Note: Closeups of the beast after the jump.
This is an image from the satellite used for Apple's Maps app of what some crazy people are calling the Loch Ness Monster. The photo would make her about 100-feet in length. Is it really her? That's for you to decide. Jk jk, that's for me to decide. *eying picture* Nope, not her -- Nessie's flippers are way smaller. Maybe this is her older brother. Listen, you really want to find the Loch Ness Monster? Here's what we do: erect a floating shrine to Nessie in the middle of the loch, and tie a virgin volunteer (who will be bodypainted to look like the monster) to the shrine. "And then?" And then drain the loch.
Keep going for a couple more shots.
Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he's actually in Loch Ness right now piloting a monster shaped submarine.