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Results for "wonderful news"

  • August 31, 2012
    Scientists at Harvard University have created a cyborg tissue consisting of lab-grown flesh embedded with nano-wires that has the same "sensing" properties as human skin. This is all going to end very poorly. Probably with an army of cyborgs that look human. 'Ultimately, thi... / Continue →
  • April 12, 2012
    This is a video featuring the latest advancement in DARPA's humanoid robots: the ability to navigate stairs. They already know how to push elevator buttons, so basically they can go anywhere they want now. That's why there aren't any stairs in my house -- only fireman's poles... / Continue →
  • November 29, 2011
    Because what good is science if you can't use it to kill a whole lot of people, evil doctors have successfully genetically modified the avian flu to be much, much deadlier. *coughing* OH GOD I HAVE IT, DON'T I?! I have been peeing a lot of blood... Inside a Dutch medical fa... / Continue →
  • August 16, 2011
    The Swarmanoid is an autonomous group of robots, each with their own particular skills and mode of transport, that communicate and work together to accomplish a task. In this case, to retrieve a book from a bookshelf. In the future, to destroy humanity and claim the earth fo... / Continue →
  • November 29, 2010
    In a recent act of actually doing something useful instead of trying to kill us all with robots/determine which animal has the biggest balls, scientists have taken a step towards the proverbial fountain of youth. Which may or may yes involve genetic manipulation. I'm gonna be... / Continue →
  • November 18, 2010
    Remember Israel's robotic snake army? Well now when you cut them they just turn into more, littler robotic snakes. Which is exactly why we'll have to burn them. Instead of being built like a normal snake with a head at one end and a tail at the other, each segment of this sn... / Continue →
  • October 5, 2010
    Autonomous robots guarding The Nevada National Security Site, "home to tens of millions of cubic feet of low-level radioactive waste -- and location of over a thousand Cold War nuclear weapons tests", what could possibly go wrong? Answer: EVERYTHING. Including, and not just l... / Continue →
  • September 27, 2010
    Aaaaand we're back. You know what I love about Mondays? Not a single f***ing thing. But that's neither here nor back in bed where I belong, according to the 1993 piece of shit futuristic classic Demolition Man, the last murder in Los Angeles took place this past Saturday, Se... / Continue →
  • September 24, 2010
    Because you can't be a robot sympathizer without being a giant f***ing racist as well (how do you feel about robots again?), some Italian scientists decided to dress a robot in faux Native American headdress and teach it archery. YOU'RE TERRIBLE PEOPLE! Just kidding (I have t... / Continue →
  • September 1, 2010
    According to a recently completed 20-year study, moderate drinkers (1-3 drinks/day) live longer than heavy drinkers (4+ drinks/day), but even the heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Haha -- I knew it! See you at your own funeral, teetotalers! But why would abstai... / Continue →
  • July 29, 2010
    Wonderful news: apparently my only remaining love in life might be slowly killing me. That's right -- box-springs may act as giant radiation-spewing antennas, filling our bodies with the nasty while we sleep. And all this from trying to figure out why breast cancer is 10% mor... / Continue →
  • July 21, 2010
    Seen here about to maul Dora the Explorer, Cornell University's Ranger robot recently beat the record for longest distance traveled on a single battery charge, walking 14.3 miles in 11 hours. That's 1.3MPH -- we're as good as dead. Run Forrest! Guided by students with a remo... / Continue →
  • July 13, 2010
    Sure it may look like a couple boards nailed together into a T, but just imagine if it were a human body. Pretty creepy huh? What do you mean you're having trouble imagining it's a body? I swear, you have no imagination. You having lost your childlike innocence forever and ... / Continue →
  • May 7, 2010
    There's nothing worse than buying a case of beer and getting it home (or to the backseat of a friend's waiting car) only to discover the beers inside are warm (or filled with concrete). That's why I always dig for a case in the back. But for those of you that don't have Einst... / Continue →
  • March 19, 2010
    I don't know, but it doesn't sound good. I better finish my rocket double-time before this thing goes and swallows up the solar system. WHO'S COMING WITH ME? I have room for three. Plus snacks. Operators of the world's largest atom smasher on Friday ramped up their massive... / Continue →