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Cozy Room: An Expensive, Private Computer Chamber


This is the Cozy Room, a personal computer station that seals itself off from the rest of the world as soon as you roll your chair in. They cost around $8,000. For reference, that's pretty expensive for something I could build out of plywood over the course of a weekend. Don't have $8,000 or any carpentry skills? Looks like you're just going to have to wait until your roommate leaves so you can masturbate. Or stop caring and do it laying in the middle of the hallway like I do. "Come on, not again!" I mentioned it in the Craigslist ad, Derek -- you signed up for this. Rub my feet.

The Japanese manufacturers of Cozy Room describe it as a "relaxation room for man and woman." Unfortunately, any thoughts of sharing some alone time together with your significant other are shattered by the fact that Cozy Room is only designed to hold one person at a time. The whole thing measures 205 x 120 cm (81 x 47 in), but that shrinks considerably when the chair is pushed in to encase the incumbent on all sides.

Cozy Room comprises a single, high-backed chair which slides into a cubicle, the back of the chair becoming the fourth wall of the square unit. Inside is a desktop for a laptop or keyboard, room to hang a TV or monitor, an LED light, a display rack for action figures, and enough drawers and shelves to store all of your favorite personal belongings.

I'm not really sure who needs this. Do you not have a bedroom with a door? Plus what stops a roommate or coworker from duct-taping or plastic-wrapping you in there once you pull your seat in? Then it just becomes an expensive coffin. And if there's one thing I don't want to do, it's to die trapped in front of a computer. In front of a charging lion, sure. But I want my last words recorded as, "I've got this son of a bitch!" and not, "Mufasa, please don't!" like they probably will be.

Keep going for a couple more shots in case you aren't sure if this is the Darth Vader inspired masturbation and relaxation station you're looking for.





Thanks to Andreas, who just hangs a comforter from the side of his bunkbed like a normal person.

There are Comments.
  • TameTheStrange

    It's a Spank Tank.

  • Guest

    its a cubical?

  • PhasmaFelis

    "I'm not really sure who needs this. Do you not have a bedroom with a door?"

    If you're sharing a tiny urban Japanese apartment with your family, quite possibly not. This isn't designed for most Americans. It's design for people for whom a tiny computer closet in the corner of a shared bedroom might be the only privacy they get.

  • esdesesesrdt

    I think "For man & woman" is a translation fail. I would assume it means that either gender can use it. I don't know, Japan is weird.

  • Mungo9000

    The FapCabin 2000

  • would make a great escape pod

  • VexFX

    Once closed it will not open until you have completed all your work or the 8 hour work day has completed.

  • Zachary Zarko

    I would wait until my roommate was in there for five minutes - then I would grab the back of the chair and suddenly roll him out and take pictures of him with his pants around his ankles and send copies to his parents, his girlfriend, and his Bible study group. I'm kind of a bastard.

  • Jetch Vargas

    THe thing has a lock

  • Thanatoslives

    Ok. So you wait till they've been in a short while. Then grab the Gaffer tape. Phone booth stylee.

  • V_Ferg

    If it doesn't recline I don't want it

  • sizzlepants

    ... and at 6 foot 3 I wouldn't be able to fit in there by myself, never mind bringing in a woman for multiplayer action.

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