Hip'Air: Airbag Hip Protectors For The Elderly

January 9, 2018

Well, the good news is your hips are fine. The bad news is you're gonna need a knee replacement.

This is the Helite Hip'Air, a poorly named belt with airbags that inflate during a fall to help protect grandmas and grandpas from breaking their hips, that way they can still play golf/bake cookies/mail $20 checks on your birthday. Me? I've never broken a hip before, but I did pull a hamstring once air-humping a marble statue at a museum trying to get some footage for my Instagram story. I'm lying, I don't use Instagram, I did it to get a chuckle out of my date. "Date -- that's cute, GW." I just did it for me, okay?!

Keep going for two videos, the second of which is just a short slow-motion demonstration of the bags opening.

Thanks to

  • zethreal

    The problem with this is that they've found that in MOST situations, the hip breaks and causes the fall, not the other way around.

  • Joey Rodriguez

    plot twist: it explodes against the counter

  • The_Wretched

    Just wrap them in bubble wrap and be done with it.

  • Robert A'Beuy

    Meh, I did the same thing 30 years ago using 7 whoopie cushions.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.
  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.
  • Titty McNipplefondler

    I think they missed their market. This would make a perfect anti-sexual assault device. just turn the belt 90 degrees so the cushions pop out at the crotch and bum. When a bad guy (or gal) comes a-tryin to be pushin the cushon blammo! deep tissue injury to the alleged assailant.

  • quickrick

    hips break, then the fall occurs...

  • Jenness

    I want this. I want a whole suit made out of this so I can just careen out of control through life.

  • Irina Abramovich

    Jenness:

    You could invent your own suit and leave this guy alone in the comments -- he was only showing off to us!!!=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You're NUMBER #1 PERFECT KITTEN FOREVAR!!!!!=)=)=)
    Irina: You're NUMBER #1 PERFECT FRIEND FOREVAR!!!!=)

  • TheQiwiMan

    This... this is satire, right?

  • Nicholas Conrad

    I'm listening to a bbc documentary podcast about avant guard art atm, and they're all saying the days when art could shock are long gone, but imho ^^ is the perfect encapsulation of the avant guard for our generation. You heard me Picasso, GTFO!! Two eyes on the same side? Yeah, like EVERY flounder has been doing that shtick since the pre-Cambrian!

  • TheQiwiMan

    I'm still convinced this is a Tim and Eric Cinco skit....

  • Irina Abramovich

    TheQiwiMan:

    It's NOT satire, it is performance art.=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You're a sweet, angel to sing to at bed time.=)=)=) I love you, FOREVAR!!!!=)
    Irina: You're a sweet, faery Princess from like Switzerland you're so nice -- people are actually very nice in Switzerland.=)

  • Hubree

    I do not love you

  • Irina Abramovich

    Hubree:

    Let's go on kitten dates to the Louvre in France and eat frogs and cheese there! You're so cute -- I love you even though you love me only ALL OF THE TIME. *dances to Baby Love by the Supremes*

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: You're a perfect #1 KITTEN and HAX0RRRRRRR!!!=)=)=)
    Irina: Nice job at being a cutie!=)

  • Hubree

    I do not love you

  • Irina Abramovich

    1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Geekologie:

    Here I am logging into my other account, under a disguised name, to write about how fat afterooster's wife is:

    I heard afterooster's wife is so fat she couldn't fit into a booth at Culver's and then sat at a regular table where her butt cheeks hung off the chair -- it was worth it for her though because she ate 50 butterball burgers in 20 minutes -- a Culver's record!!!! She weighs over 4 TONS now and can outrun like a squirrel with it's tail stuck to a parked car tire in the Culver's parking lot. BECAUSE SHE IS THAT QUICK!!!! Afterooster had to bring afterooster's wife into the restaurant on her bed, she also bathes and eats and sleeps in it at home. Sometimes she loses up to 500 lbs. at once and can go jogging with afterooster.=) Bet her tits look hot then!!

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: When we marry, I promise to be faithful to you and always share ice creams with you during Too Cute!!=)=)=)
    Irina: Let's marry afterooster's wife and take topless pics of her for internet porn websites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHA! Just joking!=)

  • Hubree

    I don't love you

  • Irina Abramovich

    Hubree:

    Sex yeah!=) Why don't you keep trolling about being a loveless, jealous, young man forever then? I keep telling Hubree he loves me and I know he loves me back -- he said it in kitten language to me a long time ago. The proof's on the bottle of Vodka I have at home.=) Hahaha!!! Just kidding, I know your mom -- she is a wild one!!!=) She must have loved you too much and that's why you're withholding your love from me. Anyway, Hubree and I have a lot of Freemasonry and God's love to share during our mutually -- sexually restrained orgies -- He's a kitten and I'm a human so God said it is TABOO for us to make out even if I have a kitten fetish.=)=)=)

    <3 Thomas

    Hubree: Las Enchiladas from Farmington, Minnesota sounds perfect for lunch today!!!!! You're NUMBER 1 L33T haX0r of ALL FAME!!!!=)=)=)
    Irina: A cheese quesadilla and nachos with quest is YUMMY to throw up in a bit!!!=) See in the bathroom in an hour!!!=) Teehee!=)

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