Huge Balls: Man Confronts Giant Bear Under His Deck

September 24, 2015

bear-under-deck.jpg

This is a video of a man confronting a giant brown bear who's been napping underneath his deck. Presumably because the bear thought it was Goldilock's house but couldn't find a way in to f***ing break everything. I would never get that close to a bear. The bear let's the dude know what's up at the end of the video though by SPOILER: dropping a steaming pile of shit right in front of him WITHOUT EVER BREAKING EYE CONTACT. Now that's an alpha move.

Keep going for two videos: the original (after watching for a minute skip to 2:45 to see the bear drop his surprise), and the thug life version.

Thanks to Dan, who would have slapped that bear on the rump and told him to GIT because he clearly has no concern for his life.

  • Billy Maxwell

    Unless this guy had a 12 gauge shotgun pointed at the bear next to his camera, he is a royal moron and a potential Darwin award winner. I would have no sympathy for him if he was mauled to death because he was behaving like an idiot and was extremely lucky not to have been killed.

  • Fonda Peters

    This guy who filmed this isn't brave, he's a huge idiot. He's lucky he didn't get mauled to death.

  • dougfunnay

    not really lucky
    bold bears get shot
    thats natural selection broski

  • SHOUTING

    >snot dribbling from its nose

    >bluff charges

    >shits uncontrollably

    Yeah, sure fits the description of every "alpha" I've ever seen.

    GW you're such a fucking thalidomide it's incredible. Shit, anyone who uses that word in that - or any - context without irony is.

  • Geekologie

    I was referring only to shitting in front of him without breaking eye contact. That said, I am almost certainly a thalidrome or whatever

  • kevin

    The bear eventually left, but not until it looked back, and took a doo doo with his asshole facing the guy... amazing.

  • Xockszky

    If it wouldn't eat me to death, I would pet it! lol I wonder what would have happened if he threw one of those giant pine cones at the bear?

  • JJtoob

    Violence would have happened.

  • GeneralDisorder

    That bear doesn't look giant. That bear looks bear sized to me. Probably only about 400 pounds or 500 pounds... I can't really judge bear weights very well.

  • Billy Maxwell

    Have you seen 4-500 lb humans? According to Wikipedia an average grizzly bear is 220-1,400lbs. I'd say that bear is probably 800-1,000lbs... That's about 4-5 times a big 200lb man.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I'm not a bear expert but that looked like one of the lighter colored black bears which have been found in the wild over 600 pounds but they're usually closer to 350 max.

    If it's not a poorly named black bear then it's a very young Grizzly. Probably just old enough to be away from its mama.

    Source (because I don't know shit about California bear biology): http://www.dfg.ca.gov/wildl...

  • Billy Maxwell

    Is this in California? If so, you're probably right that it's a black bear - I believe grizzly bears are extinct in California. I thought black bears had a lighter colored muzzle. I also said grizzly because the description calls it a brown bear, which I thought was a grizzly. Black bears are also longer haired and just look big because they're fluffy, this bear is solid, you can see when he squeezes through. Also, grizzlies have light claws whereas black bears have black claws. Grizzly bears also have a shoulder hump and black bears don't.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I'm not positive it's California but it seems very "Western US".

    Even if it's not California that would be a very tiny Grizzly. It's not much bigger than the lawnmower under the porch (I mean length would appear to be mower deck plus handle length I guess) and the camera operator called it "huge" so... I'm thinking Black Bear.

  • Fate Jacket X

    I can't either. I'm a far better estimator of ass-kicking skills, and I'm thinking this bear ranks up to 7.5 out of 10, compared to my 2.1.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I'd like to think my own ass kicking skills run about 2.1 to 2.3 depending how drunk I am (more drunker more better) but I wouldn't back down from such a tiny bear because I know a bit about bear psychology. Also I own guns.

  • event

    Hahaha!

  • Pistol Pete

    Exactly like trying to get my mother-in-law to Sea-Tac Airport on the last morning of her annual two-week visit. Only difference is that she usually takes her dump in a McDonald's just off I-5 in Northgate, though I'm sure anyone unfortunate enough to wander into the ladies' room while she's moving the mail gets the same stare with those cold, dead eyes.

  • event

    Lol, somehow this story was made even more interesting/funny because I live in the Seattle/Tacoma area. Luckily I'm a man so I have no chance of entering into that ladies room during this unfortunate time.

  • zatoichi

    Fantastic.

  • MustacheHam

    2nd Vid: When he said go, that's not what he meant bear. XD

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