McDonald's Reinvents The Drinking Straw For Shakes

February 23, 2017

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To help advertise the return of the Shamrock Shake (I've already had almost thirty), McDonald's employed a team of engineers to design a new straw for maximum shake drinkability. And this is what they came up with: the STRAW (Suction Tube for Reverse Axial Withdrawal). Wait -- are you being serious right now?

The redesigned STRAW...is meant to alleviate the most basic of problems: having to wait for your shake to melt a bit before you can get the perfect mix of chocolate and mint flavors. While a conventional straw will only slurp up one part of the shake at a time, engineers from JACE Engineering and NK Labs carefully engineered the STRAW's J-shaped snorkel design and side openings to suck in both layers at once. According to McDonald's, their new tubular sipping device required some fairly complex computational fluid dynamics simulations to get the flow right and make sure it works just as well at the bottom of your shake as it did on the first sip.

McDonald's is giving away 2,000 of the snorkel straws and you can check out their website in the coming weeks to see if your local McDonald's will have any so you can go get one and sell it on eBay. Me? I don't need a special straw to drink milkshakes, I use the old fashioned method: wait till it's almost completely melted then chug the whole thing at once like a monster. I...have a lot of health problems.

Keep going for a couple more shots and a video in case you needed that.

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Thanks to blue16, who just informed me the shake machine is broken.

  • King Kasper

    So take a bendy straw, cut some holes in the short in and flip it upside down. got it!

  • PurpleHelmut

    S.T.R.A.W.

    Stupid Twats Really Are Wankers.
    Suck Tits Random Anus Wart.
    Snake Tongues Reach Around Wangs.
    Slap The Ringpiece And Wriggle.
    Suck The Rectum Avoiding Warts.

  • King POTUS

    Shit, the road's all wet.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Stupid Thing. Resources Are Wasted.

  • asdfadfs

    the traditional way is... to chug? you don't dip your fries gw? I knew it! gw died and got replaced again. I miss dinofucker :(

  • GeneralDisorder

    I went to a sex party in October and there was a guy wearing a cape and a mask (and another cape on his dick because why not) and he was called Superfucker. That guy was slamming pelvis from the time I got there to the time I left.

    On a related note I'll never attend a party like that again.

  • The_Wretched

    If you'd carried a drone, you could have filmed it all.

  • Jeremy Tilton

    Hmmm, I would have made the acronym stand for Suck To Retrieve All Wetness

  • Bling Nye

    Shaft Them Rigorously And Well

  • Who drinks these? They invented a whole new straw to drink a gross shake that no one I know has ever even wanted to try.

  • asdfadfs

    people like mint shake. it's not made with actual shamrocks

  • Kateness

    #firstworldproblems

  • #zeroworldproblem.

  • Kateness

    Apparently from the video there is a dire need for this invention. You cannot haz too much chocolate per sip or too much shamrock. Equal ratio of the two is of the upmost importance. Mankind will prevail and we will see another day where all multiflavored milkshakes are equal. Thank you McDonalds!
    #allflavoredmilkshakesmatter.

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  • Geekologie

    Evan Pierce is rich let's rob him

  • Kateness

    Seems a lot of the rich fancy your page.

  • Geekologie

    we have a very sophisticated readership

  • asdfadfs

    STOP USING DISQUS

    iirc it was supposed to stop spambots, but we didn't HAVE ANY until AFTER(daisy was cool and doesn't count) and now geekologie is infested.(which only makes sense anyway. widespread standardized comments mean masses of standardized spambots can flourish)

    Be honest, do they pay you to use them so they can collect user data or something?

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