Domino's Is Filling Potholes For Pizza Safety During Delivery

June 14, 2018

dominos-pizza-fixing-potholes.jpg

Because why on earth would a city ever fix them, Domino's has begun filling potholes to ensure a safer ride for its pizzas during delivery (interactive road conditions vs pizza video HERE). *wipes tear away with a Kleenex I already blew my nose with, gets snot on face* Maybe there's still some good left in the world after all.

Domino's has been hiring work crews to repair potholes in a number of cities, including Burbank, California (five holes fixed), Bartonville, Texas (eight holes), an impressive 40 holes fixed in Milford, Delaware, and an astounding 150 potholes filled in Athens, Georgia.


It's not entirely altruistic, of course. Domino's tags every filled pothole with their logo and the tagline "OH YES WE DID."

Admittedly, there's nothing worse than opening a pizza to discover all the cheese and toppings are stuck to the top of the box and you have to try scraping them back down onto the pizza. It's devastating. My girlfriend was already hesitant about introducing pizza into our romantic life, and here I am standing naked at the foot of the bed with a pizza that looks more like lasagna. And if she wasn't sure about pizza, she's DEFINITELY not ready for lasagna. A calzone? Maybe. "You're truly a fountain of infinite wisdom, GW." I'm a volcano, but yes.

Thanks to Ryan, who agrees if Domino's wants to take their marketing efforts seriously, they need to rehire the Noid.

  • The_Wretched

    Here's an idea. Every one can chip in proportionally with their wealth to pay for a central body to efficiently hire a dedicated crew to go around and fix all the pot holes. That way we don't just rely on the ad budget of a pizza vendor to fix the commons.

  • GeneralDisorder

    What? That sounds like slavery! Or government sponsored theft. Or... hmm. No, wait. That just might work.

  • Meh

    Now this is just sheer brilliance. I'm not sure about the quality of concrete they use, but this is a golden marketing idea.

  • Nicholas Conrad

    Thanks GW, def link to this story whenever anyone comes at me with: "in libertopian, who builds the roads, huh?"

  • DrPunchman ☃

    Cool, cool. Also you could just draw penises around the potholes: https://www.telegraph.co.uk...

  • Fartbutt

    Ha! Wanksy... brilliant.

  • adsffda

    some old guy in my town tried that. he got fined and they made him dig it back up :(

  • GeneralDisorder

    He should have filled the holes with rusty razor blades instead. Oh, and not gotten caught. That part is important.

  • Jenness

    I remember reading about that and just being so livid that they spent more money going after a good Samaritan than just fixing the holes.

  • bustedgiveadamn

    There's always the guy who spray-painted dicks on all the potholes and they got fixed within days hahaha, seems like less work too

  • bustedgiveadamn
  • Bling Nye

    Absolutely, stupidly absurd, yet actually understandable given the "repairs" could fuck things up worse if not done right. I get why they'd dissuade people from taking it into their own hands, but FFS, FIX THE FUCKING HOLES THEN.

  • Bling Nye

    Kinda brilliant marketing ploy, but I wonder if they'll face any problems for tagging the streets.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    HA! I would so want to attend that civil court case.

  • TheQiwiMan

    So I guess we can just all start holding back some of our tax money then? You know, since it's supposedly to go for things like road maintenance, and a pizza company is fixing potholes now.

  • Fartbutt

    I've never had pizza delivery problems... but for the record, papa murphys and jets pizza are the best pizza

  • Munihausen

    Jet's is excellent. Have not had Papa Murphy's

  • Fartbutt

    Ohhhh man you're in for a treat. If you're ever on the west coast and have an oven, get the pepperoni with Italian sausage. If you dont have an oven, and you're in the Portland OR area let me know and you can come over and I'll get you papa murphys. You cant live a life and not have papa murphys... just like jets.

  • Megatron Jenkins

    I like Godfather's, myself, and a local chain called Monster Pizza, they make a giant 3ft x 3ft pizza for $50. Lasts for a couple days before going solid. But living with several people, it's never around more than a few hours, lol.

  • Fartbutt

    That seems kinda spendy for a 3ftX3ft pizza no? Thats huge... but I mean, I could buy 5 1ftX1.5ft(about) square pizza for 50 and have a 5ftX7.5ft pizza... or is this 3ft squared(circle) 50 dollar pizza that good?

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