This is a video of two giant tortoises doing the slow and dirty at a zoo. At first I thought it was just one tortoise banging a rock (I probably wouldn't know any better at that age either), but you can see the other tortoise right at the end of the video. Anyway, the guy on top repeatedly yells "Wow," presumably because he can't believe his penis still works after 110 years of service. And I'm equally surprised, I assumed after 80 years penises just turn to dust and are scattered by the wind. Also, bonus points for the tortoise sleeping right next to these two, officially making it the least exciting threesome of all time.
Keep going for the video.
Thanks to lizzy, who tried to tell me the tortoise is practicing his English to put the moves on April O'Neil. Wow indeed.