Male Brown Widow Spiders Prefer To Mate With Older Females Who Are Less Likely To Bear Offspring, More Likely To Eat Them After

May 2, 2018

going-for-the-older-lady-spiders.jpg

A recent study conducted by scientists in Israel suggests that brown widow spiders, when given the choice, will mate with older females who are less likely to bear offspring than younger ones, and who are more likely to cannibalize them after doing the nasty. Now I'm not arachnologist, but I'd say these spiders are into MILFs.

One possible explanation, however, is that older females are manipulating the males by using larger quantities of pheromones. In other words, the older females may be producing a kind of irresistible perfume that the males cannot resist, and at greater amounts compared to younger spiders. But there's a problem with this theory: It has zero evidence to support it, aside from the strange male behavior. It's "a hypothesis that remains to be tested," conclude the researchers.

Obviously, this is just a clear-cut case of "I don't want any children, and I want to die immediately after sex." It's a no-brainer, which is convenient because I have very little brain to work with. I guess I'm kind of like a spider in that sense. Plus I have eight legs, although six of them are actually modified penises. "Define modified." I put shoes on them.

Thanks to Luc, who agrees there's something to be said for maturity and experience.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Reads title: Me too...

  • Redeemer

    I mean, it's pretty simple...older chicks know what they're doing. If you've got a chance to be eaten after sex either way, why not go for the one that knows how to do that thing with her tongue (or mandibles) that you like?

  • Jenness

    Maybe these types of spiders are adrenaline junkies? Hell that sounds just as feasible as anything else

  • Closet Nerd

    I gotta see a video of GW doinga cartwheel with "6 penis appendages wearing shoes"

  • Closet Nerd
  • TheQiwiMan

    I dig those little dudes' style!

    https://media.giphy.com/med...

  • Nicholas Conrad

    Seriously? This crowd has nothing to say about sipder milfs? Letting me down, The Internet.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I prefer unwed childless women who are past breeding age and also baby crazy. Weird combo but I almost sometimes regret dumping that one.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Well aside the fact that GW already mentioned the MILF aspect, it has literally zero evidence for it. *shrug*

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