"I feel like the pink leopard print really makes them pop."
Because I gave up on this planet long, long ago, 45-year-old Mike Drake of Queens, New York turns the finger and toenail clippings he's been saving FOR THE LAST ELEVEN YEARS into "designer" paperweights (previously: this lady who makes "human ivory" jewelry) and sells them for $300 - $500 apiece (but only one per year, presumably to keep demand high). I think I'm going to puke. Then start saving my nail clippings to make designer paperweights.
Drake managed to get a year's worth of nails into a Ziploc baggie, approximately 1,040 clippings, not that he counted them. He's not that obsessive). He was going to throw them out when he had a sudden burst of inspiration.
"I realized I went to all that effort, and I figured, in for a penny, in for a pound," he said. "I already worked with acrylics as a hobby so I decided to make paperweights."
Drake makes one nail clipping paperweight a year and prefers to make them in a green coloring -- but not because it resembles toenail fungus.
"I like the jade color because it gives off an emerald quality," he said.
There's a closeup of one of Mike's green fingernail paperweights after the jump, which, I think we can all agree, is kind of shocking he only asks $300 - $500 for. I bet the Smithsonian would be willing to pay at least twice that. Also, I may or may not have just called all the nail spas in the yellow pages and asked them to start saving their clippings for me. I'M JOKING, I used Yelp.
Keep going for a piece that definitely belongs in a museum. Or at least a sideshow.
Thanks to Hal, who's going to start saving shaved chest hair to make executive desktop toys.