Pepsi has just announced the return of 1992's must-drink novelty soda, Crystal Pepsi. Tomorrow (December 10th), the company will send a free six-pack to 13,000 lucky winners who download Pepsi's customer rewards app (Pepsi Pass), but the drink will allegedly hit stores nationwide in July. Unlike the original, the new version will be caffeinated. Also unlike the original, I have no intention of shooting the new one out of my nose in front of my middle school crush and ruining my chances of ever dating. I can close my eyes and still hear her laughing. And not laughing with me either, laughing at me and pointing and trying to think of a new horrible nickname to call me. Then the class bully gave me a wedgie and life has been pretty much rock bottom ever since.
Keep going for their time-traveling announcement commercial.
Thanks to everyone who sent this, at least two of which mentioned having unopened original bottles in the back of their closets. Those two people are nasty.