on the left side of the screen. Sweet. I particularly like the dancer they make at the 3:00 mark -- I think I saw her muff.

Youtube [thanks to ultra-cool tz for the tip]

Oct 16 2007 USB Fridge/Heater Cools/Heats Beer At Work

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The USB Fridge and Heater, from USBGeek takes 5 minutes to cool a beverage to 54°F or heat one to 116°F from a starting temperature of 82°F. They cost $34. You know I love all things USB, so I've already got one on order. Last month I got busted for having beer in the mini-fridge in my cubicle, so I've had to be real stealthy in order to get drunk at work. This thing will work perfect. I'll hide my beer/liquor in a filing cabinet, and then pop it in the USB cooler as needed. Sure 54°F isn't exactly ice cold, but I drank a whole fifth of Jack Daniels once on a nature hike after it spent 2 hours soaking up the heat of my trunk. I'm a man damnit.

Product Site [usbgeek]

Oct 16 2007 Man Trappped In Box Game Looks Promising

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Levelhead, a game being developed by digital artist Julian Oliver, looks pretty neat. The basis of the game is a marked cube, a digital video camera, and some custom software. Basically you move the cube, the camera picks up the angular changes you make, and you try to lead the little man to the exit. It's sort of similar to the Playstation's Eye technology. Could be fun. Sort of like Lemmings, except you can't nuke the little bastard when shit hits the fan.

Explanatory video after the jump.

UPDATE: You can only see the rooms and man if you're watching through the monitor. The cube is just a box marked in a way so the camera can recognize which way you have it turned.

Continue Reading " Man Trappped In Box Game Looks Promising "

Oct 16 2007 Space Money Looks Like Breast Implants

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The Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination, or Quid for short, is the new currency designed for outer space. They have no sharp edges and are made from the same polymer as non-stick pans -- to ensure no damage to space tourists or ships. Currently, one quid is worth about $12.50, which is probably enough for an intergalactic gumball. A spaceball. But if you don't want to pay that much I'll sell you a hardened breast implant with a juju fruit inside for half the price. Cheap and edible. Win-win baby.

New currency for space travellers [bbc news]

Oct 16 2007 SwissMiniGun Is Tiny, Will Put Out Your Eye

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The SwissMiniGun is the world's smallest functional revolver. It's only 2.16 inches long, making it slightly larger than my gun, and shoots bullets that are only 0.35 inches. What better way to acclimate your infant to beautiful weaponry than this little thing? I mean, it's not like it could kill anybody. It's far too cute for that. It would be fun to substitute this puppy in your next game of Clue though. It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the "What bitch!" *pop pop*

Another picture and a video after the jump.

Continue Reading " SwissMiniGun Is Tiny, Will Put Out Your Eye "

Oct 16 2007 Nissan Concept Van Doubles As Pedo-Mobile

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Nissan unveiled another concept vehicle ready for the 2007 Tokyo Motor show. It's called the NV200, which is a really shitty name for a van that's designed for underwater photographers/soccer moms. Why not the Scuba-van or Marine-machine? Its got all the accoutrements for photographers, including an editing workstation, storage for diving gear, etc. Jesus, Nissan, what the hell is wrong with you? Last time I checked, there weren't exactly a shit-ton of underwater photographers in the world looking for new wheels. This isn't going to make any money. What the world needs is a masturbation-station wagon -- then you've got something.

Nissan to Unveil 2007 Mobile Office Concept [bornrich]

Oct 16 2007 New Rubik's Cube Is Digital, I Miss Analog

new-cube.jpg

Well apparently the analog version of the Rubik's cube just wasn't enough for the greedy company (it only sold a paltry 300 million units), so here comes the Rubik's Revolution! No really, that's what it's called. The segments don't move at all anymore, instead you can play 6 different games with awesome titles like Cube Catcher and Pattern Panic. They all revolve around pushing the glowing button in the middle of each side. The unit costs $20. I think I'll stick to the original analog version. You know, I once solved it in under a minute. Using my penis.

Rubik's Revolution [ohgizmo]

Oct 16 2007 Darth Vader Samurai Suit Is Awesome, Small

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I wish I had posted this yesterday to complete the Star Wars trifecta, but it didn’t happen (Ben sent the tip overnight). Anyways, the Yoshitoku Company has a "Samurai Vader" suit of armor -- complete with traditional bow and sword. The majority of the craftsmen that built the suit are over 70 years old, so props to the geriatric crowd. The helmet and weapons will set you back $1,500, and the whole suit goes for $5,200. Oh, the sad part -- it's only 1/4 scale, so you can't wear it unless you're really small. That's why I'm getting it for my son. Who I'll hopefully produce when my girlfriend comes home on her lunch break.

Darth Vader Samurai Armor - The Dark Side Never Looked So Good [albotas, big thanks to Ben for the tip]

Oct 15 2007 Sky Puter Case Mod Provides Good Airflow

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The Sky Puter is one of the sweetest case mods (or lack thereof) I've seen in a long time. Sure there have been some pretty sweet cases in the past, but I think it's safe to say this one takes the cake. All pieces of the computer are suspended from cat5 or cat3 cable. Add a 20-inch box fan and your piece will be running at near sub-zero temperatures. Did I mention I actually think it looks like crap? I actually think it looks like crap. Novel concept though. I'll give it that. I like the coat hangers and speaker.

A couple more after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sky Puter Case Mod Provides Good Airflow "

Oct 15 2007 Rain Collector Collects Rain, Drowns Plants

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The reLEAF Rain Collector is a rain collector for potted plants. Created by Swiss design team FULGURO, it's made of thermo lacquered aluminum and shaped to resemble a leaf. Water is funneled down the stem of the unit straight to the roots of your plant. It looks horrible and kind of detracts from the plant doesn't it? If you're too lazy to water your plants, you shouldn't have any. Children either. Definitely no children.

reLEAF Rain Collector [ohgizmo]

Oct 15 2007 Google Vanity Ring Is A Status Symbol

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The Vanity Ring, a project by Markus Kison, is an update of the ring as a status symbol. Basically it keeps a running tab on the number of Google hits your name gets. You personalize the ring using some custom software, and every night you plug the little sucker into its docking station and it updates your hit count. Great idea, if you're famous and vain as hell. But if you're anything like me, the counter will never pass the number you do yourself unless you change your name to "nude pictures", "free porn", or "hot singles ready to have sex in my area".

A Google Ring on your finger [core77]

Oct 15 2007 Life Size Princess Leia Sex Toy Coming Soon

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Did someone say more Star Wars? Well you got it! Introducing the Star Wars Animated Life Size Princess Leia Monument. She stands around 5 feet tall, has a blaster, and looks hot as hell. Check out those cans! Honk honk! They say she's animated, but I couldn't find any info on what actually moves. Maybe her head swivels. She's limited edition, but only costs $800. What a steal. Did I mention she comes with some of the sweetest sweater yams I've ever set eyes on? Well she does! Now I'm not saying I'm going to buy one and have sex with it, but when I do buy one and have sex with it I hope it's gentler on my privates than the life size Terminator I got last year.

Star Wars Animated Life Size Princess Leia Monument stands tall [newlaunches]

Oct 15 2007 Boba Fett The Brownie Hunter Stores Cookies

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The Boba Fett Ceramic Cookie Jar is available from the Starwarsshop and costs $50. He stands about 12 inches tall and can hold snicker-doodles, oatmeal raisin cookies, brownies, peanut butter cookies, and many more delicious treats.

StarWarsShop has only a handful of this exquisite ceramic cookie jar bust left. This robust sculpture, painted to match Fett’s penchant for close scrapes, features a lifting helmet top that opens to reveal the mercenary’s sweeter side.

They also have an R2-D2 model ($45) as well as a Special Ops Clone Trooper ($50). Now don't get me wrong, I love cookies as much as anyone else -- but I can't really see myself replacing my memory of Boba Fett: Intrepid Bounty Hunter with Boba Fett: Delicious Cookie Receptacle. It's just wrong.

One more of the other two models after the jump.

Continue Reading " Boba Fett The Brownie Hunter Stores Cookies "

Oct 15 2007 Hand Warmer Keeps You Toasty Without Fire

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The Zippo Hand Warmer is a stylish hand warmer in that classic Zippo style. It costs $30, and can warm up to 24 hours with only 0.4 oz of fuel. Not only that, but the unit uses a platinum-catalyzed glass fiber burner, which means no actual flame to set your pants on fire. I think it's awesome, and need one for those nights I'm sent to sleep in the doghouse for mumbling another woman's name in my sleep and making humping gestures.

Warm Hands Are Happy Hands [electroplankton]

Oct 15 2007 Remote Is Fragile, Will Break & Make You Sad

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The Ceramic Remote Control, from designer Yuta Watanabe, is, you guessed it -- fragile! The idea is that since you can't just throw it down on the floor or table with gusto, that it will never get lost. You'll always set it down somewhere safe and easy to find. Interesting concept, but I'm sticking to my remote, which is a six foot pole with a chicken wing taped to the end. It never gets lost, and if I accidentally drop it over the side of the bed, the chicken wing attracts the dog, who picks it up for me. Not to brag, but it did win the "most delicious remote" award at a recent contest.

Ceramic Remote Control [yankodesign]

Oct 15 2007 Brush & Rinse Toothbrush Redirects Water

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The Brush & Rinse toothbrush, designed by Scott Amron, redirects water from a faucet to your lips for easy rinsing. The back of the head is shaped to direct water "into a fluid parabola as perfect as the St. Louis Arch." They cost $3, or you can get 1 of 27 original working prototypes for a paltry $1,750. I had a college professor a few years back that really could have used one of these. The whole brushing thing was just too much of a hassle for her. Maybe this would have made it easier. She'd get up in your face if you asked a question and nearly knock you out with her breath. It was always like she'd just finished eating a bag of shit.

Product Site

Oct 12 2007 Halloween Alert: Transformer Costumes

It seems like today is theme day at Geekologie. Two shotgun posts, and now another transformer post. Whee! For those of you struggling to get a Halloween costume together, look to these guys for inspiration. Me? I already have my costume picked out, and it's clever. I'm going out as a Ninja Transformer. I start out as a ninja, and then at the end of the night I transform into a guy in a ninja costume banging a naughty nurse or sexy schoolteacher. Unless this Halloween is anything like last year. If it is I'll end up transforming into a guy with a ninja costume around his ankles, playing with himself and sobbing.

A couple more transformer costume videos after the jump, including a horrible motorcycle with broken rear wheel. Have a good weekend everyone.

Continue Reading " Halloween Alert: Transformer Costumes "

Oct 12 2007 URWERK 201 Watch Is The Nastiness

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The URWERK 201 is not just a watch that tells time in a unique way, no sir -- it's a watch that tells time in a unique way and probably costs more than your house. Designed to appeal to sports car buffs, this thing is ridiculous. It tells time with three hands that rotate to display the hour, and telescope to point to the exact minute (it's 3:18 in the picture). Ten are being made, and the unit must be serviced every 3 years. If you buy one I want to be your friend. Did I mention it shoots laser missiles and comes with a ball massager? Well it should.

URWERK 201 watch [ubergizmo]

Oct 12 2007 The Rack Makes It Easier To Kill Wife, Hooker

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From the "I've seen it all now and can die sadly" department comes "The Rack". It's a shotgun rack that slides under your mattress so the gun lies flush with the side of your bed at all times -- because under the bed is just too far away. It costs $40 and is a real product (view commercial here, which is hilarious). I can see it now. *pumps shotgun* "I said stop pullin' the covers woman."

Bed Rifle Rack: Convenient Shotgun Access For The Modern Hick [uberreview]

Oct 12 2007 Now You Can 'Call Shotgun', Literally

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Alexander Reh designed the 'Fully Loaded' chair awhile ago, but now has 30 available for purchase. You have to contact him for pricing information though (read: they're expensive). Each contains 450 .12 gauge shotgun shells, and are allegedly comfortable. If ammunition really close to your a-hole is your definition of comfort.

Two more pictures if you pull the trigger.

Continue Reading " Now You Can 'Call Shotgun', Literally "

Oct 12 2007 Questionable Transformer Built From Citroen

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Three friends spent three months in China building a large robotic looking creature out of a Citroen C2. The thing stands 15 feet tall and has been named X2. It is loosely based on Bumblebee and Jazz from the Transformers movie. They wanted to make an Optimus Prime, but said it would stand over 7 stories tall (and be a lot cooler). The legs can bend a little and the fingers move, but that's about it for transforming capabilities. Making it NOTHING LIKE A TRANSFORMER. It's a robot sculpture that doesn't do shit (except look cool).

One more after the jump, along with a Citroen C4 transformer commercial.

Continue Reading " Questionable Transformer Built From Citroen "

Oct 12 2007 Windshield Wiper Mirror, So You Can Shave

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I hate getting out of the shower and ready to shave only to realize I can't see a damn thing in the bathroom mirror. If I leave the bathroom door open while I shower it helps, but then I get a cold breeze in there that makes my penis shrivel up inside me. And wiping the mirror with a towel just doesn't cut it. Enter the Bathroom Mirror Wiper. It's a windshield wiper for your bathroom mirror. I'm pretty sure you have to move it manually, which sucks. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror anyways. I'm ugly folks. Almost as ugly as my girlfriend. I'm way out of her league.

Espejo con Limpiaparabrisas (mirror with wipers) [core77]

Oct 12 2007 Peek Inside An Internal Combustion Engine


I used to have one of those plastic see-through models of an engine, and it sucked. Finally someone has gotten a damn camera in a real engine so I can really see what's going on in there. The camera was high-pressure and heat-resistant, shooting at 1,000 fps, so you get some sweet slow-mo action. It was pretty much what I imagined, including how it turned me on. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw open the hood on the ol' Plymouth and hump something in there.

Micro Camera Shows The Workings Of A Combustion Engine [gizmodo, thanks to Rasttapas for the tip]

Oct 12 2007 Pet Finder Locates Pets, Deafens Them

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The Pet Finder from GadgetsUK consists of a remote control and a pet locating siren beacon you attach to your pet's collar. When they're asleep you jam on the button, letting loose an 85db beep that's sure to help your pet on its way to an early grave. The system costs $40, has a 60 ft range, and is basically a glorified electronic key finder. Now call me crazy, but if you can’t locate your dog or cat, I think you should reevaluate whether you have an actual pet, or a wild animal living in your home.

Pet Finder - Useful And Cruel! [ohgizmo]

Oct 11 2007 Push-up Counter Is Far Too Futuristic For Me

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Gotta love Japan. They make every product ever. Take this marvel of modern technology -- the push-up counter ($15). Someone must have traveled far into the distant future to snag this idea. It's a button you push with your chin every time you do a push-up. I don't understand the technology behind this, but somehow your total is displayed on an ultra high-res LCD counter that, get this, goes up to 999! Holy shit! And if you're anything like me the display will always read "1" -- for collapsing on the button and never being able to get up.

Electronic Push-Up Counter won't let you cheat [newlaunches]

Oct 11 2007 Toyota iReal Is A Wheelchair On Steroids

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Is it an armchair? Is it a Hover-round? What the hell is it? It's Toyota's new mobility concept, the i-Real. The seat moves from an upright position to a lying down one depending on your speed. The thing tops out at about 18 mph, which is the max legal speed for 50cc type vehicles in Japan. If these thing makes production and come to the US, you better believe it'll need to go at least 30 mph. I'd be taking this thing to the liquor store and back all the time. In style. So what if I've already amassed a collection of DUIs on bicycles, golf carts, and ride-on mowers. I'll get one on this thing too. 'Cause I real. Real stupid. And real horrible at driving.

Toyota Pwns Segway with the i-Real [uberreview]

Oct 11 2007 Apple Laptop Catches Fire Under Bed

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Jimm Lasser pushed his Apple G4 Laptop under the bed after a "late night email session". Later he was woken up by a "FFFFFffffffff" sound, which was, of course, his laptop getting ready to blow up. He called the fire department and while on the phone the damn thing burst into flames. Long story short, he calls Apple and ends up with a complimentary MacBook Pro, with warranty. Now I'm not suggesting you hasten the death of an aging Apple laptop, but you definitely should. Just don't do it under the bed -- Apple doesn't replace carpet or furniture.

G4 PowerBook bursts into flames [ubergizmo]

Oct 11 2007 The Office Collar: Mind Your Own Business

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The Office Collar was designed by Simone Brewster. They're constructed of white leather, and come in a variety of shapes depending on what sort of task you're assigned.

The Office Collar has been designed in response to the open plan, working environment. The collars act as spatial isolators, narrowing the field of vision, therefore enabling their wearer to focus on the tasks in front of them.

Sure these would increase productivity at my office, but how am I supposed to get my daily fill of grab-ass in if I can't see my coworkers. I'll be damned if they take that away from me. I'll just flail my arms around, grabbing any ass I make contact with. Can't hold me down. Captain Grab-ass 1, The Man 0.

Office Collar By Simone Brewster [core77]

Oct 11 2007 Toilet House Won't Flush, Smells Like Ass

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In celebration of the first General Assembly of the World Toilet Association, the founder, Sim Jae-duck had this commode house built south of Seoul. The home boasts four deluxe toilets -- whatever the hell those are, and its center has a showcase bathroom, where "the toilets have features that range from elegant fittings to the latest in water conservation devices." The Assembly's goal is to provide clean sanitation for the more than 2 billion people who live without toilets. So why they're building a giant toilet house is a mystery to me. If you happen to be in South Korea go check it out, right at the intersection of Shit Street and Urine Avenue. You can't miss it, it's the house shaped like a f'ing toilet.

One more from the ground after the jump.

Continue Reading " Toilet House Won't Flush, Smells Like Ass "

Oct 11 2007 Honda's Puyo Is Soft, Does 360s In Place

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Not to be outdone by Nissan and their cute little Pivo 2 Honda showed off the Puyo (which I thought was Spanish for a woman's genitals) concept van/box thing in Tokyo this week. It has a gel-like outer shell instead of sheet metal that's supposed to be a lot more resilient and safe in collisions. The wheels are from a go-cart (okay, maybe not) and are pushed all the way out to the corners, so the car can do 360s in place. To jack up its coolness factor from 0 to 1, it has scissor-wing doors. Nice try Honda, but I wouldn't be caught dead in it. I would be caught having sex with a prostitute in it though. Because that's how I roll.

One more of the doors open after the jump.

Continue Reading " Honda's Puyo Is Soft, Does 360s In Place "

Oct 10 2007 Mac II Couch Is Made Of Macs, Will Hurt You

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Have a bunch of Mac IIs sitting around and don't know what to do with them? How about making a couch? I know it's the first thing that came to my mind. I was so inspired that I made my own. But I used cinderblocks because I don't have any old Macs. And let me tell you -- it is comfy as hell. I've never slept on a couch so well. I just threw myself down on it, hit my head against the armrest, and woke up 2 weeks later. In the hospital. Coma, sleep -- same thing.

One more of a mousepad couch after the jump.

Continue Reading " Mac II Couch Is Made Of Macs, Will Hurt You "

Oct 10 2007 Working At Waffle House Isn't So Bad After All

When I first saw this I thought the guys were getting strapped in for some sort of new roller coaster ride. Well it turns out that new ride is called "The Worst F'ing Job On Planet Earth". Build a damn robot China, Jesus. What do you do for a living? I stack metal pots and duck. Thank you poor Chinese factory worker carpal tunnel bad neck guys. I will never complain again about working at Waffle House. Or about giving handjobs in the bathroom for extra comic book money. Anything is better than what those guys do.

Chinese factory workers: ghost in the machine [core77]

Oct 10 2007 Vader Flashlight Is Not What I Remember

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Because that last post got me thinking about the awesomeness of Star Wars, I bring you the Darth Vader flashlight. It's a flashlight that plays Star Wars sound effects when you turn the light on. It also looks like Darth Vader. Unfortunately Lillian Vernon says they're sold out and unavailable, so it may be tricky getting your hands on one. I love it, but have one problem with it -- it's not true to the movie. When Luke took Vader's mask off I'm pretty sure there was a shriveled turnip underneath and not a beam of light.

Darth Vader Flashlight [ohgizmo]

Oct 10 2007 Star Trek Casket And Urn, For Dead Dorks

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Eternal Image, a manufacturer of "brand name funerary products that celebrate the passions of life" is releasing a line of Star Trek inspired products. And if Star Trek isn't your thing there's a Precious Moments line. Monuments and vaults will be available next year, along with the casket, but the urn is dropping soon.

The new STAR TREK Urn will feature a bold design reminiscent of the 24th century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet. The STAR TREK Casket styling has been inspired by the popular “Photon Torpedo” design seen in STAR TREK II: The Wrath of Kahn.

Now I'm not saying that you won't get into heaven if you arrive in one of these, but I do happen to know that God thinks Star Trek fans are dorks. Star Wars fans are straight though.

Oh, and this guy has no chance whatsoever and will burn in hell for eternity.

Product Site [thanks to storm trooper Jay for the tip]

Oct 10 2007 Detector Shirt Finds WiFi Hotspots

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The WiFi detector shirt from ThinkGeek finds WiFi connections and displays signal strength by lighting up the blue bars. Currently, the shirt is only capable of detecting 802.11b and 802.11g signals. It runs off of three AAA batteries and will set you back $30, but they're currently sold out. You know, I too have a clothing based detection system. Except it detects women's breasts. Whenever it detects a pair it makes my pants uncomfortable. Pretty amazing technology really.

Product Site [thanks again to the very handsome Derek for the tip]

Oct 10 2007 Real Life External Recycle Bin, Just Because

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The Tempo 250GB External Recycling Bin is exactly what it sounds like. Whenever you delete files they're automatically copied to the Tempo drive. As you throw more stuff away, the blue LEDs on the outside of the bin fill up too, indicating how much of the drive is used. While it may be useful for getting back that porno movie your girlfriend found and made you delete, I don't see much use for this thing. And seeing how I'm a government spy and all, I don't think they'd be too thrilled to find out the files I'm “deleting” are actually being stored in what appears to be a high tech coffee cup.

External Recycle Bin [craze4tech, and thanks to Derek for the tip]

Oct 9 2007 Transforming Kitchen Transforms, Is White

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Grandma's Kitchen, from designers Melanie Olle and Ilja Oelschlägel, transforms from a wall into a kitchen, then into a dining room.

Designed to invoke the coziness of nanna’s best room, Grandma’s Kitchen is the ultimate example of space efficiency. The unit transforms into a full kitchen complete with a sink, oven, fridge and cooktop to prepare your meals. Then thru a series of slides and latches transforms into a dining area for 4.

I need this done in my apartment, because I'm really cramped for space in here. I don't even have a separate bathroom and kitchen. They're the same damn room. I cook sitting on the john. My wife won't come home for dinner anymore. Actually, she doesn't come home at all anymore. She left me for the guy who sells burritos out the back of his conversion van.

Grandma's Kitchen Hides A Secret [yankodesign]

Oct 9 2007 Lightning Alarm Clock Shocks You Awake

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Okay, the clock doesn't actually shock you in the traditional sense. It just makes crackling and buzzing electrical noises to wake you up. It also has a little lightning show in the glass tube when the alarm goes off. It costs $60. Now call me crazy, but who the hell wants to wake up to the sound of electrical discharge? It might as well be gunfire and explosions. Stupid as it is, I'll still take it over my current alarm any day. Which is a cat licking my face with the same tongue he just used to give the other cat's a-hole a good spot cleaning.

Lightening Alarm Clock Harnesses The Power Of The Gods [uberreview]

Oct 9 2007 Vertical Soccer Game 10 Stories Up

This video is of an Adidas billboard in Tokyo where two players are suspended by ropes and kick a tethered soccer ball around. They keep calling it a "real soccer match", but I think that's debatable, seeing how it's nothing like a real soccer match. It's from 2006, so you may have seen it already. Which makes you an awesome person. But not as awesome as me, because I've actually played something very similar to this. If urinating off the top of my apartment building onto pedestrians falls in the realm of "something very similar to this".

Note: It's worth noting that at the end of the video the news reporter announces the billboard's location as "Downtown Japan."

Adidas Soccer Billboard Features Real Hanging Humans Playing [tokyomango]

Oct 9 2007 Nissan's Pivo 2 Concept Car Is Nuts

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Nissan recently unveiled their Pivo 2 concept car. It has a 360-degree rotating cabin, and rotating wheels so you can parallel park by driving straight into the spot. It also comes with a friendly little robot, that converses in Japanese and English. The little bastard even has facial recognition software, and keeps tabs on your mood. If you're sad he might tell you a joke. If you get tired he gives directions to the nearest coffee shop. If you get angry you break his happy little head off and he throws sparks and catches fire, voiding your warranty.

A video of the car in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Nissan's Pivo 2 Concept Car Is Nuts "

Oct 9 2007 Credit Card Reminder For Heavy Drinkers

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The Doberman Credit Card Reminder is a device that reminds you to get your credit card back from the bartender at the end of the night. You push one of the buttons, which starts an alarm for 1-4 hours, and when the time is up it beeps and flashes it's LED. This amazing technology costs $8. I gave it a go one night and it didn't get my card back. I was so drunk I thought it's blinking and beeping meant it was time to try making out with the bartender. She broke my nose and kicked me out. She's so hot.

Doberman Security Credit Card Reminder [ohgizmo]

Oct 9 2007 Energy Bucket Collects Solar Energy, Glows

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The Energy Bucket, from designer Stefano Merlo, is a bucket with a solar panel top. At nightfall the bucket uses the energy collected during the day to power it's LEDs inside. It makes a statement about energy consumption. I'm not positive what that statement is, but I'm sure it's clever. Almost as clever as the Energy Bags I created. Energy Bags are paper bags filled with dog shit. During the day they collect solar energy, which powers the turd's odor. Then at night they glow because you light them on fire. They make a statement too. A very powerful statement about your porch smelling like burning shit.

Solar-powered 'Energy Bucket' collects sunshine [inhabitat]

Oct 9 2007 Light-Emitting Wallpaper Is Cool, May Work

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Jonas Samson, who may in fact be the homeless looking vagrant in the picture, has allegedly created light-emitting wallpaper. When in the 'off' position, you've got boring ass wallpaper. When 'on' you've got a funky tree or something and a bird. My only problem with this is, you know, how it works. Do you plug it in? Does it only turn on if you've done a bunch of acid? Is it really just being projected? Now I'm not saying it's a sham -- I'm just saying it's fake and doesn't exist. I want answers.

A few more after the jump.

Continue Reading " Light-Emitting Wallpaper Is Cool, May Work "

Oct 9 2007 How About A Gold & Diamonds Macbook Pro

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Computer Choppers just finished work on a 24k Gold and Diamonds Macbook Pro. If you can't tell what that is from the name or picture, you may be stupid. Or an a-hole. Unlike these guys, who went the extra mile and paint matched the keyboard and re-etched it. Good looking. No word on what one would cost, which is probably good, because I'm sure it's more than I've got. Which at the moment is a pocketful of unwrapped mints.

Two more shiny ones after the jump.

Continue Reading " How About A Gold & Diamonds Macbook Pro "

Oct 8 2007 Scale Gives Your Weight In Animals

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The Animal Scale doesn't have any numbers on it, just animals. It goes from baby rabbit to bear, with a bunch of other animals in the middle. It costs $49 and is available from Angry Associates. I'm probably somewhere between hog and ox. But not the woman I brought home from the bar last night. No sir. She was easily between water buffalo and wooly mammoth. I think she broke two of my ribs. Hairy as hell too. I think I'm going to puke.

Animal Scale [core77]

Oct 8 2007 Stanley Watch Has Calculator, Tape Measure

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The Stanley Calculator Ruler Watch is just that -- a watch made by Stanley that adds, measures distances up to six inches, AND tells time. What functionality. They cost $62 and are available from Brando. While I can appreciate the concept, I think the final product came up a little short. I mean six inches? What good is a tape measure that only goes to six freaking inches? Sure, it's more than I need, but that's because I was at the back of the line when God was handing out penises. The time is 12:50 PM and my penis is 2 and 1/4 inches.

Product Site [thanks to Ben Hur for the tip]

Oct 8 2007 Interactive LED Coffee Table Lights Up

The Interactive LED Coffee Table, designed by Because We Can and Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories, is a coffee table with LEDs that is interactive. They are motion sensitive, and light up as you pass objects over them. When they don't detect motion anymore, the blinking slowly fades. You can purchase one for $1,990, or get a do-it-yourself kit starting at $350. I'm so glad these are available, because let's face it -- a coffee table just isn't a coffee table until it gives you a seizure.

Product Site [thanks to the very bright HelenKate for the tip]

Oct 8 2007 A High Tech Cross For Jesus Lovers

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The WL777PB Blue LED Cross is a very high tech cross indeed. I mean, it has blue LEDs. Talk about futuristic. Not only that, it comes with fake diamonds and can be programmed to scroll whatever you want. They cost about $38, and are available from a Korean site that I couldn't read. I think I might get one. After all, nothing says "the devil is a punk bitch" better than a blue LED cross.

Blue LED Cross - religion needs a new message? [redferret]

Oct 8 2007 UPDATE: Life Size X-Wing Flight Video

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Andy Woerner and his friends built a life size X-Wing Fighter and are going to set that bitch off on in California on October 10th. It's 21-feet long and has a 19-foot wingspan. It's powered by four Class M rocket engines (on the wings), which produce a red glow, just like the original. It will be launched in a fashion similar to traditional model rockets, but after liftoff the wings are going to open to attack position, through the use of a motor the team installed. They hope to recover the X-Wing in one piece after it's flight (via 3 parachutes). I wish these guys the best, and hopefully they'll have some sweet video available afterwards. Oh, and Andy if you're reading this, I'll happily be strapped to it for it's maiden voyage. Sure it'll kill me, but it'll be a far better death than the slow, painful one my marriage provides.

A couple more of the ship after blast-off.

UPDATE: VIDEO ADDED. Note: It is sad. The guy in the video says it best.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Life Size X-Wing Flight Video "

Oct 8 2007 Stick Chair Looks Like It Could Be Painful

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Carlo Volf displayed his Stick Chair at the recent Made In Denmark exhibit in London. He actually made the chair back in 2000, but it's still drawing oohs and aahs from crowds for some reason. "The chair directly references the classic Spindleback Chair, but with a modern twist, as Volf's style reflects newness found within traditional Danish design." Not really sure what that means, because I'm not a seating expert. But to me it looks less like a good chair, and more like a horrible way to lose your anal virginity.

Carlo Volf's Stick Chair [core77]

Oct 8 2007 Desktop Mario Golfer Putts, Doesn't Drive

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Mini Golfing Mario & Luigi are remote controlled desktop toys. You use the A and B buttons on a Famicom style remote to control their swings. Each comes with two balls and a practice hole. They run $25 apiece. I want one, despite the fact that they can only putt. They need to make some that can actually drive the ball. I'd never be bored at work again. I'd spend all day driving office supplies over the cubicle wall, trying to hit my coworkers. They're all dicks.

Miniauture, Remote Control Mario & Luigi Golfers [ohgizmo]

Oct 8 2007 Robot Suit Makes You Strong, Look Stupid

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Scientists at the Kanagawa Institute of Technology in Japan unveiled their air-pressure robot suit at a recent trade fair. The long term goal of the technology is to strap these on the elderly to make them more mobile. For now though they're focusing on caregivers, suggesting that having such a suit would make it easier to pick grandma up if you needed to. Allegedly you can pick up a 220 lb. person, even if you're only half that. The suit weighs 66 pounds and takes 10 minutes to put on. Which means you're not picking anyone up in a hurry. So if grandma needs to go to the bathroom she'll have pissed the bed long before you've transformed into a mechwarrior.

Robot Suit Gives Elderly Super Strenght, Attitude [therawfeed]

Oct 5 2007 Lamp Works Without Touching, Clapping

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The Airswitch Lamp works without ever having to touch it. You just swipe your hand over it and it turns on and off. You place your hand over the lamp and either raise or lower it in order to adjust brightness. They cost $79 and come in red, orange, blue and green. The only problem is, unlike the clapper, you have to be within arm's reach of the lamp in order to control it. I have a better system, but it works on a similar premise. I swipe my hand across my girlfriend's ass, follow it with a "get the damn light woman" and ta-da, off it goes.

AirSwitch Lamp: The New Clapper [uberreview]

Oct 5 2007 Swoop Scooper Better Than Bare Hands

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The swoop is a new take on an old problem -- picking up dog shit. You attach one of the special elastic bags, and it's spring loaded mechanism grabs the crap and turns the bag inside out in one action. It costs $25 and the replacement bags are stupidly expensive. Almost everyone I know just takes a plastic grocery bag with them when they walk their dog. I don't do that. If the dog shits in a neighbor's yard that I don't like then I give it a kick and try to hit their porch. If it's in someone's yard that I like, I just leave it, out of respect.

Scoopin Dog Poo [electroplankton]

Oct 5 2007 Panzer Paintball Tank Is A Cute Little Thing

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The Paintball Panzer is a tank designed for use in paintball matches. It has a 24-inch gun, and can shoot 15 balls a second. They cost a staggering $18,000 apiece. Now I'm not here to steal their business or anything, but for only $4,500 I'll sell you a Paintball Plymouth. And if you're thinking a Paintball Plymouth is just my neighbor's stolen Neon with the windows knocked out, you're right.

A video of the cute little bugger after the splatter.

Continue Reading " Panzer Paintball Tank Is A Cute Little Thing "

Oct 5 2007 Light Up Chair Is A Chair With Lights In It

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The Bot-One Pod Cushion is a seating creation from Slide Italian Design. It's made of polyethylene, so you can rock it inside or outside, and it looks like a giant douche bag. It's got energy-efficient 25 watt bulbs in it, making it a reasonably well lit giant douche bag. I just don't know how I feel about my ass being lit up when I'm seated. Because the last time my ass lit up was when I was burning the hair off it with a lighter. My ass and balls went up in flames, followed by my pants, and finally the couch. Try explaining that one to the fire department. I just told them I passed out with the crack pipe, so I wouldn't look stupid.

Light Up Lounger - Bot-One Pod Cushion [trendhunter]

Oct 5 2007 Looj Robot Is A Gutter Cleaner, Not For Ass

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Looj is a remote controlled gutter cleaning robot from iRobot. It was not made for asses. Models start at $100 and go up to $170. You throw the wily little bastard in the gutter, and away he goes, augering all the very loose debris and throwing it over the side. I don't need one, because whenever I babysit the neighbor's kid I throw him up on the roof and make him clean the gutters for me. Sometimes I give him a dollar in change if he does a real good job. Sike, he doesn't get shit.

A video after the jump. It's hilarious. A guy selling a GUTTER CLEANING ROBOT forgets what a gutter is at 0:28. Awesome.

Continue Reading " Looj Robot Is A Gutter Cleaner, Not For Ass "

Oct 5 2007 D3O Protects Head/Knees From Snow Shovel

D3O Lab has developed D3O, a "specially engineered material with intelligent molecules that flow with you as you move but on shock lock together to absorb impact energy." It's being used for it's shock absorption properties, and is currently available in motorcycle gear, shin pads, hats, etc. The video above shows a moderate to severely retarded man getting hit in the head and knees with a snow shovel. I want to try. I'd pretend I was going for the knee and then *crack*, right in the face. He could use some of that orange shit to glue his nose back on afterwards.

Product Site via Beat me in the head with a shovel [neatorama]

Oct 5 2007 Kyokusen Watch Tells Time, Somehow

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I love the watches at Tokyoflash, because I really appreciate a timepiece that is hard to read. The Kyoshen ($120) is surprisingly less confusing than many of the other watches they sell. Yellow bars are hours, red circle dots are five minute increments, and the green dots are single minutes. See, simple as pie. Just wait till someone asks you what time it is. Say "let me just check my wa... OH JESUS, SOMEONE'S STRAPPED A BOMB TO MY ARM!!" then push them to the ground, and walk away.

One more of the time telling directions, along with a couple more of my favorites, after the tick.

Continue Reading " Kyokusen Watch Tells Time, Somehow "

Oct 5 2007 More Remote Buttons = More Awesome

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The Pultius remote was designed by Art Lebedev Studios with the idea of having a button for every channel on television. It's 20-inches long and has 102 small channel buttons, in a rainbow of colors. I'm from the old school, where more buttons means you're more of a man, so I'm all about it. The color gradient may detract from the manliness slightly, but you can't win them all. This might not be a bad idea. If you can program all the buttons any way you want, then you can program color blocks for different genres of channels. For example, my remote would be sports in the purple section at the bottom. The sections above that would be for porno.

Art Lebedev's Pultius remote: one button for every channel [engadget]

Oct 4 2007 Apple Fan Pwns Microsoft Sign

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An Apple fan was caught showing Bill and the rest of Microsoft what he/she thinks of the company. I use he/she because I've spent the better part of fifteen minutes trying to figure out what sex that person is, and I still can't tell. Let's run through the photographic evidence. Long hair: Many dorky men in the computer industry have pony tails, so this is inconclusive. Tucked in t-shirt: Just as popular with both male and female virgins, so again, inconclusive. Possible earring: Looks like it may be a hoop, so leaning female, or very gay male. Lastly, Peeing like a dude, but no visible urine on sign: Likely indicates a female, or a male with penis so small the guy is lost in his own pubic hair and peeing into his hand. Conclusion: Dork. Likely virgin. Little or no penis.

UPDATE: I'm not making fun of Apple or Apple users, just the boob in the picture.

Microsoft Sign Gets Upgraded [techeblog]

Oct 4 2007 Chair Is Opposite Of Humpty Dumpty

Max Dean and Raffaello D'Andrea have created a chair that breaks apart, and then puts itself back together again -- slooowly. The first part of the clip is sped up 2x, but it still takes about two minutes for the reassembly to take place. The chair is controlled by two computers, has 14 motors, and 2 gearboxes to make it all possible. I'd like to see the sorry little bastard put himself back together after I take a chainsaw to a few of those legs and maybe bash the seat a few times. Not so tough now, are you robot chair? I didn't think so. I win.

Zombie Chair Cannot Be Destroyed [botjunkie]

Oct 4 2007 Folding Urinal Takes Up Less Space, Water

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Mister Miser is a urinal that folds out of the wall to save space. It looks bad. It has a "porcelain-like" finished door, meaning it's a big piece of plastic, and costs $295. It only uses 10 ounces of water per flush, making them a greener alternative than regular toilets. Of course they'll probably save even more water that that, because you're likely to stumble in the bathroom at night, forget to unfold that bitch, and piss all over the wall. That requires 0 ounces per flush. And so does draining your snake in the sink, which is what I do.

Folding Urinal For Your Bathroom [uberreview]

Oct 4 2007 Multimedia Ring Box Pops The Question Why?

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The Euricase Multimedia Ring Box costs $200 ($250 for gold or silver plated), and includes a tiny LCD screen and illuminated ring bed. You can upload a slide show with up to 500 pictures, or an hour of video, that starts playing when the box is opened. Hopefully you don't accidentally include the footage of you banging/doing drugs off the hooker you spent the night with last week. I feel like this thing might detract from the actual proposal, which is supposed to be romantic, not goofy. Of course, if I can provide any useful advice, the next time you're about to pop the question -- don't. Run like hell in the opposite direction. Stay young. Live your life. Stick with hookers.

Euricase Multimedia Ring Box [newlaunches]

Oct 4 2007 Finger Touching Turns Fingers To Buttons

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Finger Touching, a device developed by Samsung, turns your fingers into the buttons on a cellphone, so you can text faster -- or at least on bigger buttons. It's "easier and lighter in mobile circumstances corresponding to the 3.5G, 4G communication standard." Basically it projects the letters onto the three segments of each finger, and you push what you want. I think this is a pretty clever idea, but I don't need one. Because I don't have a cell phone. Or a land line. I have two rusty soup cans and a very long string. Which is ultra high technology. Don't believe me? You wouldn't know high technology if it called your treefort and gave you tetanus. Which is what it did to me, so I know.

Wearable Mobile Device For Enhanced Chatting [yankodesign]

Oct 4 2007 Delicious Bread Wrist Rest Prevents Strain

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I don't know about you, but when I think carpal tunnel prevention, I think Subway subs. Now, instead of smashing my lunch, I can purchase a cell foam replica to provide the same comfort. For $20, you can get a bread shaped wrist rest for your keyboard. You may think this is the dumbest idea ever, but I need one. You see, there's this real jerk at work who always sneaks into my cubicle when I'm out and eats my f'ing lunch. So I'm gonna use this as a decoy. The fat bastard will come over and start eating it, and then when he's almost done I'll pop out from behind the paper shredder and yell "Haha, I caught you! The joke's on you buddy, because that's a fake. Should be a real treat on it's way out." Then I'll kick him in the scrotum, for good measure.

Baguette Keyboard Wrist Rest: The Tasty Way To Prevent Carpal Tunnel [uberreview]

Oct 4 2007 Wire Lamborghini Is Slow, Must Be Pedaled

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Sculptor Benedict Radcliffe and pedal car designer Ben Wilson showed off this wire Lamborghini at the Art Car Parade in Manchester last month. If you can't tell, it's made of wire. And has pedals to make it go. God, can you imagine all the bugs splattered on your face when you take that puppy out and let it rip at speeds in excess of 2-3 mph? Wow, what a joyride that would be. Needless to say, this is one Lamborghini that will not get you laid. Which, I thought, was the purpose of them in the first place.

One more of a cop warning these guys they're about to chop the toes off an oblivious woman with a sign, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Wire Lamborghini Is Slow, Must Be Pedaled "

Oct 4 2007 Nail Assist: For Struggling Carpenters

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I'm building a pirate ship and taking it out to sea to rob and pillage the rich, so you better believe I can drive a nail straight. For those of you who can't, you should learn. For those of you that aren't into learning there's the 'Nail Assist' system. You put a nail in the tube, put it where you want, and bang on the big ass top with a hammer. Please note: Your wife will probably insist you do the cooking and laundry and that she'll handle the home repairs if you're caught with this thing. She may also cheat on you. Which you will deserve.

One more after the jump, just in case the concept is beyond you.

Continue Reading " Nail Assist: For Struggling Carpenters "

Oct 3 2007 Buy Your Own Moon, Hang It Anywhere!

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A group of Russian designers have created and started manufacture of these moon shaped light boxes and sells them as 'Your Personal Moon'. I used to know a Russian once, and all he would do is break the top off a vodka bottle and drink the whole thing. I've got the feeling he was not involved with this project. No idea how to get one or how much they are, because my mail order Russian bride used me to gain U.S. citizenship and ran away. Someone feel free to find that out. Oh, and someone feel free to explain to me why the hell that guy in the picture is sleeping with a moon. Sure I've banged my share of embarrassing objects (most notably a grill), but come on. A moon? That guy is one sick bastard.

Some blowups of the small pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Buy Your Own Moon, Hang It Anywhere! "

Oct 3 2007 Mario Brothers Air Fresheners Smell

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Because one Mario Brothers related post just wasn't enough for today, come these two handsome bastards. They're Mario and Luigi car air fresheners! Okay, they're air fresheners that happen to have Mario and Luigi standing on top. Now I'm not encouraging you to make your own, but you probably should. Or you can pay $7.61 for the two pack. They stand just short of 4 inches tall, and come in odors like clogged toilet, urine, crap, and shit. Just kidding. They're probably vanilla or pine or something equally stupid. Pina colada would be okay though.

The Fresh, Invigorating Scent Of Mario And Luigi [uberreview]

Oct 3 2007 Betty Bike Lamp Is Bright And Expensive

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The Betty cycle lamp is a lamp for your bicycle. It's called Betty because I used to date a girl by the same name and she had some headlights on her that would make you curl and weep they were so damn fine. So that's why it's called that. It's 22 watts and 1,400 lumens, making it pretty damn bright. Yeah, but here comes the kicker. Get ready. Here comes. Just a minute now. It costs $1,185. Wasn't expecting that were you? You should have been sitting down. I meant to warn you but I was daydreaming about Betty's milk balloons. Sorry.

Betty Cycle Lamp Lights Up The Night [ubergizmo]

Oct 3 2007 Gun Mice Are Awesome, Wear You Out

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When I first saw this mouse I thought it was a great idea, and I still do, but it needs to be improved slightly. It's awesome to play first person shooters with, but only for the first five minutes. Even with my incredible wrists and forearms I can't hold my arm in that awkward position for too long. What I'm getting at is that it needs an armrest. And for $70 it should come with one. It should also come with a warning that reads "If you use this mouse at work and yell "bang! bang!" whenever you click on something you will probably be fired." Because, well, that's what happened.

Move Up to a 'Higher Caliber' Pointing Device [therawfeed]

Oct 3 2007 Replug Prevents Unsafe Pull Out

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Replug protects your audio devices by preventing the cord from being ripped out at awkward angles. It consists of a 3.5mm audio jack that plugs into your device and just leaves a little magnetic nubbin sticking out. This connects to the rest of the Replug system and your audio cable. No word on release date or price, but these things are long overdue. They just need to make them for all cables. Because one time my dog ran by the desk and caught the scanner's cord to my pc on his leg. He yanked the whole damn thing off the desk, trashing it. It was awesome. So awesome I dropped him off at the pound.

One more showing how the piece works after the jump.

Continue Reading " Replug Prevents Unsafe Pull Out "

Oct 3 2007 Mario Mushroom Lamps Lack Power-Ups

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Brando.com.hk is selling these mushroom lamps, which resemble the shrooms from Mario Brothers. They're powered by 4 AA batteries, and their illumination comes from 2 white LEDs. You mash the top to turn them on and off, which is fun. They cost $12, which isn't too shabby, and come in the colors shown above. Just don't take a bite of one for a midnight snack. The last time I ate a shroom that looked like that I spent six hours having a heart to heart with my neighbor's garden gnome. Great guy.

Mushroom Lamps - Extra Light Yes, Extra Life No [ohgizmo]

Oct 3 2007 New Sony Display Is Thinner Than Hell

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Sony had their new XEL-1 OLED TV on display recently at CEATEC, a Japanese consumer electronics show. Now I'm not one to jump to conclusions or anything, but based on the photographic evidence, I'm tempted to say this thing is thin. It boasts a 3mm depth, 1 million:1 contrast ratio, and costs $1,700 (!!) for an 11-incher. Now I know what you're thinking. Here comes a 3mm wide, 11 inch long dong joke. Well I have news for you folks. I'm too mature for that. So instead I'm just going to say that while thin may be in, fat is where it's at. CRTs forever.

One more from the side after the jump.

Continue Reading " New Sony Display Is Thinner Than Hell "

Oct 2 2007 Ex-Time Watch Projects Time On Arm

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The Ex-Time Watch, a conceptual watch by Rong Yong, projects the current time and date onto your arm/hand with the push of a button. So when someone asks what time it is, you push a button, and then point your arm in their direction while flipping them the bird. I like the concept, because I hate listening to people. Just show me your damn watch, I can tell the time myself. Besides, you'll probably round off to the closest five minutes or something. I want the exact damn time. This watch is not for me. My wrists are so fat it would be projecting the time straight into a chub roll. You wouldn't be able to read anything.

Ex-Time Projector Watch [ohgizmo]

Oct 2 2007 Bike Mowers Are Awesome, Cut Grass

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I don't know what rock I was living under when this trend started but bike-mower hybrids look like they're really catching on. You take a shitty ass bike, attach a shitty ass push mower instead of a front wheel, and presto, bike mower! Make it a lowrider and you're the coolest person on the block. Who needs an expensive John Deere when you can pedal around the yard on one of these? Well me for one. But that's because I have a monster f'ing yard. I'd love to be greener, but the goats don't eat as much grass as was advertised. They just stand on the damn shed all day making funny noises.

A few more after the jump, including one of me mowing the concrete.

Continue Reading " Bike Mowers Are Awesome, Cut Grass "

Oct 2 2007 Numeric Keypad + Mouse = Numeric Mouse!

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I work almost exclusively from the john, so my computing is typically done via a laptop perched on the sink. Well my little laptop doesn't have a numeric keypad, so when I have to punch in numbers to work out how much I owe in alimony this month, it's a pain. Enter the numeric keypad mouse. For about $28, you can purchase the lovechild of a horny keypad and very slutty mouse. They come in black or white (although the white looks silver to me) and may save you some time while avoiding the shift key. I know I'm going to buy one. Then I'm going to realize that I don't use a mouse on the john and stuff it in a desk drawer to be forgotten.

Numeric Keypad Mouse For Number Nerds Hits [therawfeed]

Oct 2 2007 NYPD's New License Plate Readers

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The New York Police Department is currently testing a camera that can read license plates and then transmit that information to a database to search for matches. The camera is a couple of blocks from ground zero, and is part of the city's effort to create a high-tech security ring around Lower Manhattan. No data is being collected at the moment -- the camera is just being tested, so you can rest (a little) easier. Big brother is not yet in full swing. The good news is that they didn't say the camera can scan vehicles for hookers. They also failed to mention what happens if you don't have a plate on. Which probably means you beat the system.

New York City Cameras to Read License Plates [therawfeed]

Oct 2 2007 Time Machine: World's First Computer Mouse

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Proving that things were way cooler back in the day, is the world's first computer mouse. Made by Douglas Engelbart in 1964, it "consisted of two gear-wheels positioned perpendicular to each other -- allowing movement on one axis." Just look at this thing. Ergonomic shape, great button placement -- and it's made of wood. If that ain't style, then I don't know what is. Sure the front has rotted out, but who cares. My mouse looks like that, and it's brand new. That's just what happens when porn doesn't download fast enough and you start slamming the mouse on the desk.

One more of the underside after the jump.

Continue Reading " Time Machine: World's First Computer Mouse "

Oct 2 2007 Man Attaches Train Horn To Car, People Crap

My dad hooked an old 18 wheeler's horn up to his Pinto station wagon, and when you honked it the headlights would basically dim off. But damn was it loud. The dumb bastard in this video specializes in mounting train horns to cars so you can go out and honk so loud people crap their pants. Based on the video I would say several people got a case of the ookey dookies that day. Now I don't promote this kind of behavior. I'm confident these guys are penis-less jackasses. But that's because they use this horn for evil. I'm mature enough to only use it for good, like getting jerks off their cell phones while driving. I'm practically a superhero.

Train horn on a car - Havoc on the streets [newlaunches]

Oct 2 2007 Make The Whole Ocean Your Aquarium

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The Jelly-fish 45 habitat is like a cross between a house and a boat. Which would make it a houseboat, except the damn thing doesn't go anywhere under its own power. So it's a habitat instead. It measures 30 meters tall and 15 meters wide. It can house up to 6 people, and has 5 levels, the lowest of which is partially submerged so you can see fish and pollution and stuff. I really do want one, but at $2,500,000, I can forget about it. I've already sold all my non-critical organs for video games and beer. I'm basically just a head and an arm.

One more picture of the underwater section after the dive.

Continue Reading " Make The Whole Ocean Your Aquarium "

Oct 2 2007 Expensive Bathtub Reminds Me Of Pipe

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Can't tell what you're looking at? It's a $26,000 bathtub from artist Tetsuya Nakamura. It reminds me of a pipe I used to have. My grandmother found it in my sock drawer and kicked me out of her attic. The bathtub is made out of reinforced plastic though, not glass. But I imagine you could still get a hell of a toke off it. But be careful. The last time I smoked out of plastic I inhaled too much vaporized polyvinyl chloride, and now they say I can't make babies. Which, in my case, is probably a good thing.

One more of a $8,600 sink after the splash.

Continue Reading " Expensive Bathtub Reminds Me Of Pipe "

Oct 1 2007 Female Master Chief Makes Me Feel Funny

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Artist David Johnson has created a female Master Chief figure in polymer clay and is selling her on eBay. She is 8" tall and gives me a boner (which is about half that size). Bidding started at $199, but is now over $1,500. David insures his pieces for life, so if you break her during a heavy petting session one night he'll fix her for free. The auction ends on October 4th. It's totally cool to pleasure yourself to this thing right? I mean it's not like it's anime or anything. That's a cartoon. This thing is practically a real woman. Well just to be safe I'm not saying that it's okay to pleasure yourself while checking her out. But I did. Twice. Three times here in a few minutes.

A ton more of her after the jump, along with a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " Female Master Chief Makes Me Feel Funny "

Oct 1 2007 USB Whac-A-Mole Doesn't Relieve Stress

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The USB stress relieving Whac-A-Mole ripoff, "Whack It" plays just like the original you used to play at Chuck E. Cheese's or local arcade, except that it's tiny and there's no damn mallet. So I guess it's not the same. You push the different colored heads with your finger as they light up. Whee! It costs $25. I love things USB but I may have to pass on this sucker. I mean it doesn't even dispense tickets to redeem for stupid trinkets and candy. What the hell? This guy wants some f'ing prizes.

Whac-A-Mole Comes To Desktop [ubergizmo]

Oct 1 2007 Vibro-Exerciser Machine Looks Questionable

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Carl Lewis, a man best known for running fast as hell and winning 9 Olympic gold medals, has created a new piece of exercise equipment. The Vibro-Exerciser allegedly gives you 70% more benefit than regular exercise alone. It does this through "vibration training that taps into your “subconscious muscle responses” to help reduce fat and improve circulation." Now I'm pretty sure this thing doesn't work, because stuff like this has existed forever and everyone is still fat as hell. But I'm no gold medal Olympian. Maybe Carl Lewis knows something I don't. Hell, I can't even run. Unless it's to 7-11 for a case of beer and pack of smokes. And even then I'm only running figuratively, because I'm driving.

Carl Lewis Vibro Exerciser: Vibrate Your Way To A Toned Physique [uberreview]

Oct 1 2007 Using Phone While Driving Kills You Big Time

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Someone took these pictures in Russia, where it is forbidden to use a cell phone while driving. It's a huge Motorola RAZR 2 inside a Mercedes. There was speculation it was an accident, that the phone fell of a sign, but if you look at the last picture in the gallery, the sign is about three feet above the Mercedes. So it's some kind of marketing gimmick. A stupid one. Some social commentary about driving responsibly and not talking on your phone. Like how beer companies always put "Please Drink Responsibly" on everything, even though they know I'm going to get shit-house plastered and make out with ugly chicks.

More photos after the jump.

Continue Reading " Using Phone While Driving Kills You Big Time "

Oct 1 2007 Man Has Death Wish, Does 130.7 On Bike

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Markus Stoeckl broke the World Speed Record for mountain bikes, topping out at 130.7 mph. Down a mountain. In the snow. "The super speed antics took place on a 2000m stretch at a 45 degree run in the Chilean Andes. To prevent his helmet from fogging up, Mr. Stoeckl had to hold his breath for the entire 40 seconds it took to complete the distance." So, yeah. Apparently Mr. Stoeckl has no respect for his life. The last time I saw a giant red penis doing 130 mph I was masturbating and so hopped up on drugs that I ended up doing permanent damage to my unit.

The record breaking video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Man Has Death Wish, Does 130.7 On Bike "

Oct 1 2007 Robo-Frogs Are Coming, Will Kill Us All

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Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed Mowgli, the scary jumping robot frog. He's scary. He jumps. He's robotic. He will kill us all. He can jump on and off of things about 20 inches high, and can even kick a soccer ball (somehow). At first I thought those protrusions on his head were guns, and while they probably aren't right now, they will be soon. I happen to have never eaten frog legs, so I'm hoping to be spared during the Amphibious Uprising of 2010.

Video of the murderous little bastard after the jump.

Continue Reading " Robo-Frogs Are Coming, Will Kill Us All "

Oct 1 2007 Pet Fanatic Cramped For Space

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Apparently some pet fanatic who lives in a very small apartment decided to conserve space by combining two pet habitats in one. The birds live in an acrylic box mostly submerged in a fishtank. While it does look neat, I imagine someone out there is calling the SPCA or PETA. Reminds me of the time I combined two pets. My sister's prized hamster and my snake. She hasn't spoken to me in nine years.

The Birdtank [neatorama, thanks to pet friendly Derek for the tip]