That's Too Big: Guy Showing Off One Of The Largest Species Of Terrestrial Snail

September 21, 2017

giant-snail.jpg

This is a video of some guy showing off a Giant West African Snail (Archachatina marginata). The massive mollusks can grow shells reaching 21cm (~8 inches) in length and 13cm (~5-inches) in diameter. That is a big snail. Unfortunately, they're considered one of the most invasive species in the world, and wreak havoc on crops. So if you see one you should probably yell at it. I just poured a giant salt circle around my house to keep me safe from them and -- oh, wonderful -- now it's raining. *waving fist at heaven* That salt wasn't cheap, you know! "You used Splenda." Man, you just always have to be right, don't you, God?

Keep going for the video while I go put one of these in my roommate's shower.

Thanks to Linc, who just wants to know what it feels like on his face.

  • Keith Sanks

    What about extraterrestrial snails?

  • Dusten Hay

    its gary!

  • Hazakabammer

    I'm so fucked up. First thing I thought was "I wonder how that would affect a college girl if you tied her up and put that thing on her vagina."

  • GeneralDisorder

    That's both disgusting and interesting. If you manage to pull that off be sure to let the whole world know.

  • Hazakabammer

    I can't even get a college aged girl to touch my dick as is bro, what the fuck makes you think she'll A) let me tie her up and B) if I pull that thing out, that she doesn't immediately report me to the authorities as soon as I untie her.

  • archer923

    I wonder how much cementing paste does it make. I still haven't finished my metal house.

  • Curtis Rasmussen

    You want deadly meningitis? Get this disease vector snail as a pet.

    https://www.washingtonpost....

  • Octo

    So....do you think he has fucked it..yet..?

  • GeneralDisorder

    PFFTTT!! Typical human! That's all you humans ever think of is "can I fuck it?" and "can it fuck me?"

    So to answer your question, yes. I'm sure someone did. Admittedly, I would not. Hard to believe I know. I'm not smart enough to say no and I have very few limits but man... mollusks don't butter my bread.

  • Hazakabammer

    Jesus Christ, you win, take my title of "Fucked Up" it's not even a contest between which of us is more fucked up in the head.

  • steve holt

    that is exactly how I pictured a guy to look, y'know, that guy who would let said snail crawl on his arm

  • asdfadfs

    ...don't those things sometimes take a few layers of skin?

  • Deplorable Erik Dee

    I was wondering if it has the abrasive mouth parts or whatever they have. If it's biting as it goes...

  • skeptic

    Plot twist: that's a normal-sized snail crawling across a tablet with a picture of a guy on the screen.

  • The_Wretched

    How do they taste and, um, date night?

  • Allow me to quote my wife on our wedding night:

  • Hazakabammer

    I find it difficult believing the part about the wife. Otherwise the story is pretty good, though it couldn't hurt to put more explosions in.

  • She just goes to a different school, gosh!

  • "ew... Don't show me that again."

  • Ollie Williams

    I never said that.

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