Grody: Guy Turns His Nail Clippings Into Paper Weight

January 7, 2016


"I feel like the pink leopard print really makes them pop."

Because I gave up on this planet long, long ago, 45-year-old Mike Drake of Queens, New York turns the finger and toenail clippings he's been saving FOR THE LAST ELEVEN YEARS into "designer" paperweights (previously: this lady who makes "human ivory" jewelry) and sells them for $300 - $500 apiece (but only one per year, presumably to keep demand high). I think I'm going to puke. Then start saving my nail clippings to make designer paperweights.

Drake managed to get a year's worth of nails into a Ziploc baggie, approximately 1,040 clippings, not that he counted them. He's not that obsessive). He was going to throw them out when he had a sudden burst of inspiration.

"I realized I went to all that effort, and I figured, in for a penny, in for a pound," he said. "I already worked with acrylics as a hobby so I decided to make paperweights."

Drake makes one nail clipping paperweight a year and prefers to make them in a green coloring -- but not because it resembles toenail fungus.

"I like the jade color because it gives off an emerald quality," he said.

There's a closeup of one of Mike's green fingernail paperweights after the jump, which, I think we can all agree, is kind of shocking he only asks $300 - $500 for. I bet the Smithsonian would be willing to pay at least twice that. Also, I may or may not have just called all the nail spas in the yellow pages and asked them to start saving their clippings for me. I'M JOKING, I used Yelp.

Keep going for a piece that definitely belongs in a museum. Or at least a sideshow.


Thanks to Hal, who's going to start saving shaved chest hair to make executive desktop toys.

  • When I cut my beard dread, complete with skull bead, I saved it to make something I figured I'd sell as Art in my Etsy shop. Then after considering it a good while the thought of all the crazy folks over the years I've been next to unable to get to leave me alone as it is made me reconsider... So, in a drawer in my studio it sits!

  • The Tear of a Nigga

    this dude is nasty

  • palpable ovaltine

    Why do paperweights even exist? How windy is it in your fucking office?

  • da1nonlysage

    I'm just going to assume he works with ppl who also wear ugly Xmas sweaters. Them things itch and cause heavy sneezing. Paper weights a must in the those situations

  • MustacheHam

    So it's true, glitter can enhance everything.

    Well, it's at least less gross than Stimpy's nose goblin collection.

  • Karnie

    I'm more concerned about the skeletons and doll heads he has all around his house...

    The cops are going to have a field day with this guy if a child ever goes missing in his neighborhood.

  • Why the hell was he saving them in the first place?

  • Bling Nye

    You DON'T save all your body's "leavings" ??

    WTF is wrong with you?

    Witches and gypsies get a hold of that shit, you're DOOMED.

  • He says to the atheist.

  • Bling Nye

    Witchcraft and sorcery don't require gods, nor does believing in something make it real or disbelieving something make it not real....

    You should know what you're up against! Dark forces run amok!


    ...or is it four armed? Four arms seem better than just a a single fore arm, which isn't much use unless you include the hand.... fuck, nevermind, nevermind...


    *dramatic cape flourish*

  • TheQiwiMan

    Grossness aside, look how happy that guy is. Whatever his circumstances are in his life, that guy is winning. Good for him!

  • The Tear of a Nigga


  • Bling Nye

    Hard not to grin like an idiot when you can sell a small pile of your fucking nail clippings in resin to people for $300 - $500. He's definitely winning.

  • Bling Nye

    I saw a cat puke something that looked like that once.

  • Lord Chino

    Did it eat it back up?

  • Bling Nye

    It sniffed it a bunch like it was going to, touching its nose to it several times, but it instead licked its butthole to freshen its mouth up presumably, and then wandered off to knock something breakable onto the floor.

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