Bird Videobombs Meteorologist's Weather Report

January 15, 2018

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This is a video of a curious crow or raven videobombing the remote camera set up for KTVU meteorologist Mark Tamayo's San Francisco weather report. Personally, if I were Mark I would have thrown a piece of bread to distract the bird and dove under the news desk. "The bird wasn't actually in the studio." Better safe than sorry. "But--" No arguing, my logic is impeckable. "Clever wordplay." What are you talking about?

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Philadelphia Eagles Fan Shotguns Four Beers During Pre-Game Coverage Of Playoff Game

January 15, 2018

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These are four videos of a Philadelphia Eagles fan shotgunning four beers during pre-game coverage of the Eagles' divisional playoff game against the Atlanta Falcons last Saturday. Clearly all the shotgunning worked too, because the Eagles managed to clinch a 15-10 win over last year's Super Bowl chokers (that game was actually rigged by Vegas). Now, according to my most recent calculations *points to chalkboard with yardstick* he needs to chug at least eight beers before the NFC championship against the Vikings this Sunday to secure the win. *that's a penis drawing* It's called geometry, and I'm good at it.

Keep going for the videos, in order.

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Speeding Car Hits Median, Catches Air, Gets Stuck In Second Story Of Building

January 15, 2018

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This is a shot of the aftermath of a speeding car hitting a center median, catching air, and forming a cavity in the second story of a dentist's office in Santa Ana, California. Me? I've never had a cavity before. Of course I also never grew any adult teeth after all my baby ones fell out, so that might have something to do with it. *smiles* "Are those...LEGO?" I can still eat steak.

The car caught fire after it went into the building, said Orange County Fire Authority Capt. Stephen Horner. The driver managed to get out, but was left dangling off the bottom of the vehicle until police could catch him, said Daniel Sanchez, who witnessed the crash.


"It was crazy, it really was," Sanchez said. The driver, who admitted to using drugs, was taken to a hospital, along with a passenger. Both sustained minor injuries, the SAPD said. There were no other reported injuries.

I mean, sure, that might be a car crash, but how do we know that this isn't just a government coverup for some clandestine rocket launch that went horribly wrong? "That's definitely a Nissan Altima." IT'S A SPY SATELLITE.

Keep going for two videos: a short local news report (which includes some bad-angle security cam footage of the actual crash), and a video of the aftermath.

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Oh, You Know, Just A Tiny R/C Car Zipping Down The Highway

January 15, 2018

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This is a vertical video captured by someone riding shotgun on Highway 59 near Houston, Texas of an R/C car zipping down the road alongside him. I assume the tiny car was being controlled by somebody in the white truck in front of it, or a car following it that was out of frame. Also, I like how the guy filming clarifies that this is Highway 59 SOUTH, like it would be totally normal to see an R/C car heading northbound.

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Nailed It: The Results Of A 'Professional' Photographer's Amazing Family Portrait Photo Session

January 15, 2018

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These are the photographs that mother Pam Zaring received eight months after paying 'professional' photographer Lesa Hall $250 to take some family portraits of her and her family posing in Forest Park in St. Louis, Missouri. I don't know, I'm not sure I would have watermarked those photos if I were Lisa. In Pam's own words while I email Ms. Hall to see if she offers and Glamour Shot style packages:

Ok. This is NOT a joke. We paid a photographer, who claimed to be a professional, $2-250 for a family photo shoot. Please see these FOR REAL photos she delivered to us....She said the shadows were really bad on the beautiful, clear, sunny day and that her professor never taught her to retouch photos. I literally have not laughed this hard in YEARS!!!! You can't make this stuff up.....again, this is NOT a joke - final product

I don't think Lisa even needed a professor to teach her how to retouch photos -- clearly she's a natural. Like she was born with a copy of Photoshop in one hand. If my Glamour Shots photoshoot turns out this well I'll consider it a success. "Yeah, but you're ugly." Your hurtful words aside, I can't believe Lisa was able to deliver these photos in only eight months. I wonder what was going through her mind all the time. Because my guess is 'absolute perfection', although she did forget to touchup the dogs' faces.

Keep going for several more shots as well as an unedited photo of the family for reference.

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Bruce Lee Fight Footage Edited With Lightsaber Nunchucks

January 15, 2018

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Inspired by a piece of fan art he saw online, this is a scene from the 1972 Hong Kong martial arts classic Fists Of Fury edited by Youtuber Patrick Nan to put lightsaber nunchucks in the hands of Bruce Lee. And I thought regular lightsabers were dangerous -- there's no way I could swing a pair of lightchucks without accidentally slicing myself in half Darth Maul style. Nunchucking is hard. You know what happened the last time I tried using my nunchucks to deflect a ninja star my brother threw? "You got hit by a ninja star and bled a lot." Man, my timing was WAY off.

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Yikes: Passenger Plane Skids Off Runway In Turkey, Comes To Rest On Cliff

January 15, 2018

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These are several shots of a Pegasus Airlines Boeing 737 that careened off the runway and down a muddy cliff while landing at Trabzon Airport in Turkey. Thankfully, all 168 passengers and crewmembers were successfully evacuated with no injuries except I'm never flying again now and I wasn't even on the plane. Can I sue for a lifetime supply of Asics with gel inserts since I'm going to have to walk everywhere now?

"We tilted to the side, the front was down while the plane's rear was up. There was panic; people shouting, screaming," passenger Fatma Gordu said, according to Sky News.


Passenger Yuksel Gordu said that words weren't enough to describe their fear.

"It's a miracle we escaped. We could have burned, exploded, flown into the sea," Gordu said. "Thank God for this. I feel like I'm going crazy when I think about it."

'I feel crazy when I think about it.' Welcome to my life. I feel crazy when I think about most things, especially first thing in the morning. You ever feel that way? "It's called anxiety." I hate it and I want it to stop. Honestly, I would have almost preferred to land in the water, that way at least you have the option to freak out and feed yourself to sharks in a panic. "There aren't really any man-eating sharks in Turkey." What about grandma's stuffing? "Huh?" It's cool I'll let myself out.

Keep going for a couple more shots.

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Geniuses At Work: Guys Try To Use Scaffolding As Ramp To Drive Car Into Truck Bed

January 15, 2018

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Because calling a tow truck costs money better spent on collision repairs, this is a short video of a group of men attempting to use some weak-ass scaffolding as a ramp to push a little car into the back of a truck. Your Introduction To Engineering professors must be so proud. In the vertical videographer's own words:

"I saw my cousin, my partner, and a friend trying to make a ramp from scaffolding bars to get a car onto the pickup. I knew it wasn't going to work. The ending result was priceless," the uploader wrote.

Admittedly, this is how 9 out of 10 of my own do-it-yourself projects end. "And 1 out of 10 ends a success?" No, 1 out of 10 ends with a fire and convincing a friend to anonymously call 911 and claim they saw an arsonist in the area. Still, I was rooting for these guys. The only thing that would have made this better is if the ramp really did work, but worked so well they launched the car clear over the truck and it nose-dived straight into the pavement in front of it, just like we did with my buddy Dave's car once while tailgating before a monster truck rally. It was one of the most glorious things I've ever seen, but we did have to take a bus home.

Keep going for the video, complete with slow-motion at the end.

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