Terrible Driver Gets Perfectly Stuck In Parking Garage

January 17, 2019

This is a short, filmed-off-the-monitor security cam video of a driver in a parking garage who hits the corner while making a turn, then proceeds to back up with the quickness, getting their car perfectly stuck between two walls. I'm not even sure if I could do that if I tried, especially considering I don't have a license so trying would be illegal. Still, I'm a little confused seeing this video because my girlfriend said she was just running to the grocery store, and I know they have a parking lot and not a garage. *phone rings* Man, my night is gonna suck now.

Keep going for the full video, but you aren't missing much from the gif.

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Don't Tell My Aunt: An Umbrella That Looks Like A Wine Bottle

January 17, 2019


Seen here getting cut from the Autobot tryouts, this is the $10 'Brella Vineyards Cabernet Wine Bottle Hidden Umbrella' available on Amazon (in burgundy or black). When in dry storage mode it looks like a bottle of cabernet wine, but when raining can be opened to expose a functional (albeit low-quality looking) umbrella. Now I love wine as much as the next person who's sadly learned it's socially unacceptable to play quarters or flip-cup with shots at a fine-dining establishment, but who needs an umbrella that looks like a wine bottle? Now I'm not saying there was clearly some miscommunication and the manufacturer screwed up, but I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be an umbrella that hides a wine bottle. Now that makes sense, but they should also make a parasol edition so people don't look at me funny when I'm drinking out of my umbrella in the middle of summer.

Thanks to Andrea, who agrees they should make a golf umbrella version that looks like a box of Franzia.

Ambush Predators: A Video About The California Turret Spider

January 17, 2019

LATE WARNING: Spider attack above.

This is a clip from the science video series Deep Look produced by KQED and PBS Digital Studios highlighting the lives of California turret spiders, ambush predators that spend their entire lives in the little turret towers they've built on Northern California forest floors (except for males attempting to mate, who will leave their tower to either get ambushed and eaten by a female assuming they're prey, or successfully mating then typically dying). Some more info while I'm thankful I'm not a male California turret spider looking to mate:

Turret spiders are ambush hunters. While remaining hidden inside their turrets, they're able to sense the vibrations created by their prey's footsteps.

That's when the turret spider strikes, busting out of the hollow tower like an eight-legged jack-in-the-box. With lightning speed the spider swings its fangs down like daggers, injecting venom into its prey before dragging it down into the burrow.

"It's like the scene in a horror movie where the monster appears out of nowhere -- you can't not jump," Pearce said.

Thankfully, the spiders are only about the size of your pinky nail, so they're not really that terrifying except when seen up-close. And if you have my pinky nails they're not terrifying at all because they don't exist, since I don't have either pinky nail. "How'd you lose them, GW?" I don't wanna talk about it. "Were you doing something stupid?" Okay okay okay -- you know how sometimes you see videos of chefs just whacking away at a piece of meat with a butcher knife trying to separate the bones? "Mmhmm?" I lost them holding my hands up on a roller coaster at the fair.

Keep going for the very informative video while I speculate whether ambush predation evolved from members within a species born with the lazy gene.

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What A Time To Be Risen: Marshmallow Peeps Flavored Cereal Coming For Easter

January 17, 2019


This is a new Kellogg's Peeps flavored cereal coming in time for the Easter season. The limited edition sugarbombs include yellow, pink and blue marshmallow flavored rings, as well actual marshmallows. Mmmm, a little marshmallow on marshmallow action -- I'll allow it. Per Instagram user mnmtwinz, who has the lowdown in case you want to try scoring some for yourself a little early from Target:

Marshmallow flavored cereal with marshmallows! The cereal has got the same texture as Apple Jacks but literally does taste like Peeps Marshmallows; just without the sugar crystals. It's strange but it works! The sweetness is a nice balance, not too sweet but not bland. And because it all tastes like marshmallow, you can mix it with nearly any other cereal that you feel needs marshmallow in it. 👀

📍 Found this on a pallet last night at Target. It had no aisle location, perhaps because it isn't Easter time yet, so it might have gotten back stocked. Your Target may have them pushed out already, but if not, ask if they're in the back just in case. The DCPI (item number) is: 231 00 0406.

Valuable information. I can't wait to pick up one of those red phones at Target and start reciting the launch code. Foxtrot whiskey tango, this is GW in launch bay 9 requesting permission for blastoff. Launch code is 231 00 0406, please advise. "Sir that phone isn't for customers." You'll never take me alive! *runs shopping cart straight into end-of-aisle red wine display breaking a bunch of bottles, lays in puddle pretending to be near death* You....you got me.

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who's smart enough to know that little marshmallows are the real key to a well-balanced breakfast.

Real Products That Exist: $33 Decorative Unicorn Skulls

January 16, 2019


This is the $33 'Ancient Fossil Unicorn Skull Sculpture Rare Mythical Creature Skeleton Model Great Decor For Archaeologists Excavation Adventurers And Collectors' from Ebros Gifts and available on Amazon. Each resin skull is hand-painted and polished and measures about 11-inches tall, 9-inches long and 5-inches wide. Considering an average size horse skull is around 22-inches long, this must have been a very young unicorn. And that's heartbreaking -- it was never even old enough to realize its full magical potential before being killed. "You're joking, right?" About what? "What part of 'sculpture,' 'model,' 'resin,' and 'hand-painted and polished' did you not understand?" Any of it really.

Thanks to Stephanie B, who informed me she has an ogre skull on her fireplace mantle. Now that I want.

Going The Extra Mile: Guy Creates Immersive Special Effects For Fireball Island Board Game

January 16, 2019

These are twelve videos highlighting a bunch of the immersive light, sound and smoke special effects that Youtuber andyk created to enhance he and his family's Fireball Island playing experience during the holidays (with bonus Christmas tunes playing in the background). He says he plans to add even more effects in the future, as well as potentially modify the gameboard with terrain and possibly even a smoking volcano. That definitely sounds value-add. Also, for those of you unaware, there was a Kickstarter to bring Fireball Island back from the grave a while ago, and you can buy one HERE (although it doesn't play the same as the original). Also, I like how he used the audio from Aladdin when Abu tries to steal the forbidden treasure as the voice of the game's Vul-Kar in the first video. That was a nice touch. "And an erotic one." Exac-- wait, what?! "I said 'and an erotic one.'" Oh, right, yes, agreed.

Keep going for all the videos while I speculate how long we'll have to wait for an incredibly disappointing Fireball Island movie.

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You Can See It Coming From A Mile Away: Russian Icicle Removal Goes As Expected

January 16, 2019


This is a video from Saratov, Russia of a work crew removing some very large icicles from the front of a building. Now I'm not sure what they expected to happen, but exactly what I expected to happen happened, and that building is going to need a couple new awnings now. No word if these guys will be the same group responsible for installing those awnings, but I can't wait to watch that video either.

Keep going for the video, but skip to around 0:40 for the action while I speculate whey they didn't try solving this problem with some good old fashioned fire.

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Looks Legit: $10 Infinity Gauntlet Replica 'Indistinguishable From The One In The Movies'

January 16, 2019


This is one of the $10 Infinity Gauntlet replicas available from Etsy seller MutualRivals. It's advertised as "Indistinguishable from the one in the movies," but I would argue it actually looks better than the one in the movies. You can almost smell the power. It smells like *inhaling deeply* lemon Palmolive?

Exact 1:1 scale replica of The Infinity Gauntlet. Indistinguishable from the one in the movies. Includes all 6 Infinity Stones(Gems). Control the Universe! Be careful when you snap your fingers while wearing though!

Wearable, left hand, large adult size, glove includes these stones:

Space Stone
Reality Stone
Power Stone
Mind Stone
Soul Stone
Time Stone

Warning: Doing dishes with The Infinity Gauntlet may cause stones to fall off and be lost to the vast expanse of the pipes.

Note: Glove will sometimes differ very slightly from the one in the images. What with being handmade.

I also have a separate listing that's just the set of stones. If that's your thing!

Medium and small sized adult gloves available upon request.

On one hand, it probably is the best wearable Infinity Gauntlet replica you're going to get for $10. On the other hand *looks at other hand* A catcher's mitt? *gets pounded in face with softball* Oh right, we were playing. How are my teeth? "Missing." It feels like it. Take me to the hospital? "Settle for ice cream instead?" Deal!

Keep going for a couple more shots, including what the gauntlet might look like clutching a penis.

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