Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial Hedonistica

Magic In The Water: Giant Inflatable Unicorn Pool Float

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This is the Giant Inflatable Unicorn Pool Float available soon from Perpetual Kid for $100. It's a pool float that looks like a unicorn. A fat unicorn. Damn, Uni -- you need to lay off the whatever the hell unicorns eat! What do unicorns eat anyways? MAGIC BERRIES PERHAPS?! I have no clue. Maybe just regular grass. Although you don't shit rainbows after eating regular grass, trust me. I did what I had to do to survive.

Keep going for a shot of a woman wearing the float like a hat in case that might affect your purchase decision.

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Some Guy Built A Mini Jurassic Park For His Pet Tortoise

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This is a short video tour of the miniature Jurassic Park built by Oliver Turpin for his pet tortoise Louis. It's got the main gates, visitor center, and even the broken t-rex fence. That is a pretty sweet pad. I'd live there, but I'd have to get to know Louis first because I'm not living with another stranger. I have the worst luck with roommates. My last roommate? Turned out he was just a figment of my imagination. Awful at paying his half of the bills.

Keep going for the video, then build me a Jurassic Park themed cat condo.

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Man Invents Functional, Green-Goblin Style Hoverboard

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A couple weeks ago a video Franky Zapata released a video of him flying the Flyboard Air hoverboard he invented but I didn't post it because it looked suspicious and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's shysters on the internet trying to pull a fast one. Or a slow one, although a long-con I can respect. But now he's back with another video that lends significantly more credit to his hoverboard, which I now believe to be real. And apparently he just set the world record for longest distance traveled on a hoverboard by flying the thing 2,252 meters (~7,400-feet) at an event in Sausset-les-Pins, France. Based on the sound it makes, I'm pretty sure it's powered by extremely loud noises. You know I used to be powered by loud noises too. Specifically screaming. Now I'm powered only by granola bars and Pedialyte and my batteries are getting low. *ahem* I said my batteries are getting low. "You're saying want me to feed you?" Like a baby bird.

Keep going for this video, as well as the previous one that I thought was unscrupulous.

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What Sorcery Is This?: Google's Virtual Reality Paintbrush

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This is a video demonstration of Google's Tilt Brush, a brush that allows you to paint in virtual reality with 3-D brushstrokes so you can create things with DIMENSION. I like dimensions. My favorite dimension is Dimension X where Krang came from. I feel like he and I would really get along and I'd even let him ride on my shoulder when his android body was in for repairs as long as he didn't leave a brain slime stain on my t-shirt. So yeah, Google's virtual reality paintbrush. It's kind of amazing. But how can the porn industry use this?

Hit the jump for the video, then draw an air penis with your finger and get a coworker to try to guess what it is.

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Light-Up Drones Perform Dance In Front Of Mount Fuji

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This is a video of 20 light-up drones performing an aerial ballet in front of Mount Fuji in Japan. It was pretty trippy to watch and I don't recommend letting your eyes blur and just kind of staring at it because I'm pretty sure I just did irreparable damage to myself and now my hands won't stop shaking and I can't get my eyes to focus. Did I just have a stroke? Can you drive me to the hospital? Can we stop by a convenience store first thought I want a hot dog off the metal rollers. Preferably one that's been there since yesterday and has a little crisp to it. Usually they'll sell me those at a discount. I'll buy you one of whatever candy you want but only regular size not king size.

Keep going for the video while I lay under my desk for a little while.

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Real Products That Exist: M-16 Rifle Corncob Holders

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Two corn posts in a row, what are the chances?! That also makes three in a day! These are crazy times we live in. These are the M-16 corn cob holders that are a real product that exists because I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I'm not even sure I want to live on any planet. I think I want to live in a star. Right in the middle where it's warmest, that way I save on heating in the winter because I don't understand how winter works. Honestly I might not even call the gas company to start service. Now I want some Alabama barbecue with that white barbecue sauce that's really just mayo and vinegar. Did my heart just stop? Can you check for me? Put your head on my chest. Hear anything? Maybe lick my nipple a little.

Thanks to DieselNuts, who's really hoping for some bachelorette party corn cob holders shaped like little penises.

Guy Eating Corn On The Cob With A Power Drill

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Seen here looking like he's trying to bite the head off an industrial powered dildo, a guy eats a corn on the cob in ten seconds with the help of a power drill. I'm not sure how much corn he actually ate though, because it looks like most flies at the camera. Still, everybody has to knock all their teeth out somehow, right? I lost all mine playing hockey. Tonsil hockey. With a brick wall. Took all my teeth and doesn't even return my calls.

Keep going for the video while I try the same thing with one of those giant dill pickles that come individually packaged in a clear bag. I'm gonna get a spicy one if they have it.

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Night Time Is The Right Time: How Owls Fly So Silent

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This is a clip from the BBC Earth series Super Powered Owls (that's a real show that exists apparently) explaining how owls are able to fly so silently. SPOILER: Magic spells. Everybody knows owls are the preferred bird of wizards so it only makes sense. If I had an owl I'm make sure to cast a silent spell on it too because I don't want Voldemort blasting it out the sky. Who else cried hard when that Death Eater killed Hedwig? I just made the mistake of rewatching that scene from the movie on Youtube then a compilation video of the top five deaths in Harry Potter started to autoplay and it began with Dobby so now I'm going to be a shitty mess for the rest of the afternoon THANKS ROWLING.

Keep going for the video.

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