Finally, Under-Your-Desk Dangling Balls To Squeeze

September 2, 2016

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Meet Niceballs. Niceballs are a pair of suction-cupped testicles that discreetly hang below your desk so you can give them a little squeeze whenever you're stressed out. Or, if you're really stressed out, a bite like a shark attack. RIP A CHUNK OUT.

Its suspension rate creates a Euclidean curve that encourages relaxation and provides the few moments of escapism that we all need once in a while.

Wait, what? Are we still talking about stress testicles here? I'm confused. You know, whenever I get really stressed I just punch myself in the balls until I get tunnel vision and pass out so my mind and body have no choice but to relax and recuperate. I'm a terrible surgeon.

Keep going for a couple more shots and a video. You know, in case you needed a video.

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Thanks again to lizzy, who, for two tips in a row on the Friday before a holiday weekend, is invited to my Labor Day cookout. Bring the hottest hot sauce you can find.

  • mattinacan

    um, yea i'm sure having that under your desk won't get you fired

  • Cantileverous

    Hmm. Wonder if they will suction cup to skin? My dog's been acting a little depressed since we got him neutered, I thought maybe this would help...

  • This is a product exclusively for Feminists, right?

  • BrandonP22

    And your mom.

  • But what if my mom's a dude?

  • Sketchy

    :)

  • Jenness

    They should also show the anger management version which would be to turn these upside down, suck them to the top of the desk.

    They won't stand up straight but limply cave in so pissed off people can slam a fist down on them to smash them.

  • Sometimes you terrify me, Jenness.

    This is one of those times.

  • Konstantin

    Just reading that made me suddenly want to invest in a protective cup.

  • Nate Barrett

    How are these not called "Stressticles?"

  • Geekologie

    You're hired

  • Donnajhood1

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj225d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I've had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !mj225d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash225DirectTravel\GetPay$97\Hour...

    ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!mj225d:....,.......

  • Because life is full of dumb completely wasted opportunities.

  • Andrew St. Andrew

    More like the people who would buy this are too dumb to know what testicles are.

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