Australian Police Respond To Domestic Disturbance Call, Find Man Yelling At Spider

November 30, 2015


Police in Sydney, Australia responded to a domestic disturbance call from concerned neighbors only to discover a flushed and out-of-breath man who had been chasing and yelling at a spider. This proves once again why anybody afraid of spiders should never live in Australia. The police report, complete with, "I'm going to kill you, you're dead! DIE DIE!! transcript:

Wollstonecraft 2.00am. Police received numerous calls in relation to a violent domestic, with reports of a woman screaming hysterically, a man yelling "I'm going to kill you, your dead! Die Die!!", with the sounds of furniture being tossed around the unit. Numerous police cars responded to the address and began banging on the door. A man answered the door, out of breath and rather flushed with the following conversation:

Police: "Where's your wife"
Male: "umm I don't have one"
Police: "Where your girlfriend"
Male: "umm I don't have one"
Police: "We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?"
Male: "I don't know what you're talking about I live alone"
Police: "Come on mate people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit"

At this point the male became very sheepish.

Police: "come on mate, what have you done to her."
Male: "it was a spider"
Police "Sorry??"
Male: "It was a spider, a really big one!!
Police :"what about the women screaming?"
Male: "Yeah sorry that was me, I really really hate spiders"
As it turns out the male was chasing a rather large spider around the unit with a can or Mortein [insect spray]. After a very long pause some laughter and a quick look in the unit to make sure there was no injured party (apart from the spider) we left.

So -- do you think he killed it? Or do you think the arson unit got another call a little while later? Personally, I would have pulled the fire alarm so everyone in the apartment building could escape, then burnt that f***er to the ground. Just kidding, spiders don't really bother me. Of course, I don't live in Australia. If I lived in Australia police would probably be sorting out an arson case, and a man who just stole an airplane from the airport right now.

Thanks to Kat, who agrees that 'catch it in a glass' trick only works on spiders that don't look like full-size facehuggers.

  • Iouri Synogatch

    He has a secret basement full of kidnapped women. One escaped but he got her back before the cops arrived. Then made up the spider story to cover fort he noise.

  • Jenness

    Glad this guy wasn't in the States or his face, name, address and details would be all over social media by spider activists threatening to kill him in the name of spiders.

    Unless he was gay, then he'd get a recording deal based on his girly screams.

  • I also would have burned that fucker down.

  • They didn't make sure the spider was dead?

    This is why nobody trusts the cops!

  • Matth. R.

    Serve and protect? The did neither.

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