200-Year Old Giant Salamander Found In Chinese Cave

December 15, 2015

giant-salamander-in-china.jpg

Giant salamander? That's a Pokemon.

This is a short video of the estimated 200-year old giant salamander found in a cave Chongqing, China. The amphibian measures over four and a half feet long and weighs some 115 pounds. For reference, the biggest salamander I've ever caught was about seven inches long and weighed less than my pinky finger. "How do you know what your pinky finger weighs?" Because it is not a part of me anymore. It weighs even less now than it died because it is DRIED UP. Obviously, I had to modify my typing style. The moral of this story is that this salamander was found in a cave, which shouldn't surprise anybody because if you're looking for something old, you're probably gonna find it living in a cave. Just ask the old witch who lives in the mountain cave above my cabin. "Ask her what?" Ask her if she has any penisfruit, I need some for a potion. Don't tell her it's for me though, she won't give it to you if she knows its for me because we're not on the best terms right now. "What happened?" Let's just say she's into young wizards and I always wanted to make out with an 800-year old. "And?" And I broke her heart and stole her most powerful spellbook.

Keep going for a short video of the thing walking around doing its thing.

Thanks to me, for putting up with myself everyday. It isn't easy.

  • Daniel Ørum

    Put it back!!!

  • Ed

    Unfortunately the creature's cave has been converted into a toy factory/ lead mine.

  • RetroPAT

    It lived to 200 years because it stayed away from humans, now it will die.

  • Reminds me of an old boyfriend.

  • Bling Nye

    Fuck.

  • We did.

  • Bling Nye
  • Tyguy

    "Chinese Giant Salamanders are critically endangered due to climate change, pollution, and hunting".......aaaaand ripping them out of their cave homes which they have lived perfectly fine in, untouched, for (roughly) 200 years.

  • dougfunnay

    boo hoo science is mean
    but its also a real ass mother fucker
    fact is this is less damaging than trying to study it in depth in its natural habitat and without studying their behavior we have no real way of knowing how to protect them (other than stopping all human activity anywhere even remotely close buuuuut thats not going to happen)
    and thats just what could be beneficial to the salamanders
    the rewards from such study could also prove to be beneficial to us as well (in less roundabout ways)

  • Tyguy

    Science isn't really under attack, here.
    I will say though, that studying their behavior has got to be skewed when you've got the thing in a giant bathtub. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that it is less damaging than trying to study it in its natural habitat. My comment was mostly tongue in cheek, so yeah.

  • Bling Nye

    Fuck nature. The Humans demand entertainment and satisfaction!

  • Jenness

    That's exactly what I thought - and probably every else but the scientists.

  • Bling Nye

    I wonder how long before it will be made into a soup that cures impotence/chest pain/psoriasis/kidney stones/tooth decay/hair loss/anal leakage.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I'll put $0.05 on it was made into soup within a day. I'll put $1,000,000,000 on it never curing anything.

  • Bling Nye

    Yup.

    I should've said "...claims to cure..."

  • ...and we the stupid humans go an put this thing in a pool... it'll be dead by the end of the year. Shots out to G Dub (GW) for losing a pinky in a light sabre duel with Mace Windu.

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