Job Perks: Delivery Guy Sniffs Pizza Waiting For Customer To Answer Door

January 24, 2020

Note: Watch your volume, loud-ass doorbell.

This is a short Ring doorbell cam video of an Eagles fan/pizza delivery guy getting a good huff of a customer's pie while waiting at their door. I like how he looks behind him to make sure nobody is watching before he gets his fix. And his response -- like he just blasted a fat line. Clearly this is a man who loves and appreciates a good pie. And bro, I hope you know I mean it when I say you can come sniff my pizza any night of the week. Shoot, come in and have a slice! Hey you smell like weed.

Keep going for the video while I rewatch it to determine if I can see the endorphins being released.

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Astronauts Bake The First Ever Space Cookies

January 24, 2020

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Above: one expensive milk and cookie.

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station successfully baked the first chocolate chip space cookies using their prototype Zero G oven, and dough provided by the DoubleTree by Hilton (admittedly those are some good-ass cookies). Some more details while I try to figure out where my girlfriend hid all the Girl Scout Cookies:

Italian astronaut Luca Parmitano was the master baker in December, radioing down a description as he baked them one by one in the prototype Zero G Oven. The first cookie -- in the oven for 25 minutes at 300 degrees Fahrenheit (149 degrees Celsius) -- ended up seriously under-baked. He more than doubled the baking time for the next two, and the results were still so-so. The fourth cookie stayed in the oven for two hours, and finally success.


"So this time, I do see some browning," Parmitano radioed. "I can't tell you whether it's cooked all the way or not, but it certainly doesn't look like cookie dough any more."

Parmitano cranked the oven up to its maximum 325 degrees F (163 degrees C) for the fifth cookie and baked it for 130 minutes. He reported more success. Additional testing is required to determine whether the three returned cookies are safe to eat.

Damn, so it took 130 minutes to bake two cookies at 325 degrees? Baking space cookies does not sound very efficient. So, the next time you forget you're supposed to have 200 cookies baked for one of your kid's school bake sales tomorrow DO NOT go to space to do it, you'll never finish in time. Just go to Costco and buy the ones in the plastic containers and transfer them to plates and Syran wrap them like a normal parent. PROTIP: Ice them yourself and nobody will even flinch when you tell them they're a secret family recipe. At least not until you admit that yes, the recipe did call for some of grandma's ashes.

Keep going for a video.

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Scientists Recreate Vocal Tract Of 3,000 Year Old Egyptian Priest Mummy

January 24, 2020

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Using "medical scanners, 3D printing and an electronic larynx," researchers believe they've faithfully recreated the vocal tract of the 3,000-year old mummy of Egyptian priest Nesyamun. Why, I'm not sure. There's a video of the result below, which is disappointingly only "a single sound - somewhere between the vowels in 'bed' and 'bad.'" Man, I was really hoping for some actual speech. You know, like "Cleopatra does the nasty," or "Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers." Maybe if they'd, I don't know, GIVEN HIM SOMETHING TO DRINK he would have been more talkative. Could you imagine how dry your mouth must be after 3,000 years? That is some NEXT LEVEL PARCH. You know, I still remember the first time I necromanced a mummy back to life. "How did that go?" Dry bastard reached straight for his penis and POOF....just dust. I pretended to call all the king's horses and all the king's men for his sake, but it was really just a dirty talk line.

Keep going for the EHHHHH...EHHHHH.

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5 Year Old Dressed As Slipknot Drummer Performs The Band's 'Before I Forget'

January 24, 2020

This is a video of 5-year old Caleb H dressed as Slipknot's former drummer Joey Jordison and performing the percussion for the band's 'Before I Forget'. He's got talent, and if he's this good at five, shoot, just imagine how good he'll be at like, six. Or even six and a half. Sold out concerts, groupies, A MERCH TABLE. "What is it with you and merch tables?" They're like tiny one-night-only pop-up stores with very specific offerings.

Keep going for the video while I drum on my desk with two pens until a coworker asks me to stop, I tell them they didn't say the magic word, they say please, and I tell them they've clearly never dabbled in witchcraft or wizardry because, contrary to Muggle believe, please is not a magic word.

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Impressive: Guy Builds Functional Flying Drone Out Of LEGO

January 24, 2020

This is a rather interesting video of Youtuber Brick Experiment Channel testing, building and flying a functional quadrocopter constructed almost entirely out of LEGO pieces (including motors and propellers -- I didn't know those motors had it in them). The only non-LEGO parts is the copter's battery, flight controller, and radio receiver. That's impressive. Maybe not as impressive as building and flying a functional quadrocopter made out of Lincoln Logs, but I suppose you have to start somewhere.

Keep going for the video, which really is worth a watch if you're even remotely into this. I liked all the testing he did.

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Classic: The Ol' Honey I Need Toilet Paper Poop On Hand Prank

January 24, 2020

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This is a short video of a girl playing a prank on her boyfriend by yelling from the bathroom that she needs toilet paper, then rubbing some chocolate pudding on his hand when he's passing it through the door. Man, that scream of his -- like he just got his girlfriend's poop on his hand. Decent prank, 4/5 use a cat turd next time.

Keep going for the video while I try the same thing on my girlfriend tonight. I'll let you know how it goes! "Well?" Didn't have any pudding, orange Jell-O wasn't convincing.

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Party Bus!: Star Light Projectors For Your Car's Roof

January 24, 2020

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Those words: what do they mean?

These are the $13 - $33 (depending on color -- red or blue, and with or without controller) USB powered star light projectors from Volwco (among a ton of other manufacturers) and available on Amazon. You just stick the tiny projector to the back of the front armrests, plug in the USB cord and IT'S DANCE PARTY TIME, BABY. Obviously, these are perfect for the over-the-top Uber or Lyft driver who wants the interior of their car to look as ridiculous as possible (is that a disco ball?). "Or hotboxing." I don't even know what that means. Personally, I feel like the last thing we need is more people driving distracted because they can't take their eyes off the laser light show taking place on their roof. What do you think? "Red or blue?" I went with blue.

Keep going for a few more shots and a video demonstration (I can't wait!).

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Adam Savage Puts Boston Dynamics Spot Quadruped Robot Through Outdoor Agility Course

January 24, 2020

This is a video of Adam Savage putting one of Boston Dynamics Spot quadruped robots through its paces in an outdoor agility course as an introductory video for a full year of TESTED conducting builds and projects with the robot (you can subscribe to those HERE). So that's something to look forward to. I mean maybe not as forward to as your birthday or mom getting out of jail, but it's something. So, uh, are we allowed to make suggestions? "Knock it on its back like a turtle!" "See if it can swim!" "The lava test!" Oh you *wiping tears from eyes* you really are my everything.

Keep going for the video while I speculate why Adam won't put the Nintendo Switch down.

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