Guy Breaks Store's Glass Entry Doors Making Grand Entrance

February 18, 2020

This is a video of a man clearly high as f*** on life who believes in opening doors the only way he knows how: two at a time and as hard as he can, like all the doors he opens lead straight to the stage of his American Idol audition and this is the only shot he's got at not getting stuck performing in community musicals for the rest of his life. What a lunatic.

Keep going for the full video (although the gif is really it), while the man with the baby continues to back away from this sociopath.

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Photo Of Squirrel Appearing To Lovingly Hug And Smell Flower

February 18, 2020

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This is a shot captured by Dutch photographer Dick van Duijn in Vienna, Austria of a squirrel appearing to tenderly hug and smell a flower. Is it really? I have no clue. Is a squirrel's sense of smell even that good? "How else do you think they find their nuts?" I don't know, the same way I find mine? "Asking two friends to lift your penis out of the way?" I like you, I really do.

It even gave it a hug, it seems like. That capture by Dick while the squirrel closed its eyes is absolutely priceless. Interestingly, Dick visited Vienna to shoot [photograph, not eventually make stew with] and observe ground squirrels, so only half a coincidence there.


"On the first day we observed them and how they behaved," Van Duijn explains. He continues, "On the second day, we photographed the squirrels the entire day. It was in the evening, just before sunset, when the light becomes soft and nice that one of the many ground squirrels walked towards the yellow flower and began to hold it and sniff it."

You know, this squirrel is the perfect reminder that it's the little things in life that make it so beautiful, and we should all take time to stop and smell the roses, or, in the case of this squirrel, whatever the hell this kind of flower is. "It's a daisy." Wait -- like 'FAKE!!!! This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadows are all wrong. This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max tries to make his prom date a corsage out of fresh flowers but gets impaled by a deer' daisy?! "No like the flower." I suppose that does make more sense.

Keep going for a couple before and after shots.

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Truck Follows Boat Down Launch Ram Into Water After Alleged Brake Failure

February 18, 2020

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This is a smartphone video of a computer screen (my favorite kind of video) featuring a truck backing a boat down a launch ramp when the truck's brakes allegedly fail, sending it into the drink, and eventually Davey Jones's locker. Some more info while I dive that sunken truckwreck for loose change:

"I let my apprentice back my car down the ramp while I was to drive the boat out. Apparently, the brakes failed. He saved his shoes and crawled out the back window."

So I'm supposed to believe of all the times that truck's brakes could fail, they just so happened to go out the very moment its unloading a boat in the water? That sounds *putting on cool guy polarized sunglasses so I can see through the water* fishy. When reached for comment about the plausibility of the truck's brakes failing, I could see Farmers Insurance online live-chat agent Nicholas began typing, then stopped, then disconnected our chat.

Keep going for the whole video, including eventual sinking, and Australian commentary.

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Awww: Astronaut Greets Her Dog After A Year Away Aboard The International Space Station

February 18, 2020

This is a very sweet video of NASA astronaut Christina Koch returning home to her dog after spending a year aboard the International Space Station. Those must have been two big water and food bowls she left out! "Somebody watched the dog." Oh, right. Of course. The video isn't really different from any of the other 'person returning home to dog' videos you may have seen, except in this case Christina WAS IN OUTER SPACE. You think her dog could smell the space on her? Dogs have quite the noses, you know. Because whenever I come home from a friend's place who has pets my dogs can ALWAYS smell the other dogs on me, then they get jealous and poop on the carpet. "Wait -- are WE the second family?" I imagine them thinking while circling for an angry shit.

Keep going for the sweet video, and make sure to turn the volume on.

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Valuable Info: Fishing Guide Demonstrates How To Remove Fish Hooks From Skin By Sticking Three In His Arm

February 18, 2020

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Note: Video is not for the squeamish.

This is a video of Kevin Newell of Totalfisherman.com (who apparently just went fishing for some humans and caught himself) demonstrating how to properly remove fish hooks from your skin with minimal damage. I'd be lying if I said I watched the whole thing because I got lightheaded as soon as he started sticking the hooks in, but this might be valuable info if you're a regular angler, ever even go fishing, or just play with fish hooks. Me? If my arm ever looked like that I'd just toss myself over the side of the boat and let 'catch a shark' be the last thing I ever do.

Keep going for the video.

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A Star Trek: The Next Generation 'But The Question Is...' Compilation

February 18, 2020

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This is a video edited by reader Gabriel of all the "But the question is..." quotes from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and the episodes they came from. He informed me he's also working on a Deep Space Nine version, which he says "is a far worse offender for this than TNG." So we have that to look forward to in the future. And you know how I feel about looking forward to things. "The anticipation is half the fun." And, more often than not for me personally, the anticipation is all the fun, since the majority of things I'm looking forward to never actually materialize. Like remember that time you told me you'd take me to Disneyland for my birthday? "I was joking." I stood at the end of my driveway smiling and waiting for a month.

Keep going for the video.

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Winged Jetpacker Flying Around Dubai At 6,000 Feet, 150MPH

February 18, 2020

This is a video of "Jetman" Vince Reffet blasting around above Dubai at up to 6,000-feet and 150MPH (well, after about two and a half minutes of low altitude dicking around). That's cool, but just how many Jetmen are there? It seems like everyone with a jetpack calls themselves Jetman. These jetpackers need to get more creative with their nicknames is my point. I mean unless they're all Jetmen because they're all members of some high-flying jetpack gang, in which case that's lame, but I do require a leather member's jacket with patches.

Keep going for the video, which is almost entirely take off, hovering, and landing footage until 2:30, when things really get going.

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Pour Me One: Guy Taste Testing Liquid Mercury A Couple Times

February 18, 2020

Hot on the heels of that iron anvil floating in liquid mercury comes another video from Cody of Cody'sLab (also previously) of him taste-testing the stuff a couple times "so you don't have to." I don't know, now I kinda feel like I DO have to. I mean why should Cody get to have all the fun/superpowers? After all, somebody is gonna have to fight him when he tries robbing a bank with his new powers. Also, there's never been a time in my life when somebody has told me something tastes like shit and I could keep myself from trying it.
What can I say *standing on tippy-toes to peek over urinal divider* I'm naturally curious.

Keep going for the video, actual tasting begins at 1:45 but it's all worth a watch.

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