UPDATE: Satire website, ignore everything and punch me in the kidney like I deserve.
51-year old Mr. Flemmings is suing Golden Coral for $2-million after being kicked out of one of their all-you-can-eat buffets in Massachusetts. Witnesses say he spent more than seven hours eating between 50 - 70lbs of food before a manager told him to leave. Me? I would have brought him another plate of crab legs and encouraged him to go for a full 100 pounds because I am good at customer service and would have turned it into a tourist attraction.
"It's a serious injustice, and I am deeply insulted!" Mr. Flemmings told reporters. "With my income, I rarely go to the restaurant, so I try to get as much as I can for my money when I do. This was the worst experience I have ever had in a restaurant. Not only did they kick me out while I was still hungry, but they looked at me like I was disgusting, like I was not worthy of eating there! It's unacceptable, and I demand a compensation!"
Mr Flemming says the employee of the Golden Corral did not use any insulting language, but he claims that the disgust that was visible on their faces has left him with some deep emotional wounds.
You know I briefly worked an all-you-can-eat buffet in college and there were people who would come and eat as much as they could, then purposefully go puke in a restroom stall so they could eat more after. It was always hard for me to wrap my head around that. It was also hard for me to clean up those bathroom stalls without puking myself. The only thing okay about that job was the free soft-serve.
Thanks to Alex, who once tried to eat his weight in cocktail shrimp but failed miserably. I drank four gallons of chocolate milk in a day once.