Man Selling $5-Million Arizona Ranch Due To 'Constant Alien Attacks'

October 31, 2017

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John Edmonds, the owner of the 6.97-acre Stardust Ranch (aka 'Alien Ranch' -- which has been featured on numerous alien-related television shows due to being an alleged hotbed of alien activity) in Rainbow Valley, Arizona, has listed the property for sale for $5-million, citing that constant alien attacks and a recent abduction attempt of his wife has led him to be fed up with the property. The absolutely amazing highlights:

Edmonds claims he has slain 19 aliens with samurai swords and he and his wife have endured abduction attempts.


"They actually levitated her out of the bed in the master chamber and carried her into the parking lot and tried to draw her up into the craft," he told NBC-affiliate KPNX.

Under one image of what appears to be dried blood and a katana, he described the method of destroying the "greys."

"Unless you cut the head off and disconnect the antennae, so to speak, they instantly 'phone home.' Even with a razor-sharp sword, it is nearly impossible to decapitate them with one swing," he wrote.

Edmonds warns prospective buyers to be prepared to live on the ranch.

"It's not something for a traditional family, but it holds a lot of secrets and what I believe are future opportunities to understand forces that are in the universe," he said. "Please be very well grounded because the energy here has the tendency to manifest with whatever is going on with you."

I included a screenshot of his bloody katana from Facebook and the conversation he had with interested parties that followed, which is fantastic and I highly recommend checking out. Then, let's all pool our money and buy the ranch. Think of it as an investment. There's no telling how many billions of dollars of advanced space technology we'll be able to beat out of these little grey turds. Also, just what the hell did John really hack to death on his carport, because that definitely doesn't look like alien blood to me.

Keep going for the Facebook conversation while I contact Mulder and Scully.

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Thanks to whoever sent me this whose email I must have accidentally deleted by accident. OR WAS IT ALIENS? *cue X-Files theme song*

  • Bsm

    19 conflicts with aliens and he did think to set up security cameras to capture video? Maybe his $5 million ranch was where he put all his money and he didn't have enough left over for $200 worth of video equipment ;)

  • Rick Thomas

    those poor mexicans

  • Guesticle

    they attacked him first

  • asdfadfs

    he means illegals

  • Bryson

    They are in the "grey" area of the law.

  • Daniel Holstein

    Someone should tell this guy that raccoons are natives.

  • sizzlepants

    Can afford a multi-million dollar ranch.

    Cannot afford a cheap-ass CCTV security system? Because... aliens?

  • GeneralDisorder

    You can't go installing CCTV on your alien infested property because then you'd be proven wrong for all the bullfuckery bullshit you're trying to pull.

  • Isn't it the ranch from Majora's Mask 😮 ?

  • Doog

    Romani Ranch

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Either he's a schizophrenic redneck or a marketing genius.

  • asdfadfs

    por que no los dos

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Dōshite ka wakarimasen.

  • Meh

    I hope that dude didn't use any worthy nihonto with his (most likely), pathetic attempts to cut.

    That aside, he's not that hellbend on getting out if he's looking for a multimillionaire to pay him.

  • The_Wretched

    I'd check his property with cadaver sniffing dogs and then test for human DNA.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Cadaver sniffing dog? Those are called coyotes.

  • Has anyone seen my buddy Carl? He's a tall dude, totally bald. Last I heard from him he said his car broke down and he got lost near some place in Rainbow Valley, Arizona. He sounded bad, like the dehydration was really getting to him, he stripped down, which is extra bad cuz he's an albino. Last thing he texted to me was "Dude I think I'm saved, I see what looks like a 5 million dollar ranch up ahead!"

  • Ollie Williams

    "owner owner"

  • Geekologie

    yeah that's right, OWNER OWNER

  • Jai Mico

    Maybe another NUT with lots of cash might want to buy it just because there are " Alien Attacks"!

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