Man Files For Restraining Order Against God, Gets Denied

May 6, 2016

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A man who claims God has been unkind to him tried to file a restraining order against him in an Israeli court and was denied that restraining order for being a crazy person. Also, if you did successfully get a restraining order against God, how are you ever supposed to go to heaven? THAT'S WHERE GOD CHILLS. 'Sorry sir, you're not even supposed to be within 100 yards of these gates.' -- Saint Peter

the judge tossed out his request calling it "ludicrous," the Times of Israel reports.


The man, from the northern port city of Haifa, represented himself in court. He said he'd been trying to get the restraining order from police for the last three years.

The man claimed God exhibited a negative attitude toward him. Local reports didn't explain exactly how he knew that.

Bizarrely, the notes did state that God did not appear in the courtroom.

Wait -- the court notes say God did not appear in the courtroom? I think this guy might be able to file for a mistrial because God is EVERYWHERE. He was definitely in that courtroom. He is also in this room with me right now watching me type this. Just kidding, he abandoned me long ago which is the reason I haven't filed a restraining order.

Thanks to Jarod, who agrees it's probably the devil that's screwing this guy over because that's what the devil does and this guy's anger is misplaced you gotta think these things through bro, come on.

  • Dexter Morgan

    "Speaking as a devout atheist, thank God in his Almighty wisdom that he made us mortal" - N.F.

  • Ha.

  • Jenness

    You know what would be a funny story...if this guy dies from being struck by lightning and then his family sues the system for failure to protect him.

  • Andrew Newton

    Or the restraining order was acknowledged so when ascending into heaven he could only get to within 500 feet --- suspending in air for eternity.

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