Real Products That Exist: The Rick And Morty Pickle Rick Sleeping Bag

July 20, 2018


This is the Rick and Morty Pickle Rick sleeping bag available from ThinkGeek for a surprisingly reasonable $25. It was created for San Diego Comic-Con but allegedly there will be some for sale on their website briefly. Do what you will with that information. If you're like me, you'll use that information to constantly refresh the product page all night until you can buy one. If that doesn't work, I'll hack the database and backtrace someone who was able to purchase one, and intercept the package on its way to their home, possibly by skydiving onto the top of the Fed-Ex truck and blowtorching a hole in the top, because that's how I roll. "In your imagination." It's the only safe place left to live in this crazy world.

Keep going for the one more shot of the bare sleeping bag and its carrying backpack while I plan on cutting holes in the bottom and sides and wearing this thing as a cheap Halloween costume.

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Fun-Loving Scientists Provide Commentary For Deep-Sea Fish Attack

July 20, 2018


This is a video of an Atlantic Midshipman fish attacking some sort of holographic fish from the future (actually a species of barracudina) from its burrow some 500 meters below the ocean's surface while three scientists provide some live, light-hearted commentary. It's worth a watch. And not just to remind yourself that the ocean is a terrifying place, but it is and they should really put up signs.

Keep going for the video, but make sure to stick around for the twist, extra-tragic ending.

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Kickstarter For A Trogdor The Burninator Board Game

July 20, 2018


(above) The $60 Burninator version, which includes the wooden meeples found in the $40 Wingaling version, as well as high-quality plastic ones.

Because good things come to those who wait, this is the (unsurprisingly already funded) Kickstarter campaign for Trogdor!! The Board Game. Some more info while I daydream about all the village burninating/table flipping I plan to do:

For centuries, the legendary wingaling dragon Trogdor the Burninator has terrorized the peasant kingdom of Peasantry with his scorching flames and greased-up beefy arm. Now, he has descended from the mountains once again and will not stop until he burninates the entire countryside and all those unfortunate enough to get in his way!

You and up to 5 friends -or maybe people you just paid to come over- take on the roles of a cult of hooded creepos calling themselves the Keepers of Trogdor who have devoted their lives to aiding the mighty dragon in his quest for total and complete burnination.

Take turns guiding Trogdor on his destructive lost weekend around Peasantry. Help him avoid pesky knights and archers, devour peasants, burninate the countryside, and, of course, the thatched roof COTTAGES!!

The basic game starts at $40, with deluxer editions available for $60+ (including an ultra-fancy $1,800 version). Me? I'll be cool with stealing the $40 version from a friend, then unthinkingly inviting that same friend over to play for game night because I don't actually have that many friends to choose from. "Wait, is that my chef's knife too?" I almost cut my balls off stealing it, you're not getting it back. "But--" No, my balls.

Keep going for two videos: the Kickstarter one, and a 15 minute clip of actual gameplay starring a real-life Strong Sad.

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WTF Is Wrong With You?: Backing Out Of Parking Spot Turns Into Ridiculous Multiple Car Hit-And-Run

July 20, 2018

This is a video from Russia of a driver backing out of a parking space and managing to hit the cars on both sides of it (pushing one into the car beside it, and dragging the red car out of its spot), despite the fact there's plenty of room to not be a complete idiot. And once they're finally out of the spot, they proceed to speed away hit-and-run style, presumably only to t-bone six cars at the first intersection they come to then reverse through a hospital and drive into the ocean.

Keep going for the ridiculous video, but the real sadness begins around 0:40.

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Cloven-Toed Pumps With Big Toe Separated From The Rest

July 20, 2018


These are a pair of cloven-toed pumps from designer Maison Margiela ($825). They're also available in a different style in red for $1,080. "Camel toes." I forgot we were on the back of the school bus. You know I've actually owned several pairs of split-toed running shoes before (Nike Air Rifts), and I have to admit: they start to stink like shit fast if you don't always wear split-toe socks with them, which how could I because Nike was charging $10 a pair. I remember in college I used to stretch my feet out as far as I could under the desk in front of me and the person sitting there would constantly look around trying to figure out where the smell of death was coming from. Little did they know. "You're a monster." I belong in a cage. "You really do." Poke me with a stick!

Keep going for the red style.

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Aston Martin's Concept Video For A Flying Car Thing

July 20, 2018

Hot on the heels of the very real Opener Blackfly personal aircraft, this is a video for Aston Martin's conceptual (and it probably always will be conceptual) Volante Vision. It's a three-seat rotor-powered personal flying machine. Or possibly just a college animator's senior project. You know what would be an even more insane concept for Aston Martin? An affordable sports car. "Aston Martin doesn't make cars for poor people." James Bond, ladies and gentlemen! I'd slap that martini out of his hand if I knew he wouldn't kill me.

Keep going for the video, complete with Stranger Things-esque soundtrack.

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Nailed It: Two Young Kids Learning How To Dive In Pool

July 20, 2018


This is a short video of mother Corina Casanova teaching her two young sons how to dive in the pool. I don't know about you, but I smell Olympic diving gold in their futures. "That's burnt popcorn." Who microwaves popcorn at work? This isn't a movie, and if it is it's the worst one ever and I regret being cast. Man, that younger kid is especially awesome. I wouldn't be surprised if he wins all the gold medals in men's synchronized diving too without a partner. That's just how good he is. From now on I propose we rename gainers to Conners or whatever his name is.

Keep going for the video.

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Dream And You Can Achieve: Man Sets World Record For Slicing Watermelons In Half On His Stomach

July 20, 2018

64-year old Ashrita Furman recently set the Guinness World Record for most watermelons sliced in half on his stomach in one minute, with a total of 27. For those of you unfamiliar, Ashrita is an obscure Guinness World Record chaser, and has set or broken over 700 records, with more than 200 still standing. No word if anyone in his family is proud.

The 64-year-old pitched the idea to Guinness officials after his record for most watermelons chopped on another person's stomach was bested in April. The friend he'd collaborated with in the past was busy this time around, so after with little bit of practice and meditation, Furman set out to do it himself.

"My first reaction is I'm relieved that I didn't kill myself," Furman told Reuters, "and the second is I'm exhilarated because it not only is a skillful record but also it's something that I invented and now it's out there and other people can challenge it."

Furman says he walked away with only a few minor cuts on his stomach. However, he cautions that this type of stunt is "really not safe" for amateurs.

First of all, the friend he collaborated with for the for the previous buddy-system stomach watermelon slicing record wasn't "busy" this time around, he was just smart. Secondly, you can't say this type of stunt is "really not safe" just for amateurs when it's not safe for professionals either because there's no such thing. Still, I think we can all agree the real world record set here is the world's oldest man who thinks he's a picnic table.

Keep going for a video of the record setting in progress while I brag to any coworker who will listen that I could have done way more, easy.

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