Conspiracy!: Ancient Sculpture Of Lady Using A Laptop

February 5, 2016

ancient-greek-laptop-sculpture.jpg

This is an ancient Greek sculpture of what appears to be a woman using a laptop. Of course it's not a laptop, it just looks like one. Just kidding, totally a laptop. I think she's Skyping a lover and about to take her top off!

The piece, "Grave Naiskos of an Enthroned Woman with an Attendant," is a marble carving created in 100 B.C. and features a woman lounging on a chair while reaching toward "the lid of a shallow chest held by a servant girl," the piece's description on the Getty website explains.

Pfft, I know a shallow chest when I see one, and that isn't one. What shallow chest has USB ports? That is a LAPPY TOPPY. Also I'm pretty sure that armrest is a giant lightsaber. And her little servant? CYBORG CHILD, possibly from outerspace.

Keep going for a closeup of the computer and a conspiracy video in case you want to go down a crazy person's rabbit hole.

Thanks to Andrea, who informed me she just spent three hours going down conspiracy rabbit holes on Youtube and is really hoping IT doesn't look at her browser history because she's already been warned once before.

  • fkdwi

    not a laptop. a cigarbox full of 'medicinal' dildos

    look up the disease "hysterics"

  • Amory Burgess

    No one commented on the giant hashtag behind her?

  • Geekinghippo

    Chatroulette anyone !!

  • Xockszky

    That's a wax tablet....

  • Meh

    Everyone ready the tinfoil.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Well of course they had fully functional laptops!

    It was the WiFi that was sucky.

  • Ryan Downs

    so people were advanced enough to get laptops from aliens but those aliens or time travelers (or what ever bullshit you go with) never told them about eating off of lead plates and how bad that is or useful things like boiling stuff sterilizes it or anything you know SCIENTIFIC for undeveloped people. No......... they just gave this lady a lap-top because.....uh...........reasons. This is overflowing with bullshit nonsense.

  • Jenness

    Lulz, looks legit to me

  • KLanD

    Or about to enjoy a nice cigar...

  • Guesticle

    twas a box of carved phalluses.

    likely belonging to her ancient geek husband

  • Wiley

    \__

  • ZerglingPack

    That's a joke video right? No way someone can be that stupid. It's obviously too* thin to be an ancient laptop, it's clearly a pizza box.

  • TheQiwiMan

    *too

  • ZerglingPack

    Darn you, I didn't catch that. Fixed.

  • The_Wretched

    Well, that's it. I'm sold. But if they had laptops 2.1k years ago, what other tech are they sitting on?

  • Sean Lally

    Looks at the shape of those usb connectors. Must have been the USB-alpha standard.

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