This is a die-cast bottle opener in the form of the classic crawling-through-the-trenches green army man. You can buy one on Amazon for $8 HERE but they're also available other places for more and less money. I was tempted to buy one, but I've already got a perfectly good topless mermaid bottle opener, and I don't really need more than one novelty bottle opener in my life, as luxurious as that does sound. *ignores bank account balance, buys green army man bottle opener anyways* I feel like a king!
Thanks again to Cyndi, who opens bottles the old fashioned way: chopping the top off with a machete. Please invite me to your next party.