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Results for "emergency"

  • December 10, 2012
    Because nobody likes talking on the phone, the four largest cell phone carriers have agreed to make texting to 911 available by May 15th, 2014. Not gonna lie, I already thought they accepted texts and were just ignoring me. 'SEND AMBULANCE, HOT SAUCE TOO SPICY.' "Access to 9... / Continue →
  • June 14, 2012
    RETROACTIVE WARNING: Man-crotch in your face. This is the ThingThong from designer Douglas Hamilton, a flip-flop with a super-elastic strap that can be worn as an emergency swimsuit in case a shark eats your other one. Plus it has a thong back for maximum tanning! My God how... / Continue →
  • April 23, 2012
    This is the Grappa, a dual-purpose shopping bag/emergency helmet that's just as ready to carry groceries as it is to be worn on your head while you run down the street screaming the sky is falling. It was designed with a reinforced bottom for use during natural disasters in ca... / Continue →
  • November 9, 2011
    Because the government knows something we don't and isn't telling us, the first nationwide test of the emergency broadcast system is slated to go down at 2PM eastern today, simultaneously playing on all entertainment outlets (sans internet). OMG -- cut into my One Life to Live... / Continue →
  • October 6, 2011
    Picture related: golf cart. The FCC has announced that all cell phones in the US must have GPS capabilities by 2018 so that authorities can better pin-point 911 calls. Ooooooor make it easier for big brother to track your location. F*** that! *throws cell phone in back of m... / Continue →
  • August 5, 2011
    Need a shaving razor that can fit in your wallet? No, you don't. Not unless you want to threaten to cut your server when they bring the bill with the hopes of scoring a free sundae. *eyes belly shaking head* The blades come off and are stowed on the backside of the mirror ... / Continue →
  • July 14, 2011
    It's 9PM and you just finished downloading your 2,000th bootleg movie when you hear a a siren. Holy shit, the cops are coming for you. What do you do? Well if you're anything like me you don a fake beard and Italian accent and dive out the nearest window crapping your pants. ... / Continue →
  • May 26, 2011
    This Japanese Emergency toilet may look like a man squatting in a trash bag in front of other people, but that's just because that's exactly what's happening. But -- BUT -- inside that privacy bag (which should also come with a masquerade mask IMHO) is another, smaller bag con... / Continue →
  • May 6, 2011
    Hey guys sorry for the slow posting today, something's come up (NOT my period) and I have to run out for awhile. Hopefully I'll be back to post this afternoon, but if not I'll make it up to you this weekend with some Saturday and Sunday posts. "Plus a goodie bag?" NO -- THIS... / Continue →
  • May 5, 2011
    The Crovel is like the Swiss Army Kite of shovels. "Knife -- not kite, numbnuts." Yeah, whatever. It packs 13 different tools into a single unit (reminds me of my last kegger!). "What tools" you ask? LEMME TELL YA: Shovel Crowbar Pryer/Nail Remover (hey that's just pa... / Continue →
  • November 23, 2010
    Because actually placing calls is soooooo 90's, the FCC is working out the logistics of being able to text 911 during an emergency. What could possible go wrong? Tweeting emergencies, that's what. Several U.S. government agencies have for some time been considering how to pl... / Continue →
  • October 7, 2010
    Earthquakes: they're scary. Almost as scary as tornadoes. Did you know in the event of an earthquake you're supposed to stand in a doorway? I didn't. I thought you were supposed to stop drop and roll. OMG --I think my teacher was trying to kill me. Eff you Miss Gardner! ... / Continue →
  • June 28, 2010
    Remember that movie Amegeddon? It's okay, I cried too. CAUSE I'D MISS YOU, BABY, AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THAAAAANG. Anyway scientists say if we're gonna get pummeled by an asteroid it's cool to just nuke the thing. Sweet. In the unlikely event of a gigantic asteroid threa... / Continue →
  • April 9, 2010
    The Rescue Balloon is an inflatable aid for adventurers who find themselves lost in the woods while searching for artifacts. Ha, Indiana Jones scoffs at you! Designer Jaeseok Han wasn't fooling around when he created this compact kit -- intended for hikers who get lost or inj... / Continue →
  • December 22, 2009
    A Boston mother (think terrier, but human-er) recently called 911 on her 14-year old son after finding him playing video games at 2:30 one morning, long after she had told him to go to bed. Nice, but I would have just belted the shit out of him because I know good parenting. ... / Continue →
  • April 25, 2009
    This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation ... / Continue →
  • April 2, 2009
    Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box. Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accuse... / Continue →
  • March 31, 2009
    Kile Wygle (awesome name), 28, recently received a DUI after crashing his homemade bar-stool kart (pictured) and calling 911. Kile crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what hap... / Continue →
  • March 25, 2009
    Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!? For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any stor... / Continue →
  • March 25, 2009
    A quick-thinking Thai fireman came to the rescue recently when he dressed as Spider-Man in order to coerce an 8-year old autistic student off a high ledge. Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending h... / Continue →