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Results for "personal safety"

  • November 8, 2010
    The last thing I need is any more children running around. Shoot, I don't even want any more children laying around. Enter a recent study published in the Fertility and Sterility journal about laptops cooking dudes' nuts. *high-five* I WAS MADE TO BE A BLOGGER DAMMIT, NOT A... / Continue →
  • November 3, 2010
    Remember when mood rings were cool? That was a trick question, they've never not been. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing like forty of them even as I type this. Two on my penis! He's super sad right now. This is one of those things that is so obvious that you want to smack ... / Continue →
  • October 26, 2010
    Spanish prosties hooking on the highway outside of Els Alamus have been ordered to wear reflective safety vests or face up to 40 euro (~$55) fines. But nobody looks sessy in reflective yellow! Police claim the sex workers on the LL-11 road are not being specifically targeted ... / Continue →
  • October 7, 2010
    Earthquakes: they're scary. Almost as scary as tornadoes. Did you know in the event of an earthquake you're supposed to stand in a doorway? I didn't. I thought you were supposed to stop drop and roll. OMG --I think my teacher was trying to kill me. Eff you Miss Gardner! ... / Continue →
  • September 27, 2010
    If there's one thing you should never let a robot near, it's your genitals. Followed by your head. Your children are third. But this post is all about #2. And I'm not talkin' dookie, although I may have let a little slip pretending I was in that chair. Panasonic's hair-was... / Continue →
  • September 17, 2010
    That way if you're about to crash you can just jump off and blade to safety. Pretty genius if if you think about it. Just don't think about it for too long or you might start doubting the logic. And when you start doubting logic my friend, magic happens. CUT HER IN HALF -- ... / Continue →
  • September 17, 2010
    Always knocking you coffee cup over? It's because you're clumsy. Me? I only do it because I've been drinking. Does that make me better than you? No, but it does make my boss ask to smell my breath a lot. F***, I thought I had another pack of Orbit Sweet Mint aside, spill n... / Continue →
  • August 25, 2010
    When there's something strange someone getting stabbed in your neighborhood prisonyard, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters. The Excruciating Pain Laser Ray-Gun. Hoho, look at those perps burn! An advanced laser weapon that feels like a painful blast of hot air is to be used in... / Continue →
  • August 20, 2010
    So apparently Warner Bros. is suing the Swiss manufacturer of 'Harry Popper' condoms for copyright infringement because the name's too similar to Harry Potter's. Personally, I don't see it. Wiener magic! Per questionable Google translation: The lawyer of the film Giant, "Ev... / Continue →
  • August 5, 2010
    I lay in bed all day with a laptop burning my genitals so I don't have a neck-craning problem when it comes to viewing my monitor. No, what I have is a giant gut in the way which is why I've learned to read the screen upside-down and backwards using the sex-mirror I double-sid... / Continue →
  • July 23, 2010
    Who cares if they're not DOT approved, they look cool. Safety can take a back seat to style any day, amirite? No, no that's a good way to die young and still leave a crappy looking corpse. Now I don't know how things work where you're from, but back in West Virginia it's con... / Continue →
  • July 12, 2010
    Need to brush up on your ninja-ing? Well fear not, because now you can take private ninja lessons (provided you live in New York or are willing to travel to New York or pay someone to kidnap the instructor). Are you writing this down, Ninja Boy? Learn the secrets of ancient ... / Continue →
  • July 9, 2010
    I know that's not actually custard in the picture, but it IS instant pistachio pudding, which is not only delicious, but may or may not be stab-proof (you slather it on your chest -- I'll get a knife). British scientists have created a way to make bulletproof vests lighter a... / Continue →
  • July 2, 2010
    This is a box of Game Boy themed wiener wrappers designed by artist/illustrator Ben Marsh. Each paper Game Boy comes filled with six cartridge-condoms to help prevent the spread of disease and crying babies. The handheld-themed packaging contains six pleasurable varieties of ... / Continue →
  • April 30, 2010
    Gorilla glasses make it appear as if you aren't really looking at what you're looking at (unless you're trying to see your own brain), so gorillas won't kick your ass for making eye contact. They also work for staring at boobs (wear them over x-ray specs). The Rotterdam Zoo ... / Continue →
  • March 25, 2010
    British scooter lover (and snazzy dresser) Colin Fruze went and developed a flame-throwing setup for his ride. Why? Because he's a badass, that's why! Kidding, nobody badass drives a scooter (except you of course). The flames shoot 12-feet out the back of the tailpipe (not ... / Continue →
  • March 10, 2010
    New York City ran a contest to design a new logo for the free condoms it distributes every year, and apparently some guy won by just using the 'power' symbol and not actually designing anything himself. Nice, you no talent hack. The city's health department distributes 40 mil... / Continue →
  • January 30, 2010
    I don't know about you, but I shoot to kill. Especially when it comes to protecting my castle (rent-controlled apartment). So I'm gonna have to pass on the Koosh bullets. AND seconds. Really, I'm stuffed. Lightfield has been selling these projectiles to law enforcement a... / Continue →
  • December 21, 2009
    The Looftlighter is an $80 incendiary device that never actually produces a flame. Instead, it produces a wave of hot air at 1,000° Fahrenheit. That's hot. Could you tell I was trying to say that like Paris Hilton? Well I hope you liked it, because I'm gonna go drown mysel... / Continue →
  • December 20, 2009
    Want a pillow that looks like a giant condom wrapper? Who doesn't? Handcrafted and silk screened by Etsy seller LittleElk, each $35 pillow actually comes with a little pocket for holding normal-size pecker protectors (or, in your case, XS). Just wait till you bring a woman h... / Continue →