Nope: Latest Spa Treatment Trend Of Having Your Privates Sprayed With Liquid Nitrogen

February 21, 2017

private-freezing-therapy.jpg

Seen here about to get his genitals sprayed with -256°F liquid nitrogen (or possibly just vacuum enlarged), a wary man contemplates if he and his partner should just call it quits instead of trying to reignite the spark in their relationship. I bet she's just with him because of the cool tattoo anyways. 'Love misting', ladies and gentlemen -- it's a real thing now.

Cryotherapy UK, the company that concocted the procedure, offers a snake oil sales pitch that claims the procedure boosts endorphin levels and sex drive.


They claim: "when the sub-zero temperature covers the skin, the sudden drop in heat stimulates the temperature receptors" and improve your sex drive."

"While the skin continues to feel the 'freeze' the body sends signals back and forth to the brain," the spa claims. "These messengers tell the brain if there is damage to the tissues, to repair them."

"It's this that along with the instant endorphin level energy boost and natural high, generates a tighter, youthful, clear and vibrant genital skin appearance through boosting collagen."

Sure that's what Cryotherapy UK says, but actual doctors say the constriction of blood vessels can cause erectile dysfunction, the exact opposite of what you're hoping for. Plus the extreme cold can actually cause frostbite, damaging skin tissue and nerves so you can't even feel your penis anymore. Now I'm not saying if you willingly get your privates sprayed with liquid nitrogen that you don't deserve to feel them, but -- wait, I am saying that. Besides, you should hold out until you've saved enough money to get your entire body cryogenically frozen, because the future has no need for just your penis.

Thanks to Jarod, who failed to include a free spa coupon for a love misting with his tip. Maybe it got flagged as a spam because Gmail thought it was a boner-pill email.

  • Jenness

    Cue the "dick fell off" lawsuit in 3....2...1

  • sebastian

    lol the sign says "instant inch loss". i guess penis enlargement became synonymous with junk mail so now theyre giving penis ensmallment a shot? haha

  • Titty McNipplefondler

    I don't need this, if I need to put my junk somewhere ice cold I just make sad pathetic love with my wife at home, for FREE! Well most of the time its free....ok...some of the time.

  • The girl in the bottom right is evaluating every decision she has made up to this point.

  • GeneralDisorder

    She damn well should be. Hosing a person with liquid nitrogen is pretty fucking retarded. I'm not one to use that word lightly. It requires mental deficiency.

  • Bling Nye

    It's not like that dude's tattoo screams "I make poor choices" or anything...

  • Jonathan Harris

    What the fuck ....liquid nitro isnt something you fucking play around with...what retards are these?

  • Oswaldo Parra

    I was in the pool!!!

  • Tigerh8r

    I was thinking that sounds like it would cause a lot of shrinkage!

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  • Cheese

    You sell your butthole for crack money.

  • KungFuTreachery

    No amount of technology or access to information will stop Darwinism.

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