Well That Sucks: Remains Of Pompeii Man Found Who Survived Initial Vesuvius Eruption, Only To Get Crushed By Giant Stone Block

May 30, 2018

pompei-victim.jpg

A recent archeological discovery revealed the remains of a Pompeii man who appears to have survived Mount Vesuvius's initial eruption, only to be crushed by a large stone block (possibly part of a doorway) while attempting to flee the city afterwards. Man, that totally would have been me. Holy shit I made it! *dies*

A leg injury, however, may have slowed him down before he was crushed by the huge stone hurtling through the air.


Pompeii archaeologists say the skeleton shows signs of a bone infection in his leg, which could have made walking - much less running - very difficult.

...it was not slow-moving molten lava that killed most of the people of Pompeii. Instead, a vast cloud of hot gas and fragments - called a pyroclastic flow - surged over the city, killing its inhabitants wherever they were, and burying them in ash, preserving their final moment.

Archaeologists believe it was this lethal cloud which struck their newest discovery, throwing him backwards as he turned to look at it.

The man's head has yet to be found, but is believed to be under the block. Still, at least he died THINKING that he was going to make it. That's almost certainly better than knowing you're going to die, and definitely better than thinking you're not going to die, but then dying in a compromising position like with your penis stuck in a hole in the wall.

Thanks to MSA, who agrees this is exactly why you never look back to see what's behind you. The past is in the past, you should only be looking forward.

  • Gordon Freeman

    I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a block in the face.

  • JimmyJam

    Mondays, amirite?

  • Bling Nye

    "Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?"

    "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man."

  • Munihausen

    Pompeii, starring Kit Harrington, wasn't too bad. Kiefer Sutherland plays a great villain.

  • Megatron Jenkins

    I heard his accent wanders all over the place. Kiefer's, that is.

  • Munihausen

    Yes, it does, but it’s ok

  • Doog

    That's my kinda luck right there.

  • Jenness

    But how would you know though? It would just be "oh crap....yes...just a couple more..."poof"

  • Doog

    I may, or may not, have had the exact situation you've described happen to me, though in a completely different situation.

  • Jenness

    Oooohhhrrreeaallly??

  • Gingerbread

    When you're on the list...

  • Bling Nye

    Hmm... gotta say I think I'd rather die from getting my head squished than asphyxiating/burning/choking on volcanic gases.... given the option.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I don't think either option is all that great (I mean, you end up dead regardless). But if you're as close as Pompei was and have a pyroclastic flow rush over you, you're gonna likely die of combination asphyxia and heat before you really know anything more than "oh shit, I'm 100% fucked". Also I've heard when you're faced with death your body released some pretty sweet chemicals to keep your from shitting yourself to death.

  • infi_nitive

    Interesting, but wrong, it seems. In an episode of the long-lived television documentary "South Park", they demonstrate that this is, in fact, not the case when the school cook is slain.

  • Geekologie

    noted

  • Bling Nye
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