Finally, Wearable Mosquito Netting Clothing Available From Hammacher Schlemmer

September 6, 2016

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This is a line of wearable mosquito net clothing available exclusively from Hammacher Schlemmer. You can get mosquito netting knee-length socks, pants, sleeves, shirts and jackets ($20 - $60). You're gonna be so covered in mosquito netting that a mosquito will take one look at you and say, "Wow, I won't even bother!" then proceed to immediately give your partner West Nile Virus because they didn't feel like dressing up like a NPC from some post apocalyptic survival horror game. You've just got to remind them: staying healthy isn't about looking cool, it's about protecting yourself and also leaving the house as little as possible. Stepping out your door into the world increases the likelihood of something bad happening to you by more than 4,000% depending on how steep your home stairs are, how faulty the wiring in your house is, and whether it smells like gas.

Keep going for shots of the future's must-have fashion accessories.

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Thanks to hairless, who once shocked himself using an electric razor intended for dry use only in the shower. You have to be careful.

  • Jenness

    The moment I saw this I thought "It's like lingerie for those burqa chicks" and I do have a friend getting married. OMG I know what I'm going to do. I'm totally gonna privately gift her a full set and create fake "Lingerie for the Chaste" tags on it - just to see her face and be totally deadpanned and serious with a huge smile "I looked forever and the lady at the store said this is totally the new thing. Do you like it? Oh please, tell me you like it - because it's see through but totally Sharia or Orthodox or Pentecostal or whatever because...no holes." then point to stitched up crotch area. I think I'll nod up and down like I actually believe that shit and then challenge myself to get out of her way and run like hell before she beats me up as we both laugh our asses off. Because privately women are pretty ridiculous and raunchy. heh I wish more people had senses of humor and didn't get so butt-hurt over everything like they do nowadays. Laughter really is a great cure to a lot of societal ills.

  • Is there such a thing as a run-on paragraph? ;)

  • Jenness

    Not when I have had as much coffee as I did when I wrote that.

  • TheQiwiMan

    I have needed this exactly once in my life.

  • I'm not a science doctor, but I think mosquito netting only works if it isn't sitting flush up against your skin. But again, I'm no rocket genius.

  • Verarpotter1

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