Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial Hedonistica

What's Going On Here?!: Algebra Book Cover Inception

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This is a shot of the cover of College Prep Algebra, featuring a group of students holding copies of the same book that the exact photo of them is on. The space-time continuum: it's been torn open like a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Can somebody make one of those perpetually zooming GIFs out of this picture? I think that's what it needs. Man, I was awful at Algebra in school. I just didn't GET IT. Of course I didn't get a lot of things in high school, except conveniently sick the day of a test or the few days after a girl I liked turned me down for a date and made fun of me to all her friends. If I knew how little I would use algebra in my adult life I would have skipped class way more often. Let me rephrase that: I would have skipped class way more often for a different reason. As it was I just thought I was screwing myself out of an education and skipped class to hang out with my friends by the windmill and drink mead. "Jesus, how old are you, GW?" I'm a 400-year old wizard, I thought you knew that. The only math I need to know is how to multiply fractions so I can brew double and triple batches of boner potions. I'm 400, boners are hard to come by. Plus potions are way safer than spells because I have never waved a wand at my penis and been pleased with the results. "You can say that again." Wow, Ursula, seriously?

Thanks to DieselNuts, who's always dreamed of being on the cover of a textbook. Me? I've always dreamed of being on the cover of one of those steamy romance novels with a sexy couple sitting on a horse. Just replace the horse's head with a picture of my face.

Like Riding Falkor: First Person POV Of An Eagle Diving From the Eiffel Tower At 111-MPH

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PROTIP: Turn your volume down.

This is a video taken with a mini Sony Action Cam strapped to the back of a white-tail eagle, who dives off the top of the Eiffel Tower and bombs towards its handler's arm in the Trocadéro Gardens at 111-MPH. Man, eagle vision is no joke. I wish I had eyes that good. I have terrible vision though. Except - EXCEPT - visions of the future. I have 20/20 vision when it comes to seeing the future. "Then what's the rest of your life look like?" Trudging through waist-deep shit until I pass out and drown in it by 2018.

Keep going for the video, and remember what I said about the volume.

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I Need A Sugar Mama, STAT: Near Complete Stegosaurus Skeleton Up For Auction

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This is the 150-million year old (how? the earth isn't even that old!) Stegosaurus skeleton going up for auction this weekend. The skeleton is 5.7-meters (~16-feet) in length and over 90% complete. Bidding starts around $1.3-million but the bones are expected to fetch a price around double that. Damn, that is money I don't have. Maybe one of you would like to buy it for me? I could pay you back in housekeeping services or something. Granted I'm not very good at cleaning, but I am willing to bend over in a French maid outfit as much as you'd like. Maybe give you a little peek of my...you know. "The dinosaur bone sticking out of your ass?" Don't act like you aren't into this. You're rich, regular fetish stuff doesn't get you off anymore.

Keep going for a bunch more shots of the newest addition to my grand foyer.

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Awesome Star Wars Aerial Battle Shot With Drones

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This is Drone Star Wars (aka Attack Of The Drones), an aerial battle between R2-D2 in an x-wing fighter and stormtroopers in a TIE fighter and a TIE X2. It's a combination of actual footage captured by drones, and computer graphics. It's worth a watch. I convinced my roommate it's leaked footage from the next movie and he actually believed me because he can't see that well without his glasses which I accidentally sat on and broke last night. My bad. Then he asked to borrow $5 this morning and I told him I'd only give it to him if he was willing to pull the bill, which I had folded in half length-wise, from between my butt cheeks with only the very tip top protruding from the crack. He was surprisingly willing. Thankfully for me, and not for him when he tries to buy something, that $5 bill was actually a folded grocery store receipt.

Keep going for the video, then remember if your glasses break you can always tape the lenses to your eyebrows so you can still see.

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Stroller Company Builds Adult-Size Version Of Their Baby Stroller So Parents Can Test-Drive Before Buying

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This is an adult-size version of the Contours Bliss baby stroller available from Kolcraft. It was built so that parents can feel just how sweet and easy their baby has it when being pushed around in the smaller verison. Just look at that guy's face -- he's in heaven. He probably forgot he even has kids.

"We created the test ride so adults could experience first-hand how each Contours Stroller is carefully designed with a baby's joy and comfort in mind," said Kolcraft president Tom Koltun in a press release.

I'm going to be honest: if I ever got pushed around in a giant plush baby stroller it would be hard to ever get me out of that thing. "Come on, baby GW, it's time to get out now." No! This is my new life. I just pooped my pants feed me there's room now. And none of that cup of Cheerios shit either I want steak and lobster.

Keep going for several more shots and a video.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's Pad Recreated In New York City Apartment, Rentable On Airbnb

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These are a bunch of shots of the 3-bedroom Manhattan apartment that Paramount turned into the Ninja Turtles' lair to promote the upcoming Ninja Turtles movie. You can even rent the place on AirBnB with complementary pizza delivery. Is this what the Ninja Turtles' pad looks like in the most recent movie? Because I thought they lived in the sewers. Now if Paramount had gone the extra mile and actually made a place in the sewers, that would have been cool. And dangerous. But the life of a ninja turtle is dangerous, so it's appropriate. Splinter taught me that. Also how to chew through walls looking for cheese.

This high-tech dojo is fully loaded...a glow in the dark basketball court, a retro arcade, more video games with a pretty sweet tv wall...anything for hanging ninja-style.


We say no to drugs and alcohol, so none of that in the Lair. But we do say yes to pizza! Just clean up your pizza crusts and don't break any of Donnie's equipment. That really gets his Bo staff in a twist.

You can have a couple friends drop by to check out the Lair, but Splinter says the upstairs bedrooms are off limits. Don't even think about inviting more overnight guests! We have neighbors too so keep it chill...try not to bring the ruckus!

So no drugs or alcohol and "try not to bring the ruckus." I thought ninja turtles were all about bringing the ruckus, especially Michelangelo. These sound like some lame ass Donatello rules to me. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to rent the place under an alias as Retsam Redderhs then trash it. So -- are you with me or against me? I really hope you're with me though because I just told you my plan and don't need you ruining this for me like you did my last birthday. "How did I ruin your last birthday?" You didn't plan anything!

Keep going for a bunch more shots including the sadly decorated bedrooms.

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The Game Of Molds: Game Of Thrones Into Remade With Timelapse Of Molds Growing

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Because if there's one thing the internet can't stand it's making absolutely any sense at all, this is a video recreating the Game Of Thrones intro with a bunch of timelapse video of different molds growing. People are so weird. It's hard to believe somebody sitting around watching a timelapse of mold growing and thinking to themselves, "I've got it -- I'll remake the intro to Game Of Thrones with these videos!" What's even harder to believe is THEN THEY ACTUALLY DID IT instead of just letting the idea die right there on the spot like every idea I've ever had that didn't involve eating or taking a nap.

Keep going for the video, as well as the original for comparative purposes.

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Aww: Tortoise Burned In Fire Gets First 3-D Printed Shell

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Meet Freddy the tortoise. Freddy was badly burned in a bush fire in Brazil and would not have survived without human intervention. Thankfully, a team calling themselves Captain Planet and The Planeteers The Animal Avengers rescued Freddy and 3-D printed him a bitchin' new shell. Turtle power! "He's a tortoise." Tortoise power!

"Freddy was the first tortoise in the world to receive a fully rebuilt hull and the first creature that we, as a newly formed group of animal rescuers, decided to help," said Designer Cicero Moraes, a member of the volunteer group based in Sao Paulo. He designed the shell by reconstructing a 3D computer image based on various pictures he took of Freddy. He then sent the design to Dr Paulo Miamoto, a dental surgeon, who turned the design into reality with the use of a 3D printer.

Good for him. Of course if I was a tortoise with a busted shell I would have insisted my new shell have a functional cannon mounted on top. You know, just in case that hare comes around talking shit again. I BEAT YOU ONCE ALREADY MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO RACE AGAIN. "What are you - chicken?" No you dumb shit obviously I'm a tortoise what the hell is wrong with you are you on speed or something? They should have drug-tested before our first race I guarantee you would have been disqualified.

Keep going for a gnarly looking before picture, a shot of him pre-paint job, as well as a video of Freddy struttin' that ass in his new shell.

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