Real Products People Want To Bring To Market: Gothic Blood Lube

October 13, 2016


Because somebody was determined to not let Japan win today's WTF award, this is the Indiegogo campaign for Blood Lube, sex lube that looks like blood. Not even in my deepest, darkest vampire fantasy (and I have a lot of them) could I have imagined this. Yet here we are. What a time to be alive. Or undead. Get it? Like a vampire.

Stay Wicked is a dark/goth clothing line started by the twisted minds of Christopher Murray and Kara Dennis. The couple wanted to create art they wanted to wear and things they wished existed.

We are kinky people deep down, and fetish's are everywhere, although some like to be more hidden than others. We are the type of couple that has a coffin for a table and have lunch over our Ouija Board, so this isn't anything necessarily new for us.

One night we talked about how it would turn us both on if we had intercourse with blood all over us. Rad right? But you can't just have sex in paint.. well you could (and that might be awesome) but we thought of how insane it would be to have an actual lube that looks like blood! And to our surprise, we couldn't find any product like that anywhere.

I don't even know where to begin, so I'll start here: but does it stain bedsheets? Because that's kind of big for me when picking a lube. Also, if you're really that determined to play Twilight in the bedroom, why not just add a drop of red food coloring to existing lube? Or is red food coloring bad for your privates? You know I accidentally stained my penis green for two months trying to surprise my girlfriend as the Incredible Hulk. Boy was she shocked! And still underwhelmed, despite the fact I took two of every over-the-counter boner pill they sell at the gas station by my apartment. Too long; didn't read: I have an irregular heartbeat now.

Thanks to Fifi, who I can always count on for sending me the things I don't want to see but can't look away from.

  • DeathBotGamma

    I would purchase this

  • Beeronious

    3 edgy 5 me.

  • DrZanz

    All the wrong questions being asked here, so let's get down to it: Is it edible?



  • Fifi Lamonica

    I LIVE for putting a little "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" in your inbox first thing in the morning. <3

  • Andrew Newton

    Man up, wrap it up and fuck your girl on the rag

  • Jenness

    *claps for Andrew* Amen to that.

  • kodama


    >Too long; didn't read
    Or not long enough, it would seem.

  • Stevedave

    Seems like a good way to ruin your sheets.

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