There Is A God: Girl Scouts Rolling Out Two New Cookie Varieties

August 12, 2016

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To celebrate National S'Mores Day on August 10th, the Girl Scouts announced the addition of two new s'mores inspired cookies to their already delicious lineup. Just a moment while I chug a gallon of water to expand my stomach, then puke it all back up to make room for a couple boxes of these things. I'm gonna get that diabetes badge even if it kills me.

"We're combining two iconic Girl Scout traditions--s'mores and Girl Scout Cookies," a statement on their website read Wednesday.


To double the excitement for Girl Scout cookie and s'mores enthusiasts, there are two versions of the new variety: "a crispy graham cookie double dipped in a crème icing and enrobed in a chocolatey coating and a crunchy graham sandwich cookie with a chocolate and marshmallowy filling."

The new s'mores cookies are the first new Girl Scout cookie variety since 2015, when they released their Toffee-tastic, Trios and Rah-Rah Raisin varieties. They are joining the Girl Scouts official cookie lineup, which means they will be here to stay.

Mmmm, s'mores. I used to love making s'mores around a campfire when I was a kid. Then I used to love making them in the microwave for an after-school snack when I was in high school. Now I'm kind of turned off by them. And not just because my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to fool around with them in the bedroom, but my penis did look like Two-Face's bad side for like a month after.

Thanks to Ashleigh, who informed me she's pregnant and really hopes its a girl and wants to be a Girl Scout for the cookie hookup. Congratulations, call me in six years and I'll buy a case.

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