Well That Was Satisfying: Video Of An Ultra-Sharp Knife Repeatedly Slicing Halved Grapes

April 20, 2018


These are several short Instagram videos of Austin, Texas based professional knife sharpener 'Iron to Adamant' demonstrating the results of his professional knife-sharpening by repeatedly slicing through a line of halved grapes. Now that is a sharp blade. Now stick it between the ribs of one of my enemies and give it a twist! "Um, what?" I meant cut my steak into cubes for me, I'm five.
"Wow." And pass the ketchup.

Keep going for the videos.

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Problem Solving: Truck Carrying Excavator Finds Clever Way To Make It Up An Icy Hill

April 20, 2018


This is a video from St-Jerome, Quebec, Canada, of a truck hauling an excavator finding a clever way to make it up an otherwise impassible icy hill by using the excavator's bucket to help push the truck forward, apparently ripping up big pieces of asphalt in the process. They also hit the power lines a couple times. Smart. Personally, I would have just left the truck parked in the middle of the road until spring and hiked to the nearest bar, but that's just me and we all have our own ways of dealing with problems.

Keep going for the video.

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Finally, A Decent Web-Based Customizable Cat Purr Emulator

April 20, 2018


Note: Stop trying to click the picture above, you have to go to the website.

This is Purrli, a web-based cat purr emulator that you can customize to achieve the perfect purr. I just spent ten minutes fine tuning a purr and now I'm so relaxed I could fall asleep at my desk. I'm not at my desk though, I'm in a bathroom stall, and I'm not leaving until the meeting I'm supposed to be attending is almost over. You think I can't walk into a conference room at the last minute and look everyone dead in the eyes and announce I just had insane diarrhea? You don't know what I'm capable of.

The sound of a purring cat is one of the most comforting sounds available and can help soothe and calm you down when you're feeling stressed. Naturally, it's not just the sound that is important, but it's also the presence of the warm cuddly cat. Purrli tries to recreate both the sound and the presence of your very own virtual cat through a custom sound engine modelled after real purrs.

With a purr that delicately changes over time, Purrli aims at making the experience as real and lively as possible. Just like a real cat, Purrli will call for your attention. Just be careful when adjusting the last slider, if you don't want to be nagged in the middle of your work.

PROTIP: If you're going for maximum relaxation turn the bottom slider all the way to the left like I did in the picture, otherwise the cat meows occasionally, which, at full volume, was enough to make me believe I was being attacked by a mountain lion. That's no way to relax. Now I just need a massager that feels like a cat kneading my belly and I'll sleep like a baby. "Waking up shitting yourself and crying?" Exactly, the usual.

Thanks to hairless, who may or may not be one of those freaky-deaky looking cats.

Everybody Needs A Hobby: Video Of A Guy Eating 117-Year Old Concentrated Beef From A British Army Ration

April 20, 2018


"That right there -- actually looks pretty good." Ahahahahaha, WHAT?!

This is a video of ration enthusiast (seriously -- just look at his Youtube channel) SteveMRE1989Info eating a beef ration distributed to British soldiers during the Second Boer War (1899 - 1902). Great, here comes madder cow disease.

Engineered to deliver calories and carbs and not much else, the tin was packed with cocoa powder and a highly-processed form of beef that was pulverized, cooked, dried, and then compressed into what could be considered the original protein bar.

A century of storage turned the beef into what looks like a dry clump of dirt, and Steve confirmed the taste was not that far off from soil.

Steve then used the ration's alternative serving instructions in an attempt to make a beef broth, which unsurprisingly turns out poorly. Still, after reviewing Steve's Youtube channel it appears a lot more people are into videos like this than I'd previously expected, which is why I just launched my own Youtube channel of me eating all the expired food in my pantry. Will I get sick? "Hopefully." Will I die? "Hopefully." Tune in to find out and watch me hurl!

Keep going for the video, but skip around. The good stuff starts around 10:30. And by good I mean fair/okay.

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Video Of Some Sweet Power Line Arcing During An Ice Storm

April 20, 2018

Note: Some brief, appropriate language.

This is a video shot from outside a gas station in Ypsilanti, Michigan during an ice storm that causes the power lines in the area to enter arc-madness mode. They almost sound like a jet flying overhead. It sucks Ben Franklin wasn't around to see this, it probably would have blown his mind. Or at least blown his bifocals off. Did you know I wear bifocals? "Because you need them?" No...I just put my dad's on whenever I want to get dizzy in a hurry. "You're a wild child, GW." I sure am. Plus when I was six I'd lost a lot of baby teeth and my adult teeth still hadn't grown in yet so I'd use my grandma's dentures whenever I wanted to eat jerky.

Keep going for the whole video. Also, can an arcing power line cook a hotdog? I'm asking for a friend with a hotdog on a string.

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Who Would Have Thought?: Flaming Cheese Sets Off Fire Sprinkler At Greek Restaurant

April 20, 2018


This is a video of four servers at a Cava Messe Greek restaurant simultaneously flambéing four orders of 'flaming saganaki' (a pan-fried cheese, often flambéed tableside for extra flair) when they set off the fire sprinkler above them. Who would have thought? SPOILER: Apparently the guy at the table in the blue vest, because he seems to be having the time of his life. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as that man laughs. And not just because I grew up believing laughter was the sound of the devil trying to take control of your soul, but my Aunt Christy did teach me that.

Keep going for the video.

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'Self-Sacrificing' Ants Explode Themselves When Threatened, Spewing Toxic Liquid

April 20, 2018


Formally known as 'yellow goo' ants because of the color of the splatter they spew after exploding themselves, the newly described Colobopsis explodens of Borneo (right) self-sacrifices itself to kill another invading ant species. Brutal!

To blow themselves up, the reddish-brown minor workers -- all sterile females -- contracted a part of their abdomens called the gaster. They clenched it so tightly that it ruptured, spewing a yellow secretion that was manufactured in the ants' jaw glands and had "a distinctive spice-like odor," according to the study.

Damn, clenching your stomach so hard it ruptures -- that's serious business. Me? Whenever I clench my stomach really hard the only thing that happens is you can see my sick abs and all the babes swoon. "There's no way you have abs." I have never even had a single ab. Sit-ups are for people who aren't comfortable in their own skin lying down.

Thanks to Cabanaz, who agrees they should really try some sort of peer mediation first.

Professional Stuntmen Recreate The Fighting Styles From Their Favorite Video Game Franchises

April 20, 2018

This is a video of seven professional stunt performers (with credits including several Marvel Cinematic UNNiverse films and The Walking Dead) recreating the fighting styles of five of their favorite video game franchises: Assassin's Creed, Metal Gear, Witcher, Uncharted, and God Of War. Speaking of -- I heard there's an amazing new God Of War game that just came out today. I guess I know what I'll be doing all weekend! "Playing it?" Close. WISHING I was playing it. My mom watched a review and said it's too violent.

Keep going for the video while I hit my cubicle neighbor with an elbow drop off the top of our shared wall.

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