Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial Hedonistica

'Will You Be Here Tomorrow?': A 1998 Gruesome Death-Filled Workplace Safety Video

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This is 'Will You Be Here Tomorrow?', a five minute workplace safety video from 1998 created by the gore-loving folks at Educational Resources, Inc. SPOILER: Everybody dies or near dies. And all horribly. There are workers getting chopped up, gored, crushed, electrocuted, set on fire, their eyeballs poked out, some dude even gets hit with a gas canister missile. From the best I can tell, the video was originally made to encourage people to quit their jobs so they don't die at work, which I am all for. Of all the ways I would want to die, 'on the job' is near the very bottom of my list. Unless my job was truly doing what I love, in which case holy shit I really do become an alien gigolo in the future. Pre-apologies to whatever alien I die on top of, I have a bad heart and the boner pills probably made it explode. Feel free to just roll my body onto the floor and take your space bucks back from the top of the dresser.

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But Why?: Making Scrambled Eggs With A Curling Iron

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This is a video of Cosmopolitan beauty editor Carly Cardellino demonstrating how to make scrambled eggs with a curling iron (previously: popping popcorn with a hair straightener). What's up with all the beauty supply survival tips, did the apocalypse happen and I don't know about it? Call me old fashioned, but I believe you should make scrambled eggs with a curling iron the same way you should use a curling iron as a dildo: you shouldn't. Now who wants to hit up an early bird special for dinner with me? I made myself a fake ID so I can get the senior discount.

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Puppet Plays Rush's 'Tom Sawyer' On Soup Can Drums

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This is a video of Chops the puppet performing Rush's 'Tom Sawyer' with nails on a set of custom soup can drums. He does a great job too. If I were a drummer instead of using wooden drumsticks I would use turkey drumsticks. Has anybody done that yet? I feel like that should at least exist in a music video. Take a couple wacks at the drums then take a bite, maybe throw one out into the audience to whip them into a turkey frenzy. You and I should start a rock band. Or any kind of music, I don't care, I can do it all. Think of the groupies! I'm mostly doing it for all the turkey drumsticks though, just so we're clear.

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Galaxy D20 Gaming Dice Light Up When You Roll A 20

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These are the Critical Hit Galaxy D20s available from ThinkGeek for $20, but only at 2016 conventions they attend. They flash blue when you roll a 20 which you would be able to see above if our content management system wasn't giving me trouble and I could upload a GIF. The internet is broken. You can see them blinking at the product site HERE though. ThinkGeek also sells a set of red D10, D12 and D20s that do the same thing, but they aren't glittery or limited edition. They are available all the time though. Me? I don't go to conventions because I have a thing about large groups of people in costume so these dice are out of the question for me unless 1) one of you go and get them for me or 2) I pay three times what they should cost on eBay. Did I tell you my roommate stole some of my original Star Wars action figures and sold them on eBay and I didn't realize it until I bought them so I'd have two of each? I never Paypal'd him though, I PAINPAL'D him. "You tortured him?!" Oh I did more than just torture him. "You killed him?" Oh I did more than just kill him. "You killed him, used black magic to bring him back to life, then killed him again?" Four times. Don't touch my toys.

Thanks to SoPro, who is good at everything. You know what they say about a jack of all trades, don't you? Makes a great handyman.

You Dumdum: Riding Hoverboard To Edge Of Skyscraper

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Because everybody has to die somehow, this is a short video of some death-wisher riding his hoverboard to the edge of the MBK Tower in Dubai. Then he does some 360's. Despite what the soundtrack would have you believe, there is absolutely nothing badass about doing spins on a hoverboard, I don't care where the hell you are. You could be in the middle of a lion pit and I would only feel bad for the lions who I guarantee are only thinking, 'Dammit, this guy is going to taste like an asshole.'

Keep going for the Instagram video, as well as his longer Dubai stunt video.

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Guy Builds Dream Home Over Pond, Fishes Through Hole In Living Room Floor

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This is a local news report about Paul Phillips, a Skiatook, Oklahoma man who build his dream home over a pond so he could fish through a hole in the living room floor on bad weather days. He's only lived in the house for a few months but already put it up for sale because he wants to build an ever bigger house on a bigger pond to catch even bigger fish through the floor. Everybody needs a hobby. Hopefully the next house he builds he makes the hole in the floor a little less depressing. That looks like a place to dispose of bodies, not for fishing.

Keep going for what a local Skiatook, Oklahoma news report looks and sounds like.

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Alien Facehugger Ski Mask And Chestburster Sweater

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This is the Alien Facehugger ski mask and Chestburster sweater available for preorder from Mondo. The ski mask costs $30 and the sweater $85. Unfortunately, there is no money-saving combo pack available. That's a shame. Obviously, I'm going to wear the facehugger mask to work one day, then the sweater the next day and see who gets it. Nobody will though, because I work with a bunch of dingdongs. Not at Geekologie, by the way, at my day job. "Which is?" Dildo repairman.

Keep going for one more shot of the mask and one of the sweater.

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If Only It Were That Easy: Rays Jumping Out Of The Water And Bellyflopping To Attract Mates

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LOL those stupid rays think they're birds!

This is a video from the BBC of a group of Mobula rays jumping out of the ocean to bellyflop in an attempt to attract a mate. Both males and females participate, trying to draw attention to themselves and their superior sexability. Personally, I have never bellyflopped to try to attract a mate before, but one summer I did do a cannonball at the pool to impress a girl I liked. It was such a glorious cannonball. So glorious it soaked her and all her friends who were tanning and she told me she hated me. So that backfired. It was a very lonely, loveless summer. Come to think of it, they've all been. It's cool, I'm fine. *crying*

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