Okaaaay: A Video From The Annual Sasquatch Calling Festival In Whitehall, New York

April 19, 2019

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This is a an ESPN E:60 video highlighting the participants of the annual Sasquatch Calling Festival that takes place every fall in the Adirondack mountain town of Whitehall, New York. Some of the competitors claim they've seen Sasquatch, others claim the've heard it, but none claim they've ever had sex with one. Except me, I've had sex with one, and it was a she. I mean not that I wouldn't have either way, because, come on, this is Sasquatch we're talking about. It's just like riding a bike -- you never know if you'll ever get another chance.

Keep going for the video, but if you just want to hear the calling it starts around 2:45. Also, I'm fairly certain most of these people were only scaring Sasquatch deeper into the woods.

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Real Products That Are About To Exist: A Freddy Krueger Jack-In-The-Box

April 19, 2019

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This is the $43 Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Jack-in-the-Box designed by Mezco Toyz and available for pre-order (shipping in November, just in time to give a kid one for Christmas with a piece of paper wrapped and taped around the outside that reads HAPPY FUN BOX) from Entertainment Earth. The toy stands 14-inches tall when Freddy is out, and includes a removable plastic fedora. You know, I'm not sure if I ever owned a jack-in-the-box as a child. I mean I probably did, I just assume I've repressed those memories. Like ever playing Operation or Seven Minutes In Heaven. "Why -- who'd you kiss?!" I didn't kiss anybody, they told me it was a closet but it was really just the pitch-black stairs to the basement. Some prom after-party that turned out to be.

Keep going for several more product shots, including closeups.

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Aerial Footage Of Thousands Of Students Practicing Shaolin Kung Fu In Unison

April 19, 2019

This is a video from the BBC Earth program Earth From Space (I thought it was from one of those epic battle simulator video games at first) of thousands of students of Shaolin Kung Fu performing the same moves simultaneously. It was pretty mesmerizing to watch, and I regret never taking up some form of martial arts as a kid. "It's never too late to start, GW." I mean, sure, people say that, but I know my body, and I honestly think I might only have one kick left in me. "The bucket." I'm gonna roundhouse it so hard!

Keep going for the video.

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Realistically Rendered Images Of Children's Drawings Of Their Ideal Bedrooms

April 19, 2019

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This is a small series of CGI renderings based on the drawings of seven children from around the world who were asked to imagine their ideal bedroom. The project was commissioned by Angie's List, and executed by creative firm NeoMam Studios. Some more info while I imagine my ideal bedroom, which is nothing like the mattress I have on the floor now. I use a snowy television screen for a lamp:

The goal of the project was to bring a new source of home design inspiration by looking through the eyes of a child. By the time we reach adulthood we have a fixed idea of what a bedroom should look like and exactly what is and isn't available in our local IKEA. This project tears up the rulebook of bedroom design - and it's clear that we can all learn a thing or two from the creativity and naivety of children.


To create this project, the research team briefed the above 7 children to doodle their "dream bedroom" and asked their parents to conduct a short Q&A with them to get an insight into their lives and interests. The project then moved onto design with the help of interior designer and CG artist Andrey Barinov who collaborated with managing editor Jonny Addy and art director Povilas Daknys to create the realistic digital designs you see today.

I wish I had the money to build and decorate the bedroom of my dreams. But nooooooooo, that shit's expensive and I'm poor. Plus, you know, my parents already expressed they don't want me staying here any longer than summer 2017 at the absolutely latest.

Keep going for six more, including wild-ass Harry's.

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Close Calls: Man Almost Crushed Under Collapsing Marble Wall

April 19, 2019

This is a video from east China's Zhejiang Province of a young man who notices his spidey senses are tingling but isn't sure why, right before a marble wall collapses directly where he was standing. Man, thank goodness for those spidey senses. Me? My superhero senses are almost always tingling. "Yeah that's a rash." That's not what my doctor said. "What did he say?" He said they were hives. "And you're convinced that's some sort of bee-related superpower." TELL ME I'M WRONG.

Keep going for the whole video.

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Guy Shows Off Playing Both Players In Two-Player Arcade Shooting Game

April 19, 2019

Note: The gif really doesn't do this man justice, watch the videos.

These are a couple videos of a man playing the 1997 arcade shooter classic Time Crisis 2 using both guns (he's even wearing his own holsters) to play as player one AND player two. I mean who needs another person to be player 2 when you're your own best friend, right? *sadly gazes at unused Playstation controller* He's so good he doesn't just play, he has a whole dance routine choreographed. Honestly he kinda reminds me of Doc Holliday in Tombstone, but without the tuberculosis and always making me ugly cry at the end.

Keep going for the videos.

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Holy Smokes: World Champion Pole Dancer Demonstrates His Feet-Only Pole Mounting Ability

April 19, 2019

This is a short Instagram video of world champion pole dancer Dmitry Politov mounting the pole with only his feet and posing in a flag position. That must take a little practice. Obviously, if any of you have a bachelorette party coming up, I think I just found your entertainment. "It's you, isn't it, GW?" *rips off tearaway pants to reveal tearaway shorts* Tell your friends, I also do adult birthday parties and lighthearted funerals.

Keep going for the full video, which includes dismount and complimentary bonus backflip.

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Houston, We Have A Problem: Kid's Baby Tooth Pull Via Model Rocket Fail

April 19, 2019

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This is a video of young Riley attempting to have one of her very front baby teeth pulled via a model rocket launch. It doesn't work, allegedly because the string made the rocket fly into the tree. Come on, even those boneheads at NASA know not to launch rockets so close to trees. "What do you have against NASA?" Oh I'm sorry, you must have thought I was writing this from my moon base. Personally, I just don't think that tooth was ready to go. Reminds me of the first time I tried pulling a tooth that wasn't ready to come out. "Let me guess, it was a wisdom tooth." It was a wisd-- haha, you know me all too well. Thankfully I was finally able to chisel most of it out with six margaritas and a butter knife.

Keep going for this video (but skip to 1:00), as well as a successful pull with a toy bow and arrow fired by Riley's brother Roman.

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