Just in time for the end of summer comes this 'Shnoodle' inflatable pool noodle. It costs around $10 on Amazon and looks like a giant Sharpie. Can it support the weight of an average human in a pool? No clue. Can it double as a sex toy? Maybe if you're a giant. Wait -- are you a giant? Can I ride you into battle? "Was that a sexual euphemism?" No it was not. "Oh." Of course it was, but I call top, I'm not trying to die today even though I probably still will anyways.
Thanks to CN, who agrees the best pool toy is a high dive.