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Results for "law enforcement"

  • September 9, 2011
    So apparently somebody spent the time to write up a resumé for Harry Potter to become an auror, because, get this -- when it comes to Harry Potter, there are very few things people won't spend the time to do. These are also the same people that won't bother brushing their tee... / Continue →
  • August 25, 2011
    Police in Surrey, England have developed an iPhone app that tracks local officers so citizens feel a heightened sense of safety and security. Oooooooooor rob a bank on the other side of town. The app is totally well-intentioned. It's supposed to give residents a sense of secu... / Continue →
  • June 1, 2011
    Always getting into fights? It's your face -- people find it offensive. Wear a mask like I do. Kidding, I just don't ever go out. The BodyGuard (not to be confused with the movie I've never seen and have no intention of) is the lovechild of a ballistics-nylon arm bracer, vi... / Continue →
  • September 23, 2010
    Ever wonder what makes Robocop tick? The time bomb I just strapped to his back! The real question is what makes Robocop stop ticking? Hopefully the same thing! Does Robocop eat stainless steel donuts? I have no idea but he does piss motor oil and crap nuts & bolts. Which,... / Continue →
  • September 15, 2010
    A southern California police department recently issued a public safety notice warning citizens to be on the lookout for any child-loving bears in the area. NOBODY GETS BETWEEN ME AND FREE CANDY! At one convention of IT enthusiasts the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Departm... / Continue →
  • July 8, 2010
    When it comes to taking down perps, you don't always want to shoot them in the face and have their brains explode all over the wall. Wait -- you don't?! No, you don't. Sometimes you're gonna need to torture them first to gain vital information. Aaaaaah, right right right! ... / Continue →
  • June 3, 2010
    Allegedly Warner Bros. is being sued by a German company for taking their proprietary anti-pirating technology and using it without permission. God, and they raised such a stink when I pirated 'Free Willy: Escape from Pirate's Cove'. You outta be ashamed. Per the Hollywood R... / Continue →
  • February 2, 2010
    That's right folks, gang members are taking to popular social networking sites to brag about crimes, issue threats to rival gangs, and score bitches/drugs/skrilla. Basically everything Facebook and Twitter were invented for. When a gang member was released from jail soon afte... / Continue →
  • December 22, 2009
    A Boston mother (think terrier, but human-er) recently called 911 on her 14-year old son after finding him playing video games at 2:30 one morning, long after she had told him to go to bed. Nice, but I would have just belted the shit out of him because I know good parenting. ... / Continue →
  • December 4, 2009
    A Toronto man got SWAT-teamed at work after someone in an apartment complex across the street saw him assembling a LEGO gun (model he was making HERE) through the window. Also, what's the ruling on calling the cops about the The Superficial Writer peaking over my cubicle wall ... / Continue →
  • November 17, 2009
    Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this... / Continue →
  • November 14, 2009
    Mario and Luigi, best known for plunging shitters and trying to save the Princess from the evil clutches of Bowser, have turned to a life of crime. Specifically, robbing cab drivers. What's the Mushroom Kingdom coming to?! At around 4 a.m. on November 1, presumably following... / Continue →
  • October 28, 2009
    I like making fun of ridiculously rich people because it makes me feel better about not knowing where I'm sleeping tonight. Take this Bugatti Veyron owner, who thought he could park his land-jet wherever the hell he wanted. Think again, Richie Rich! But seriously, you'd thin... / Continue →
  • September 22, 2009
    Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs! With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk... / Continue →
  • September 9, 2009
    Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask... / Continue →
  • August 4, 2009
    So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there). Spit into this little plastic test tu... / Continue →
  • July 22, 2009
    Robot-ethicists are demanding a retuning of Asimov's laws of robotics, which they believe are too simple and do not take into account just how badly robots want to kill us all. "If you build artificial intelligence but don't think about its moral sense or create a conscious se... / Continue →
  • January 22, 2009
    Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find o... / Continue →
  • November 26, 2008
    Italian police discovered a .22 caliber cellphone gun during a raid on a Camorra (Naples Mafia) compound. Fully loaded, the gun's capable of firing four shots in quick succession through the antenna using buttons on the keypad as the trigger. Officers also seized bullet pro... / Continue →
  • November 25, 2008
    The Carbon Motors E7 is a new police cruiser that addresses safety and performance issues neglected due to the current practice of retrofitting Crown Victorias/Impalas. Right now fire departments, emergency medical technicians, the military, and even mail carriers all use vehi... / Continue →