Jul 22 2008Wait, What?: SAS Dogs Trained To Parachute
Allegedly, German Shepherds are being trained to jump from planes at 25,000 feet strapped to SAS soldiers. The dogs will soon be deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, where they will serve as reconnaissance shepherds.
With tiny cameras fixed to their heads, the animals will be sent in before their human partners to hunt for Taliban or insurgent hideouts. The cameras will beam live images back to the troops as the dogs penetrate behind enemy lines and warn of ambushes.According to The Sun, the dogs will be trained to accompany soldiers on what are called 'High Altitude High Opening' parachute jumps, after which they may have to travel 20 miles to their targets.
Apparently dogs have been trained to jump out of airplanes since World War II, when German Shepherds were used to infiltrate the German ranks and poison high ranking officials. Okay, I made that up (minus the parachuting). Still, somebody should make a movie about it. But I have a question. Why does that dog in the picture have a bionic mouth? And why is that guy pointing his gun at its head? Calm down bro, so it ate your boot -- that's what dogs do. And also, hump the cat and shit on the sofa. Right?
German Shepherds trained to parachute with SAS troops [telegraph]
Thanks Pat, now imagine if they did the same thing with mice. Stuart Little parachuting in behind enemy lines and then sneaking around and shit and talking in that little cute voice of his. That'd be great. Oh, another blockbuster movie idea.
Jul 22 2008Kid Makes Cardboard Halo Weapons
What good is cardboard Halo armor if you don't have matching cardboard weapons to wave around? Exactly, no good. That's why Youtube user fartbuttface (who looks and sounds suspiciously like my little brother) made them all in his parent's garage. On the pool table. Next to his Litttle Tikes play car. I love how you can hear the crinkle of packing tape whenever he moves around, that's a sign of quality. The video is kind of long, so feel free to skip around. But make sure to hit 0:35 for some teabagging/Halo humping action, 2:20 for how to reload the rocket launcher with wrapping paper tubes, and 3:15 when he totally should have mounted his machine gun on the Little Tikes car and pretended it was a Warthog. Good job, little guy. You keep this up this level of dedication and you've got a bright future in virginity ahead of you. Kidding, I'm just jealous my mommy doesn't let me make cardboard guns. She's teaching me to cross-stitch.
Hit the jump for a couple more of his videos, including one of him running around in the woods behind his parent's house in full Halo regalia and another of him pointing his sniper rifle at his neighbor's house. If you're really bored at work today you can read some of the comments on his videos at Youtube. There's some funny stuff in there.
Jul 21 2008Your Own Tyrannosaurs Rex Fossil Replica
STAN was a Tyrannosaurus Rex that lived over 65 million years ago. In his heyday he probably banged tons of other dinosaurs, and, quite possibly, a woolly mammoth or two. But now he ain't banging shit but the wall at the Black Hills Museum of Natural History in South Dakota. That poor bastard, no cavemen to eat or nothing. Anyway, you can get a life-sized replica of his skeleton for $100,000. Now I know what you're thinking, "For 100K I better get to choose his damn pose." Well you do. They can make him standing, walking, running, jumping rope, driving a car, or humping your entertainment stand. I want mine chewing the head of my ex-wife. And also, shooting pool. Seriously though, $100,000 is way too much freaking money (this guy is only $56,000) for a damn skeleton replica. For that kind of dough I want the real bones. And there better be some good marrow left so I can clone that mother. Then I'll open the world's first 2-star, sex with dinosaurs resort, Jurupinthatassic Park.
Today must be your lucky day, I posted the 'Getting High With Dinosaurs' music video from The Whitest Kids U'Know because it's stupid as hell and I've always wanted to smoke with a pterodactyl.
Jul 21 2008B21 Kitchen Robot (AKA: The Kitchen Killer)
The B21 Kitchen Robot was designed to know where everything in your kitchen is via RFID tagging and help you prepare meals. In reality, the robot will probably just stab you. The blue barrel bastard was created by the Technical University of Munich and even has the capability to learn how to use new tools (read: knives, read: oh fucking great).
(By using RFID tags) the robot knows where everything is, and it can learn simple tasks simply by observing the movements of the objects."Setting the table is very easily recognized from cups and plates disappearing from the cupboard and appearing on the table, and cleaning up later is characterized by the same objects disappearing from the table and appearing in the dishwasher."
The team is also working to integrate a number of open-source software packages to enable the robots to get instructions from the internet, in the same way that some search for images.
Oh yeah, that's just what I need -- a robot that's getting instructions from the interwebs. So let me get this straight: There's a robot in my kitchen. It knows where the knives are, and it's being controlled by someone whose goal is to type F1RST! in the comments? Thanks, but I'll just keep my wife chained to the stove. Damnit, hold on.
I SAID OVER EASY!
Robot chef gets a boost from wireless kitchen [newscientist]
Thanks Bo, now I have to destroy my kitchen so there's nowhere for this evil bastard to live.
Jul 21 2008UPDATE: Star Wars Gets Fine Art Treatment
Well, we've already seen some Star Wars fine art in the past, but now Worth1000 just ran a 2-day contest to see who could make the coolest Photoshopping using Star Wars characters and classic art pieces. The one there is a take on Napoleon Crossing The Alps. But instead of Napoleon, it's Darth Vader. Darth Vader riding a horse -- like he would ever do that! So ridiculous. Hit the jump for a few more of my favorites, and make sure to hit the link for a bunch more. A lot of them are really freaking good, especially considering the artists only had two days to complete their work. Of course, if I had entered I would have totally won. I'd have used Jacques-Louis David's Death of Marat, but instead of Marat in the tub, it would be Jar Jar! With more blood. Lots more blood. Somebody send me a ribbon.
Note: Anybody that wants to actually make that, please do and send me a link so I can throw it up and give you a shoutout for your l33t photohaxoring.
UPDATE: Readers MadMonkey and Bryan were kind enough to make some. Hit the jump to see them.
Continue Reading "UPDATE: Star Wars Gets Fine Art Treatment"
Jul 21 2008Wasp Knife In Action: Goodbye Watermelon
Remember the WASP Knife we posted last month that injects a ball of compressed gas into the stabee and explodes their organs? Well now the company has released a video of the knife versus a watermelon. After all, nobody can sell deadly knives like a jackass in a wetsuit and safety goggles stabbing a watermelon in his backyard. If this was an infomercial I'd have called immediately and gotten two and a free LED keychain bonus gift. Just imagine all the time you could save carving the Thanksgiving turkey. Minutes.
Hit the jump for disturbing watermelon carnage. Seriously, If you can blow up a watermelon with this thing, I don't even wanna know what you can do to a cantaloupe.
Jul 21 2008Run By Monkeys?: HP's Shipping Department
HP just flipped Mother Nature the bird and shipped sixteen 2-page software licenses inside a huge freaking box. Inside the box were another 16 smaller boxes, each containing a single two-page license (picture of the big box after the jump). Now I'm not saying this infraction warrants a bag of packing peanuts be crammed up the shipping department's collective ass, but I am strongly hinting at it. And, I dunno, maybe sealing the hole with some packing tape. Can't have those peanuts getting loose, bad for the environment.
Hit the jump for the big box.
Continue Reading "Run By Monkeys?: HP's Shipping Department"
Jul 21 2008World's Longest Homemade Waterslide?
Cutting the grass, drinking beer, and watching chicks run by the house in short shorts while I yell "PEW PEW PEW!" from my bedroom window -- it's what summertime is all about. Oh, and waterslides! This is a 100-yard waterslide (allegedly the world's largest homemade slide but I feel like I've seen another video somewhere of a super-duper slide that was even longer and had banked turns and stuff) that ends in a lake. Ah, summer watersports, gotta love 'em. But not the kind you perform in the shower and then have to break up with your girlfriend because you can't look at her in the same way again. Not that kind.
World's Largest Homemade Waterslide [break]
Thanks Julian, now let's build one twice as long and invite twice as many chicks than the guys in this video did.
Jul 21 2008Papercraft Fun Frustration: Batman's Tumbler
Ah, Papercraft. A hobby that involves two of my favorite pastimes: cutting things, and glue. Did I mention I huff glue? I huff glue. Did I mention I huff glue? Freaking love that stuff. Anyway, this is a Papercraft Tumbler. It looks complicated and I could never make it. Not in a hundred years. I could cut the tip of a finger off though. Or, if the price is right, a toe. "You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon...with nail polish." While I have no Papercraft skills, my roommate has been up for two days straight working on this thing. I just peeked in his room and he's passed out on a pile of dirty clothes with one ball hanging out the fly of his boxers. But the car looks finished. So while he's sleeping I'm gonna tape a couple fireworks to the back and shoot it down the street.
UPDATE: So it, uh, burnt up pretty quick.
Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the PDF's if you want to make your own.
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Jul 21 2008iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars
iBeer is an iPhone application that can be downloaded from iTunes for $3. It's every bit as ridiculous as Captain Kissyface in the picture looks. Because there is nothing sadder than pretend drinking beer. It makes me want to kill myself. If you really want it though and beer's not your scene we can't be friends but they're selling iMilk and iCantbelieveIjustpaid$3forthis as well.
Hit the jump to watch a video of the application in action. Spoiler: It looks like a taint with eyebrow spasms drinking an iPhone.
Continue Reading "iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars"
