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Penis Ring Thrust Counter And Sexual Performance App

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HIYO, totally thought that dude's finger was a pecker at first.

Because what man hasn't dreamed of sporting a BlueTooth and Wi-Fi connected ring around his wiener, this is the Bondara SexFit penis ring sexual performance evaluator. It vibrates for pleasure, has performance indicating lights, and connects to your smartphone via BlueTooth/Wi-Fi to upload your stats so you and your lover can both share a sad laugh about your fourteen total thrusts and just how ironic that 'World's Greatest Lover' coffee mug you bought yourself is. TRUTH NUKE: If you have to buy yourself an award, you probably don't deserve it.

Worn at the base of the penis and connected to a free mobile app via Bluetooth, this hi-tech [penis] ring not only stimulates a harder erection with the tight band but tracks your performance during sex using internal technology similar to a pedometer. Powerful stimulating vibrations will tantalise both partners during use much in the same way as a conventional [penis] ring, but also allow for a revolutionary 'pacing mode' that vibrates in time to a pre-set rhythm. Match the rhythm with your thrusts for the most effective stimulation. Notification lights on the top of the ring will also show what mode the SexFit is in, and illuminate in the centre when the rhythm is steady.


Users can upload their 'workout' to the app and track their performance with the accompanying SexFit app that will provide insights into your intimate workout, including calories burnt and thrusts per minute. Much like other similar fitness tracker innovations, the SexFit allows the most dedicated users to share and compare their favourite sessions and impressive individual milestones with their peers on social media.

Wait -- so people are gonna start posting their hump session stats to social media? I guess it's about time I clean up my friends list so I don't have to hear about it. Also, just watch -- it's only a matter of time before some guy's girlfriend is tagged in some other dude's penis stats, and shit hits the fan. "I swear, I was just masturbating to Facebook!" I imagine him confessing at gunpoint.

Thanks to PYY, who agrees the only sexual performance stat that really matters is how good your lover feels during and after. Plus if you're real good they might even make you a snack!

There are Comments.
  • Brandon Allen

    It looks too small.

  • make one for bouncing boobs and call it TIT BIT

  • Andyman7714

    Why does mine keep falling off?

  • o0THX11380o

    You must not have balls? Or you don't know how a cock ring works... not that i do or anything. Seriously I dont. I SWEAR!

  • zin

    Downloading CheatEngine...

  • Ed

    I bet the NSA already has spy recording all the information to see if terrorists are sending secret coded messages by boning each other.

  • Closet Nerd

    I'll have to wear it on my wrist to juke up my stats!
    .....just sayin

  • zin

    oh Nerd, you're such a juker :D

  • Michael Knight

    seems very subjective.
    who decides the criteria for performance?
    we sublet a room last year and this guy would bring home girls and screw like a rabbit, literally. you could here these fast thump-thump-thumps. my wife commented that she felt sorry for the women. repetition doesn't necessarily mean enjoyment, and that's all this device measures.

  • wemma atson

    To comment on your point;
    Repetition is actually one of the most important factors in achieving climax through coitus. The same applies to cunnilingus, where the rhythmic repetition of a set move will push the female towards completion. Constantly changing speeds, positions, techniques will hinder your progress towards completion. While fun, it is not effective. With that said, both aspects are encouraged, as it is a very subjective and case-by-case situation.

    The more you know.

  • Eric Lilly

    Some people like to prolong their love making through the whole night. And most people are different, you must tailor your "moves" to each individual. Hell, some can achieve climax with no touch at all. So I agree with you both, but Michael has a excellent point.

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