Woman Arrested After Pleasuring Herself To Fifty Shades Of Grey In The Theater

February 24, 2015

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A 33-year old Mexican woman was arrested after other Fifty Shades of Grey moviegoers realized she was masturbating to the film in the twelfth row of the theater. Obviously, I'm terrified of going to see the next Avatar movie in the theater for the exact same reason.

The woman was arrested and, ironically, given the S&M nature of the movie, slapped in handcuffs by cops.

You think the cops drew straws to decide who had to cuff her? Because I would not have wanted to do that. Especially not if she'd been using that movie theater popcorn butter for lube. Or masturbating with a Twizzler. I can't stand Twizzlers.

Thanks to Stephanie A, who informed me Fifty Shades of Grey actually started as Twilight fan-fiction. That makes sense. Just kidding, that makes no sense but I don't want my brain to explode.

  • Zachary Zarko
  • Rick Thomas

    the movie is tame though compared to the book.

  • PuterMonkey

    I wonder if she got slapped with a stiff penalty, or if she got off...

  • Jenness

    Fake. They just want to force perverts looking for horny women out of their dark peepshow hovels and back into movie theaters. Yet another reason why going to the movies sucks.

  • Wiley

    I dunno what to say, this was expected.

  • Meh

    GW come on, this is old news!

  • KLanD

    It's amazing what women get off on...

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