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Results for "maroon"

  • August 27, 2010
    Some moron decided it would be a good idea to attempt stealing holy gas from a church van. Only problem is, Jesus wasn't having it. BURN HEATHEN, BUUUUURN! Blake King, 24, was reported in stable condition Wednesday in Vanderbilt University Hospital's Burn Center. Evansvill... / Continue →
  • April 20, 2010
    Paul Hutton is a grown-ass man who managed to score a DUI in a Barbie Power Wheels. Nice, Paul, I bet your daughter is proud embarrassed as f***. Mr Hutton, who has four children Simon, 17, Calum, 14, Laina, 12, and John, 11, admitted being a 'complete twit'. Speaking after... / Continue →
  • February 10, 2010
    A Canadian man was recently broken up with by his girlfriend after she found racy text messages on his cell phone. Only thing was, the messages come preloaded on every model of that phone. Ah, women. They're all batshit crazy. The Winnipeg man is calling for the phones to b... / Continue →
  • May 8, 2009
    Kevin Andrew Lutes (28, of 2121 Cypress Road, Bethlehem, PA) is probably the best computer repairman ever. EVER. Lutes, who had fixed computers for Action Realty in the past, was called the day after the break-in to repair the broken computer's hard drive. He told the owner h... / Continue →
  • May 2, 2009
    He's not just driving any bus either, he's sporting that short joint (see man in wheelchair tethered in the back). Jesus. Dude texts for six minutes straight before finally rear-ending somebody. You'd think being on camera would be enough to deter this sort of behavior, but... / Continue →
  • April 28, 2009
    Ever wanted to see some asshat set the world record for number of rotations completed (141) while hanging from a power drill mounted to the ceiling? Me neither. But I did watch it, and now it's your turn. And, if you just so happens you're one of those people that can't watc... / Continue →
  • April 27, 2009
    This is definitely NOT how you pledge your allegiance to the dark lord. You show up at the Pit of Eternal Damnation with this thing on your arm and a bunch of imps are just gonna laugh at you and then take turns packing your asshole full of hot charcoals. Just sayin', tssssss... / Continue →
  • April 10, 2009
    This is Vince "Punchahook" Shlomi selling ShamWows in Spanish. And yes, it's every bit as "I want to beat him till he bleeds" as it sounds. Even worse. I actually put my monitor in a choke-hold just watching it. Now tap out or you're dead. I mean it! Vince Tries To Sell ... / Continue →
  • April 6, 2009
    A would-be thief tried to use his head as a battering ram to bust open the back door of a home in St Petersburg, Florida. He failed miserably. But I loved how he got down like a bull before charging the door, I thought that was a nice touch. Just chalk it up as a learning ex... / Continue →
  • March 29, 2009
    First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the fa... / Continue →
  • March 13, 2009
    Sorry for the delay folks, I just got back from the doctor for a checkup. Yeah, and you know that whole 'turn your head and cough bit'? Well, the doctor didn't properly anticipate the weight of my nuts and broke his wrist. True story. Anyway, the Flybar is a ridiculously st... / Continue →
  • January 19, 2009
    The latest in a string of culinary assaults, Zachary Moir (now to be known as the taco tosser. Or, if he ends up doing time, the taco salad tosser) assaulted his mother with a delicious, meat-filled tortilla. When he refused to stop playing his X-box and come down for dinne... / Continue →
  • December 17, 2008
    A Missouri State student returned to his dorm room only to find his XBox 360 had been stolen. But one of the controllers had been left, and was still picking up a signal. So, using the peripheral, the gamer was able hone in on the stolen console. Ketsenburg, who lives in Hut... / Continue →
  • December 16, 2008
    Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF! But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years. "I want t... / Continue →
  • December 10, 2008
    If you sell fake I.D.s, it's best to not advertise that shit all over your Escort LX (or is it?). You can profess your love for Jesus all you want, but keep the I.D. business on the low. Apparently the genius behind this operation (who was clearly focusing his efforts on the ... / Continue →
  • December 10, 2008
    Elizabeth Frisinger, 18, lost her virginity on the beach during a senior class trip. Then she accidentally texted her dad, telling him about it. Woops! Gotta be careful with the iPhone texting app, Lizzy, it's easy to text the wrong person. Seriously though, sweetheart, thi... / Continue →
  • December 7, 2008
    Vincent Gonzalez assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. He's currently in the slammer with charges of battery, domestic violence and destruction of deliciousness. The victim told sheriff's deputies that she was eating with boyfriend Vincent Gonzales in her car when t... / Continue →
  • November 19, 2008
    In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-go... / Continue →
  • November 12, 2008
    Huseyin Kalkan, the mayor of Batman, Turkey, is suing (director) Christopher Nolan and Warner Brothers for using the name of the city in The Dark Knight without his permission. In other news, Batman may have elected a retarded mayor. And should totally sue this little twerp. ... / Continue →
  • October 31, 2008
    The elderly: they're wrinkly. AND highly desirable to perform in homemade gangster rap videos. Who would have known? Not me. But apparently Michael Alfinez, 18, from Lake Worth, Florida, was in on the secret. The youth is serving 18 months in jail for abusing the elderly a... / Continue →