I Wanna Smell Like A Rancor: Star Wars Cologne/Perfume

June 13, 2016

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German cheap perfumer manufacturer Lifestyle is selling these three $16 Star Wars fragrances. They come in Jedi and Empire varieties for men, and Amidala for the ladies. Obviously, I'm going to mix all three together in an empty orange juice container then drink it.

Jedi is said to evoke a "swaggering, fearless flair" and "sportiness" with a blend of pink pepper, water lily, musk and sandalwood. Empire mixes notes of lime, apple, amber, patchouli and tonka-bean for a "seductive fragrance".


For the ladies, Amidala captures Padme's "royal elegance" and "strong, indomitable will" in "elegant and sensual" vanilla, musk, and patchouli with notes of apple and tangerine.

I dunno, none of that sounded very Star Wars to me. Still, even if the fragrance sucks at least you've still left with a lightsaber hilt butt toy. I know people who would pay $16 just for that. And I know one guy who would probably be willing to pay much, much more. I'm not talking about myself for once, either. Yeah I am. You know how I am about butts and lightsabers. They're like peanut butter and jelly to me.

Keep going for shots of the other two.

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Thanks to Nug, who wants to smell like a Tusken Raider after a raid. I want to smell like the inside of Darth Vader's helmet.

  • Jeremy Tilton

    "I thought you smelled great.... on the outside!"

    Wait, the reverse doesn't work... ew...

  • I smell like fear and sex.

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